Why relationships led me to celibacy

[lupusFati]

I was NOT being hateful!!!! What the heck? Saying gimme a break = hatefulness to you????? That's nuts. I think questioning my Christianity from an 8 word reply that was pretty tame was way more harsh. You have a lot to learn about hypocrisy apparently.

Nah. I know all about hypocrisy. It's part of why I left that faith behind in the first place. I was sick and tired of fake people with fake smiles and their lip service and repetitive "worship" songs. Church was an emotionally and spiritually dead place for me, and as someone with a high amount of empathy, I felt that intensely.

As for questioning your Christianity, I merely said you have a lot to learn. I wasn't really implying anything about your 'relationship' with God or anything. You just seem really naive is all.

As for being hateful. Yes, you were. As someone who's been exposed to that time and time again, I'm pretty much an expert at recognizing when someone is not doing something out of love, but hate or apathy. You don't believe you were hateful, but I'm fairly certain you were. I felt no compassion, no love, no empathy from you. So it must be hate or apathy. As I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, I decided you were being hateful instead of apathetic. Since apathy is the true opposite of love. Hate at least implies you care a little, and can feel anything emotionally. Apathy just means you care so little that you are emotionally dead to the subject in question. Hate is the lesser of two evils in this case.

I suppose I could go on. But it hardly matters. I'm just some older guy who doesn't understand what it's like to be a kid anymore, right?

 

[bhsmte]

Knowing myself I feel I would twist the words around. "I wont date or have sec with anybody until I am certain they are the right person.". Sounds good on paper, but I can twiest those around. For example I can pick up a random girl on the streer and say. She is the right person, so I date her. Making the vow pointless. I made the words exact with no work arounds, because I've already tried to with this vow. Haha

If I may ask again, what was your motivation in opening this thread?

Was it to seek advice from others or just to announce your decision?

 

[Butterfly99]

Nah. I know all about hypocrisy. It's part of why I left that faith behind in the first place. I was sick and tired of fake people with fake smiles and their lip service and repetitive "worship" songs. Church was an emotionally and spiritually dead place for me, and as someone with a high amount of empathy, I felt that intensely.

As for questioning your Christianity, I merely said you have a lot to learn. I wasn't really implying anything about your 'relationship' with God or anything. You just seem really naive is all.

As for being hateful. Yes, you were. As someone who's been exposed to that time and time again, I'm pretty much an expert at recognizing when someone is not doing something out of love, but hate or apathy. You don't believe you were hateful, but I'm fairly certain you were. I felt no compassion, no love, no empathy from you. So it must be hate or apathy. As I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, I decided you were being hateful instead of apathetic. Since apathy is the true opposite of love. Hate at least implies you care a little, and can feel anything emotionally. Apathy just means you care so little that you are emotionally dead to the subject in question. Hate is the lesser of two evils in this case.

I suppose I could go on. But it hardly matters. I'm just some older guy who doesn't understand what it's like to be a kid anymore, right?

I was not being hateful at all. That's really bizarre of you to make that accusation all cause I said "gimme a break, you're in HS." I don't even know if you're being for real or trolling me hard right now. I wasn't being apathetic either. I was giving it to him straight. You said you left the faith cause of fake people. Well I wasn't fake. I was trying to help him by giving him some reality. I think THAT is much more kind than trying to indulge him in this stuff.

Your reaction is so OTT & inappropriate. I don't think your age is your problem. I think it's your hypocritical attitude & how how you seem to enjoy psychoanalyzing strangers but do a very poor job at it.

 

[Butterfly99]

You're fine. I agreed with what you said. At 18, the only thing I had a relationship with was my mirror.

LOL. You're awesome. Thx.

 

[Awakened Sin]

If I may ask again, what was your motivation in opening this thread?

Was it to seek advice from others or just to announce your decision?

More to announce it. I was also also interested what people thought of it. I appreciate all the replies though most were against my vow. I respect their opinion though. No biggie.

 

[bhsmte]

More to announce it. I was also also interested what people thought of it. I appreciate all the replies though most were against my vow. I respect their opinion though. No biggie.

