Why it's better to strategically not go to church especially when you're young and introverted see 1 Cor 1-10

[Jacque_Pierre22]

So I'm just telling some of my personal experience. Especially two scenarios that happened to me when I was young between the age of 18-26. The first I would say is the most dissapointing of the two: I had gone to a Lutheran church for most of my life age 0-17, the pastor changed while I was away for academic reasons from age 18-22, when I returned home there was a new pastor who didn't know me. I went to talk to him for his advice on some family issues and he starts telling me about the 10 commandments, acting like I'm not saved because I didn't go to church from age 22-26 , even though I told him that I should still be considered by him a member since I had gone for my whole life. So you're basically treated as not having existed if a new pastor takes over and maybe you didn't go to church for a few years or you were busy working or going to some other church, they'll just assume you're not a christian and start from square one.
The second scenario was the fact that I had been a member of some campus christian club for years and some friends just ghosted me because I liked some musical videos from some bands that might for a christian be too secular and worldly, which is pretty much anything nowadays unless you listen to only christian musicians, according to 1 Corinthians, if you profess to be a Christian and do certain things, Paul actually recommends that you be ghosted or kicked out of the church whereas if you just don't go at all, people continue to associate with you and can't judge you that harshly because you don't profess to be a member. In your formative years, especially as an introvert awkward shy person, getting hate from everyone including your peer and pastors will just put you in a negative spiral / or hole that you won't be able to dig yourself out of. So what I learned was, you shouldn't profess to be anything as a introvert, you shouldn't talk about anything and just stay secular until financially secure and able to take care of yourself entirely and definitely don't go to church , those friends are not real and a waste of your time. If you're older, married and have a family, everyone will assume the best of you and there's no risk or negative assumptions made about you by the pastor usually. If you need to be "of the world" to be yourself then do that, it honestly is necessary for your mental health and survival, church can wait.

 

[Margaret3110]

I can't tell how much of this is meant to be sarcasm/irony. But assuming you're serious ...

I am a very introverted person and I've had my fair share of negative church experiences. Church puts you in relationship with other people and relationships are messy. People, including pastors, are sinful. And yes, some church communities are toxic and should be avoided, but not all are like that.

Jesus wants us to worship him as a community. And if you belong to a tradition that puts great value in the Eucharist, that's another important reason to go to church.

 

[Richard T]

Yes those two experiences are awful but rather than dwell on them I would forgive and move on. Also, think about the good things that occurred from going to church or the college group. There must have been something to keep you interested. Of course not all pastors, or churches are alike. As you mature too you will move from going to church for social reasons are receiving (which are fine) to going to church to be an example e and helping others. Likely you have done some of this before but at some point you will be able to overlook all the imperfections of others and help lead. Your weakness (introversion) will be a true asset for the right group as you will be sensitive to others and have more understanding of their needs.

II Cor 12:9=10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

I respectfully disagree, being taken advantage of is not good either.

 

[Paul4JC]

Too many people in churches are a type of cancel culture. Those same are still being bottle-fed. It is better to feed yourself the word of God and grow. Churches are full of spiritual midgets.

 

[Ceallaigh]

There are some good down to earth small churches with genuinely friendly easy going people. I've never actually made friends at church, as far as doing any activities with them outside of church or chatting/texting with them over the phone. But while I'm there it's pleasant enough to be around nice people. My pastor is a really nice guy and goes out of his way to chat with me because he knows I have social difficulties. I think it's healthy to have some sort of social life even if it's shallow and just a couple of hours a week.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

There are some good down to earth small churches with genuinely friendly easy going people. I've never actually made friends at church, as far as doing any activities with them outside of church or chatting/texting with them over the phone. But while I'm there it's pleasant enough to be around nice people. My pastor is a really nice guy and goes out of his way to chat with me because he knows I have social difficulties. I think it's healthy to have some sort of social life even if it's shallow and just a couple of hours a week.

yea but in the interim if you take a break from church for a year, for mental health, you shouldn't be considered an outcast lol. I've grown mostly via self study , its like learning something as an autodidact. those who say you must go to church should look at Haggai, just going is also meaningless if you don't mean it. In large part as said above it just becomes an assembled clique of spiritual midgets. The "house" is us , we are supposed to be learning and studying wherever we physically are. Implied in the pastor's reaction to me, is that I can't grow without his tutelage or even be saved.

