Why is being in a relationship so important?

redblue22 · Feb 16, 2012

celtic--thanks for the clarification. my misunderstanding.

toro--interesting thoughts on age.

I think I'm really looking for the messed up woman. I mean, I just don't think in terms of meeting the perfect anyone. I rather like messed up people. no, I have no interest in fixing anyone. maybe it is just that I'm messed up too. I've never told anyone this before, but I'm a little weirded out when people talk about God having this perfect so-and-so out there for them or God has this perfect plan for me. that really doesn't connect up with my rather limited experience in life.

maybe it makes more sense to me to say I really don't want God's perfect plan for my life? I'm not committed to that, but I'm thinking it over.

HeKnowsMyName · Feb 16, 2012

I think society puts pressures on us to be in a relationship. I remember when I was married, I envied single ppl. Now that I'm single, I find myself envying married ppl. Maybe it's just the fact that humans can never be satisfied? If it's hot, we want it cold. If it's cold, we want it hot. Anyway, I tell myself that MOST married ppl are not as happy as they 'seem'. I'd rather be single than in another miserable marriage.

Another issue I have is that I want to KNOW if God has someone for me or not. I don't have to know who, but I'd like to know if there is such a person. Then I can bounce happily about my life until that person shows up. However, that is probably not going to happen so I just have to put my trust in Him and let Him lead me. My prayer for the last month or two has been for peace and contentment in my single life.

Javanwarbler · Feb 16, 2012

I think a large part of the problem is being single for such a long period of time in a "sea" of married people with little or no hope of that changing. At 39, never married, no kids, I feel I feel like my best years are slipping away, and I don't have that special someone to share it with. And since time keeps passing it makes it all that much harder. I realize that's just how I feel and not necessarily the right thing. But I'm answering the OP and stating why I think some people find it so hard to not be in a relationship, therefore putting great emphasis as its importance.

I'm not the kind of person who can make and keep friends easily so the very few I have mean a lot. I tend to be the type of person to bond and do a lot of things with one or a couple people. I don't have that big social network (which I think makes a world of a difference in this situation of being single and desiring for a spouse) Therefore, having a spouse that is also at least one of my closest and/or best friend also would just be the greatest thing!

But if one can lose themselves in God and truly put Him first, that it the ultimate and i wish I was like that! I admit I'm still not there
But to end on a positive....a work in progress....

Hadassah_ · Feb 16, 2012

Javanwarbler said:
I think a large part of the problem is being single for such a long period of time in a "sea" of married people with little or no hope of that changing. At 39, I feel I feel like my best years are slipping away, and I don't have that special someone to share it with. And since time keeps passing it makes it all that much harder. I realize that's just how I feel and not necessarily the right thing. But I'm answering the OP and stating why I think some people find it so hard to not be in a relationship, therefore putting great emphasis as its importance.

I'm not the kind of person who can make and keep friends easily so the very few I have mean a lot. Therefore, having a spouse that is also at least one of my closest and/or best friend also would just be the greatest thing!

But if one can lose themselves in God and truly put Him first, that it the ultimate and i wish I was like that! I admit I'm still not there
But to end on a positive....a work in progress....

This makes sense. Also seeing people you baby sat for, younger cousins get married...stuff like that can make a difference as well. I know my mother gets "that look" on her face whenever my cousin mails us announcements that her kids are getting married.

brohammer26 · Feb 16, 2012

redblue22 said:
celtic--thanks for the clarification. my misunderstanding.

toro--interesting thoughts on age.

"I think I'm really looking for the messed up woman. I mean, I just don't think in terms of meeting the perfect anyone. I rather like messed up people. no, I have no interest in fixing anyone. maybe it is just that I'm messed up too."

I agree here a little too. I have a feeling that the christian girl I meet will be a born again christian...whom had kind of the messed up path i did in the past. But who knows maybe I will fall for the totally innocent almost sinless christian that has never done anyhing bad in her life. Hard to say.

redblue22 · Feb 16, 2012

yeah, I might really be tempted to think God had it in for me if suddenly the beautiful people were all drawn to me like a bad zombie movie....

Somber · Feb 16, 2012

.Nevermore. said:
Why do singles constantly feel the need to complain about being single? As Christian singles (some of us) shouldn't we be taking this time to strengthen our relationship with the Lord and grow in Him? It frustrates me to see so many people down about being single. Now, I'm not talking about everyone, just a few people that I know. Being single is a blessing in my opinion. Take advantage of it! God is preparing that someone, and it will be worth the wait.

End rant.

I agree! I am happy being single, and I think that everything which God does in our life is for a reason. Thank you for posting this!

Lord Of The Forest said:
This is such a wonderful post.

I used to obsess over getting into a relationship with a particular girl; but as I've grown more spiritually, I've come to the same conclusion as Tori: Singleness is a blessing! Not only am I not ready to be married, but I don't want to be married, or have the commitment of a girlfriend* at this point. The reason being that there are some things that I desperately need to do before entering a relationship and get married—prepare my house, finish some of my studies and get a job, and get really where I need to be with the Lord.

* Blanketing courtship, betrothal, and all in between.

A boy or girlfriend is greatly desirable, and I do want a girlfriend one day**, but I know there are some very important things I must do without the distraction and hindrance of a girlfriend—let alone a wife and little ones. A girlfriend or wife and children are excellent things, but at this point they would be only a grave interference.

** Although I have always harboured a morbid fascination with taking a vow of celibacy and going insane in the company of my cat and books within my cloistered domicile.

Celebrate your singleness, my friends! In His time, God will provide you with the person of your dreams who is perfect for you in every way! In the meantime, do not be idle, and forestall by preparing for your married life now.

