Why do Christians get divorced?

[NeedyFollower]

"Divorce" everywhere in scripture indicates permission to remarry. If divorce were not the option for a Christian abandoned by a pagan spouse, then Paul's instruction to the Christian spouse would have been the same as his instruction to Christians married to Christians. That would be only separation. There would have been no need for a separate instruction to Christians married to pagans if they were under the same restriction. It would have been just "to the married" and no additional "to the rest."

But Paul is giving a different instruction in the case of a Christian married to a pagan.

And, no, this does not make divorce a "righteous" act even in this circumstance. It still occurs within a cloud of sin, but Jesus knows who caused the sin and who bears the guilt.

Brother , this of course has been debated in various christian circles for some time . It is a pretty significant issue for discussion in anabaptist circles .
The phrase "innocent party " is often used in stances that would allow remarriage . As you said , Jesus knows who caused the sin . I also know who caused the sin. Sin caused the sin and as regarding an innocent party , I do not believe there is such a thing.
God wanted to divorce Israel in the desert for their unfaithfulness and start over with Moses ( knowing full well Moses response . ) Lord ..do not do such a thing ...Moses pled for the people ....as did Abraham for Sodom . David wept and fasted when his enemies were sick .
I am very concerned about a "man centered" gospel which I believe is in away " eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and will bring death" . There is right and wrong ....and then there is longsuffering , patience , hope . When self interest is at the center , the immediate response is " How could they (do this to me . ) I have been a perfect spouse , etc. ( Which may be somewhat true . ) Is not a better response , Oh Lord ...my spouse ..bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh ...part of ME is lost ...lost eternally ...Oh , Lord Jesus ...please have mercy ...do not lay this sin to their charge ..please restore them ...please find them .
So do they have the "right" to remarriage ? What rights has a dead man ? And God forbid they themselves ever fall short of the glory of God and themselves need mercy . If you were a lost sinner , how would you want to be treated ? Where is our love ?

 

[com7fy8]

He meant that unless your spouse cheats on you..

There is translation work which says, "except for fornication".

He does not use the word "adultery", does He?

And in the earlier scriptures there is the thing about if a women fools a man into marrying her, by pretending she is a virgin when she is not. In such a case, she is stoned and he is free to marry another. That would be a case of fornication, in which she on purpose has betrayed a man by deceiving him.

If Jesus means adultery is grounds for divorce > what about whenever we have affairs with Satan, by . . . sinning? Does our Groom Jesus divorce us? Does He dump us?

What if you are not ready to forgive? Who are you having a relationship with, spiritually, if you are not fully ready to forgive?

And if we are, inside ourselves, somehow prepared and committed to be unforgiving, this unforgiveness is in Satan's spirit so we can be spiritually attracting reasons and excuses to be unforgiving . . . since we are committed to unforgiveness. Our readiness for unforgiveness can keep us weak so we are open to being hurt so we have something to be unforgiving about.

For example, being ready to be unforgiving might effect how well we can choose whom we marry, so then we can find ourselves with a cheater. Because we have not been faithful to Jesus and how He is so ready to forgive.

 

[SaintCody777]

When Jesus said that a person who is married and gets a divorce and remarries another is guilty of committing adultery? He meant it. He meant that unless your spouse cheats on you.. Then you have no grounds for divorce and are guilty of committing adultery. Its the same as if you cheated on your wife! Why? Because in Gods eyes a marriage is a lifelong commitment. And there is no reason to God aside from adultery for a lifelong commitment to end. Plus once you start having sex with your new spouse God sees it as adultery because in Gods eyes you never got divorced! Yet so many Christians get divorced and do it anyway as if they don't care that they're hurting God and don't view marriage in the same way.

They're tricked by websites that say that divorce is okay and that Jesus didn't mean what he said. Divorce is NOT okay and Jesus DID mean what he said. Now I'm not saying that these Christians are still not forgiven or that they're not saved. I'm just saying that they WILL have to answer for it on Judgement day. Just like I personally will have to answer for my cussing on Judgement day. There ARE consequences to our actions and its like Christians don't even care that thier sins are hurting God or that Judgement day is only for unbelievers. No Christians will have to give an account to God as well and will be judged too. So before you get divorced remember that you're not only hurting God but that there are consequences to your actions.


