He doesn't elect people because they want grace. He elects them so that they eventually will.
So, Jesus is to be our Pearl of Great Price. He is to be the Center of our Universe. He is our Redeemer and our Salvation. In order to live in His redemption, we have to get over this natural inclination to measure ourselves by our performance. Adam and Eve got us kicked out of the Garden and mankind has been trying to prove that he deserves to be let back in ever since. NO, HE DOESN'T. Only Jesus does, and our Savior has chosen to take some of us with Him.
Don't you see that if you say "I don't deserve it so send me to Hell" that you are dragging the work of Christ through the mud? It's like you're saying that His righteousness is not enough, and that His painful death on the cross was not powerful enough to earn forgiveness for you.
It isn't about us. It never has been. It is about Jesus. He's the reason for everything, and it is the wonder of wonders that He is overjoyed to share an inheritance with us.
It sounds to me like you just need to get over yourself. There is no sin you could commit that can overcome the work of Jesus. No darkness can stand up against His light. What could any mortal do to overcome the work of Christ?