Why Stop?

[JillLars]

Ok, now before anybody goes nuts on me, I just want to let everyone know I am looking for some opinions on this, please no personal attacks.  Here's the deal, my boyfriend and I have had pre-marital sex, we live together, and are planning on getting married when we are finished with college.  We are both each other's first.  People have told me that we should stop, which is obviously hard to do, but its even harder to do when you can't see the reason why.  If I stop having sex for 2 years, until I get married that doesn't make me a virgin, and it doesn't change the fact that my boyfriend and I have slept together.  I just wonder sometimes if God cares more that we stop for 2 years, or if we make love out of LOVE not LUST.  I feel that we sleep together out of love, not lust.  I guess I just don't really see what would change if we stopped for 2 years.  I'd like to hear everyone's opinions w/out personal attacks, and just so everyone knows not living with my boyfriend is not an option at this point in my life (for various reasons).  Thanks!

 

[jayebrownlee]

I thinkt he reason to stop would be if you both loved God and wanted to obey what His commands. He will forgive you if you don't stop, however does the fact that we have been forgiven our sin give us a licence to sin?

Pray about it and you will work out the answer, I think you should stop though.

Your sister in Christ

Jay

 

[RayNay714]

Hey,

I just want you to know that we all love you here, and there should be no personal attacks whatsoever! I understand what you are saying, but let me ask you, why do you think God said to wait until marriage? It is a precious gift, and while you have already given it away, that doesn't mean you should keep on doing it. I will not say that you and your boyfriend will not make it through, but in two years a lot can happen, you both may change, especially at the age you are. Imagine, if you will that sex is like a cake, and over the next two years you indulge yourselves, and when the wedding comes, there will not be that specialness. Maybe I do not make sense, but I don't understand how you would want to try and find a loophole in God's command. We are to be pure and holy, a living sacrifice unto God.

I don't know that you will listen to me because, like you said, it will be hard to stop having sex, especially when you are living with each other, but if you truly want to know what God thinks...he loves you...and will continue loving you, even if you don't stop...but there are great benefits to obeying the word of God...don't try to justify it, just listen to the voice of God.

Love in Christ,
Jess

 

[JillLars]

Will the specialness ever be there since we've already been together? I dunno, I'm not trying to find a loophole in God's word, I just wonder if God knows my heart, and knows that I love my boyfriend very much, I dunno...Thanks for being kind to me, I will consider everything you've all said

 

[GodOwnsMe]

God knows everything about you, he looks right into your hearts.....pray about it, & wait outta love
God Bless you sista

 

[speechless]

I think God knows you love your boyfriend with all your heart. But God has asked us to save our purity for marriage. A lot can happen in 2 years; things are rarely ever set in stone. I think you have to dicuss this with your b/f and talk to God about it, to give you some guidance on what to do. He will forgive you even if you choose to continuing having premaritial relations.

God Bless,

April

 

[kristi124]

I'll bet that stopping now would be very difficult, and I know that it wouldn't turn back the clock and make it like it never happened. But just immagine, after 2 years of no sex how special it will be to together again on your wedding night! It won't be as special as your first time but it will be a reward for all the hard work you did to stop in the first place, and God will appreciate that you're taking His word into consideration in your relationship.

 

[Swurple]

I agree. Although you aren't a virgin, so it seems that it doesnt make a difference....it actually does. Cos the title of virginity is just a title. You gotta look beyond that. Sex before marriage is something that God is very adamant about. There's no two ways about it.

Alot of people get married...they live together for another 50 years or so before they die. Throughout those 50 years, a person's sexual activity degenerates and its important that you both love each other enough to hold on even when the "lovin" stops. Cos theres more to love than physical activity. So abstaining for those 2 years could give you an idea of what it means to love unphysically.

Im so glad that you have found a guy whom you love...i await patiently for my time to come. hehe. And im really glad that you have both decided to finish college before getting married, it shows maturity in a relationship. And it may seem hard to stop, but His grace is sufficient for you. It gets easier as time goes by.

The very fact that you've decided to hear another person's opinion already proves your love for God and His will. Im sure He will lead you if you are willing to listen. All the best!!

 

[JillLars]

Thanks for all of your kind replies. I will take everything into consideration. I have a great boyfriend and I have no doubt that we would be able to stop if we decided to (as cliche as that sounds, we don't really have sex very often...which also tells me my boyfriend can live without it ) Thanks everyone!

 

[KristiXP]

Hey Jillers, I PM'd you!

 

[jayebrownlee]

Have moved this thread to a more appropriate forum so that you get some more help from people with experience in these matters.

Jay

 

[Camebk4God]

To stop at this point will show ultimate sacrifice. Not only to each other but in the eyes of the Lord as well. My wife and I hd sex at 15, our relationship even at that young age was much more then just sex, we layed for hours talking about life in General, finding everything out about ourselves. Well as time progressed I honestly believed that sex became a huge part because as we drifted in our "connection" sex brought us back to that spot, or so we thought. Now you did say its not very often and he can go without it, but that is somewhat wrong in thinking, you dont know what kind of temptaion the devil will dangle in fornt of him, he doesnt either, God does and he will help in those times. Stoping will be one of the best things you will ever do for each other, as someone stated that night after the wedding is going to the complete oneness we so often hear and read about, its the top of the pyramid that deep intamacy. My wife and I are seperated and we recently had a huge talk about where we were headed, we were very open and honest with each other but she has it in her head we wont be "like that" again. What "like that" means to me and to her and to God are different things. I do know that as things move forward or which ever direction they go, sex will not be a part of it untill, we are "remarried" I mean in every sense because we where never really married, legally yes, in every other way no. In this sense it will be my sacrifice to put God and my wife before me, something I have never done, but will do, it will be a struggle but the payment is well worth it.
You may not ever find yourself in this position we lacked God in our lives and that was a step in the wrong direction, I pray that you dont find yourself where I am but waiting will be hard but it will be bliss, not right out you may have to look for it inside but none the less it will be there.

