My email question about worship:
I had this come up on Saturday night and it's been troubling me some. I know there's some stuff I need to look at in myself, but I want to get a feel for what's my deal and what's other people's unreasonable expectations of how we're supposed to respond in worship. Going to the Passion show on Saturday night I was really troubled by my inability to really get into a spirit of worship. There were some things externally that I really feel like blocked me. Just the whole setup I felt like distracted me, the videos, the lights, the sound. I reminded me of when I went to see Aerosmith. There were a lot of new songs and I always find it difficult to worship if I have to stop and read the words and try to figure out the tempo of the song. I'm also always on guard if I feel like something is aimed at an emotional experience, and I really felt like that's what Passion was aimed at. What they said was solid, but it felt aimed at an emotional high. So Saturday night my mind was going overtime and my heart never really engaged in worship. I came close a couple of times on songs I was familiar with. At the same time I was thinking, why should any external thing keep me from engaging in worship? I should be able to worship anywhere, anytime, and not be distracted if things aren't perfect. I know I'm not a real excitable person, Ramin and I are polar opposites. So I'm not likely to be jumping up and down screaming. But my heart should be able to engage in worship despite distractions. I worship better Sundays at church, I always have a tough time worshiping in growth group.
Her response:
Now, about worship. Here's what I've come up with since yesterday. To answer Ramin's question, I don't think many people carry the high they get from something like a Passion concert out into the world with them, mainly because the high they got wasn't really spiritual at all. It was high, yes, but mostly generated by exciting things that were good but not a result of being filled with the Spirit. However, I don't think it's bad to have that kind of fun, because those are the kinds of things that God uses to teach us about desiring and experiencing Him. When our experience is good, we can know that when we experience God it will be similar but even better. God has designed so many things like that into the world: natural wonders, the beauty of music and art, romance, even sex -- they all have hints of the awesomeness of being united with God. So stuff like that concert can be great teaching tools for many people. They just don't move everybody, and that's nothing to be worried or ashamed about. Sometimes the worship songs do move me, and that's a gift of God's choice for me at that moment. When I don't feel moved, that is also what God has decided is right for me at that moment. Yes, when I feel unmoved I do ask God to examine me and reveal anything that is blocking my worship, but if nothing comes to mind I don't keep worrying about it. I just keep praying and worship in the way that my feelings lead me that day. I also know that God may wait until later to show me that I had a problem. So what I decided yesterday is that I would rather have just one true worship experience in the midst of many days that feel "dry," instead of many, many days of being emotionally moved without actually experiencing God. ("Better is one day in Your house...")
I'm sure that concerts, etc., can be just fine, but there are some people who can get hooked on the idea that worship always makes us feel up, and they follow bands or look for things like healing services or something that generates those feelings. To be honest, I even resent people insisting that the congregation respond with a perky "good morning!" first thing on Sunday. There are quiet ways to worship, too, and I have had some really emotionally painful days that I look back on as some of my deepest days of worship. On those days I feel totally dependent on God, surrendered to Him and looking to Him for every word I say and everything I do. Those who don't understand the way God works would want to "cheer me up" and get me to stop being so "depressed." I can't explain it to them. I just have to ignore them and lean even more on God, and pray for Him to show them what He wants them to know in His own time.
So what does it mean to worship? I think I am worshipping God any time I desire Him, and even any time I wish I desired Him but have to admit that I don't right now. Whenever I think of Him and long for Him and want to be like Him and want to see Him and reveal Him to others in the midst of my circumstances, then I am putting Him above all else, and that is worship. So when you were at that concert and you wanted to be drawn toward Him by the things that were happening, you were worshipping Him, even if it didn't "feel" like it, and even if the people around you thought you were unmoved by it. After all, you were moved, weren't you? Didn't you leave there feeling even more aware of the depth of your longing for God and the hugeness of the hole in your soul that only He can fill? The bigger that hole gets, the more of Himself He can give you. We can't let other people's opinions of what worship looks like affect us in ways that make us miss what is happening in our own souls. Just engage with God, and if the worship music and all that is going on enhances that, great; if not, ignore it. I'm even getting to the point where I sing very selectively -- I only sing when my soul really agrees with what is being said. I'm sure some people might really wonder about me if they could see that my lips aren't moving with everyone else's!
