Will I have to spend the rest of my life alone?

[bsellew]

My husband told me two months ago that he didn't love me anymore and that he didn't want to be married to me anymore. As far as I know he hasn't had an affair he just doesn't like me anymore. I tried fighting for the marriage but he basically made up his mind and plowed ahead, he started packing the same week he told me and filed for divorce the next week.

I'm having a hard time because as much as I don't want the divorce in a way I feel relieved and a little free if I'm honest. I haven't been happy for several years because he didn't show me any love or affection and basically acted like he didn't want to be around me and of course now I know he didn't, so I've been lonely for so long that it's kind of nice to not have to worry about trying to make the relationship work when he didn't want it to and I just didn't know it.

I just wonder, since he wasn't having an affair but he just basically threw me away can I biblically be with someone else. I've been lonely so long that I'm almost excited about God possibly putting someone else in my life but maybe I shouldn't even be thinking that way because maybe that's not even His plan. Does anybody have any words of wisdom?

 

[ValleyGal]

You do not have to spend the rest of your life alone. Once your divorce is final, you do not have a husband and are bound to no one.

First Corinthians 7 talks about divorce and marriage after divorce.

V. 8 - But I say to the UNmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I.

V. 9 - But if they do not have self control, let them marry....

The discussion is for people who have been married and now are not married (unmarried and widows). Paul later goes on to address virgins, or those who have never been married.

V. 28 - But if you marry, you have not sinned (he is addressing those who have previously been married); AND if a virgin (addressing those who have never been married), she has not sinned....

Taken into context of the whole of scripture, we know that God's intent was never for people to stay single after divorce. There are other places where it talks about the need for a certificate of divorce, which provides the right to marry again.

For further study, you can go to Divorce Book | Divorced Christain | Christian Divorce Advice | Divorce Guilt. It's an excellent resource for people who are concerned about this topic.

Edit to add: I am really sorry that you have to go through this. It's a hard time, but I really understand the mixed emotions about it. I was like that in my divorce from my son's father - I was relieved to be away from HIM, but I was devastated because my MARRIAGE had ended. Rediscover who you are as an unmarried person, and focus your attention on the Lord Jesus. When you come to the end of your "self" (and there will be times of this as you grieve), he will be your strength.

 

[bsellew]

Thanks for the reply Valley Gal. That's exactly how I feel, I'm relieved to be away from the stress of my husband ( he lived with us, my daughters and I for a month after he basically said he couldn't stand me and it was very stressful) but I hate that the covenant that I made will be broken. I have learned, however, that God is there. When I go to Him with my broken heart somehow he calms my spirit and so, as you say, when I get to the end of myself, He's there.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi bseellew,
Welcome to CF.
It might also help you to know that the certificate of divorce that Jewish men gave their wife in Jesus' time said, "You are now free to marry any man." That helped me to understand that the legalistic interpretation of remarriage as being adultery is wrong because no one in Jesus' day thought that way.

 

[arapo926]

I do agree that you absolutely do not have to spend the rest of your life alone. God made's so that we could engage in relationships and He wants you to do so. I would just like to add that God is for your marriage. As hopeless as it seems He is FOR your marriage. I would not give up hope until the divorce is final. Even at that I still might not give up hope. But that is a conversation that you must have with God to discover his plan and will for your life. My advice would be to seek Him first before seeking another mate. I understand how exciting that would be but you want to make sure you thoughts and desires are in line with his before making any of those choices - including considering your marriage over - devorce papers or not. Best of Luck.