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Why is there separation?
- Thread starter desi
- Start date
Temptation and an unwilling heart is what I think. Satan provides a blindfold and whispers in the ear that things can be so much better. Love and life will be better if you leave your spouse and start new. That's what I feel. I'll be the first to admit, there were times when my wife and I were together that I would have a short flash of "man I wish I weren't married to her or whatever" but then the Lord brought me back. I think if you keep thinking it over and over then your heart starts to harden with one another and it become inevidable.
Sorry if this isn't what you were looking for. I too don't understand how someone could do this. My wife is a strong Christian, our love was strong but temptation overcame her. I pray everynight for her return to Christ.
Sorry if this isn't what you were looking for. I too don't understand how someone could do this. My wife is a strong Christian, our love was strong but temptation overcame her. I pray everynight for her return to Christ.
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abuse. that's why i left. my children were being harmed and i had to step up to the plate and leave. this has been horrible for me. i feel guilty (guilt is not of God) for leaving. my husband also has a pornography addiction (since childhood) that i have had to deal with for 10+ years. i have dealt with the pornography (although it has ruined the way i see him) but i cannot let him hurt them physically and emotionally. i hope i have shed some light on a different side for you. not all christians leave wanting a change, some of us are backed into a corner.
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Why is there murder?
Why is there theft?
Why is there adultry?
Why is there gods above our God?
Answer one, you can answer them all, I guess.
Why is there theft?
Why is there adultry?
Why is there gods above our God?
Answer one, you can answer them all, I guess.
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fluffy_rainbow
I've Got a Secret ;-)
God abhors all sin; however, there are provisions made in the Scriptures for divorce. If you feel otherwise then I would highly recommend reading the New Testament.
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alaskamolly
Queen of the Tundra
Desi,
God abhors a LOT of things... A list at the end of Romans 1 gives a long list of things that are reviled by God...correct me if I'm wrong, but there are probably some things there that you participate in (greed, hate, envy, fighting, deception, gossip, insolent, proud, boastful, promise-breaker, uncaring, lying, etc)...
Have you participated in any of these things within the last year or two?
Why did you do it, if you know that God hates it?
I'd suggest that you should get off the "God-hates-divorce" bandwagon. It's correct--God does hate divorce (whilst our society embraces it as the answer to every marraige problem-ugh!)...but there are other things that God also hates. When you are no longer participating in any of those things, I think you would then have the right to come to a forum like this and ask such a question. But I think, then, that you probably wouldn't.
1 Cor. 13 says that having all your "doctrinal ducks in a row" really means diddly squat... if you do not have Love. The nature of God (Love) is what must guide our theology. It doesn't make divorce right (except for a few Scripturally-permitted instances). But it does make us able to treat those in it's grip with compassion instead of condemnation.
Blessings,
Molly
God abhors a LOT of things... A list at the end of Romans 1 gives a long list of things that are reviled by God...correct me if I'm wrong, but there are probably some things there that you participate in (greed, hate, envy, fighting, deception, gossip, insolent, proud, boastful, promise-breaker, uncaring, lying, etc)...
Have you participated in any of these things within the last year or two?
Why did you do it, if you know that God hates it?
I'd suggest that you should get off the "God-hates-divorce" bandwagon. It's correct--God does hate divorce (whilst our society embraces it as the answer to every marraige problem-ugh!)...but there are other things that God also hates. When you are no longer participating in any of those things, I think you would then have the right to come to a forum like this and ask such a question. But I think, then, that you probably wouldn't.
1 Cor. 13 says that having all your "doctrinal ducks in a row" really means diddly squat... if you do not have Love. The nature of God (Love) is what must guide our theology. It doesn't make divorce right (except for a few Scripturally-permitted instances). But it does make us able to treat those in it's grip with compassion instead of condemnation.
Blessings,
Molly
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My sympathy to those of you dealing with fickle spouses in this area.
Abuse is a popular reason for divorce and separation these days. Too bad the Bible doesn't mention it.
Sure there's temptation to use free will against God's word. That's what the Holy Spirit was sent for. To show us the way to avoid sin.
If its just a matter of sin shouldn't Christians know better and avoid the sin more than nonChristians? In some studies it actually is suggested Christians divorce more than their unbelieving peers.
Abuse is a popular reason for divorce and separation these days. Too bad the Bible doesn't mention it.
Sure there's temptation to use free will against God's word. That's what the Holy Spirit was sent for. To show us the way to avoid sin.
If its just a matter of sin shouldn't Christians know better and avoid the sin more than nonChristians? In some studies it actually is suggested Christians divorce more than their unbelieving peers.
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It is true that divorce among christians is more prevalent than among non-believers.
Why that is, I'm not really sure!
My brother-in-law just got divorced after being married not even a year, but that's because of adultery. That's the only reason according to the Bible that divorce is ok.
Because the Bible doesn't talk specifically about abuse, it's hard to figure that one out. I can try and take a guess at why God says adultery is an ok reason to divorce but something as horrible as abuse isn't: Maybe adultery scars you in such a way that it is impossible for things to ever be the same. God knows the inner workings of all our minds, maybe its that He knows the way we feel about adultery, compared to the way we feel about abuse. Perhaps people are better able to forgive and forget abuse?
I'm totally speculating here!
