Why is finding someone so hard?

[Beauty4Ashes]

I figure there's a plan for it though. I honestly do wonder if my future husband, if he exists, lives elsewhere. I think there's a reason I was never able to develop a deep connection with a guy here. I think there's a reason my heart is set on living elsewhere. I think there's a reason I keep meeting people who live far away. I couldn't tell you I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He's leading me away from here to find my husband, but I trust His sovereignty.

I can relate to this. I also always felt I was supposed to move away somewhere and had a deep longing to but God never revealed where. And although I had no desire for a long distance relationship and actively avoided them, I knew if I fell in love with the right person, I would move and finally have an excuse to do so. I also got more interest online than real life, though I got some interest in real life it either wasnt mutual or short lived. So yea I believe I was supposed to marry the person I did and supposed to move and God knew that all along when I couldnt figure out why I couldnt find the right person locally.

 

[melissaparker19]

I hear ya on this!

It's so hard to meet someone. I think it's partly my fault due to the fact that I just don't get out a lot. I tend to "meet" more people online that I'm interested in than in RL.

I'm 28 and I've never dated. Sometimes I think that something is wrong with me. Deep down though I know that God has got this. I try not to dwell on it but it's hard not to at times. It just kinda comes in waves.

I just have to keep reminding myself (daily) that God knows best and I have to trust Him. I don't think I'm meant to be alone but I have to trust in His timing to bring the right guy into my life.

thats exactly my thoughts! well said

 

[exitstageright]

Some people have physical beauty, which draws people to them automatically. Others have charisma, by which they can draw others to them deliberately. Others have both.

Some of us, on the other hand, have neither, and I've given up on trying to figure out how to attract members of the opposite sex in the absence of those things.

One way that works for me,regarding to attract the oposite sex;is to use colonge. the rule in using colonge is,if you can smell your own colonge,you have too much of it on. I have had women ask me what I am wearing.They all tell me that they like the smell. I do not want to sound like a commericial,but "Obsession" is strong,do not use more that two squirts of ii into the palm of you hand.

My delenma is that married women are attracted to me more than single women are.

 

[exitstageright]

I stopped caring about "attracting men" and just prayed for The Right One. Maybe a good suggestion for some others here.

Has anyone ever considered that fact that MAYBE this is nature's way of keeping the human population numbers from exploding if EVERYONE had a mate?

 

[exitstageright]

I hear ya on this!

It's so hard to meet someone. I think it's partly my fault due to the fact that I just don't get out a lot. I tend to "meet" more people online that I'm interested in than in RL.

I'm 28 and I've never dated. Sometimes I think that something is wrong with me. Deep down though I know that God has got this. I try not to dwell on it but it's hard not to at times. It just kinda comes in waves.

I just have to keep reminding myself (daily) that God knows best and I have to trust Him. I don't think I'm meant to be alone but I have to trust in His timing to bring the right guy into my life.

It is very hard for me to concive the idea that someone ,who is 28 and female,has never had a date. It seems that in social situations,men ARE pursuing women.
Do you have any hobbies? Do you do volinteer work? If you see a young man,that you think is attractive,do you SMILE at him?
That song by the Eagles,"Lying Eyes",says it all in the first lines of the song.
It says," City girls just seem to find out early
how to open doors with just a smile"
When you go to dances,do you sit next to the dance floor? Are you "approchable"? By that,if you sit with your arms crossed,that tells a guy,"DO NOT COME NEAR ME!"
Are there sporting events in your city? Sports attract men like honey attracts bees. You could apply for a part time job as a salesperson that sells food at a sporting arena.
Maybe some of those ideas may work for you.

 

[redblue22]

no perfumes, just natural pheromones. skip a few baths before a date and you'll be ripe for the picking.

 

[Humble Pie]

...

 

[mindfulness]

Approach anxiety is keeping me back, I don't know about the guys on this forum. I'd guess more than a few have the same problem (they just don't want to admit it!). As a guy, it's very troublesome. For the ladies, I suspect their reasons for being single are different, of course.

