Why does it upset you if you catch your SO checking out another person?

[pepperfish]

my fiance wouldnt do that, I feel that its wrong, and he feels very strongly about the fact that we should not look at other people. its just lust and thats not us.

I agree with you and Steelerbred!

I don't care how "instinctive" and "normal" it is for guys (and girls) to check out other people...I personally don't believe it's appropriate. Even if it's just a quick glance/up and down look rather than intensive staring, and therefore not actually lusting, I feel that it's wrong to be looking at other people and admiring them. Not that it's a problem for me, because I have sincerely found that Ron is the only guy I find attractive anymore. And I was very thrilled to learn that he feels the same way.

lovesbrightpink: Sounds like you found a guy just like mine who doesn't believe in looking at anyone other than their significant other!

 

[JesusFreak78]

my fiance wouldnt do that, I feel that its wrong, and he feels very strongly about the fact that we should not look at other people. its just lust and thats not us.

I agree with you. If you truly love your SO you have no need to, you don't want to and have no desire to look at other people. Looking at other people for me is a sign of you are not satisfied or happy were you are (that's just my opinion, so I don't say it is like that for everybody).

I for my part love my SO so much and everyone else is not interesting at all. All my attention is focused towards her (and God of course) as it should be.

 

[Luther073082]

Wow I can't wait til my relationship with Keri gets to the point where I am no longer physically attracted to other people.

I've always wanted to think that Scarlette Johansonn was ugly.

 

[Weasel7711]

There's nothing wrong with noticing an attractive person. It becomes wrong when you start thinking: "Hey I wonder what she'd be like in bed", or "Boy, Id rather be with her". Noticing an attractive woman is the same as if I saw a guy walk by who was really well built I think to myself, "wow he probably gets a lot of women", I'm not thinking lustful thoughts, obviously. Its pretty much the same with women, its not a sexual thing its just noticing and recognizing attractiveness.

 

[Weasel7711]

Another illustration. Sometimes there are really attractive older women, like in their 40's 50's (keep in mind im 21) and when I see them I think, they look very good for their age. Now in my head I am no where close to thinking I would like to sleep with them or even be in a relationship with them. So I see nothing wrong with that.

 

[Luther073082]

There's nothing wrong with noticing an attractive person. It becomes wrong when you start thinking: "Hey I wonder what she'd be like in bed", or "Boy, Id rather be with her". Noticing an attractive woman is the same as if I saw a guy walk by who was really well built I think to myself, "wow he probably gets a lot of women", I'm not thinking lustful thoughts, obviously. Its pretty much the same with women, its not a sexual thing its just noticing and recognizing attractiveness.

Thats the thing though many of them where saying quick glaces at other women where totally wrong. I don't think they are being realistic with themselves.

 

[Everlasting33]

Although in an ideal world my boyfriend would find no other woman attractive or even look at another woman, the reality is that both men and women will find the opposite sex attractive.

And although I agree that my boyfriend should not be looking at other women, there ARE going to be women who are attractive to him...just like if I see an attractive man I do not have to be lusting.

Anyone who looks at a supermodel will say, "shes attractive," I do not care if you are the Pope or a porn addict...acknowledging attractiveness is not wrong.

I am trying to become more secure with myself and if Patrick were to look in the direction of another woman, I should not become angry. Although he is not looking for women to look at, he may or may not notice attractive women around him.

 

[Luther073082]

Although in an ideal world my boyfriend would find no other woman attractive or even look at another woman, the reality is that both men and women will find the opposite sex attractive.

And although I agree that my boyfriend should not be looking at other women, there ARE going to be women who are attractive to him...just like if I see an attractive man I do not have to be lusting.

Anyone who looks at a supermodel will say, "shes attractive," I do not care if you are the Pope or a porn addict...acknowledging attractiveness is not wrong.

I am trying to become more secure with myself and if Patrick were to look in the direction of another woman, I should not become angry. Although he is not looking for women to look at, he may or may not notice attractive women around him.

A lot of women I think have these security issues, its not just you.

Not that I can speak for your boyfriend but I would imagine that he is with you because he love who you are inside. (personality and such). You wouldn't want him if he was with you for your body. So why worry about it?

Newsflash, being the hottest girl in the world is really hard, because there are a little over 3 billion woman and only one woman can be the hottest woman in the world. And my guess is most of us have never even seen her.

Now does this mean your boyfriend isn't physically attracted to you. Of course not, being physically attractive to the partner is almost a base requirement for all people. However he is not with you because of your body, if he was your relationship would be meaningless.

Now I agree he should avoid as much as possible lusting after other women. (Although since you arn't married he should theoretically avoid lusting after you as well.) But just because he notices someone as being attractive doesn't mean that he wants to do anything with them because he holds his emotional relationship with you as far more important then any kind of physical fling he could have with others. Besides the fact that it would be immoral no matter if he was with you or not.