 

[hollygirl]

Jillars, what made you seek answers to this question? Sometimes God works in our lives in a very subtle way. Could it be that you are wondering this because you feel like it may be something that you need to do? Is God gently telling you that He needs your obedience in this matter? Is the sexual context of your relationship hindering your relationship with God? Or hindering his relationship with God?

Just some things to think about.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hmm...one thing getting physical does is it short circuits a relationship. Your relationship becomes dominated by the physical nature of it and you skip over learning about eachother and getting to know eachother. Sex is powerful. Song of Songs says, "Do not awaken love before its time." There is good reason for that. So my concern for you guys is wondering if this is the case in your relationship. Not having sex would give you guys the opportunity to develop other areas of your relationship that you hadn't realize needed work.
Sorry this is so short. I gotta go. I hope it made sense.

 

[Evening Mist]

I guess that I consider you "already married" at this point. Your actions constitute a committment and you would be wrong to separate now, just like divorce.

Instead of "stopping," why don't you get married? You are planning to anyway, right? Verbalize your committment, make it public, and make it official. Then you won't have to worry about the sex part anymore.

 

[YouthPastor]

Pre marital sex goes against God's word.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Jill--

I'm not here to attack, just ask a few questions. You've blatantly stated in other threads that you're having sex with your boyfriend, you don't care, and you're going to continue to do it. So, I guess my question is are you just asking to see if you get the answer that you want? You say that there's no way you can move out; you HAVE to live with your boyfriend. I'm sorry, but I don't buy that. There is ALWAYS ALWAYS somewhere to go.

I can't imagine the fear I would live in everyday living with someone that I wasn't married to. You never know when they're gonna up and leave, and since there's no commitment of a marriage there, they have that option anytime day or night. I know, I know he'll never do that, right? And just another question, but what are you going to do if you get pregnant? Birth control doesn't always work. Are you going to get married THEN?

Just some things to throw out there, but you need to get in the Word, and pray about this. I'm not sure what you're waiting for by not getting married. I'll stop now before I get rude, but living together--especially having sex--before you're married is absolutely wrong.

To the woman who already thinks you're married...excuse me? Don't cheapen my wedding vows. Unmarried sex in NO way constitutes a covenant like marriage.

 

[YouthPastor]

sex does NOT equal marriage

 

[Mr.Cheese]

While you're wading through this struggle:
*hug*

 

[JillLars]

Today at 09:48 AM Cammie said this in Post #17

Jill--

I'm not here to attack, just ask a few questions. You've blatantly stated in other threads that you're having sex with your boyfriend, you don't care, and you're going to continue to do it. So, I guess my question is are you just asking to see if you get the answer that you want? You say that there's no way you can move out; you HAVE to live with your boyfriend. I'm sorry, but I don't buy that. There is ALWAYS ALWAYS somewhere to go.

Ok, first off, the only other threads I have talked about having sex with my boyfriend in were threads that I was asking for advice on what to do.  I have never said that I wasn't going to stop...in fact in this very thread I said that I was asking so that I could consider every reply you all wrote.  I am not waiting to hear the answer I want, I am doing some soul searching and looking for the right reason to stop. You know, when I first came here, I decided to stop, but realized I was stopping for all the wrong reasons, now I'm looking for the right reasons.  Next, you don't know me cammie, I don't have anywhere else to go unless I move back with my parents who live more than an hour away from work and school.  My only friend who still lives in town lives with her boyfriend in a one bedroom apt. and I am not about to intrude on that.  Please don't assume to know me or my circumstances. 

I can't imagine the fear I would live in everyday living with someone that I wasn't married to. You never know when they're gonna up and leave, and since there's no commitment of a marriage there, they have that option anytime day or night. I know, I know he'll never do that, right? And just another question, but what are you going to do if you get pregnant? Birth control doesn't always work. Are you going to get married THEN?

You know Cammie, marriages break up all the time.  You may think that your's is stronger than everyone elses, but that isn't necessarily true.  You have no right to say that my relationship with my boyfriend isn't a commitment.  Did you know you were going to spend the rest of your life with your husband before you got married?  I hope so, I don't think that the commitment was suddenly there when you got married.  My boyfriend could up and leave me as easily as your husband could up and leave you.  It has to do with the person, not just with the vows.  I am also well aware of the fact that birth control does not work all the time.  My boyfriend and I know that we can take care of and support a baby if I am pregnant, we discussed it well before we decided to have sex.

Just some things to throw out there, but you need to get in the Word, and pray about this. I'm not sure what you're waiting for by not getting married. I'll stop now before I get rude, but living together--especially having sex--before you're married is absolutely wrong.

 


You got rude a long time ago.