Why don't some Christians not want marriage?

[ThisIsMe123]

There are some here who have expressed never marrying...ever. Quite an almost odd statement, but why don't you desire...esp. if you're at a prime age (ie 30s).

This discovery is usually triggered by a bad experience, as oppose to those who haven't experienced such things.

I was on another message board, it was talking about the MGTOW movement in the Christian community. One man in a thread, age 33, stated how he was bamboozled in divorce court and had to pay child support for a wife that cheated on him with a man that she had a kid by. Kid wasn't even his, and he still had to pay child support. (or was it alimony?)

Anyways, after that divorce, he sworn off women or marrying ever again. Only has a platonic female friend he hangs with and that's it.

Someone chimed in on that, saying, "Oh, as a man, you are intending to stay celibate for the rest of your life at the prime age of 33?"

And his response was simply, "I don't put myself into situations that get me in that position" (whatever that means, lol)

I dunno, one of the posters had been thinking as the years go by, there would need to be some kind of church support group for men and women who prefer to remain unmarried for life.

It couldn't even be co-ed either because as they say, "Nobody will ever win the war of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." lol

Or are these people leaving out info regarding "I'll never get married, but I wouldn't mind having a life long boyfriend/girlfriend".

 

[OldWiseGuy]

No need to dig too deep. I had a long and very pleasant bachelorhood, married at 32, divorced at 36 (I'll share the blame), dated a bit but never considered remarriage (been there, done that). I've had a pretty great life since.

 

[PeterDona]

For me, I have told my story before, but for your interest:
I was married under the pressures from the pastor to a woman who was recently divorced from her husband. I managed to leave the church and the woman 2½ years later.

There are 2 main things in it:
- the shock of being so treated of the pastor, and then into a marriage
- what the bible has to say on the topic.

But well, I meet regularly christians who go like "can you rush and get your self married?"

I am probably not the typical celibate christian in here, but to my joy I do see that there are some celibates at the forum. Celibacy could be a chance to stay closer to God.

 

[Adstar]

There are some here who have expressed never marrying...ever. Quite an almost odd statement, but why don't you desire...esp. if you're at a prime age (ie 30s).

This discovery is usually triggered by a bad experience, as oppose to those who haven't experienced such things.

I was on another message board, it was talking about the MGTOW movement in the Christian community. One man in a thread, age 33, stated how he was bamboozled in divorce court and had to pay child support for a wife that cheated on him with a man that she had a kid by. Kid wasn't even his, and he still had to pay child support. (or was it alimony?)

Anyways, after that divorce, he sworn off women or marrying ever again. Only has a platonic female friend he hangs with and that's it.

Someone chimed in on that, saying, "Oh, as a man, you are intending to stay celibate for the rest of your life at the prime age of 33?"

And his response was simply, "I don't put myself into situations that get me in that position" (whatever that means, lol)

I dunno, one of the posters had been thinking as the years go by, there would need to be some kind of church support group for men and women who prefer to remain unmarried for life.

It couldn't even be co-ed either because as they say, "Nobody will ever win the war of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." lol

Or are these people leaving out info regarding "I'll never get married, but I wouldn't mind having a life long boyfriend/girlfriend".

The MGTOW movement has simply identified the legal imbalance in western societies when it comes to divorce and the total vulnerability of men to a culture and a legal system heavily favoring woman and discriminating against men..

So for the time being MGTOW men are withdrawing from marriage until such time as the legal system creates a fair and equitable system where men can have equal legal status to woman..

So the 33 your old man you where talking to did not want to put himself in a position of legal powerlessness and absolute vulnerability by entering into marriage.. For Him marriage is like playing Russian roulette..

 

[Cearbhall]

This discovery is usually triggered by a bad experience, as oppose to those who haven't experienced such things.

Do you have something to back that up? Marriage isn't the default life course. Bad things don't have to happen for someone to not be interested.

 

[MehGuy]

As far as men being treated fairly in divorce proceedings you shouldn't expect the feminist moment as a whole to care much about us men. After all they claim to want to have gender equality yet many of these feminists refer to fellow feminist men as simply "allies" in the cause.... lol. I'm sorry when I'm fighting for equal rights I'm not going to be wasting my time with a group that just views me as some "ally".

Whether or not I ever will get married, I'm not sure. There are good women out there. I regularly listen to an anti-feminist podcast called "The Honey Badgers", and a few of the people on there have actually divorced their husbands and had to fight tooth and nail to make sure their former husband did not get a raw deal. They themselves talked about how disgusted with they were with the court system and how easy it would have been to ruin their former husbands in court. Almost puts a tear in my eyes. These days it can be pretty difficult to imagine women having much empathy for us men, but they do exist.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

There are some here who have expressed never marrying...ever. Quite an almost odd statement, but why don't you desire...esp. if you're at a prime age (ie 30s).

