Why do I hate God so much?

[GrindingLA]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

I'm sorry to hear it. So much undeserved suffering for you! In the past and still today. I support you. I have prayed for you most sincerely. I love you in Jesus Christ.

There is no eternal burning hell as torture in the Bible, it's a mistake. God could not allow such injustice, such as eternal torments for short-term life or "inborn sinfulness" that we don't control. God is much more loving and sensible that most people think. Hades/Gehenna/Tartarus are nothing more than physical death of the body.

From the spiritual perspective, your hate is not of God, but of what you picture God to be. People bully and abuse, God never does. You have associated God with bad humans and their bad behaviour.

True God is so different. And even Satan and the demons are His creations and do nothing but His will. So, all is good, all is cool. No need to over-dramatize things beyond of what they really are.

Don't hate or love God, it's really silly. It's like hating air or molecules. It's reality of life. Your strong emotions are against those bad bad people you've encountered in your life. They are not God and do not represent Him.

 

[4x4toy]

nm

 

[Chriliman]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

I'm sorry to hear about all the troubles you've been through This world can be a very harsh place.

God's love over time can heal all wounds including your's and I pray you find the true love of God very soon. We can feel God's love in many different ways, sometimes it comes through compassion shown to us from others which can lift us up and set us on a new course towards a brighter future.

I pray that you will come accross many people who will lift you up and out of the pit that you find yourself in.

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

It's because you are angry at God , you are aiming your anger in the wrong direction, God can't even hear you, he does not have words of hatred upon him. So you are wasting your hatred. Hatred is for times when our newborn are in danger. If the world has made you angry admit it and look at what aggrieved you and sort it. Stop blaming god.

 

[4x4toy]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

Romans 8:6-8 .. What did Jesus teach or do that you hate ? He's the only one I never had to impress once I realized . You are not God , you need God .. I hated God and Christians too before my salvation .. What if you gave Jesus an honest chance his way and you realized and let him love you so much you couldn't hardly take it . What if your whole life suddenly had purpose . Renew your mind to Christ friend , you've suffered enough .. When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired Jesus is waiting for you .. Peace Bro .. In fasting and prayer before I've felt like God was about to reveal his love and I had to call it off because I didn't think I could take the full revelation of his love for me , I think I would have died because it was so intense .. My hang-up I guess , the presence of God was so strong I was afraid I'd mess it up somehow and that who am I to receive such love , to insecure myself I suppose , but I'll see it in full in Heaven in spite of myself .. Lord Jesus I'm so sorry , I love every thing you did , you stand for and your patience with me .. Grind , I pray the Lord will make a way for you to receive a glimpse of His love for you , that you quit trying to keep up an image to chase after or please others to gain acceptance , that you find the love and fear of God .. Amen

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well as someone who rebelled against God because of what others did, let me tell you made one mistake. And that is blaming God for peoples actions. People have free will. If someone wants to drive their car (with their family in it) into a train, thats up to them. But God never stopped loving you. He never stopped caring. Hes always trying to reach out to you. Trust me when people abused you, He was not happy. He was crying with you as He seen you suffer.

He hurts when we hurt because He loves us. He knows we have free will and He can't interfere per say because it is our will to do what we want. But don't blame Him. If anything its those people who you should blame. Though obviously we are to forgive them and focus on God instead.

Again I say this as someone who HATED God. I was depressed, suicidal, angry and a mean person because of what others did to me. It got me no where though. I just kept making my pit of despair deeper and deeper. Until some people on here helped me climb to the top (with Gods help obviously) and realize my anger is misplaced and God loved me. Now my life is great! I am happily married, go to church often. Is life perfect? No. Life will never be perfect.

But with me focused on God I am MUCH better for it.

 

[Brianlear]

Yes, never blame God for the actions of people. He gave us free will. People do some terrible things, and from the Bible we can see that God is not happy about that. But he gave us the gift of freedom and the ability to use it. That is the ultimate gift he gave us. Go out and use your free will differently. The darkness may be close to you, but you can look away. There are other people out there hurting, you know what they're going through. You can help them...

 

[doomsayer2]

Well really you have no good reason to hate God...now JOB for one did,after God pretty much stepped clean out of the way and let Satan have His way with him...yes that's 'His' with a capital 'H' because whenever God actually suggests and/or sanctions such persecution,then the persecutor becomes His instrument.
But my point being at best Job pretty much knew it was God's decision. But losing your family and then almost your own life is nothing compared to losing your own mind,or worse not being able to...but being left to only wonder in confusion just why God is bringing about,or i mean "allowing" certain things in your life that only leave you in a state of mental limbo,not knowing whether to act or wait and being rebuked for either one you decide to do. Well just a brief glimpse into my small world,but my point being is you can't really "hate" God until you know Him on such an intimate level. And knowing you were sent to this Sh*thole planet only to be tested to determine through free-will if you will simply accept and believe in God/Christ or follow Satan/Anti-Christ,and that's it. All the misery and useless BS non-sense you put up with your whole life is for something you may have already made up your mind about from the beginning. But just like any classroom setting,there are "special" cases sitting right next to the genuises,and that's life in a nutshell.
Anyway,i don't mean to be so blunt but sometimes it's the only way to get the point across...