 

[Richard T]

I respectfully disagree, being taken advantage of is not good either.

You are right it is better if everyone could walk in harmony toward each other. Unfortunately, that will rarely happen. The pastor over generalized but what if in the past there were church goers that barely knew anything? Rather than preach though it is better to listen. Maybe he had other problems to deal with that day or maybe he is just inexperienced? The good news is that if he is shallow you can move on. What you built in the church previously remains in heaven forever.

As to the college group, they sound very religious, perhaps judgmental, but just forgive them. I think that you can be introverted and have thick skin or better discernment toward others. If you feel they are going to be negative, then don't open up. Test them out a bit to see by holding back a little in order to better gauge how they are going to react. Watch and see how they interact with others, if they have true love and compassion. Sometimes you can't tell but many times you will. God knew this was going to occur, so there is a way of victory, as he always has some provision for those who walk with him. Stay careful but know that God cares!

 

[Ceallaigh]

yea but in the interim if you take a break from church for a year, for mental health, you shouldn't be considered an outcast lol. I've grown mostly via self study , its like learning something as an autodidact. those who say you must go to church should look at Haggai, just going is also meaningless if you don't mean it. In large part as said above it just becomes an assembled clique of spiritual midgets. The "house" is us , we are supposed to be learning and studying wherever we physically are. Implied in the pastor's reaction to me, is that I can't grow without his tutelage or even be saved.

The way you're describing your pastor, I personally wouldn't attend his church. And I certainly don't attended church as my only source of learning. Usually I'm already quite familiar with what my pastor is teaching, and it just becomes a matter of listening to how he covers the material and topic. The main purpose for my attending is for fellowship and group participation. And keeping a commitment of taking a small amount of time out of the week to devote it to God by going to church. If you're looking at your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as a clique of spiritual midgets, then you're either going to the wrong church, or more likely you have a bad attitude towards others you need to get over. I used to have a really bad attitude towards others myself when I was younger. I still do to a degree. But I know that's bad for my mental health. Being in a place where I can get along with others is definitely good for my mental health. I'm going though a rough time right know, and knowing that they know and care, is comforting.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

The way you're describing your pastor, I personally wouldn't attend his church. And I certainly don't attended church as my only source of learning. Usually I'm already quite familiar with what my pastor is teaching, and it just becomes a matter of listening to how he covers the material and topic. The main purpose for my attending is for fellowship and group participation. And keeping a commitment of taking a small amount of time out of the week to devote it to God by going to church. If you're looking at your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as a clique of spiritual midgets, then you're either going to the wrong church, or more likely you have a bad attitude towards others you need to get over. I used to have a really bad attitude towards others myself when I was younger. I still do to a degree. But I know that's bad for my mental health. Being in a place where I can get along with others is definitely good for my mental health. I'm going though a rough time right know, and knowing that they know and care, is comforting.

no , "clique of spiritual midgets" was used by Paul4JC above for those not really taking church seriously. But as far as having a "bad attitude", this is something introverts often get told but in actuality, I'm yet to meet someone who says something to the affect that peers have always disliked/avoided me but I changed my attitude; it's more like things stay the same whether you have a positive / neg attitude. this is why I say for social outcasts it's really not worth you're time. if you're able to make something of it then you're not in that category. I can assure you no will notice I'm not there. its like with everything , once people see how I am in person they avoid me because I have mental problems that make me an outcast that i can't fix from years of negative reinforcement.

 

[Ceallaigh]

no , "clique of spiritual midgets" was used by Paul4JC above for those not really taking church seriously. But as far as having a "bad attitude", this is something introverts often get told but in actuality, I'm yet to meet someone who says something to the affect that peers have always disliked/avoided me but I changed my attitude; it's more like things stay the same whether you have a positive / neg attitude. this is why I say for social outcasts it's really not worth you're time. if you're able to make something of it then you're not in that category. I can assure you no will notice I'm not there. its like with everything , once people see how I am in person they avoid me because I have mental problems that make me an outcast that i can't fix from years of negative reinforcement.

