Why is it so hard?

[Jama]

I have been dealing with an ED for about two years now. For the most part of it, no one knew I was dealing with it. Last summer, my pastor's wife confronted me about it, stating that I had lost a lot of weight so I told her what I was dealing with. She insisted that it was SO bad, that I should tell my grandparents (I live with them)....so I agreed that it was time. She told them a few days later, and my life hasn't been the same. They don't understand....at all. All my grandma could say is that she was ashamed that I would ever deal with something like this. My relationship with them isn't the greatest anymore and it breaks my heart. Several other things have happened that have made me lose trust in them as well. I just don't get why parents can't just say, "I am so sorry that you are dealing with this - is there anyway I can help?" Why do they have to make you feel HORRIBLE?!

I am in a very serious relationship with my boyfriend Tony, and I feel that this sometimes puts a strain on our relationship. He feels that I'm perfect the way I am, but I can't seem to believe that. He doesn't understand why I deal with it and it just kills him. One time he cried about it, and I could not believe it. I had never seen him cry before and I realized then that he really, really loves me and cares about me - so why can't I just STOP? Why do I continue to hurt myself??

Why is it so hard?

 

[BrokenForHim]

hun I'm sorry that your going through this..it is hard, I know the feeling..know that I am praying for you and that I'm always here for you...I wish had some adivce or something...but I don't so I'll just pray

 

[Soulwings]

Sweetie, I'm sorry that you've gone through so much in the past few years. The reason why it's so hard is because EDs are illnesses. They can be genetic or can just come up out of the blue. But the most important thing about that is - they are illnesses, and therefore they are treatable. Are you in counseling at all? If not, you perhaps should try this out. There are usually deeper issues behind EDs than simply "wanting to be thin" or whatever. The desire to harm one's body is not a normal one and grows from somewhere, whether depression or past history of abuse or the inability to express emotions, etc., etc.

I'm here if you need someone to talk to, okay? I understand the whole relationship thing - one of the reasons that I'm recovering is for my relationship, because if I chose to stay in the ED pattern and not try and get better and do the whole counseling and hospitalisation deal (I'm not saying that the latter thing will apply to you, but it, a support group, or an outpatient program, might be beneficial), then Jarrod (now fiance) would have to break off what was then a courting/dating relationship. And I really, really didn't want to lose him. So... yeah, that's all to say that I understand how EDs can sort of tear apart relationships.

 

[teaspoonofcourage]

Jama, what the other two have said is right . Have you looked into maybe talking to a school counsellor or other type of therapist about this? Sadly most people don't understand EDs and sometimes they can react a lot like your Grandparents have done...it's more that people are scared of what they don't understand. Talking to someone about it who does understand can really help though. Please thing about it .

 

[inHisgripkim]

I have been dealing with an ED for about two years now. For the most part of it, no one knew I was dealing with it. Last summer, my pastor's wife confronted me about it, stating that I had lost a lot of weight so I told her what I was dealing with. She insisted that it was SO bad, that I should tell my grandparents (I live with them)....so I agreed that it was time. She told them a few days later, and my life hasn't been the same. They don't understand....at all. All my grandma could say is that she was ashamed that I would ever deal with something like this. My relationship with them isn't the greatest anymore and it breaks my heart. Several other things have happened that have made me lose trust in them as well. I just don't get why parents can't just say, "I am so sorry that you are dealing with this - is there anyway I can help?" Why do they have to make you feel HORRIBLE?!

I am in a very serious relationship with my boyfriend Tony, and I feel that this sometimes puts a strain on our relationship. He feels that I'm perfect the way I am, but I can't seem to believe that. He doesn't understand why I deal with it and it just kills him. One time he cried about it, and I could not believe it. I had never seen him cry before and I realized then that he really, really loves me and cares about me - so why can't I just STOP? Why do I continue to hurt myself??

Why is it so hard?

Jama:

ED is hard because we have old tapes in our head that tell us we are this or that or we should be this or that. We do alot of negative self talk and we aren't even aware of it. Do try and get some counseling. If you can talk to your Grandmother, tell her you would like to pursue some counseling. Find a friend who can help you research your counseling options. Maybe your boyfriend can help in that area or maybe his parents can help you find counseling. If money is an issue, most states have a behavioral health clinic that work with you on a sliding scale. This means you pay what you can afford.

I've gone to Southern Ariz Mental Health Clinic before, I've done Rape Crisis counseling. All work on a sliding scale. I am now working through my health insurance carrier and have done counseling for years. It's extremely beneficial. If you have a family doctor, they can lead you in the right direction. Medication may be beneficial. I am on antidepressants which have helped me tremendously.

We are here for you,
Kim

 

[UnitynLove]

Wow Jama your a incredably beautiful. First time I saw you I said, Whoa! lol I just had to say that your bf is very lucky. Jama it takes time to accept yourself and it wont come overnight but one thing I had to get through my soul, my mind, and my heart is that God loved me. I said it outloud to myself in the mirror, in the shower, in my mind, everywhere until I finally got the truth of that statement and reading the bible also helped. I will pray for you Jama and you bf.