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I feel for you. I really do. But if it were me I'd go back to the drawing board and ask God to show me the red flags that I might have seen if I had spent time looking for them in this relationship with that girl before I married her. Because first of all, God didn't do this to you. You did it to yourself. Yeah, she cheated on you. But if you would have taken time and not hasted with your feet then you would have not married her. Like I said. I feel for you. And I feel even more sorry for the children in this case. Yes, there's life beyond this. God is in the business of restoring the years the locust has eaten. But you need to do some deep introspection and see thru hindsight what your blinders are. For the sake of you and your children, do this now. To God be the glory.
 
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I would add this too: You've got some deep seated issues, brother. This is playing out by you rebounding and going off to a woman of the world. You need to stop before you damage things worse and makes life a living hell for you and your children.
 
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GaveMeJoy

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My therapist has switched to online teletherapy. Maybe your's could?

When we have the tremendous wound of a divorce, it comes at us in waves, retreats and lessens - tricking us into thinking we are well - , then comes at us again. It's not a one and done thing that can be patched with a band-aid and then not thought about again.

It puts us in a place where we can be more easily swept up into new relationships that we aren't ready for, shouldn't be in, and have a higher than reasonable level of emotions over. There's this drive for love, acceptance, and to fill the void. It makes us want to do things that we wouldn't go for under normal circumstances.

So, I really, really think you need to rest until you are more healed. If you are going for someone you wouldn't typically want a relationship with, and have a hard time letting go even though you haven't had a relationship with her for a long time, it's indicative that this is a relationship out of pain, rather than healthy choices and true love.
Literally everything you said is true and right.
 
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GaveMeJoy

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I feel for you. I really do. But if it were me I'd go back to the drawing board and ask God to show me the red flags that I might have seen if I had spent time looking for them in this relationship with that girl before I married her. Because first of all, God didn't do this to you. You did it to yourself. Yeah, she cheated on you. But if you would have taken time and not hasted with your feet then you would have not married her. Like I said. I feel for you. And I feel even more sorry for the children in this case. Yes, there's life beyond this. God is in the business of restoring the years the locust has eaten. But you need to do some deep introspection and see thru hindsight what your blinders are. For the sake of you and your children, do this now. To God be the glory.
Amen. It's crazy I hear what you are saying about red flags. I wasn't a mature enough believer at 24 to get married to anyone which I think is the biggest red flag. But honestly, we dated for years, both virgins from christian families, saved sex for marriage, had full blessing of both families, and lived the life of a normal christian family for years. IDK why my ex just decided to fall out of the faith. It's super weird, because most people who apostasize that I know, I could see it coming. Like there were signs. My wife was a missionary when we met for pete's sake. :/
 
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GaveMeJoy

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I pray that you are able to find a time of rest and healing, and that there will be some restoration in life.
If not I would much rather have Jesus call me home now or soon. I hate this place, I want to be in heaven! Sucks here.
 
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Rest

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Amen. It's crazy I hear what you are saying about red flags. I wasn't a mature enough believer at 24 to get married to anyone which I think is the biggest red flag. But honestly, we dated for years, both virgins from christian families, saved sex for marriage, had full blessing of both families, and lived the life of a normal christian family for years. IDK why my ex just decided to fall out of the faith. It's super weird, because most people who apostasize that I know, I could see it coming. Like there were signs. My wife was a missionary when we met for pete's sake. :/

There's a spiritual battle around us that we can't physically see and Satan will do all that he can to break up a Christ-centered marriage like yours was. Why? Because it honors God.

Ultimately, it will drive us to the point of insanity sometimes to wonder why people do certain things that they do but most of the time it is based on the selfish desires that surrounds their sinful nature. Many of us, love selfishly rather than unconditionally and it sounds like your wife not only loved you selfishly but also the Lord as well. I've been there with someone I love and it's terrible but it happens. You trust God and move forward.

As for your current situation, I wouldn't stop seeing her. Minister to her in a respectful non-forcing manner and inform her your intentions of marrying someone that's a Christian. It's critical to be honest from the very beginning when it comes to these things.
 
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Under_the_moon

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I have always avoided the opposite sex that was not Christian. My friends literally made fun of me because I could smile at a girl and she would try to be all over me. But I would decline. I wanted a Christian. This went on for a long time. I met one who knew scriptures off by heart and was so incredibly beautiful. A few months later we married. She turned out to be someone who wasn't what she seemed. She cheated on me. Long story short I feel like I waisted my life chasing what doesn't exist. I don't know.. every time I think a Christian woman is into me it's a disappointment. It seems like finding a non Christian is much easier on the mind.. they don't play games, they make it loud and clear. My thoughts, who cares.
 
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Aussie Pete

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I have always avoided the opposite sex that was not Christian. My friends literally made fun of me because I could smile at a girl and she would try to be all over me. But I would decline. I wanted a Christian. This went on for a long time. I met one who knew scriptures off by heart and was so incredibly beautiful. A few months later we married. She turned out to be someone who wasn't what she seemed. She cheated on me. Long story short I feel like I waisted my life chasing what doesn't exist. I don't know.. every time I think a Christian woman is into me it's a disappointment. It seems like finding a non Christian is much easier on the mind.. they don't play games, they make it loud and clear. My thoughts, who cares.
Please don't go down that road. I married a "make-believer". It ended badly. It's much easier for someone to pull you down than for you to lift them up. Marrying an unbeliever is disobedience. You will find no blessing on that kind of relationship.
 
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