I agree, same here.
I find myself considering celibacy oftentimes, but then again, I will do God's will in whatever He has planned for my life.

Za'atar said:
Sometimes I get thoughts about desiring to be in a relationship, to have someone to talk to, go out with etc. But honestly, in reality, I just don't see myself in one, I find myself lacking in being attracted to people. I've never really had anyone showing interest anyway, never been in a relationship before, so I don't need it now. God willing, when the time is right it will happen, but until then it's a waste of time worrying about.

I feel the same way, although I have had a few people showing interest in me, I have not always felt the same back towards them.

Niels · Feb 16, 2012

Marycita · Feb 16, 2012

Pretty much what Shari has said so far!

Shari, have I told you lately that I love you? (...I actually just sang that to you in my head )

.Nevermore. said:
I see where you are coming from, however, the point I am trying to make is that when you are in a relationship you tend to focus on your relationship with the other person instead of your relationship with Christ. Unfortunately, I've seen many couples slip in their walks because they lost their focus. So, that's why I believe that it is a good use of time while single to focus a lot of your energy on Christ and continuing to build your relationship. You really can never grow in Christ too much. Just my opinion.

I know this is what happens - but truly, honestly...for any Christians, if this is the case, we should immediately take it as a red flag - at least that some changes to the relationship need to be made.

A truly God given relationship will bring each person closer to Jesus. If the guy I'm dating didn't lead me closer to Christ, I would not be dating him...

The thing about singleness is not that it gives us time and opportunity to focus on Christ more, instead of a relationship. Rather the season of singleness is needed in order to first bring us to the place we all should be - letting Christ be our true fulfillment. (If this never happens, we never love as we should) And second to bring us to a place where we realize our need (if a relationship is in God's will for us) for a spouse.

.Nevermore. · Feb 16, 2012

I just realized that my initial point has been a bit...lost. lol I was basically wondering why in the world being in a relationship is such a big deal to a lot of people. Why is it so hard to be content?
I have enjoyed your guy's responses though.

exitstageright · Feb 16, 2012

Celtic Heart said:
I know this wasn't directed at me, but I'd still like to comment, Exit. As most of CF knows, I didn't meet Don until I was 34 years old. That's a lot of years as a single person lol. And it wasn't all misery and loneliness and torture. So if I encourage a single person to be content and find happiness in their current state, I'm not being hypocritical. I know what it is to be single (and I've been miserably single AND happily single). And since I've been in both places, I do know a thing or two about how to make the most of your single years. It's not that I'm saying "Singlehood is better than relationships! Just ignore the fact that I've got someone myself!" But I believe in finding contentment and wholeness in whatever place in life you find yourself. And being able to tell others that I survived and didn't perish of loneliness, and God brought what I consider to be a miracle into my life (finally!)... I hope will be an encouragement to others.

Hope that makes sense.

It does make a lot of sense. Your response was well written.

exitstageright · Feb 16, 2012

brohammer26 said:
I think it is normal for wanting a relationship and dont feel bad or wierd for that. I am not desperate but dont feel ok anymore about being single. I am almost 30. Not meant to walk this live alone. Like everyone else it just takes balance between your relations with jesus and with others. I also get a little frustrated when married people hand out advice. The combination of single and christian is much different than just a regular single person. People scare off easily when they know that you are a christian and your end game is marriage, marriage is something that usually does not come up until years after knowing someone and being phyically invovled. I have been in the secular world for some time so it just will take me some getting used to.

You make some very valid points. As christians,we are not suposed to date just to "hook up" or to sleep around with the people we date. We are different from the world. The bottom line is,when it comes to sex, marriage is legalized fornication.

memoriesbymichelle · Feb 16, 2012

exitstageright said:
You make some very valid points. As christians,we are not suposed to date just to "hook up" or to sleep around with the people we date. We are different from the world. The bottom line is,when it comes to sex, marriage is legalized fornication.

Exit that does not even make sense.

for·ni·ca·tion

1. voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.

singlewv2011 · Feb 16, 2012

This reminds me of an old WV saying:

Marriage is like flies on a window pane. Those on the outside want to get in, and those on the inside want to get out.

redblue22 · Feb 16, 2012

single--lol....

34 years is a rather long time. I can't help but still wonder how old I have to be in order for my ideas to count?

HotRhymez · Feb 16, 2012

Well for me...seeing everyone around me in a relationship kinda makes me wish I was in one too and it brings me down..but I don't really feel like putting forth the effort to find someone...because that would involve going out and being social with people and I'm typically a shy person. So I dunno...it's not an easy position to be in. I'm really just trying to be happy single for the moment..

Hadassah_ · Feb 16, 2012

redblue22 said:
single--lol....

I wonder how old I have to be in order for my ideas to count?

72

memoriesbymichelle · Feb 16, 2012

redblue22 said:
single--lol....

I wonder how old I have to be in order for my ideas to count?

Well considering Jesus was teaching in the temple as a teen, I think you are old enough.

One thing you learn to get better at as you get older is that alot of things said (or typed) is about the delivery. And by that I mean, it's not necessarily what you say, but how you say it makes a difference if people will listen or not. JMO

redblue22 · Feb 16, 2012

yeah, I'm just barely over that limit required to be in the singles area...

.Nevermore. · Feb 16, 2012

redblue22 said:
yeah, I'm just barely over that limit required to be in the singles area...

That doesn't matter.

IMO, age shouldn't matter or make someone's words mean less.

Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity - 1 Timothy 4:12

Just because someone is young doesn't mean they don't know what they are talking about...just my 2 cents.

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