 

[MacFall]

I'd call it more "having learned caution". Every time I've ever approached a girl to ask her out (and we're talking more than 2 dozen times here) I've just ended up being hurt. The way I see it, I have two options: become callous to the point of not caring, or wait for an indication that the object of my interest is likewise interested in me. I tried the first one and it started to turn me into a jerk. So I've taken the second route. Some people call it cowardice. And even if it is, I'd rather be a coward than a jerk (at least that way, the only person I'm hurting is myself). But I don't believe that it is that at all. I have just enough self-respect not to agree with those who confuse caution with cowardice.

 

[SweetAvenue]

I don't know, but I think maybe it's because a lot of people are kind of obnoxious about it and that tends to work. It seems sort of counter intuitive, but I think that might be the case.

 

[PandaBeast]

Just wondering. Why is it so easy for others to find love or just someone in their lives, while other's can't even get a date! I mean...It's like... crazy. I've had more internet flings then real life prospects! It's so complicated. I mean...I can have guy friends easy. I'm into action and adventure movies, Video Games, Football, (not so Wrestling fan) I mean I have lived around guys my whole life and I just don't get it. I know it's not about that, but at least I can find something of commonality with guys, but I can't get a date to save my life. I know what it is, but changing that part of my life is not easy. I wish I had someone who could be my motivator. I can't be the only one feeling this way for sure. I mean some people complain about being single, but they can do the dating thing every week, while...others take years just to get 1 date. Life is so cruel.

I've known a lot of girls that were like this, but here's the thing: when you make yourself one of the guys then the guys don't think of you in those terms. I don't want to date one of the guys. I'm not saying you have to change your hobbies to shopping and trips to the nail salon per se. But sometimes it's better when what you share in common with someone isn't being into all the same hobbies.

 

[MacFall]

One way that works for me,regarding to attract the oposite sex;is to use colonge. the rule in using colonge is,if you can smell your own colonge,you have too much of it on. I have had women ask me what I am wearing.They all tell me that they like the smell. I do not want to sound like a commericial,but "Obsession" is strong,do not use more that two squirts of ii into the palm of you hand.

Cologne doesn't work for me. You need a certain body chemistry for it to work and I don't have it. Also I REALLY am not interested in a woman who is only attracted to me on the basis of something so animalistic as smell.

 

[Blank123]

ehhh... I hate to be the one to break the bad new, but the Axe commercials lie. No woman falls in love with a man based on his scent. No woman falls in lust with a man based on his scent.

It might catch a woman's attention and make her think "he smells nice" (if he's using anything other than Axe because... Axe stinks. terribly). But it won't go beyond that based on scent alone.

Unless she has mental issues. In which case... run.

 

[Toro]

ehhh... I hate to be the one to break the bad new, but the Axe commercials lie. No woman falls in love with a man based on his scent. No woman falls in lust with a man based on his scent.

It might catch a woman's attention and make her think "he smells nice" (if he's using anything other than Axe because... Axe stinks. terribly). But it won't go beyond that based on scent alone.

Unless she has mental issues. In which case... run.

This, but it sure helps get your foot in the door when she wont take her nose off your neck.

I don't use axe anymore but its not Axe itself that stinks (some do but) its those who wear it.

Axe is like cologne it just doesn't last near as long put to much on and even a good scent will smell bad, Most people just don't know the meaning of the word moderation (more so with Axe than cologne)

Of course the commercials are full of it, name one commercial that isn't?

 

[mindfulness]

ehhh... I hate to be the one to break the bad new, but the Axe commercials lie. No woman falls in love with a man based on his scent. No woman falls in lust with a man based on his scent.

It might catch a woman's attention and make her think "he smells nice" (if he's using anything other than Axe because... Axe stinks. terribly). But it won't go beyond that based on scent alone.

Unless she has mental issues. In which case... run.

Scent can help, but I agree that Axe is nasty.

I have a friend who always wears that stuff and he may think it smells good, but it reeks... and I'm a guy. I can only imagine how the ladies must feel about the odor of that stuff.