I was brought up in an environment where I learned to be independent and self-sufficient and tough emotionally, and not to need anyone for anything. So, I never had a desire to marry or have kids. I'm way past my 30s, fwiw, and have never regretted how things turned out.

 

[Elliewaves]

Sometimes people desire companionship but not the intimacy of marriage, even some Christians. Some don't hate the opposite sex; they just prefer to be on their own or to not bind anyone to their own problems. As long as you are not leading anyone on; I don't think it's too too terrible to be aware of what you want in life.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I was brought up in an environment where I learned to be independent and self-sufficient and tough emotionally, and not to need anyone for anything. So, I never had a desire to marry or have kids. I'm way past my 30s, fwiw, and have never regretted how things turned out.

Since when does being independent and being self-sufficient have to do with the desire to get married? Can you not do those things, regardless?

You refer to it as a "need", when it is really a "want" or "desire. It's like saying 1+1 = orange.

Sometimes people desire companionship but not the intimacy of marriage

I don't understand, could you please elaborate? Give examples. Sounds like friend-with-benefits (yes even non-sexual benefits)

Sadly, it seems people are coming up with their OWN nomenclature and verbiage exclusive only to THEM, which can be confusing to others.

These responses are quite alien to me. Maybe it's because I'm an old-fashioned traditionalist that still desires companionship and intimacy? I still am even marriage-minded.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Do you have something to back that up? Marriage isn't the default life course. Bad things don't have to happen for someone to not be interested.

In rare instances, but in the Christian community, it's due to bad experiences. I mentioned a case earlier where a woman that joined a Christian singles group, but without any interest in dating. I found it odd, but she said that she's more interested in finding commonalities with women who had been through the he** she's been through.

I thought, "You're in the wrong group"

She said she hasn't been on a date in 7 years and has a general distrust, with the exception of co-workers, of men.

Personally, I think she should seek professional help if she's that emotionally damaged and not a singles Christian group.

I may move on from said group because there's a lot of emotionally damaged people in it, and that group shouldn't be an equivalent to an AA meeting which I'm discovering it is becoming. The leader is even singling out newcomers to see if they are coming to the group already damaged.

Sorry, I went off tangent there, but this reinforces what I was talking about....bad experiences that trigger the desire to not couple up anymore.

I never heard of Christians desiring a single-for-life (and celibate) policy. Just sayin...most single Christians I've met have a desire to have someone in their lives.

Personally, I think that person making that vow may change their mind if the right person comes along. lol..and they are like "What single-for-life policy?"

 

[Citanul]

Admittedly, I don't know much about divorce proceedings, but it does seem to me that the MGTOW movement and the idea of not wanting to get married because of what happens in divorces is putting too much of the emphasis on the women's role and perhaps not accepting that men will have played their part as well. Yes, people can change after marriage and sometimes the woman is the reason for divorce with the man having done little wrong (and sometimes it's the other way round), but often neither side is blameless, and maybe that's being overlooked.

And maybe too many of these men have the wrong mindset. The reality is that most marriages don't end in divorce (The common statistic that 'half of marriages end in divorce' is bogus), so there's too much focus on the potential for a negative outcome than any positives that might be gained from getting married. You shouldn't be going into a marriage thinking that it could end badly, but rather accept that marriage isn't always going to be a bed of roses and it could end badly if you're not prepared to work at it. How many of those men complaining about divorce didn't put the necessary effort into their marriages and checked out and then suffered the consequences of having done so?

Maybe men do get a raw deal in divorce cases, but maybe the reasons the courts seem to favour women aren't all that unreasonable. I don't know enough to say for certain. But as someone who has been single for far too long and would still like to be married some day, I do find it difficult to get my head around the anti-marriage mindset.

 

[timewerx]

I feel complete by myself already so I'm not in a hurry to look for someone. I could simply wait for Ms. Right to come along or I'm also happy by myself.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Admittedly, I don't know much about divorce proceedings, but it does seem to me that the MGTOW movement and the idea of not wanting to get married because of what happens in divorces is putting too much of the emphasis on the women's role and perhaps not accepting that men will have played their part as well. Yes, people can change after marriage and sometimes the woman is the reason for divorce with the man having done little wrong (and sometimes it's the other way round), but often neither side is blameless, and maybe that's being overlooked.

And maybe too many of these men have the wrong mindset. The reality is that most marriages don't end in divorce (The common statistic that 'half of marriages end in divorce' is bogus), so there's too much focus on the potential for a negative outcome than any positives that might be gained from getting married. You shouldn't be going into a marriage thinking that it could end badly, but rather accept that marriage isn't always going to be a bed of roses and it could end badly if you're not prepared to work at it. How many of those men complaining about divorce didn't put the necessary effort into their marriages and checked out and then suffered the consequences of having done so?

