Why Does My Abstinence Make People Angry?

[PureWolf]

I'm 25 years old and will be 26 in August and I have never laid with a man before. I chose at a young age to wait until I am married. This is part of my devotion to God. Some people tell me that it's not worth it to wait and that I am not living life. Some even become angry. I'm not parading my abstinence or anything like that, but when it is relevant to the situation or conversation I mention it. One person became angry and told me that I was being immature and needed to grow up. This was after telling him I could not sleep with him because of my abstinence. Before him, a friend who I loved very much at the time would try to convince me to break my abstinence. He also wanted to sleep with me. He would tell me it wasn't worth it to wait and that no one would be willing to wait for me. A couple weeks ago, another friend who I viewed as a potential lover became angry with me because I told him I couldn't sleep with him because I'm abstinent. He then asked if we could engage in oral sex and breast sex. I then told him that Biblically, doing either of those things would make me no longer a virgin. He then became upset and has been ever since.

Why does waiting have to be viewed as such a crime? And why can't someone wait for me? Why can't the one who will be my first also be my only? I'm not ashamed to be abstinent, but the flack that I get for it I find disheartening. When people find out I am abstinent they either think that I simply cannot find someone to sleep with me and lie and say I'm abstinent as a convenience or they look at me like I'm some kind of freak or mythical creature. Why do people get so upset over this decision I've made? Why is it so bad that I want to be joined with someone by God before I lay down?

 

[7angels]

i was in the same boat as you at one time. i got flack from many people about my being a virgin at my age. but several of them also told me later that they admired me for my decision to stay with my convictions. i have found that most guys/girls that are not willing to wait are not worth keeping around. there is a guy for you that will love you for who you are and is willing to wait to have sex with you if they really care for you. a person that really loves you will respect you and your beliefs. take heart because people like you are few and in-between. you have become what the world refers to as a rarity. and because people cannot have you whenever they want they try any and everything to get you to change your mind. my dad always told me that any girl would be lucky to get a guy like me and i am here to tell you the same thing. any guy would be lucky to get you. your situation is that you could get any guy but what you're doing is waiting for MR RIGHT. the best advice i can give you atm is to ask God for the guy that He wants you to be with and don't settle for second-best. once you have asked God for Him to bring you who he has picked out for you then thank God and start looking around for him. like i said the guy for you will respect you and your beliefs. i hope this helps.

God bless

 

[TheBarrd]

My heart and my prayers are with you, Sweetie.
What 7Angels tells you is right. I am a grandma myself...64 years old, and Darlin', guys have not changed in all that time. Even 40 and 50 years ago, they would pressure a girl to have sex with them. But woe to the girl who gave in! She was branded a "-hor-"...and ostracized. These days it is the "good girls" who are branded and ostracized...
You stick to your guns, Sweetie. It really is worth it to wait for the right guy...

 

[Grafted In]

You know in your heart that waiting is right. I truly believe God will richly reward you in His perfect time.

 

[iambren]

The man wants to make love to you and these urges are only natural. Of course he will become impatient and irritable if rejected. God provides the answer in marriage. Pretty much as simple as that.

 

[Leet]

Stick to your guns! I married at almost 28 and was a virgin til my wedding night, so was my man at 19. It is worth it and God will honour you for it, too. It's normal in the flesh for people (everyone) to crave sexual release but it's right in the Spirit to wait. You're not weird or immature, you're a woman of faith who wants to live as God asks of you.

 

[Sketcher]

Good for you.

Is this coming from guys you date? Guys you don't date but hang out with? Girls you are friends with? Family members? All of the above?

Guys who are waiting do exist. I happen to be one of them. I know others.

 

[Bramwell]

Hi PureWolf,

I think the anger comes from people feeling convicted by your choice. Your decision not to have sex outside of marriage convicts those who do, and so they react in anger as a result. It's a pretty consistent formula in fact where conviction over an issue results in anger from the convicted.

That aside, I want to encourage you to keep seeking God's best for your life. Sex issues were not top priority for Jesus - He focused more on greed and hypocrisy - but they are important nonetheless. And you seem to have chosen a scripturally sound position, which will only benefit you and others in the long run. Keep going with that conviction!

 

[Rhamiel]

God bless you my dear sister in Christ

remember what Jesus told us in John 15:18

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.

 

[agua]

1Pe 4:1-5 KJV Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; (2) That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God. (3) For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries: (4) Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you: (5) Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.

 

[Inkfingers]

Why does waiting have to be viewed as such a crime?

Read the Vanity Fair section of Pilgrim's Progress....

 

[Celticflower]

I was a virgin until I was 27 and the man I finally had sex with was the one I was engaged to. At one point a friend asked if I was "saving myself for marriage" . I replied that I just hadn't found anyone I wanted to give myself to yet. The right guy will understand and be willing to wait. Wait for that guy to arrive in your life.

 

[abysmul]

You hang in there and keep sticking to your decision!

God bless!