Why was it important for you to announce it in a public forum?

 

[Butterfly99]

Im sorry to tell you this, but you don't know this. They only way Ill change my mind on this vow if and only if God tells me too. He hasn't, so the vow is still in place. Like I mentioned this vow wasn't last minute. I thought about the vow for months before I actually made it. And it's been a week since the vow has been in place and I have no regrets making it.

The reason why I made the vow only about 6 months because if I said any longer my parents would not agree with this vow. I'm planning on extending this vow once high school is over. But if everyone is making a big deal about this then should I just make the vow longer to quiet everyone about it?

I'm not sure if you read this piece but I have no self control. If I made this vow only to myself and no one else knows about it. I will most likely break it. I made this same vow about a year ago and it was only to myself. Well I didn't listen and I dated anyway. And...it ended badly. So I learned my lesson and made the vow again in public. Only because if I break my vow everyone will know that I failed. Plus, that's a sign telling girls to stay away.
I don't want that so I made it in public.

You know the saying when you assume right? Yeah, that's what you're doing.

And yes I was offended by your post and it's the reason why I choice to ignore it the first time. Then you replied again and made it worst. But, I forgive you for this. Even if you think you did nothing wrong.

I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't make assumptions. I don't apologize for what I wrote. I am sorry if your feelings got hurt because for real that wasn't my intent. I was actually trying to help you NOT get your feelings hurt as much in real life cause of stuff you're doing that I & other ppl are seeing as a mistake. I had to write again because a complete stranger was wrongly psychoanalyzing & hectoring me. All I was trying to do was give you some honest perspective. I think you could be harming your reputation by going around making these public announcements about taking a vow of celibacy. All cause of a few short relationships not working out for you. How you think those all those "relationships" failed cause of others & not you. Ppl might be supportive to your face but I worry that behind your back they're not being as nice about it. I think you're setting yourself up to be ridiculed & that it's much nicer to just tell that to you straight so you can make more mature decisions about how to go about all this. You're also keeping yourself from the chance of maybe having a relationship that will be happy. You could still be absinent in a relationship. If you are serious about celibacy & you want accountability then it would make WAY more sense to talk to your priest or somebody else at church than writing on social media or on a forum with absolute strangers.

 

[Awakened Sin]

Why was it important for you to announce it in a public forum?

Like I mentioned. I was also curious what people think. (Older Christians)

 

[bhsmte]

Like I mentioned. I was also curious what people think. (Older Christians)

Do you think only Christians have experience in relationships?

 

[Awakened Sin]

I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't make assumptions. I don't apologize for what I wrote. I am sorry if your feelings got hurt because for real that wasn't my intent. I was actually trying to help you NOT get your feelings hurt as much in real life cause of stuff you're doing that I & other ppl are seeing as a mistake. I had to write again because a complete stranger was wrongly psychoanalyzing & hectoring me. All I was trying to give you honest perspective. I think you could be harming your reputation by going around making these public announcements about deciding to become celibate. All cause of a few short relationships not working out for you. How you think those all those "relationships" failed cause of others & not you. You need a dose of reality for real. Ppl might be supportive to your face but I worry that behind your back they're not being as nice about it. I think you're setting yourself up to be ridiculed & that it's much nicer to just tell that to you straight so you can make more mature decisions about how to go about all this. If you are serious about celibacy & you want accountability then it would make WAY more sense to talk to your priest or somebody else at church than writing on social media or on a forum with absolute strangers.

If I told my priest then it would make it a religious vow, which it's not. I told friends and family first. I.e. social media because their my friends and family. Personally, I don't care if people ridicule me behind my back. This vow isn't affecting them. And I'm not ridiculing them for dating. If they ridicule me. Well that's just means they weren't friends and I move on. And that's the dose of reality right there.

Do you think only Christians have experience in relationships?

Obviously not. That's why I talked to different people about this vow. Atheists, girls, guys, etc. Now Christians.

 

[bhsmte]

If I told my priest then it would make it a religious vow, which it's not. I told friends and family first. I.e. social media because their my friends and family. Personally, I don't care if people ridicule me behind my back. This vow isn't affecting them. And I'm not ridiculing them for dating. If they ridicule me. Well that's just means they weren't friends and I move on. And that's the dose of reality right there.