Maybe men do get a raw deal in divorce cases, but maybe the reasons the courts seem to favour women aren't all that unreasonable. I don't know enough to say for certain. But as someone who has been single for far too long and would still like to be married some day, I do find it difficult to get my head around the anti-marriage mindset.

True, there is effort needed on both parts. They say around 70% of women file for divorce, so it's really mostly the women that are throwing in the towel.

The only defense that caused these ladies to do this , is that they were bored of the marriage or mainly, the husbands became TOO comfortable...even apathetic. They stopped dating their wives.

I heard from a talk show that you should NEVER stop DATING your wife. But now they just go all Al Bundy, sit on the couch, and put their hand in their pants and have beer.

"Honey, we never do anything!!" And thus, the divorce is filed I suppose?

Then the man comes home scratching his head, going "WHAT THE HECK?! Why'd she pack her bags?!"

He acts completely ignorant and complains to his friends how she's the devil herself.

 

[Cearbhall]

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[Cearbhall]

As far as men being treated fairly in divorce proceedings you shouldn't expect the feminist moment as a whole to care much about us men.

"But why doesn't Black Lives Matter spend their time and money on us white people!!1 They're not allowed to care about themselves until white people are all 100% satisfied with our own lives!!"

In rare instances, but in the Christian community, it's due to bad experiences.

That's not my experience in the Christian community. Again I ask, do you have something to back this up?

I mentioned a case earlier where a woman that joined a Christian singles group, but without any interest in dating. I found it odd, but she said that she's more interested in finding commonalities with women who had been through the he** she's been through.

Besides an anecdote.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

That's not my experience in the Christian community. Again I ask, do you have something to back this up?

You've NEVER come across this? Well, then, you've been living under a rock (no offense)

I'm not sure what you mean "back this up"? Since when do I have to even back it up?

Wanted to add something, though it may not necessarily be a bad experience, if not that, then they've been married before...but didn't really care for it after having experienced it.

 

[MehGuy]

"But why doesn't Black Lives Matter spend their time and money on us white people!!1 They're not allowed to care about themselves until white people are all 100% satisfied with our own lives!!"

Uh no, don't try to paint my mindset in such an extreme way. I'm simply remarking that for a movement that claims to want to fight for equality between the sexes, it sadly pretty much solely focuses on problems women face. What's worse is that most feminists want a monopoly on problems between the sexes. So feminist men have to simply be allies and cater to the needs of emotionally masochistic women. Yet if they then also want to address their own problems and feel the need to set up communities like the Men's Rights Movement and MGTOW, you wouldn't complain?

Personally I do not like either communities very much, MGTOW/MRAs and the feminists. Problems between the sexes are often related and intermingled. We should be working together to solve these issues. Which includes male and female input. Setting up communities that almost exclusively only address one side is like flying a helicopter without a back rotor.

I don't follow race relations much, although I'm not sure if BLM is doing much better on that front. The gap between white and black problems is probably much more extreme than the gap between female and male problems. But still, if you have a movement that turns a lot of white people away, I'm not sure how much you're actually going to accomplish when it comes to race relations and solving problems black people face.

 

[Cearbhall]

Uh no, don't try to paint my mindset in such an extreme way. I'm simply remarking that for a movement that claims to want to fight for equality between the sexes, it sadly pretty much solely focuses on problems women face.

Except that it doesn't do that...

I'm thoroughly convinced that you expose yourself to the worst feminists possible. I hope it's not on purpose.

Anyway, the point is that, even if it did focus solely on women, that is literally the point. Your complaint is no different from the parody I created in my last post.

 

[MehGuy]

Except that it doesn't do that...

I'm thoroughly convinced that you expose yourself to the worst feminists possible. I hope it's not on purpose.

Yet the very post I quoted from you seems to be mocking the idea that feminism should cater to the needs of men as well.

Several years ago I actually wanted to be a feminist. Those feelings quickly drifted away when I actually interacted with them. I couldn't help notice the extreme masochistic themes many feminists seem to inhibit. Most of the discussion seems to drift about how women are ultra victims and men are vile and evil and need to do better.

Although I would say this is mostly modern (2010s) version of feminism. Websites like tumblr and buzzfeed seemed to be a beacon for women to express their emotional masochistic side. With often perverted stories about how they're always the victims of everything no matter what. They disturbingly mirror many romance novels and women channels like the Lifetime Channel.

This really is a modern phenomena. I do remember visiting a few feminist communities in the 2000s. They were more remarkably different. Less masochistic, and more sadistic and hate filled (although also much smaller communities). Although even though still problematic, I do think more old school feminists were more empowered and probably somewhat better role models than the professional victim female feminists we have today.

 

[Cearbhall]

Yet the very post I quoted from you seems to be mocking the idea that feminism should cater to the needs of men as well.

I feel it was reasonably clear that I was mocking the sense of entitlement to that. The whiny words of those who can't stand seeing a movement that isn't about them, or that they perceive as having nothing to do with them.