 

[South Bound]

I'm 25 years old and will be 26 in August and I have never laid with a man before. I chose at a young age to wait until I am married. This is part of my devotion to God. Some people tell me that it's not worth it to wait and that I am not living life. Some even become angry. I'm not parading my abstinence or anything like that, but when it is relevant to the situation or conversation I mention it. One person became angry and told me that I was being immature and needed to grow up. This was after telling him I could not sleep with him because of my abstinence. Before him, a friend who I loved very much at the time would try to convince me to break my abstinence. He also wanted to sleep with me. He would tell me it wasn't worth it to wait and that no one would be willing to wait for me. A couple weeks ago, another friend who I viewed as a potential lover became angry with me because I told him I couldn't sleep with him because I'm abstinent. He then asked if we could engage in oral sex and breast sex. I then told him that Biblically, doing either of those things would make me no longer a virgin. He then became upset and has been ever since.

Why does waiting have to be viewed as such a crime? And why can't someone wait for me? Why can't the one who will be my first also be my only? I'm not ashamed to be abstinent, but the flack that I get for it I find disheartening. When people find out I am abstinent they either think that I simply cannot find someone to sleep with me and lie and say I'm abstinent as a convenience or they look at me like I'm some kind of freak or mythical creature. Why do people get so upset over this decision I've made? Why is it so bad that I want to be joined with someone by God before I lay down?

Sorry that happened to you. There's just some mean people out there.

Of course, it may be that they feel convicted by your example.

I once mentioned on a message board that we chose to give up our television. I didn't say that anybody else should give up theirs or that anybody who watched television was a terrible human being or going to Hell or anything. I just said that this was a decision we made.

The people in that thread lost their minds. "Legalist!", some said. "Pharisee!", others. "How dare you come in here all high and mighty and look down on us!" I never did that, of course.

My guess is that they had guilty consciences.

The fact is, it was God who gave commands regarding purity and modesty, not them. And it's God you'll answer to for how you kept those commands, not them.

I admire your conviction.

 

[Messy]

It's a terrific way of avoiding Mr Wrong and a lot of trouble.

 

[JLR1300]

You are definitely on the right track. Don't let anyone pressure you do do wrong. The world has become extremely evil and the sinfulness of society is constantly increasing. It makes me angry to think of all of those jerks trying to get you to sin. Jesus said that there will always be temptations to sin but woe to the one who causes the temptation. It would be better for a milstone to be tied around his neck and be cast into the sea then to cause one of these who believe in me to sin. It is sinful enough to commit fornication but to try to talk other people into committing it is especially wicked.

You are the one who is right... they are wrong and will answer for their sin.

 

[Neogaia777]

I support your decision, and pay no attention to the naysayers, I was not always a Christian, before I was a Christian, I slept around (in my youth) but I have now become a born-again virgin, and am practicing abstinence, and am looking for someone who will wait to have sex until marriage, so there are men out there who share you beliefs, just stick to your guns, there are men out there who want to wait until marriage...

Relationships where the two started out having sex on their first or second or third date, and then decide their going to be together, just because they like having sex with each other, oftentimes find out later on that, that was all their relationship was built on in the first place, and as time goes on, their relationships don't last, because they were not built on a firm foundation of love, but lust, which doesn't last.

While those who wish to wait until marriage, have to develop a real friendship first, and build a solid, firm foundation, not based on the external lust of the eyes or flesh, but based on getting to know and love a person for the internal connection of the heart(s), finding things you both have in common, building a solid foundation based on love and not lust, which will last, and prepares you for marriage and prepares you to taking it to the next level, in marriage (making love, the physical act of sex) once you both have taken the time building a solid foundation in knowing each other well, before having sex...

The reason why it probably makes some people angry, is probably because they think, that you think, you are better than them, some will get jealous because you can control your lusts, and they can't, and this makes them feel inferior to you, and they don't like that... Some may think your a prude or some kind of goody-to-shoes, but do not listen to them, stick to your guns sister...

God Bless!

 

[Devorim]

I was widowed and abstinent, and got a lot of criticism for it right up to our marriage when I was 38. What hurt most was when I found out that the man who was my pastor then didn't believe we were abstinent....

Don't let them move you, no matter what.

 

[iplay4JC]

Why does waiting have to be viewed as such a crime? And why can't someone wait for me? Why can't the one who will be my first also be my only? I'm not ashamed to be abstinent, but the flack that I get for it I find disheartening.

Dear PureWolf,

There is nothing wrong with your wanting to abstain. Rather the problem is with the guys you've dealt with. The man God wills for you to marry is out there and his beliefs will align with yours. I preached this same message to my daughter since she was young. Unfortunately she made a mistake and is now a single parent. While I still love her, and I adore my grandson, my heart aches for the consequences she's faced with every day.

Please stay the course and know that He is with you always.

 

[JonahGirl]

This is a frighteningly common problem. I think part of it is being "convicted" like Bramwell said and unfortunately way too often he is trying to manipulate you. I wonder just how often we have been victims of this: What is Sexual Coercion? | www.loveisrespect.org