 

[paul1149]

I don't know why you hate God so intensely. I would think it has to do with the pain you've experienced. You have a need to try to offload that pain, and God seems to be the logical dropping point, because as Creator, He gets blamed for this mess we're in.

There was a point when I also hated God, and walked away. He did two things that turned me around: He showed me that I was headed for destruction, and He quietly stuck with me when I least deserved it. When I saw His faithfulness to me, my resistance was broken.

I can guarantee one thing: if you choose to hate God, you will only hurt yourself. When we make that choice, we set into motion spiritual dynamics that are very unfavorable. It's like spitting into the wind. Consider even on an abstract ontological plane, God by definition wins. No one can overcome Him. Satan thought he had God over a barrel by capturing man. God could not save man without violating His own righteousness. But satan underestimated the love of God - the love that would drive the Savior to the cross, to pay our sin-debt for us. If satan could not defeat God, using the most powerful creatively diabolical plan ever devised, there is no way a mere man has any chance of doing so.

Those are the facts. What you do with them is your choice. My counsel is to make God your friend as you begin to face your pain. Come to the accurate realization that He is not the author of sin and pain; it all was begotten against His wishes (He warned Adam not to sin). Instead, He stuck with man when He didn't have to, and eventually made a way of return. The challenge of faith is to trod that road of return, in order to bring as much glory as possible to Him, and restoration to yourself.

 

[Steven Wood]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

I agree with what some have had to say. Hell is misrepresented and such. It sounds to me like you're going through what a lot of people do. "If their was a god then why do bad things happen, If God is love then why is there so much evil, and If God loved me then why does this bad happen to me?" Honestly...PEOPLE STINK. It's man's will done in the name of God that causes bad things. Not to say that some aren't possessed but it's man's inherent nature to be jerks. If you were to take an honest look at God, forsaking the teaching of man about him I think you may see things differently. And to be honest I think that your subconscious is lying to you when you find hell and demons relaxing. Like when people say they can't wait for Jesus to return when you come face to face with them you'll change your mind.

 

[PanDeVida]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

Grinding, you are utilizing "Free Will" that God gave to all, to choose Him or not.

 

[TurtleAnne]

OP are you still around??? It sounded like you were VERY close to a healing epiphany in your post here. I hope you were able to make it the final couple of steps or that you will soon.

I think this is exactly the sort of reason as to why we are supposed to love God more than we love other humans, even our own parents. Which of course doesn't mean not loving other humans at all, but just loving God even more.

Let me break it down:

The ones who deserve your wrath (the anger phase of the grieving process) are the people who abused you. However, most children instinctively love their caregiver(s) so much, that we do not want to direct our anger towards, them not all or most of it, any way, because then we would be acknowledging that our caregiver(s) acted towards us in very malicious ways, and we desire to believe that our caregivers loved us. So instead it is very tempting to direct the anger elsewhere.

A lot of abuse survivors actually direct the anger inwards towards themselves, and it winds up turning into problems like self-harm or substance abuse, and so on. Some survivors turn their anger towards other victims and domestic violence and so on is perpetuated throughout the generations of a family, or they might abuse their spouse, etc.

By turning your anger towards God, I think it is actually an initial sign that you were probably trying to redirect your anger away from your abusers, but at least in a way that was not directed at other human beings. Since God knows everything about you, I am sure that God also knows that you were trying to hold onto your morality and not trying to be a bad person or anything. I mean even I can see that much, and I'm just some random nobody human on the internet.

You have identified all of this already, you have come very far. You know who it was, who was given free will and then made choices to be abusive towards you. God is there to help guide so that your past pains can be transformed into strength and empathy, so that you can also go on to help heal others who have been abused. It's like you're so close, you're almost there.

 

[fishyjoe]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

I'm sorry, you just have to manage your illness to the best of your abilities.

If there is a God at the bottom of this rabbit hole, you'll have an extra leg to stand on.

Now I feel mad at God.

 

[ToBeLoved]

To the @OP

If you pray to God to gradually take your anger away, He will. Pray for peace in your heart, the ability to forgive others who have hurt you, the ability to move on from the past into your present and future,

Anger eats at us, so does regret.

