(Wife) wants manual transmission car...

[Moppu]

First, I feel I should establish what I mean when I say "wife." I am disabled and receive SSI, and my "wife" is disabled but works very limited hours (16 ½ hours per week). If we were to get legally married, her income would count as my income and my SSI would almost disappear. We would be in a terrible financial situation (worse than we are right now, waiting for her Disability approval... God willing it is soon as she's been trying for about 5 years now). This is commonly known as the "marriage penalty." People that work at Social Security know about it and express anger towards it, even as far as someone writing an opinion piece on the Social Security website. Despite all of this, we consider ourselves "married" in God's eyes, and that is what's most important. We'd be legally married if not for the marriage penalty.

Now that lengthy intro is out of the way... I come here with a heavy and frustrated heart. My wife wants a manual transmission car whenever we could actually afford one. She knows how to drive manual and I do not. She is beyond "adamant" about it, even crying about it once. We had yet another argument about it an hour ago. I say that learning it would be an extra and unwanted source of stress. I'm not that old (40 and my wife is 37) but I put things into a different perspective now than about 10 or even 5 years ago. We both suffer from depression and anxiety (different levels, obviously, as I tend to lean toward the depression side) and I don't handle stress very well. From all of the conversations and arguments we've had, it leads me to think that she doesn't really care if I would be stressed about it. Like it's just a simple new skill to learn and after that it's like riding a bike. No matter what I say, we just end up in argument after argument. I've approached her calmly and rationally already and nothing I say seems to get through to her. It's beyond frustrating now, as the argument we had about an hour ago left me in the bedroom typing this on my phone and her on the living room couch, probably laying down and sifting through Facebook (which is yet another topic). I've prayed about this yet nothing changes. She is hell-bent on getting a manual car and I don't need the extra stress of learning how to drive one (and the frustrations that would inevitably arise).

I know this may sound trivial to some people, but it is not even close to trivial between myself and my wife. I don't know what to say, think, pray, do, etc. anymore. If anyone has any advise, I would greatly appreciate it.

Apologies for the wall of text.

 

[R. Hartono]

Just take a driving course and you'll drive a manual in one or two months.

 

[Tom 1]

First, I feel I should establish what I mean when I say "wife." I am disabled and receive SSI, and my "wife" is disabled but works very limited hours (16 ½ hours per week). If we were to get legally married, her income would count as my income and my SSI would almost disappear. We would be in a terrible financial situation (worse than we are right now, waiting for her Disability approval... God willing it is soon as she's been trying for about 5 years now). This is commonly known as the "marriage penalty." People that work at Social Security know about it and express anger towards it, even as far as someone writing an opinion piece on the Social Security website. Despite all of this, we consider ourselves "married" in God's eyes, and that is what's most important. We'd be legally married if not for the marriage penalty.

Now that lengthy intro is out of the way... I come here with a heavy and frustrated heart. My wife wants a manual transmission car whenever we could actually afford one. She knows how to drive manual and I do not. She is beyond "adamant" about it, even crying about it once. We had yet another argument about it an hour ago. I say that learning it would be an extra and unwanted source of stress. I'm not that old (40 and my wife is 37) but I put things into a different perspective now than about 10 or even 5 years ago. We both suffer from depression and anxiety (different levels, obviously, as I tend to lean toward the depression side) and I don't handle stress very well. From all of the conversations and arguments we've had, it leads me to think that she doesn't really care if I would be stressed about it. Like it's just a simple new skill to learn and after that it's like riding a bike. No matter what I say, we just end up in argument after argument. I've approached her calmly and rationally already and nothing I say seems to get through to her. It's beyond frustrating now, as the argument we had about an hour ago left me in the bedroom typing this on my phone and her on the living room couch, probably laying down and sifting through Facebook (which is yet another topic). I've prayed about this yet nothing changes. She is hell-bent on getting a manual car and I don't need the extra stress of learning how to drive one (and the frustrations that would inevitably arise).

I know this may sound trivial to some people, but it is not even close to trivial between myself and my wife. I don't know what to say, think, pray, do, etc. anymore. If anyone has any advise, I would greatly appreciate it.

Apologies for the wall of text.

Do you know why she feels so strongly about wanting a manual drive car?

 

[MoneyGuy]

Just take a driving course and you'll drive a manual in one or two months.

One or two months? I and others could teach him in a few sessions.

 

[R. Hartono]

One or two months? I and others could teach him in a few sessions.

Sure, but its him who needs time to adapt.

 

[Sketcher]

Is she prepared for the stress and possible expense of replacing a transmission should worst come to worst?

 

[ValleyGal]

The OP is on SSI. I don't think he could afford driving lessons. Plus he said it's stressful.

This might be a good time for boundaries. Will she be the only one driving the car? If so, then she should have the car she wants and can afford. If you will be sharing the car and it will be in both your names, then the car should be one you can both drive, both feel comfortable in, and both enjoy, especially if you will be contributing to it financially.

It does not mean she could never get a car with a manual transmission. Instead, she may have to defer her dream for a little while. In the meantime, sometimes compromises must be made - especially when on a limited income and the decisions affect you both.

 

[Albion]

Sure, but its him who needs time to adapt.

Probably because he thinks it's more difficult than it is.

The easy answer to this problem is "learn to drive a stick." It is not difficult, and most men enjoy it.

Had the OP described a list of disputes dividing these two people, I would think driving would not solve everything, but because this seems to be a special--if unusual--area of disagreement, I think Moppu will be much better off just learning to drive the manual transmission.

