Why Does My Abstinence Make People Angry?

paul becke

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I'm 25 years old and will be 26 in August and I have never laid with a man before. I chose at a young age to wait until I am married. This is part of my devotion to God. Some people tell me that it's not worth it to wait and that I am not living life. Some even become angry. I'm not parading my abstinence or anything like that, but when it is relevant to the situation or conversation I mention it. One person became angry and told me that I was being immature and needed to grow up. This was after telling him I could not sleep with him because of my abstinence. Before him, a friend who I loved very much at the time would try to convince me to break my abstinence. He also wanted to sleep with me. He would tell me it wasn't worth it to wait and that no one would be willing to wait for me. A couple weeks ago, another friend who I viewed as a potential lover became angry with me because I told him I couldn't sleep with him because I'm abstinent. He then asked if we could engage in oral sex and breast sex. I then told him that Biblically, doing either of those things would make me no longer a virgin. He then became upset and has been ever since.

Why does waiting have to be viewed as such a crime? And why can't someone wait for me? Why can't the one who will be my first also be my only? I'm not ashamed to be abstinent, but the flack that I get for it I find disheartening. When people find out I am abstinent they either think that I simply cannot find someone to sleep with me and lie and say I'm abstinent as a convenience or they look at me like I'm some kind of freak or mythical creature. Why do people get so upset over this decision I've made? Why is it so bad that I want to be joined with someone by God before I lay down?

'Why does waiting have to be viewed as such a crime? And why can't someone wait for me?'

Because they live in a sex-crazed society, and young men's libido is very strong verging on oppressive. But they are talking through their hat.

I've never heard anyone say that having sex before they married was a great choice, even if they didn't say it was a bad one. However, I have heard two lad's say that they regretted having sex with their wife, before they married. And if they were Christian, their baptisms would have been due to societal convention.

If they don't respect your decision, they must be very immature. I presume they're not conscientious Christians in any case.
 
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JonahGirl

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'I've never heard anyone say that having sex before they married was a great choice, even if they didn't say it was a bad one. However, I have heard two lad's say that they regretted having sex with their wife, before they married. And if they were Christian, their baptisms would have been due to societal convention.

I hope I don't sound argumentative, I merely want to bring this up to prepare any females(or males if they have the same problem) if they haven't yet heard what I'm about to say... Some people doggedly hold to the idea that you have to "test drive the car" to prevent an incompatible and sexless marriage.

I also once discussed my regrets over not having waited until marriage because it had caused me a lot of problems, and someone jumped all over it saying that making bad choices does not warrant ruling out premarital sex altogether, like some people can do it in a healthy way. :mmh:
 
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revrobor

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Hello Purewolf: Are you dating Christians? Men who have given their lives to Jesus should have no trouble honoring your decision. It is a correct decision and you should remain steadfast. Most men, including Christians, have sexual urges early on. Christians know that sex before marriage (fornication) is sin and most are able to control it. So restrict your dating to Christians. And may God bless you for your stand.
 
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Devorim

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Hello Purewolf: Are you dating Christians? Men who have given their lives to Jesus should have no trouble honoring your decision. It is a correct decision and you should remain steadfast. Most men, including Christians, have sexual urges early on. Christians know that sex before marriage (fornication) is sin and most are able to control it. So restrict your dating to Christians. And may God bless you for your stand.

Oh, Revrobor. That was not my experience. When I was single at ages 29-38, "Christian men" were the worst of all. One time, I had to fight off a guy who would not quit touching me in the public hall of a Portland, OR, mall in front of three sets of ministers and their wives. And it's worse when one is alone with these guys. They can bleat our a roaring prayer before a meal, but they can't keep their hands to themselves.

Sorry. I used to think like you, but they taught me different.

The first man who turned my head is the one I married. I didn't even have to say no to him -- he knew to treat me right. He knew to keep his hands to himself.
 
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Bramwell

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Oh, Revrobor. That was not my experience. When I was single at ages 29-38, "Christian men" were the worst of all. One time, I had to fight off a guy who would not quit touching me in the public hall of a Portland, OR, mall in front of three sets of ministers and their wives. And it's worse when one is alone with these guys. They can bleat our a roaring prayer before a meal, but they can't keep their hands to themselves.

Sorry. I used to think like you, but they taught me different.

The first man who turned my head is the one I married. I didn't even have to say no to him -- he knew to treat me right. He knew to keep his hands to himself.

Hi Devorim,

I'm glad you put "Christian men" in quotations, as there is a difference between your average nominal Christian, and true followers of Christ.

That said, I think there is a lot of confusion and hypocrisy in the church world... in general, and with regard to matters of sex in particular. Because so few are willing (able?) to live chaste lives, the church world has come up with justifications for their rebellion. They argue that not having sex outside of marriage is more or less impossible these days, due to the times in which we live. We're bombarded by sexual images and stimulation far more than people were in Jesus' time. So God can't possibly expect us to stick to the same (high) standards, they argue. But these justifications are not true.

This may be a bit controversial, but I think Christian men in particular (and maybe women too) need to be freed from the myth that masturbation is a sin. It's not named as such anywhere in the Bible. But most Christians feel it's wrong, whereas in reality, it's a safeguard against sexual activities which ARE explicitly condemned in the Bible (fornication, adultery). So that's one thing to consider.

Another point is that people often jump into physical relationships when all they really need is someone to share deeply with, to feel loved, and to have some sort of physical affection. There are Christian ways to deal with all three of these needs without engaging in scripturally condemned sexual activities.
 
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Radagast

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I'm 25 years old and will be 26 in August and I have never laid with a man before. I chose at a young age to wait until I am married.

Good for you! :thumbsup:

One person became angry and told me that I was being immature and needed to grow up. This was after telling him I could not sleep with him because of my abstinence.

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, they get angry because they want to have sex with you.

He also wanted to sleep with me. ... another friend who I viewed as a potential lover became angry with me because I told him I couldn't sleep with him because I'm abstinent.

I'm starting to see a pattern here. Perhaps you're hanging out with the wrong kind of men?
 
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