Why do we do what we do?

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Why do we tell couples to wait to get married until they are financially ready, until they are older, etc; but only until they end up pregnant. Once they are pregnant, everyone rushes them to the alter to get married. It doesn't matter how old they are or their financial situation. I understand that getting pregnant before marriage isn't part of God's will, this just doesn't really make sense to me a lot of times. Why should those people who end up pregnant get what so many others want but can't have because they aren't "ready"? I'm not saying those who get pregnant are evil by any means. We're all human. I was just curious your guys thoughts.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

edit: nm too tired to post anything coherent

 

[Windmill]

I suppose, its so the baby can have a family to grow up in from the start. But you make a good point.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I suppose, its so the baby can have a family to grow up in from the start. But you make a good point.

But you don't have to be married to have a family. Of course, its ideal, but thats beside the point.

 

[Briseis]

Having a baby should be effect not cause.

 

[Monaleezza]

You make a really good point.
Couples who are in love and want to marry should not be put off from doing just that.
Age or finance shouldn't hold them back, but immaturity and an inability to be financially responsible should make them also consider whether they should even be dating.

If a baby comes along I guess it's an emergency situation and you make the best of what you've got. Doesn't mean that maturity and financial stability still wouldn't be a better starting point for marriage AND starting a family.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Some people are more worried about finances than others. Some have a hard time bringing in enough money to live on, even if they are responsible with their money.

It was just something I had been thinking about. If someone wants to marry someone, they really should be able to if they are emotionally ready, and can be financially responsible. They shouldn't have to wait until the guy is able to completely support the family, at least in my opinion. That's what is happening with my bf and me. Not that we're ready to get married now, but even if we were, because he's not bringing in $3000 a month, his mother is dead against it.

 

[miss_klara]

Firstly, nobody can tell a couple what to do. Not even their parents (provided they're over 18). If a couple believes that marriage is the right thing for them, they have the freedom to go ahead with it even if all their loved ones are against it. Of course, people can have opinions and advice, and to be honest I think that's handy! People can tell them to wait till they're earning more money, more emotionally ready, etc, but if the couple flat-out decides they're going to get married, they can find someone who'll perform the ceremony, and they'll get married. Just because people advise certain things, doesn't mean a couple has to listen to them.

Secondly, when pregnancy comes into the equation, everything becomes a lot more adult, and a lot more serious. Marriage is viewed as the typical responsible path to choose when an unexpected pregnancy pops up. People rush a pregnant couple into marriage because it makes sense - it gives the girl support, as well as someone to provide for her while she's unable to work. It's financially beneficial, as living costs are shared rather than completely separate. Plus, as someone else said, it gives the kid a start in a typical family.

Personally, I have nothing wrong with what the OP is bringing up. It makes sense to make sure couples don't jump into marriage headfirst, just to find it ending in disaster because they didn't think everything through. It also makes sense for a pregnant couple to speed up the marriage process- provided there was an intention of marriage down the track to begin with, of course...

 

[peanutbutter12]

No, people can't tell others what to do, we can only give advice based on our own experiences and understood training. People need to decide for themselves based on that and other information.

People say to not get married if you're in these situations because they have been there. They thought they knew everything, thought love was the only thing they needed, and got married when they either couldn't afford it or could afford just enough to scrape by, or were still in college and are juggling a full time job and school, or have no career setup after school starts, or aren't mentally or emotionally, or spiritually ready to make that kind of commitment. So they tell others not to do it based on their own experience (and the experiences of others who have done it as well) simply because they were there, know the truth about the issues that come up, and struggled. A struggle that they wish they would have avoided by waiting till they were in a better position to make the move.

The problem is that everyone thinks they have all the answers or are above all the problems; one of many reasons the divorce rate is so high. They refuse the counsel given to them because they know better than people with actual experience and jump in with both feet when they truly aren't ready.

-

To the pregnancy issue, it's a matter of responsibility. There are too many broken families in this world these days because people don't want to be responsible for their actions and/or because they don't have the maturity to deal with the consequences of their actions. We live in a world where people live for self-pleasure and to hell with the consequences and responsibility that comes with it. If you get pregnant, you can always use your "get out of baby free" card and have an abortion. Or if you're male, it's ok, you're not married. Just dump her and move on. Sadly, this is the norm for todays society.

So basically when a girl gets pregnant, they push the two to get married so that they have a responsibility to be a family and stick together for the sake of the child. Do I agree with this tactic? Not really. Do I understand the point behind it? Yep.

The easy way to keep this from happening is to keep your pants on, however, it all goes back to being a self-pleasuring society.

 

[Luther073082]

Well financially I think they need to work it out so that the two of them can take care of the two of them. Its easier for two people to take care of eachother by combining their incomes.