If my husband was beating on me I would leave him for a time, in order for him to get himself together, thru counselling, prayer, and whatever else, and I'd HOPEFULLY be able to rebuild our marriage...
However I have a daughter, and the thought of anyone, including my husband, beating on her, makes me completely sick. That would be the hardest to forgive. And my heart goes out to the woman who had to leave her husband. What an awful situation...But I'm glad you are safe now.
Why that is, I'm not really sure!
My brother-in-law just got divorced after being married not even a year, but that's because of adultery. That's the only reason according to the Bible that divorce is ok.
Because the Bible doesn't talk specifically about abuse, it's hard to figure that one out. I can try and take a guess at why God says adultery is an ok reason to divorce but something as horrible as abuse isn't: Maybe adultery scars you in such a way that it is impossible for things to ever be the same. God knows the inner workings of all our minds, maybe its that He knows the way we feel about adultery, compared to the way we feel about abuse. Perhaps people are better able to forgive and forget abuse?
I'm totally speculating here!
If my husband was beating on me I would leave him for a time, in order for him to get himself together, thru counselling, prayer, and whatever else, and I'd HOPEFULLY be able to rebuild our marriage...
However I have a daughter, and the thought of anyone, including my husband, beating on her, makes me completely sick. That would be the hardest to forgive. And my heart goes out to the woman who had to leave her husband. What an awful situation...But I'm glad you are safe now.
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SkyeBlue8 said:
SkyeBlue8 said:
SkyeBlue8 The number one reason that Christian divorce may be higher than non-Christian divorce is because Christians are still getting married at a higher rate that non-Christians who tend to shack up much more often these days.
Regarding the Bible saying it is ok to divorce for adultery, I would suggest that the Bible says it is permissible, but does not promote divorce for any reason. Im not saying that you meant it was alright to divorce for adultery as in commanded, but others are reading these posts and I like to be very careful when people are talking about what the Bible says and doesnt say. God would still rather that we work through the sin in our lives by forgiving one another, yet He knew that due to hardness of our hearts we might choose to dissolve our marriage in the presence of infidelity. Sorry if I am overstressing this point, but some people believe that divorce is the choice God is suggesting in the event of unfaithfulness. This is not true.
You said that maybe adultery scars you in such a way that it is impossible for things to ever be the same. First, NOTHING is impossible with God. Second, if this were totally true, then the thousands of marriages that have experienced adultery would have never survived it. I personally know several marriages that are thriving today in spite of infidelity in the past. The thing that I keep in mind is that we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and He has forgiven us all for our transgressions. What right do I have to hold my wifes sin against her (unless she is living in sin). This radically changed my world (perspective) when the Lord revealed it to me about two months ago. I am so glad that He did. This is why I can actually love my wife more now than ever before even thought we are currently separated (no not because of adultery or abuse) Michael
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tonya... You are much too kind. Thank you...Michaeltonya said:and
...Michael...you always have such good godly advice...I agree with your post.
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fluffy_rainbow
I've Got a Secret ;-)
When a man abuses a woman he is not loving her in accordance with the marriage convenant. "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church". A man who abuses his wife does not love her ergo, he has perverted God's special gift of the marriage convenant. The Bible does not say divorce is unacceptable, it says to avoid it at all costs. When Jesus speaks of divorce and remarriage in the NT, He refers back to the Old Law that states that a man can issue a certificate of divorce if his wife is found unfaithful and then he is free to remarry, but under any other instances it would be considered adultery by the laws of the land. He was referring to that old Jewish law because the Pharisees were trying to test Him about living in accordance with the Law. It was more of an analogy rather than a commandment.Desi said:
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Well, my sister-in-law left her husband after getting stabbed in the head by him with a butcher knife.
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Avaya
Veteran
In a word: Selfishness.desi said:
I want to have sex outside of my marriage more than I want to honor God. I want to ignore my family so I can work 20 hours a day more than I want to honor God, therefore causing my spouse to think I don't love him/her so that he/she wants to leave me for 'happiness' more than he/she wants to honor God. And the list of reasons go on, but they ALL boil down to selfishness. I want MMMMEEEEE to be happy - in the way that "I" define that - more than I want to honor God.
(The "I" in this example is not me, it's 'everyman').
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I think I see, Jesus was just trying to look smart in front of the Pharisees? Are you suggesting Jesus didn't really mean what he said literally?fluffy_rainbow said:
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This is what I think is the reason lots of times. People tend to be more thoughtful of themselves than of others, even those they love. In light of Jesus's selfless sacrifice and our charge to follow his example I don't understand how Christians can be so selfish so often.Avaya said:
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I hear you Mr. Cheese. Something intuitive tells me, probably ignorance as usual, that if this happened in the old days the men in your sister-in-laws family would have made sure knifeboy ended up taking a dirt nap or in jail for a long time. The lack of abuse related separation/divorce in the Bible has to suggest abuse was handled one way or another instead of with divorce.Mr.Cheese said:
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fluffy_rainbow
I've Got a Secret ;-)
Indeed. When the Pharisees were testing Jesus about the Old Law, He made reference to the Judaic Law against divorce and remarriage. They asked Jesus why, back in the days of the Old Testament, God allowed people to obtain a certificate of divorce when it violated the Judaic Laws. Then Jesus illustrated how we are under grace, not the Law.
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