Ha! Nice armchair diagnosis!
Actually I think there's a whole lot of truth to what you're saying.
But a few things about that.
First is this odd thing about language. Often for any given thing there's a positive way of wording it and a negative. It's good to be "flexible," but bad to be "wishy-washy." It's good to be "persistent," but bad to be "over bearing." It's good to be "confident," bad to be "arrogant."
Often the only difference is in perspective. But I suppose it's important for a thinking mind to figure it out for themselves.
Anyhow, whether or not it was "performance anxiety" or "pursuit of holiness" that was a contributing factor, I wonder the difference.
Second, I wonder how much of the "performance anxiety" stems from reading of the bible.
Mat 5:48 You must be perfect---just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
I mean, take it at face value.
Third, what Christian doesn't have "performance anxiety."
The bible is chalk full of "promises." I'm sure you're aware of plenty of them. Often these are the kind of inspirational verses that appear on the local Christian bookstore kitsch.
Then there's the big issue of prayer.
What Christian doesn't struggle with why this or that prayer isn't answered? Why God doesn't hear them? Why they don't hear God? Why God doesn't always feel near? Just look around the posts on this site.
"Lord, keep my faith strong."
I guess that's the point. It's always directed back on the believer. It has to be.
Need to pray more.
Need to believe more.
Need to be holier.
Need to read the bible more.
The inadequacy is always deflected away from that which is believed (can't ever question that) back to the believer and the believer's inadequacies.
I think you're right I had performance anxiety, but really who doesn't. What are the alternatives? To question the promises of God? To question God? To question whether or not one has the right concept of God?
Finally, I guess that's what I did. At some point, I think I stopped questioning self so much and simply said to myself, well then, maybe it's not about me, and maybe I need to understand
why I believe what I believe.
So I guess I think amounts of performance anxiety over time didn't necessarily cause my deconversion, but caused my search and questioning and
then it was the reading, research, analysis, and contemplation of that quest which resulted in my deconversion.
I hope this helps you understand kinda where I'm at.
Thanks.