Obviously not. That's why I talked to different people about this vow. Atheists, girls, guys, etc. Now Christians.

Have you noticed any particular pattern that has resonated with you in regards to the comments you have received?

 

[Butterfly99]

If I told my priest then it would make it a religious vow, which it's not. I told friends and family first. I.e. social media because their my friends and family. Personally, I don't care if people ridicule me behind my back. This vow isn't affecting them. And I'm not ridiculing them for dating. If they ridicule me. Well that's just means they weren't friends and I move on. And that's the dose of reality right there.

Obviously not. That's why I talked to different people about this vow. Atheists, girls, guys, etc. Now Christians.

Telling your priest won't be making it a religious vow. It would just be getting advice about something that is important to you. Getting wiser counsel than what you're gonna get from strangers on the internet or other HS kids. Well if you don't care what ppl think, then that's cool but it's confusing cause why would you even need to broadcast it so much if you didn't care. If you put it out there, then you're kinda asking for people to comment on it. Hopefully you won't be ridiculed but I just think it's something to be aware of. Are you telling ppl on social media the same stuff you've been telling us about the failed relationships cause ppl @ work didn't talk to you outside of work? That you think you're totally not at fault for these failed relationships? Do any of the ppl you know on your social media know anybody you were in a relationship with?

 

[Ada Lovelace]

You're fine. I agreed with what you said. At 18, the only thing I had a relationship with was my mirror.

I agree. Her posts were appropriate and benign, and she was undeserving of the unbalanced, vitriolic response.

I've been in a long-term relationship but I know many people my age and older who've yet to even have their first kiss, and yet they are not making grandiose vows of celibacy or abandoning hope of experiencing a loving relationship. My college has a private forum just for members of my class, and since people can post there anonymously they are often more vulnerable and raw than they would be on social media. One guy had asked if he was the only one in the c/o 19 who'd never had a girlfriend, and the overwhelming response was that he wasn't.

 

[quatona]

It's weird I tried so many things to find a great relationship. I've tried waiting and I even tried not waiting. And nothing good came out of either. I'm almost 18 and I'm not like most other teenagers. I don't date for fun. I wanted to date to find my future wife and people didn't understand that. At my age, no one is doing the same so find the right relationships were difficult. I failed countless times in relationships and I failed countless times trying to get into relationships.

So. I got fed up with all of this and I took the vow of celibacy. When I took this vow it wasn't even for religious reasons it was to protect myself and others. My vow of celibacy restricts from dating/dates, sexual activity, kissing, and lusting. It's been five days since I've taken the vow. I posted the vow on social media so all my friends know. I use the vow kind of like a wall, blocking out all the advances done to me and I may do to girls that I may like.

The vow itself lasts only until I graduate high school. If I like being celibate then I will extend the years. Essentially yes. I took this vow without God in mind which I rarely do. My hope is that he respects my choice if not well I can't stop God. I'd rather not take go back on my vow still.

Back in school, I gave up mathematics for about the same reasons: lack of success in making it work.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Kind of off topic but I seen one or two people mention they can't stand judgmental christians, one said its why he left christianity. Well if you left because of what other christians were doing/saying then you weren't focusing on the right thing. God is our focus, not what other christians do. Because if we focus on them... most wouldn't stay christian probably since we are all flawed.

 

[nightflight]

I just got tired of questions like, "what are you thinking" and "where do you see this going".

 

[Awakened Sin]

I just got tired of questions like, "what are you thinking" and "where do you see this going".

Pardon me?

 

[nightflight]

Pardon me?

Its why I'm celibate.

 

[MehGuy]

The vow itself lasts only until I graduate high school. If I like being celibate then I will extend the years. Essentially yes. I took this vow without God in mind which I rarely do. My hope is that he respects my choice if not well I can't stop God. I'd rather not take go back on my vow still.

 

[Awakened Sin]

Its why I'm celibate.

You're also celibate? Someone I can relate to.