 

[dysert]

While it seems the wife is being a bit unreasonable, the fact is that learning to drive a stick is easy. Much easier than learning to drive in general. I taught my 16yo daughter how to drive a stick in just a few sessions. Why not offer to try learning it before you commit to buying the car? If you can't learn (doubtful), then she should agree to stay with an automatic.

 

[RaymondG]

I'd say, try to compromise........Get a car with paddle shifters.....this way she can drive it like a manual, while you drive it in automatic...This is what the racers use.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

First, I feel I should establish what I mean when I say "wife." I am disabled and receive SSI, and my "wife" is disabled but works very limited hours (16 ½ hours per week). If we were to get legally married, her income would count as my income and my SSI would almost disappear. We would be in a terrible financial situation (worse than we are right now, waiting for her Disability approval... God willing it is soon as she's been trying for about 5 years now). This is commonly known as the "marriage penalty." People that work at Social Security know about it and express anger towards it, even as far as someone writing an opinion piece on the Social Security website. Despite all of this, we consider ourselves "married" in God's eyes, and that is what's most important. We'd be legally married if not for the marriage penalty.

Now that lengthy intro is out of the way... I come here with a heavy and frustrated heart. My wife wants a manual transmission car whenever we could actually afford one. She knows how to drive manual and I do not. She is beyond "adamant" about it, even crying about it once. We had yet another argument about it an hour ago. I say that learning it would be an extra and unwanted source of stress. I'm not that old (40 and my wife is 37) but I put things into a different perspective now than about 10 or even 5 years ago. We both suffer from depression and anxiety (different levels, obviously, as I tend to lean toward the depression side) and I don't handle stress very well. From all of the conversations and arguments we've had, it leads me to think that she doesn't really care if I would be stressed about it. Like it's just a simple new skill to learn and after that it's like riding a bike. No matter what I say, we just end up in argument after argument. I've approached her calmly and rationally already and nothing I say seems to get through to her. It's beyond frustrating now, as the argument we had about an hour ago left me in the bedroom typing this on my phone and her on the living room couch, probably laying down and sifting through Facebook (which is yet another topic). I've prayed about this yet nothing changes. She is hell-bent on getting a manual car and I don't need the extra stress of learning how to drive one (and the frustrations that would inevitably arise).

I know this may sound trivial to some people, but it is not even close to trivial between myself and my wife. I don't know what to say, think, pray, do, etc. anymore. If anyone has any advise, I would greatly appreciate it.

Apologies for the wall of text.

Seriously now, all this "defrauding" and the rebellion against the Lord need to stop and be repented of, do it not?
Craftily doing a shack up to satisfy your flesh and adding another source of cash flow to your household income by sharing the same roof with your gf... that's not how ambassadors of the Lord need to behave.

You don't got to live/behave that way, I know because me and my husband live
according to our means... my husband's incomes be from: disability, ssi and
his part time job...all while being in compliance...no shacking up going on at all.
He found employment that's suitable for someone with his disabilities and he work
within the restrictions placed on household income.
We don't have a lot of extra money either but we aren't starving or homeless and
it's enough to be content.

I retired early due to back injury over a year ago and can't get disability, so I
do understand how it is when you don't have the money to do things as you once
were able to do.... and so I/we have made adjustments so we can live and be in
compliance to God and man/gov.

Don't think shacking up is going to always be a "pass"....in some states the government be counting the income of people who be on disability, ssi and shacking up with someone who works, that person's income is counted as income for the one who is on disability too and the amount of gov checks being adjusted to reflect the total income for that household.
My thing is this, if possible get off the gov and find jobs/work you can do at
home...nowadays people be doing taxes, being virtual assistants, being Uber
drivers, working for ROVER etc to earn a living.
In my thinkings... if one is able to be in a relationship, drive a car, be on social media/type on a computer/iPhone/iPad, take care of your household chores, do they own personal care etc...there be little reason why they can't get a job and earn income.
A neighbor of mine is a young man who be in a wheelchair, he works online and supports himself...he's doing life coaching, online sales and part of the year
he does people's taxes...he got off "Uncle Sam"/gov money that be hindering him from bettering himself.
Now there's a wheelchair transport van that comes and takes him shopping and to other appointments, he found out about that when he joined a disability group that's located in the town we live in, the van is a new part of our local bus service. He says as long as it's available he's not going to bother getting a vehicle
and will use the extra money to put towards growing his tax-free savings account.

How to to think...renew your worldly mind often on God's Word and live it out
each day.
Believe...abide in God and in His Truths.
Connect with prayer partners, christian mentor(s) and make your needs known
to your church.
Look into other sources and programs that assist those who be in your situation.
Such as growing your own fruit and vegetables to preserving them...you can
find books on that at the local library and online.
Check local paper for local "freebies"....anything from church events/workshops
to music/theater...free admissions to local venues; where we live the places usually ask for food donations or a couple of bucks. Our library has free movie
night each week and serve popcorn and punch at no additional cost.
In the summer our local park has free movies and music nights.
When we travel...I search out hotels/inns that offer free fruit and other snacks, fruit flavored water or punch and free laundry, free shuttles, free parking etc...which is why we travel to and vacation in Washington State so much.

How to pray...repent of not living according to God's Word, depart from shacking up...either by separating altogether or go and get married, devote yourselves to living godly lives and being His Ambassadors. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom,
courage, strength and to send to you people who can be of help/support to you.