Why the rush?

[lenaj]

Thank you for being transparent and so open with me. And truth is everthing is and has been crystal clear to me for so long, but I think I got caught up in the fact that unlike many African-American men I meet, he had a relationship with God, no kids, had manners, educated with goals. All of that kept me in a situation that I knew was no good. I new from day one that he was a manipulative person, but I tried to say well maybe I'm just being a self sabotager by thinking that way and should be greatful for him. Now don't get me wrong I am by no means saying I was the perfect lil angel in all of this but I knew what it was from the begining. I just hoped I was wrong.
self sabotager

 

[Luther073082]

Thank you for being transparent and so open with me. And truth is everthing is and has been crystal clear to me for so long, but I think I got caught up in the fact that unlike many African-American men I meet, he had a relationship with God, no kids, had manners, educated with goals. All of that kept me in a situation that I knew was no good. I new from day one that he was a manipulative person, but I tried to say well maybe I'm just being a self sabotager by thinking that way and should be greatful for him. Now don't get me wrong I am by no means saying I was the perfect lil angel in all of this but I knew what it was from the begining. I just hoped I was wrong.
self sabotager

I think you made the right decision overall. Finding Christian partners (who take their faith seriously) is difficult for anyone. But eventually people usually seem to find someone. I know its really easy for me to say, but I think this is one of those times where you just have to have faith that God knows whats best.

Don't try to force anything to work when you know its bad. (I've made a mistake like that myself)

For a little while, (although I'm less concerned now) I will say I was worried you where bent on marrying a pastor. (Belive it or not there are women who are specifically on the hunt for pastors, and won't give non-pastors the time of day.)

 

[lenaj]

For a little while, (although I'm less concerned now) I will say I was worried you where bent on marrying a pastor. (Belive it or not there are women who are specifically on the hunt for pastors, and won't give non-pastors the time of day.)[/quote]

OHHHH NOOOO!!!! Funny you should say that. When we first met and I found that out I was like oh LORD, I can not date him. I have NO desire what so ever to be a pastor's wife!!! But I tried to look past that too.

Being a pastor's daughter I have seen my fair share of them, and let me tell you..... they almost make you not want to be a Christian.

 

[sanderse]

Something that really helped me was my big sis. She made sure that I was seeing things very clearly. She was not emotionally involved in the relationship. My little sister right now is dating someone I did not particularly car for. Not because I knew him... (because i still have not hade an actual conversation with him).. but becasue she said "I know he isn't perfect, But i am never going to find a guy that is everything i a looking for" being a big sister... this was scary. I dont want my little sis getting involved with someone she admits she is "settling for." Just remember that if this is not what He wants for you... you are never going to find joy in it. It does not matter how much both of you work and try to make it work.

 

[JdwB10]

Something that really helped me was my big sis. She made sure that I was seeing things very clearly. She was not emotionally involved in the relationship. My little sister right now is dating someone I did not particularly car for. Not because I knew him... (because i still have not hade an actual conversation with him).. but becasue she said "I know he isn't perfect, But i am never going to find a guy that is everything i a looking for" being a big sister... this was scary. I dont want my little sis getting involved with someone she admits she is "settling for." Just remember that if this is not what He wants for you... you are never going to find joy in it. It does not matter how much both of you work and try to make it work.

This caught my post, because I also thought I would never find a guy who was everything I was looking for. As a teenager I made a list of all the things I wanted. Important things, like political views, faith, relational views, morals, etc. As I got older my ideals changed, and I added and took away from the list. Eventually I thought I'd made a man who would never exist. And then I might my fiance. He had absolutely EVERYTHING on the list. I'm not joking. EVERYTHING. Even the things I listed as a prefference, instead of necessity. All of them, he has in abundance.

Do not ever settle for any less than what you've always desired. Consider the perfect marriage, in your mind, think of all the traits that you could not only love the man for, but respect him for as well, and ask God for those things. A man beyond your wildest dreams will show up. And probably when you least expect it.