First off I should explain that I'm a lifelong introverted social outcast recluse. I was put in special ed because of my behavior problems. And I was almost even expelled from problem kids special ed because my behavior problems were so bad. I have always been in the social category of someone with zero friends and a handful of acquittances outside of family which I hardly ever interact with (acquaintances and family). And I had really bad social experiences with going to church. And I went though years long periods of not attending. The less interaction I had with others the more tranquil my life was. And I carried a lot of grudges. But when I got older I came to realize that I was difficult to be around and it wasn't all their fault. And I doubt I would have done any better if I had been in their shoes. That I would have treated someone like me any better than I was treated.

Then one day I had this spiritual crisis / psychotic episode that messed me up big time and I had no one to turn to except for an older cousin that lived out of state whom I had a tenuous relationship with. Now there was a local pastor who hosted one of those bible answer call-in shows I listed to. A very down to earth guy who used to be a casino card dealer. So I thought to myself or perhaps the Holy Spirt told me "why don't you go to Tommy's church for help?". I did. It was just a little strip-mall church. And Tommy was just as nice in person as he sounded on the radio. And then there was a deacon who was a big guy with a mellow disposition and soothing voice who counseled me. The whole small congregation were very loving down to earth people. I attended regularly for 6 years until I moved out of state. An then I looked for a similar church and found one and I've been there for 8 years.

So that's why I encourage you to try finding a small church with nice people in it with a nice caring pastor who serves meat instead of milk. It's good to have people in your life even if it's just once a week for around 75 minutes. Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

First off I should explain that I'm a lifelong introverted social outcast recluse. I was put in special ed because of my behavior problems. And I was almost even expelled from problem kids special ed because my behavior problems were so bad. I have always been in the social category of someone with zero friends and a handful of acquittances outside of family which I hardly ever interact with (acquaintances and family). And I had really bad social experiences with going to church. And I went though years long periods of not attending. The less interaction I had with others the more tranquil my life was. And I carried a lot of grudges. But when I got older I came to realize that I was difficult to be around and it wasn't all their fault. And I doubt I would have done any better if I had been in their shoes. That I would have treated someone like me any better than I was treated.

Then one day I had this spiritual crisis / psychotic episode that messed me up big time and I had no one to turn to except for an older cousin that lived out of state whom I had a tenuous relationship with. Now there was a local pastor who hosted one of those bible answer call-in shows I listed to. A very down to earth guy who used to be a casino card dealer. So I thought to myself or perhaps the Holy Spirt told me "why don't you go to Tommy's church for help?". I did. It was just a little strip-mall church. And Tommy was just as nice in person as he sounded on the radio. And then there was a deacon who was a big guy with a mellow disposition and soothing voice who counseled me. The whole small congregation were very loving down to earth people. I attended regularly for 6 years until I moved out of state. An then I looked for a similar church and found one and I've been there for 8 years.

So that's why I encourage you to try finding a small church with nice people in it with a nice caring pastor who serves meat instead of milk. It's good to have people in your life even if it's just once a week for around 75 minutes. Just my 2 cents worth.

I still disagree with your overly optimistic assessment. my mental issues didn't really start till 28, but before that even when I was normal I was still sort of an outcast. in high school, it was the most positive as I got along with every guy, but after that I became more isolated gradually culminating is some rare weird issue not a lot of people get, there aren't many psychologists who even deal with my issue even if I had the money to fix it.

 

[Ceallaigh]

I still disagree with your overly optimistic assessment. my mental issues didn't really start till 28, but before that even when I was normal I was still sort of an outcast. in high school, it was the most positive as I got along with every guy, but after that I became more isolated gradually culminating is some rare weird issue not a lot of people get, there aren't many psychologists who even deal with my issue even if I had the money to fix it.

All I'm really saying is if/when you ever attend church again, small and caring might work out for you.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

yea if it was a supportive environment and there were people my age but I've seen how it is usually at the local churches in my area and it's mostly people nowhere near my age range; there are very few 30 somethings apparently who go to church near me ; i've been there. there are no such in my denom, and im not switching anyway

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

To--- Ceallaigh
" I heed not that my earthly lot

Hath-little of Earth in it—

That years of love have been forgot

In the hatred of a minute:—

I mourn not that the desolate

Are happier, sweet, than I,

But that you sorrow for my fate

Who am a passer-by. "

 

[returntosender]

You can't stay introverted if you go to church: