Why I stop hoping online for a mate

[hockeysistah12]

After 1,000 tries and meetings and everything else and not living up to become a "perfect christian woman who does not measure up to anyone because I cannot fit the perfect christian mode," I am giving up finding someone online.

You are wondering why I'm am posting this thread? I am about to give up this online dating fairy tale because I lost hope in ever finding someone.

I've lost hope because all people are online are either dealing with mental health issues, pretenders, people who have sexual orientation issues. I wonder if there is all there is online, where are the christian men, the real persons who dearly love christ without no compomise, are the leaders in the home? And yes, some will tell me that you should find them in the church, and you know what? the church has its issues too.

But if anyone can convince me otherwise not to give up finding or even giving my dream of ever getting married at my age, please tell me why because I just need some encouragment right now about this issue.

 

[AquaFINEa]

After 1,000 tries and meetings and everything else and not living up to become a "perfect christian woman who does not measure up to anyone because I cannot fit the perfect christian mode," I am giving up finding someone online.

You are wondering why I'm am posting this thread? I am about to give up this online dating fairy tale because I lost hope in ever finding someone.

I've lost hope because all people are online are either dealing with mental health issues, pretenders, people who have sexual orientation issues. I wonder if there is all there is online, where are the christian men, the real persons who dearly love christ without no compomise, are the leaders in the home? And yes, some will tell me that you should find them in the church, and you know what? the church has its issues too.

But if anyone can convince me otherwise not to give up finding or even giving my dream of ever getting married at my age, please tell me why because I just need some encouragment right now about this issue.

I would love to give you a the biggest bear hug right now, hockeysistah12 -but alas, computer language can only do so much. I'm not too sure just what you'd like to hear from someone who's never had a serious relationship. The only thing I can do is share my own little story with you.

I am in my 20's right now & have been officially-single my whole life. I have never had an official "boyfriend," in that the relationships with boys/guys that I have had, have centered upon not naming what kind of relationship we had. Throughout my earlier adult life (oh wait -I am still in it! lol, oops), I have tried to conveniently coax/force "add-on"s to the relationships, in the hopes of creating something more. The only thing that ended up happening was that I ended up making some pretty dumb mistakes and getting hurt in the process. I have learned my lesson, even though I have not made a whole lot of mistakes. (For one reason or another, I'd always been pretty selective in whom I chose to "fall for." Thus, this had not happened very often, at all). In any case, now, I see acts of affection, such as kissing and hugging as aspects of a relationship that are special and are not to be shared with random men -neither are they to be rushed. Again, I have learned my lesson. If being single for a long time has taught me anything, it is that I would rather wait on God, than settle for what is not mine. Does this make any sense? I hope so.


I am not sure about your situation with seeking a man on the internet. A part of me is glad that you have reconsidered this option, as I am quite leery of online interactions, as a whole. There is a lot of deception (whether intentional or unintentional) that I, personally, would rather not deal with. I have been burned; again, I have learned my lesson. Some people lie about themselves, even moreso than one would in real life. Making online connections (or "online friends") is quite tricky -I have been able to sustain an online friendship with a kind, humorous young man for almost a year. I am surprised it has lasted so long! In any case, I still find it a bit troubling to put so much faith in someone I have not seen, yet. God can be trusted all the time -men..can be sketchy, sometimes.

 

[goat37]

I guess I am not that picky..

I've met about 2 dozen girls from hotornot.com, and I am actually dating 3 of them right now...

I am not dealing with any mental health issues, i am not pretending to be anything other than what i am, and i am 100% sure I am straight...
I've met some real weirdos, but quite a few of the girls I have met were just normal everyday people that are like me and don't have the time to go out to the bar every night and drop $100 and try to meet people.

 

[JPPT1974]

To be honest, saying one thing and doing another are two completely and total opposites. Meaning you don't know if that person is walking the walk as well as talking the talk. I just don't fool around with those even Christian online dating things as well. Plus I wouldn't be paying for them as they aren't just a waste of money but of my time as well.

 

[Crain]

I use to be in the same situation.... hard to find someone that will like or love u for u. And not how much money u make. It took time.... Ask God and leave it alone and give people a chance. Cause the one you're probably pushing away is the one God has prepared for u. I use to look at the girl that I'm currently with for years. And my sister was telling me that one of her boys was going to marry that girl(Friend of the family). Well they had no interest in her. I kept pushing myself away from her and just last year I let my guard down and talk to her. And from there we have been almost impossible to break apart. I know it sounds hard... but when you look you seem to lose hope and take out those that God sends your way. See my sister kept me from her and she did to. By running from me everytime i saw her. But when she gave me the chance.... she replied like 2 months later. Why I did not give you a chance before?

 

[BeautyForAshes]

After 1,000 tries and meetings and everything else and not living up to become a "perfect christian woman who does not measure up to anyone because I cannot fit the perfect christian mode," I am giving up finding someone online.

You are wondering why I'm am posting this thread? I am about to give up this online dating fairy tale because I lost hope in ever finding someone.

I've lost hope because all people are online are either dealing with mental health issues, pretenders, people who have sexual orientation issues. I wonder if there is all there is online, where are the christian men, the real persons who dearly love christ without no compomise, are the leaders in the home? And yes, some will tell me that you should find them in the church, and you know what? the church has its issues too.

But if anyone can convince me otherwise not to give up finding or even giving my dream of ever getting married at my age, please tell me why because I just need some encouragment right now about this issue.

Online dating isn't an "easier" way to meet people - if anything, it's harder. You never know who you are talking to. For example, this person may claim to be Christian, but you're never ever to see the fruit of this person's actions live and in person.

But anyway, TAKE HEART hockeysistah

It is in our weakness, that we are made strong. Maybe now that you've given up, the Father can step in and take over.

Be blessed!

 

[King Element]

After 1,000 tries and meetings and everything else and not living up to become a "perfect christian woman who does not measure up to anyone because I cannot fit the perfect christian mode," I am giving up finding someone online.

You are wondering why I'm am posting this thread? I am about to give up this online dating fairy tale because I lost hope in ever finding someone.

I've lost hope because all people are online are either dealing with mental health issues, pretenders, people who have sexual orientation issues. I wonder if there is all there is online, where are the christian men, the real persons who dearly love christ without no compomise, are the leaders in the home? And yes, some will tell me that you should find them in the church, and you know what? the church has its issues too.

But if anyone can convince me otherwise not to give up finding or even giving my dream of ever getting married at my age, please tell me why because I just need some encouragment right now about this issue.

You have identified the problem already.

Dating is not the time to be looking for a marriage partner, but a time to learn what we want in a relationship partner when the right one comes along. I know this because for a very long time I was looking for my wife in every date I went out on rather than looking for someone to go out on a date and maybe get to know a little better if we seem compatible. You are looking to the future too far. Just enjoy getting to know someone first. Like Blue Impulse, when I was looking for someone to marry, I couldn't find anyone and I was lonely all the time even though I had a couple of dates every week. When I finally turned it all over to God and was happy regardless the lonely feelings went away and so did the expectations of finding a wife. As a result I am now very happy dating and I'm not lonely at all because I know that if the right woman is out there, God will make sure to let me know.

If I were you, I'd stop looking for Mr. Forever and just start going out on dates to get to know people. When you find the one that God wants you to be with, He'll let you know. Be patient and you will not be disappointed.

I'll keep you in my prayers and please don't give up hope.

 

[JPPT1974]

Online dating isn't an "easier" way to meet people - if anything, it's harder. You never know who you are talking to. For example, this person may claim to be Christian, but you're never ever to see the fruit of this person's actions live and in person.

But anyway, TAKE HEART hockeysistah

It is in our weakness, that we are made strong. Maybe not that you've given up, the Father can step in and take over.

Be blessed!

It is indeed our weakness that has made us strong in God and that we need to have the Lord step in and take over to bless us as well as for us to lean on Him!

 

[Niels]

I hear you. Online date-searching can be difficult. It may work for some, but it's certainly not for everyone. And yes, it can also be difficult to meet people at church. Sometimes even the nicest folks are incompatible with what one's searching for in a mate.

However, I don't think that's a reason enough to give up your dream! There is always the chance that you may meet someone where and when you least expect it!

