- Jul 31, 2019
- 1
- 1
- 24
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
Hello to all 
My name is Brittney and I am new to these forums..I want to share something that has been nagging at me quite a bit. But before that let me give a little context.
I'm an 18 year old 7th Day Adventist teen and I'm starting college in the fall. For the past 4 years--since freshman year of high school, I've been interested in this young man whose name I won't mention, but over time that interest grew into a deep love and care. However, I have maintained a certain distance mainly because he is very emotionally immature, a drug addict, and is just so lost and doesn't know or understand himself. I'm also not very fond of his friends and the people he chooses to keep around him, who have a terrible influence on him. He's even shared with me that his own mother and father have had their issues with drug and alcohol abuse over the years. Besides that I don't know what more goes on in his household. But in the past when I've tried to show him love and care and affection it was almost as if he's afraid of all of that, and I infer it's because no one has truly showed that to him before and I was the first one to ever do so.
But despite all that I still see the good in him that he tries to cover up and hide with this tough guy act, I know that he wants to turn his life around, and love and feel loved, but he just doesn't know how or where to start. He's expressed to me that he has feelings for me too, but like I said he is not emotionally mature enough to form any deep meaningful relationships. I would be delighted if he would even open up to me and talk honestly as a friend, but he is too scared to even do that.
That said I know that as deeply as I love and care for him, he's obviously not someone that God would actually approve of for me (I'm not sure what his spiritual beliefs are but I just know he was raised Jewish), so he's not someone I should get deeply involved with because I would just end up getting hurt (I mean I already have several times and we never even dated before). The thing is, it's been driving me a little bit nuts that he has been appearing in literally every single one of my dreams (or at least every other) consistently for the past few years. Even when I started dating other people, he would frequently appear in my dreams while I was with someone else. Even if the dream is not about him, he pops in one way or another. In the past I've tried several times to sever all emotional ties with him (even went a whole year without talking to or seeing him) and yet he still consistently came up in my dreams (sometimes when I would pray to God for guidance through certain relationship issues in my prior relationships, I would just end up having another dream with him).
The other night I had a dream with him that had me wake up in tears for the first time in a long time. In the dream I briefly saw him from a distance and there was a sense of urgency in his body language, he was trying to get into my apartment building with a hurry and I was sitting off to the side. At first I don't think he noticed me there so I started to speak louder to see if he would recognize my voice and he did, he turned around briefly and then hesitated for a moment like he wanted to say something to me, and I saw this look of grief on his face and in his eyes, but then he turned back around without saying anything and went in. Then I was overcome by this overwhelming sadness and I felt this heaviness in my heart and started sobbing, while talking to God out loud saying "It hurts so much to be so in love with someone that I know I just can't have."
That's when I woke up with that same heaviness in my heart and tears in my eyes, this strange physical tension in my chest and this sadness like I've never felt before. I prayed to God about him and asked Him what I should do or how I should interpret it. I'm not sure if the sadness I felt was entirely my own sadness or if God is trying to tell me to keep him in my prayers because he's going through a lot right now. Because for the record I'm way past the stage of feeling sad over this boy. I've been focusing on friends and family, going to church regularly, working on my relationship with God, and I've never felt happier. And yet he keeps creeping into every single one of my dreams.
So I guess what I want to know is, could there be a reason that he keeps appearing in my dreams no matter what I do to keep him off of my mind? And could that particular dream have any significant meaning or am I just over-analyzing? I want to reach out to see if he is okay but I'm also wondering if I should just continue to keep that distance and not reach out, and just ignore it. I get this nagging sense that I'm supposed to reach out but I've also really been trying to cut ties. I'm really not sure where to go from here.
My name is Brittney and I am new to these forums..I want to share something that has been nagging at me quite a bit. But before that let me give a little context.
I'm an 18 year old 7th Day Adventist teen and I'm starting college in the fall. For the past 4 years--since freshman year of high school, I've been interested in this young man whose name I won't mention, but over time that interest grew into a deep love and care. However, I have maintained a certain distance mainly because he is very emotionally immature, a drug addict, and is just so lost and doesn't know or understand himself. I'm also not very fond of his friends and the people he chooses to keep around him, who have a terrible influence on him. He's even shared with me that his own mother and father have had their issues with drug and alcohol abuse over the years. Besides that I don't know what more goes on in his household. But in the past when I've tried to show him love and care and affection it was almost as if he's afraid of all of that, and I infer it's because no one has truly showed that to him before and I was the first one to ever do so.
But despite all that I still see the good in him that he tries to cover up and hide with this tough guy act, I know that he wants to turn his life around, and love and feel loved, but he just doesn't know how or where to start. He's expressed to me that he has feelings for me too, but like I said he is not emotionally mature enough to form any deep meaningful relationships. I would be delighted if he would even open up to me and talk honestly as a friend, but he is too scared to even do that.
That said I know that as deeply as I love and care for him, he's obviously not someone that God would actually approve of for me (I'm not sure what his spiritual beliefs are but I just know he was raised Jewish), so he's not someone I should get deeply involved with because I would just end up getting hurt (I mean I already have several times and we never even dated before). The thing is, it's been driving me a little bit nuts that he has been appearing in literally every single one of my dreams (or at least every other) consistently for the past few years. Even when I started dating other people, he would frequently appear in my dreams while I was with someone else. Even if the dream is not about him, he pops in one way or another. In the past I've tried several times to sever all emotional ties with him (even went a whole year without talking to or seeing him) and yet he still consistently came up in my dreams (sometimes when I would pray to God for guidance through certain relationship issues in my prior relationships, I would just end up having another dream with him).
The other night I had a dream with him that had me wake up in tears for the first time in a long time. In the dream I briefly saw him from a distance and there was a sense of urgency in his body language, he was trying to get into my apartment building with a hurry and I was sitting off to the side. At first I don't think he noticed me there so I started to speak louder to see if he would recognize my voice and he did, he turned around briefly and then hesitated for a moment like he wanted to say something to me, and I saw this look of grief on his face and in his eyes, but then he turned back around without saying anything and went in. Then I was overcome by this overwhelming sadness and I felt this heaviness in my heart and started sobbing, while talking to God out loud saying "It hurts so much to be so in love with someone that I know I just can't have."
That's when I woke up with that same heaviness in my heart and tears in my eyes, this strange physical tension in my chest and this sadness like I've never felt before. I prayed to God about him and asked Him what I should do or how I should interpret it. I'm not sure if the sadness I felt was entirely my own sadness or if God is trying to tell me to keep him in my prayers because he's going through a lot right now. Because for the record I'm way past the stage of feeling sad over this boy. I've been focusing on friends and family, going to church regularly, working on my relationship with God, and I've never felt happier. And yet he keeps creeping into every single one of my dreams.
So I guess what I want to know is, could there be a reason that he keeps appearing in my dreams no matter what I do to keep him off of my mind? And could that particular dream have any significant meaning or am I just over-analyzing? I want to reach out to see if he is okay but I'm also wondering if I should just continue to keep that distance and not reach out, and just ignore it. I get this nagging sense that I'm supposed to reach out but I've also really been trying to cut ties. I'm really not sure where to go from here.