Try this:

Look at your entire situation with God and your childhood, beliefs ect. And think it through, if your loved one asked you what they should do in this situation, how would you respond? Take your emotion out of it and try to look at the situation like it's not you that's in it, but someone else.

Now what advice would you give that person so they have a great life?

 

[doomsayer2]

[Post Removed]

 

[fishyjoe]

Maybe you won't hate God so much the longer you hang out at these forums and keep reading what most of us "christians" are guessing at is the right answer to what others are asking. And then one day deciding to go to a forum section you haven't yet been to only to find out you have insufficient "priviledges" to even post there!? Even for a professing Christian like myself with over 100 posts now,and many "blessings" to boot. But apparently there are some "Mod's" who feel the need to invoke some kind of Ivy League seminary snobbery to keep the undesirables out of certain discussions?? Then maybe you will start to despise the followers of God/Christ more than their/our Maker.
RULE #1 in becoming a "believer"--Listen first to what GOD's Word says and I-G-N-O-R-E what every snob "christian" is saying,including myself. You are converting to a belief in what Christ's atonement has given you in Eternal Life,and NOT to the idea or notion as to what some think-it-all's say this may or may not mean.
Bottom line...C.F. just made my list,and Twitter doesn't have any restrictions on insufficent "priviledges"...uh oh is right!!

" I've done everything the bible says, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff."

Ned Flanders.

 

[huk945]

I literally HATE God.

No you don't. Your blame is just misplaced. God is not the author of anything bad. It's the OTHER guy you should be blaming get it?

 

[saul258]

So much undeserved suffering for you! In the past and still today.

There is not much suffering which is actually deserved. But basically because the people of God make people suffer we tend not to blame the boss. In its history the Churches are responsible for IMHO much more than 100 million death no one blamed God for it.

source

 

[ToBeLoved]

I think it goes back to when I was abused at a Christian school as a child. But that can't be all. I mean, I literally HATE God. It's gotten to the point that I have gotten into conspiracy theories like the New World Order and Illuminati simply because I WANT to join a devil worship organization to try to overthrow God.

I'm a 20 year old guy and I was raised in an extremely religious household. I went to Christian school from Kindergarten to 9th grade, where I was abused by the adults and bullied by the other children, to the point of receiving daily death threats. I have had low self esteem since 5, depression since 10, and been suicidal on and off since 12. I didn't start to actually hate God until I was 16 or so, a couple of years after leaving Christian school. But since then my hatred of God has just grown and grown. I've decided that God is evil, God hates me, and that I would RATHER burn in hell than go to heaven. I spend all day thinking about it. About a year ago I built a romantic relationship with one girl because she believes she is doomed to hell too. I have started meditating, just because I hate God so much. That's how bad it has gotten.

I'm not sure exactly what's caused this? Is it psychosis? My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. I see demons, I go to hell in my dreams, but I find it relaxing. I love the demons. I don't do drugs that aren't prescribed (currently I am on prescribed Prozac, Abilify, and Gabapentin) I don't know what is wrong with me. Does anyone have any theological perspectives on this?

You have been through a terrible experience and those who abused you 'professed' to know God. They are very sick people. Very sick. I am so sorry this happened to you.

I think that the spiritual and physical abuse you suffered has caused you some real problems because it is so horrific.

I think in your mind, maybe to understand why these people did this to you or why they are Christians you have to protect yourself, decided that you hate God because this is the only way it would make any sense to you.

These terrible people put themselves in a position to be in authority over children at your school, probably so they could do exactly what they did, abuse you and probably other children too.

Child molesters often put themselves in positions to be close to children, so they can abuse them. They do this on purpose.

I hope that you will really think about giving God a chance in your life. Yes, you did meet terrible person who called themselves of God, but they are not of God and very sick.

Everything God is is OPPOSITE of these sick people. God loves you. Very much. They used God as an excuse to get close to you. But God nor most Christians are like that. We are taught to love others, not harm others and hurt others. God tells us "Love your neighbor as yourself".

What you need to do is somehow get over your pain. But do you know what? God helps us get over pain. Ask God to help you and he will. HE WILL HELP YOU IF YOU PRAY AND KEEP PRAYING.

You are probably liking hell or demons as a rebellion to God because of how hurt you are. Like to get back at God for the people that hurt you. But this is a terrible way, because it only hurts you. You are putting yourself in a BAD, BAD SITUATION WITH DEMONS. They will tell you anything you want to hear, because they lie. They will pretend to be your friend or give you what you want, but do not be fooled.

God can help you now. The demons do not care about you. They are evil.