I realize that there are abusive and sexless marriages and that people have the right to have sex and not be abused. But these things can be worked out in therapy and to me and to God these reasons are NOT reasons to get divorced. People are just way too quick on that divorce button that its not even funny!

The Bible allows only one divorce and you can do it if and only your wife commits unrepentant adultery and sexual immortality (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). If someone divorces AND remarries then it's adultery and that is when gets God mad (Matthew 5:32). The Bible is clear that you can have only ONE legitimate marriage.
What kind of shocks me is that I, myself was born into a healthy marriage, that is considered illegitimate and adulterous in the eyes of God. my mom was actually married once before in an Episcopal Church she met my dad and then my mom got divorced because it didn't work out well. My mom and my Dad are still Catholic. Even though the family is nourishing, my mom and dad were officially excommunicated from the Catholic Church and they cannot get communion until they get an official absolution and renewal of marriage vows. I did take my first communion when I was 13, but now I, too, am technically disqualified and excommunicated because I renounced the Catholic faith for Biblical Christianity.

 

[Sparagmos]

When Jesus said that a person who is married and gets a divorce and remarries another is guilty of committing adultery? He meant it. He meant that unless your spouse cheats on you.. Then you have no grounds for divorce and are guilty of committing adultery. Its the same as if you cheated on your wife! Why? Because in Gods eyes a marriage is a lifelong commitment. And there is no reason to God aside from adultery for a lifelong commitment to end. Plus once you start having sex with your new spouse God sees it as adultery because in Gods eyes you never got divorced! Yet so many Christians get divorced and do it anyway as if they don't care that they're hurting God and don't view marriage in the same way.

They're tricked by websites that say that divorce is okay and that Jesus didn't mean what he said. Divorce is NOT okay and Jesus DID mean what he said. Now I'm not saying that these Christians are still not forgiven or that they're not saved. I'm just saying that they WILL have to answer for it on Judgement day. Just like I personally will have to answer for my cussing on Judgement day. There ARE consequences to our actions and its like Christians don't even care that thier sins are hurting God or that Judgement day is only for unbelievers. No Christians will have to give an account to God as well and will be judged too. So before you get divorced remember that you're not only hurting God but that there are consequences to your actions.


I realize that there are abusive and sexless marriages and that people have the right to have sex and not be abused. But these things can be worked out in therapy and to me and to God these reasons are NOT reasons to get divorced. People are just way too quick on that divorce button that its not even funny!

Most really abusive people refuse to go to therapy and even if they do it rarely “cures” them. No one should have to live in fear of being assaulted and no child should be in a home where any kind of physical abuse is happening. The best way to get an abuser to change is to leave them. After a couple of spouses leave the abuser may actually start learning to change.

 

[ColoRaydo]

So if a Christian has been divorced and remarried, does that put them into a perpetual and thus unrepentable/unforgivable state of adultery?

Should they intentionally divorce again in order to get out of the sin of adultery? Or if the second marriage is technically invalid anyway, would it suffice to just stop having sex?

Are they no longer saved?

If not, should they not bother with the church, small group, volunteering, mentoring, loving their neighbor thing as it would be a waste of time as far as salvation goes?

 

[Blade]

Forgive me...not sure where your coming from.. this is easy to stand on the out side looking in. Why? I knew a pastor.. very very dear friend we talked all the time.. almost every day. He would talk about other preachers that saw the greener grass on the other side and how they would leave..something he would never do... Yet he also did it. Called him years later.. he talked about how big the Church was.. had built in basketball...on and on. I never judged.. just PRAISE GOD!

So.. why? The enemy knows your weaknesses. There are reasons one can divorce..if we are not to judge nor condemn.. if we are not there GOD..if they didnt come to us asking for help.. WALK SOFTLY then. Been married over 30y PRAISE GOD GLORY TO JESUS! I know what its like to fight almost every day for YEARS. To be held together by a thread... to be where we are now.. to just fall face down before Him and cry cry and cry.. praising Him.. thanking Him.. for with out HIM.. we would not be together. The enemy knows how to use anger... hurt disappointment.. jealousy...on and on. JESUS IS LORD!