Think if it like this. My boss makes me angry, I'd like to punch him in the face. But I don't punch him for 2 reasons, its wrong to start a fight like that and also I value my job more then my urge to punch him in the face.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I agree with you. If you truly love your SO you have no need to, you don't want to and have no desire to look at other people. Looking at other people for me is a sign of you are not satisfied or happy were you are (that's just my opinion, so I don't say it is like that for everybody).

I for my part love my SO so much and everyone else is not interesting at all. All my attention is focused towards her (and God of course) as it should be.

That's a horrible thing to say!

You can't say that someone doesn't truly love someone else because they may notice other people. I know that my bf truly loves me, but I also realize that there are other attractive people in the world.

You are perfectly entitled to your opinion. But don't say that those who don't have a problem with it don't truly love their SO. I know that my bf truly loves me, and I truly love him. Whats the big deal about being secure in that love?

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

There's nothing wrong with noticing an attractive person. It becomes wrong when you start thinking: "Hey I wonder what she'd be like in bed", or "Boy, Id rather be with her". Noticing an attractive woman is the same as if I saw a guy walk by who was really well built I think to myself, "wow he probably gets a lot of women", I'm not thinking lustful thoughts, obviously. Its pretty much the same with women, its not a sexual thing its just noticing and recognizing attractiveness.

Exactly! And I don't think doing that invalidates your love for your SO (general you).

 

[Everlasting33]

That's a horrible thing to say!

You can't say that someone doesn't truly love someone else because they may notice other people. I know that my bf truly loves me, but I also realize that there are other attractive people in the world.

You are perfectly entitled to your opinion. But don't say that those who don't have a problem with it don't truly love their SO. I know that my bf truly loves me, and I truly love him. Whats the big deal about being secure in that love?

Well put! It is one thing for a partner to be looking around for other women/men. But if he or she quickly notices an attractive person, the partner should be secure enough to not be upset.

I have had a hard time with the concept above and it has taken me well over a year to come to terms with my low self-esteem. Of course, I do not want my boyfriend constantly looking at other women, but I know that I should be self-validated and secure enough to brush off the times that he does notice...and vice versa.

 

[none the wiser]

There's nothing wrong with noticing an attractive person. It becomes wrong when you start thinking: "Hey I wonder what she'd be like in bed", or "Boy, Id rather be with her". Noticing an attractive woman is the same as if I saw a guy walk by who was really well built I think to myself, "wow he probably gets a lot of women", I'm not thinking lustful thoughts, obviously. Its pretty much the same with women, its not a sexual thing its just noticing and recognizing attractiveness.

QFT.

 

[Weasel7711]

Exactly! And I don't think doing that invalidates your love for your SO (general you).

Agreed

Honestly my attraction to my SO goes so much deeper than mere appearance. Each day I am more attracted to her. Her looks and her personality and her love for God. Actually, the more in love with her I become the better she looks, weird how that works out. Honestly, and I know everyone says this about their SO, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me and I could never imagine myself with any other woman.

That being said I still notice attractive people.

 

[Shabby]

It has nothing to do with jealousy - it's disrespectful.

 

[Christdiedforme]

It has nothing to do with jealousy - it's disrespectful.

Do you ever notice an attractive woman? How is it wrong to say so?

 

[Shabby]

Do you ever notice an attractive woman? How is it wrong to say so?

How is it wrong to say so in front of your significant other? Because even if both claim to be "OK" with it, you are still complementing another woman's sexual appeal. I respect my girlfriend enough to not say those things to her - what good reason is there for it?

 

[Christdiedforme]

How is it wrong to say so in front of your significant other? Because even if both claim to be "OK" with it, you are still complementing another woman's sexual appeal. I respect my girlfriend enough to not say those things to her - what good reason is there for it?

I agree with you there. I do not believe you should be going around saying "oh shes hot"...but I do not find it wrong to find another woman or man attractive. But you are right.

*I just reread my question and I guess I could have reworded it better. I meant to say why is it wrong to say there are other attractive women in the world...but not infront of your partner!

 

[Luther073082]

How is it wrong to say so in front of your significant other? Because even if both claim to be "OK" with it, you are still complementing another woman's sexual appeal. I respect my girlfriend enough to not say those things to her - what good reason is there for it?

Maybe its just me, being secure but I really don't care that much as long as the person is not a long term thought in my SO's head.

I belive it was the second to last day of my time in CA, Keri and I where walking out of Best Buy and we saw two military men in uniform and Keri said "Ohhh hot army guys!" At first I was surprised but what I realized is that even her saying that those men where attractive did not mean she immediatly wanted to take them to bed with her or something like that. . . It just doesn't bother me.

In fact my mom and dad have been married for 27 years and my dad doesn't care when my mom goes nuts about how good looking Tommy Lee Jones is. . .

 

[Shannie]

I would find it disrespectful if my b/f was blatantly checking out another girl while I was there. Of course I know he finds other girls attractive, that's fine. But I appreciate that he doesn't feel the need to make it obvious to me.

 

[Everlasting33]

I would find it disrespectful if my b/f was blatantly checking out another girl while I was there. Of course I know he finds other girls attractive, that's fine. But I appreciate that he doesn't feel the need to make it obvious to me.

Agreed!