 

[bostonlass]

Have you tried just getting out there? I mean physically getting outside in the real world and meeting new people. Join some groups, whether they be church groups, book clubs, volunteer organizations...preferably something that you enjoy doing so that right off the bat you'll be with someone who has something in common with you.

The internet is nice and all that but quite honestly if I didn't have two young daughters I would not be spending as much time here as I do. I'd be free to go out and meet real people in real situations. I do have just about every other weekend without my kids and I try to get out as much as I can. While out, smile at the guys you think are attractive. The worst that can happen is they won't smile back, right? Force yourself to be more outgoing in person in real life and you'll be amazed at the results. Maybe you won't find mr. right but you may end up forming real beautiful friendships off of the computer!

 

[hockeysistah12]

Have you tried just getting out there? I mean physically getting outside in the real world and meeting new people. Join some groups, whether they be church groups, book clubs, volunteer organizations...preferably something that you enjoy doing so that right off the bat you'll be with someone who has something in common with you.

Caroline,

I do go to church and yes, I'm am involved in my local church body. I'm not saying this to become defensive, but I am "outhere".

The internet is nice and all that but quite honestly if I didn't have two young daughters I would not be spending as much time here as I do. I'd be free to go out and meet real people in real situations. I do have just about every other weekend without my kids and I try to get out as much as I can. While out, smile at the guys you think are attractive. The worst that can happen is they won't smile back, right? Force yourself to be more outgoing in person in real life and you'll be amazed at the results. Maybe you won't find mr. right but you may end up forming real beautiful friendships off of the computer!

The hardest thing is that people don't know about having a life beyond this computer screen or people. I don't spend my days 24/7 because I do have a life too.

But your idea of smiling back at guys is not really a good idea at all because I am a christian and ya know, I have to be an example and a witness to all, not being a flirt.

 

[bostonlass]

Caroline,

I do go to church and yes, I'm am involved in my local church body. I'm not saying this to become defensive, but I am "outhere".



The hardest thing is that people don't know about having a life beyond this computer screen or people. I don't spend my days 24/7 because I do have a life too.

But your idea of smiling back at guys is not really a good idea at all because I am a christian and ya know, I have to be an example and a witness to all, not being a flirt.

Ok. You said in your first post that you were giving up finding someone online.....that's why I suggested trying to meet people in real life. Just trying to help.

I am a Christian as well and I don't think that smiling at people is being a flirt and setting a bad example in the least bit. It's actually being friendly.

 

[Breetai]

I guess I am not that picky..

I've met about 2 dozen girls from hotornot.com, and I am actually dating 3 of them right now...

I am not dealing with any mental health issues, i am not pretending to be anything other than what i am, and i am 100% sure I am straight...
I've met some real weirdos, but quite a few of the girls I have met were just normal everyday people that are like me and don't have the time to go out to the bar every night and drop $100 and try to meet people.

Bro, are those "Christian girls"??? Not that I'm doing any better than you...

I'm just saying...


Online of offline, it's all the same. Everyone's crazy.

 

[bostonlass]

Bro, are those "Christian girls"??? Not that I'm doing any better than you...

I'm just saying...


Online of offline, it's all the same. Everyone's crazy.

One of my favorite sayings...and no I don't mean this in the bad way...is "there's a screw for every nut". Noone is perfect but eventually, hopefully, we'll all find someone who's not perfect in the way that attracts us to them and vice versa.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Online of offline, it's all the same. Everyone's crazy.

 

[hockeysistah12]

Online of offline, it's all the same. Everyone's crazy.

Yeah, you are darn right. That is why we need to trust God and use wisdom and discerment.

That will get you a long way, and not falling for the wrong person..

 

[JPPT1974]

Bro, are those "Christian girls"??? Not that I'm doing any better than you...

I'm just saying...


Online of offline, it's all the same. Everyone's crazy.

Everybody does have like a Jeckell & Hyde personality indeed!

 

[Breetai]

I haven't had that much reaction from something I've said here in a while.

Thanks!

The more that I live, the more I believe that what I said is true. I wonder if I'll feel the same when twice my age?

 

[JPPT1974]

Well it depends on the person and their personality and also what they like and dislike!

 

[Fatolia]

At least consider that men and women looking for dates online can 'bend' the truth in any way they please. Also, consider the idea that most people hint at desperation when it comes to online dating...