There was a song when I was young that was about teens.. yet applies here. "if you've done it and you wonder what to do... go to Jesus and He will make you brand new". If anyone has done this.. confess your sins.. He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and will cleans you from ALL unrighteousness.

There is NO condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.. just repent.. get up dust off and keep going. Stop looking back...and your not here to please man. But the Father.. by FAITH!

 

[Not David]

You should realize that sometimes divorce should happen to avoid the couple from hurting themselves spiritually furthermore. I had a bad infancy with my parents arguing and even though I was sad they got divorced, I am still glad they are not affecting any of us.

 

[James Chairs4U]

When Jesus said that a person who is married and gets a divorce and remarries another is guilty of committing adultery? He meant it. He meant that unless your spouse cheats on you.. Then you have no grounds for divorce and are guilty of committing adultery. Its the same as if you cheated on your wife! Why? Because in Gods eyes a marriage is a lifelong commitment. And there is no reason to God aside from adultery for a lifelong commitment to end. Plus once you start having sex with your new spouse God sees it as adultery because in Gods eyes you never got divorced! Yet so many Christians get divorced and do it anyway as if they don't care that they're hurting God and don't view marriage in the same way.

They're tricked by websites that say that divorce is okay and that Jesus didn't mean what he said. Divorce is NOT okay and Jesus DID mean what he said. Now I'm not saying that these Christians are still not forgiven or that they're not saved. I'm just saying that they WILL have to answer for it on Judgement day. Just like I personally will have to answer for my cussing on Judgement day. There ARE consequences to our actions and its like Christians don't even care that thier sins are hurting God or that Judgement day is only for unbelievers. No Christians will have to give an account to God as well and will be judged too. So before you get divorced remember that you're not only hurting God but that there are consequences to your actions.


I realize that there are abusive and sexless marriages and that people have the right to have sex and not be abused. But these things can be worked out in therapy and to me and to God these reasons are NOT reasons to get divorced. People are just way too quick on that divorce button that its not even funny!

Only the BLIND MAN DOES NOT SIN, Sex and money are very important to human beings, Men see other women and become interested women become interested over discussions; humans have emotions they are very powerful and controlling. An infant knows the difference between between parents and will go to the one who gives him what he wants.... that is human nature and how we are wired. Sex is also very important and is a NEED, reading in the old testament many times men had two and or three wives and in John the women at the well... the one Jesus forgave. I agree with what your saying but disagree with your purpose, if two people are married and decide it is no longer working for them due to the lack of sex or money they need to seek help in all ways they can before ending there lives together.

Sex and money are not two evils they are both necessary and they both make the our world work. We are not God and cannot pretend we are we are not perfect because we are not and will never be......I see divorce every day with it hurting children more then anyone, it's them I pray for.

Think about it.........Emotions control our behavior I recommend a major course in Emotional Intelligence or purchase the book, by
Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence but even that will end our human desire to get and want what we don't have.
PRAYER HELPS.

 

[James Chairs4U]

You should realize that sometimes divorce should happen to avoid the couple from hurting themselves spiritually furthermore. I had a bad infancy with my parents arguing and even though I was sad they got divorced, I am still glad they are not affecting any of us.

I agree, there are times separation or divorce is the best for everyone...........What makes people change from once loving each other to hating. Is it or could it be due to one or the other not paying enough attention to the other......we all love attention.

 

[RDKirk]

Brother , this of course has been debated in various christian circles for some time . It is a pretty significant issue for discussion in anabaptist circles .
The phrase "innocent party " is often used in stances that would allow remarriage . As you said , Jesus knows who caused the sin . I also know who caused the sin. Sin caused the sin and as regarding an innocent party , I do not believe there is such a thing.
God wanted to divorce Israel in the desert for their unfaithfulness and start over with Moses ( knowing full well Moses response . ) Lord ..do not do such a thing ...Moses pled for the people ....as did Abraham for Sodom . David wept and fasted when his enemies were sick .
I am very concerned about a "man centered" gospel which I believe is in away " eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and will bring death" . There is right and wrong ....and then there is longsuffering , patience , hope . When self interest is at the center , the immediate response is " How could they (do this to me . ) I have been a perfect spouse , etc. ( Which may be somewhat true . ) Is not a better response , Oh Lord ...my spouse ..bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh ...part of ME is lost ...lost eternally ...Oh , Lord Jesus ...please have mercy ...do not lay this sin to their charge ..please restore them ...please find them .
So do they have the "right" to remarriage ? What rights has a dead man ? And God forbid they themselves ever fall short of the glory of God and themselves need mercy . If you were a lost sinner , how would you want to be treated ? Where is our love ?