 

[mindfulness]

I'd call it more "having learned caution". Every time I've ever approached a girl to ask her out (and we're talking more than 2 dozen times here) I've just ended up being hurt. The way I see it, I have two options: become callous to the point of not caring, or wait for an indication that the object of my interest is likewise interested in me. I tried the first one and it started to turn me into a jerk. So I've taken the second route. Some people call it cowardice. And even if it is, I'd rather be a coward than a jerk (at least that way, the only person I'm hurting is myself). But I don't believe that it is that at all. I have just enough self-respect not to agree with those who confuse caution with cowardice.

I've had that too, but the weird thing is, I have only regretted the times I *didn't* approach, never when I did. Every time I did take a chance, I learned something, grew a little as a person and felt good afterward. I really did walk away thinking, "Well, it's her loss" so it didn't get to me too much.

You can live your whole life in "caution" but when you get to be old and still alone, it's not helping you much in the end. I'm not saying that will happen to you per se, but in general. I'm not the best example, but I truly believe life is about taking chances and putting yourself out there. If you stop trying, you'll never get what you want out of life.

 

[MacFall]

I can't walk away saying it's "her loss" because it isn't. I'm not God's gift to women. What, should I insinuate myself on the object of my desire as if she ought to want me when she clearly doesn't? That's exactly the sort of callousness - by which I mean, arrogance and lack of empathy - that I began to see in myself when I was listening to the "dude, just ask her and screw what she thinks" school of advice. I will never regret a life of caution if my refusal to be reckless towards other people leaves me single, just like I won't be full of regret for not driving down crowded streets at high speeds and thereby miss out on a life of high-risk joyriding. I don't just consider my own needs and wants. I consider those of the women I am interested in as well. And "just asking them" when they obviously have no interest in me can only hurt them as well as myself. Therefore I will wait for signs that they ARE interested before I try to do anything other than become friends. Caution is wisdom. If you ever regret being cautious you've got some weird priorities.

 

[Toro]

I can't walk away saying it's "her loss" because it isn't. I'm not God's gift to women. What, should I insinuate myself on the object of my desire as if she ought to want me when she clearly doesn't? That's exactly the sort of callousness - by which I mean, arrogance and lack of empathy - that I began to see in myself when I was listening to the "dude, just ask her and screw what she thinks" school of advice. I will regret a life of caution if my refusal to be reckless towards other people leaves me single, just like I won't be full of regret for not driving down crowded streets at high speeds and thereby miss out on a life of high-risk joyriding.

Well unfortunately the game of first impressions stick. even if you aren't playing "the game"

Generally speaking, women love confidence but hate arrogance, at the first impression level, they ARE one in the same.

it seems you put the woman you are approaching on a pedistool and you don't even know her, so yes" her loss" unless you know her to be a mother Teressa saint like woman, she could just as easy be a nasty alcoholic degenerate (I am not judging, just proving a point), being you know yourself, being you don't know her, being as you say she isnt willing to get to know you, "her loss" is not implying you believe yourself to be Gods gift, just acknowledging you have something to offer, if she doesn't care to see that......

I don't feel I am Gods gift to women myself but I do know I have plenty to offer even with all my faults. I don't feel superior nor inferior to anyone and refuse to apologize for that, if that is mistaken as arrogance then so be it.

Sorry if I misunderstand, just my take of what I understand is the case.

Everyone is afraid of something, there is nothing to be ashamed of, its only a bad thing if you let it rule you.

Caution is one thing, but it is not necessarily wisdom if it is based out of fear, I wouldn't run outside wih down power lines close by, but I wouldnt wake up not going outside because the power lines "MIGHT" be down.


You can regret caution if you are too cautious.

 

[MehGuy]

I'm not sure, some people are just physically unattractive. Personality matters, but you can usually get the same satisfaction with a prettier face. Another more debilitating cause could be that someone is just a weirdo.

I've been told that no one would ever marry me because I'm too weird. Hearing that hurt, but at least I know where to find people who share my "weirdness". I understand why I think and act the way I do. There are many other strange people who have great trouble putting their behavior into words, much less finding a community who shares their views.

 

[Humble Pie]

Sometimes people miss signals too.