I mean if both are making $20,000 a year its really hard to live on your own with that kind of income. But if they combine them then they have $40,000 a year to take care of two people. Not only is that more manageable you can do it and be middle class.

There is no rule that the guy has to make more money. . . .

The only trouble with this is that if they decide to have a child, the woman has to take a leave when she has the kid and the guy should probably be working and making enough to take care of all 3 of them. Otherwise they will have to save up a bunch of money and live off the savings for a couple months til the woman can go back to work.

As with pregnancy its not as bad as it used to be but people try to get them to the alter quicker for one main reason. They want the child to have a semi-good life with a father and a mother. Too many children grow up with just mom or sometimes even just dad when they really need both.

The only problem is when this happens, it can sometimes lead to divorce.

 

[Bunnymedic]

Why do we tell couples to wait to get married until they are financially ready, until they are older, etc; but only until they end up pregnant. Once they are pregnant, everyone rushes them to the alter to get married. It doesn't matter how old they are or their financial situation. I understand that getting pregnant before marriage isn't part of God's will, this just doesn't really make sense to me a lot of times. Why should those people who end up pregnant get what so many others want but can't have because they aren't "ready"? I'm not saying those who get pregnant are evil by any means. We're all human. I was just curious your guys thoughts.

* one big long sigh*

In a nut shell...

Everyone thinks we should wait so that we are 'financially' and 'emotionally' and spiritually' mature for the demands of marriage...
But then they forget what a struggle it is for young people to stay pure untill that point.

So,when the girl gets pregnant,the church freeks out and they have to get married right away so it doesnt look bad......sin sin sin

 

[RenaeN]

I think that it is crazy, but I agree completely with bunnymedic. It is to cover up sin that they make people get married when they get pregnant. The only bad thing is that the church rarely forgets a "public" sin and sometimes marriage can make it worse.

As to waiting, I hate it too, but I am in this boat as well. I hate waiting for my marriage, but I am choosing to follow advice that my dad feels that I should.

 

[Briseis]

I think that it is crazy, but I agree completely with bunnymedic. It is to cover up sin that they make people get married when they get pregnant. The only bad thing is that the church rarely forgets a "public" sin and sometimes marriage can make it worse.

As to waiting, I hate it too, but I am in this boat as well. I hate waiting for my marriage, but I am choosing to follow advice that my dad feels that I should.

Its not only to cover up the sin amongst the church, but to the public. They dont want the public to forget that we are better than them.

 

[RenaeN]

I think that is something of the problem. We aren't better than the rest of the world. We have been saved by Jesus, but Jesus came to save those that aren't Christians too. We aren't better than them, we just want them to think we are, when really it is just an act.

God Bless,
Renae

 

[Briseis]

I think that is something of the problem. We aren't better than the rest of the world. We have been saved by Jesus, but Jesus came to save those that aren't Christians too. We aren't better than them, we just want them to think we are, when really it is just an act.

God Bless,
Renae

Exactly. Whenever some of that reality comes out, they try to cover it up before anyone notices.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I guess in some ways I agree, it is to cover sin. It's also very hard to stay pure for a lot of people though until it is time to get married (financially, etc). So, people say we're evil if we don't manage to stay pure, wonderful if we do, and stupid if we get married young.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Double post

 

[RenaeN]

I know. It is kinda crazy sometimes. I have been engaged for almost a year and it is another 9 months until the wedding. We have known each other (dating) for 3 years and have been friends since I was in sixth grade. People at church are all up in arms over the fact that "we are too young." It gets me really upset that they would think that. They also for WHATEVER reason, think that we are getting married because we haven't been pure. It's not true, but I know where you are coming from. I can't elope like I want too, because then everyone will think that I am pregnant, when really and truly I just think that weddings are WAY overrated and fussy. But, whatever.

Point is, I understand where you are coming from and I can sympathize.

God Bless,
Renae

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I want the wedding one day. I just want it when we're ready, not when our parents are ready for us. The biggest problem I have is I would really like their support.

 

[Briseis]

I know. It is kinda crazy sometimes. I have been engaged for almost a year and it is another 9 months until the wedding. We have known each other (dating) for 3 years and have been friends since I was in sixth grade. People at church are all up in arms over the fact that "we are too young." It gets me really upset that they would think that. They also for WHATEVER reason, think that we are getting married because we haven't been pure. It's not true, but I know where you are coming from. I can't elope like I want too, because then everyone will think that I am pregnant, when really and truly I just think that weddings are WAY overrated and fussy. But, whatever.

Point is, I understand where you are coming from and I can sympathize.

God Bless,
Renae

Wow, thats crazy, and I feel really bad for you. Why would they think you are getting married because you have not stayed pure? Doesnt make sense to me.