What did you say that actually applies to the real world?

Jesus and Paul dealt with real people in a harsh world who needed real, practicable answers to deal with that harsh world. In Paul's world, a pagan woman turned Christian had already been disowned by her family--unless she returned to their paganism. If she was then abandoned by her husband, she was facing poverty and death. What is your answer to that woman?

Even today, the same thing happens to a woman in most of the Muslim world who chooses Christ. Her family rejects her, her husband divorces her--and they are very likely to kill her. Without the protection of a Christian husband her life is very likely to be miserable and short.

What do you say to her?

No, wait. What do you really think Jesus would say to her?

 

[RDKirk]

And in the earlier scriptures there is the thing about if a women fools a man into marrying her, by pretending she is a virgin when she is not. In such a case, she is stoned and he is free to marry another. That would be a case of fornication, in which she on purpose has betrayed a man by deceiving him.

The interesting thing about that scripture is that based on the way it instructs the proof of virginity to be handled, it would be an awfully stupid mother couldn't prove her daughter had been a virgin--and that was obvious. Furthermore, the cost to the man of an unprovable accusation was very high.

God was not unbiased in that situation--the Law heavily favored the woman.

 

[RDKirk]

So if a Christian has been divorced and remarried, does that put them into a perpetual and thus unrepentable/unforgivable state of adultery?

Should they intentionally divorce again in order to get out of the sin of adultery? Or if the second marriage is technically invalid anyway, would it suffice to just stop having sex?

Are they no longer saved?

If not, should they not bother with the church, small group, volunteering, mentoring, loving their neighbor thing as it would be a waste of time as far as salvation goes?

That's why that teaching actually proves unworkable in the real world. And it's not what Jesus or Paul was teaching.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Up to half of them get divorced because the other person divorces them. Only one has to leave for that to happen.

Yes our laws are stupid in which it only takes one person to get a divorce and it doesn't matter what the other person thinks or if they want to stay in the marriage and work things out. But in the case of a divorce that way I think it is best for a Christians to not get remarried because in the eyes of God they're still married. And it also leaves the possibility of maybe the relationship working out again. There's nothing in the Law that says that a divorced couple can't reconcile with each other. That would be the best case scenario anyway.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Jesus was commenting on the now obsolete Old Covenant. Divorce isn't part of the New Covenant.

I see. I guess that's one interpretation. But I think a person who's constantly being cheated on and when therapy isn't working that they should have the right to divorce. There's only so many times you can forgive adultery. Its a pretty big sin. But I think if they did divorce I don't think they should remarry.

 

[JackRT]

In 1972 my wife of 7 years ran off with another man never to be seen again. I divorced and remarried 43 years ago --- still counting. Seen in retrospect it was a blessing.

 

[Sabertooth]

There's only so many times you can forgive adultery. Its a pretty big sin.

Ability to forgive isn't the long-term issue. God expects/requires Christians to forgive others (even if they don't stay married).

It is the potential for STDs that makes it reckless endangerment, comparable to physical abuse.

 

[Jonaitis]

I agree, divorce was never intended to exist, thus why Jesus said that it is an act of adultery (but not a lifetime sin). Marriage is a covenant union between a man and a woman before God. They are no longer two, but as it were, one person. They have become so united that they share the same life with each other, the same aims and tastes, the same purpose and work, etc.

This is why marrying an unbeliever resembles Daniel 2:43, iron cannot mix with clay. You cannot yoke an ox with a donkey, it is uneven in their design and strength. This is also why the apostle allowed them to leave the union with a Christian, believers are not under such bondage, it is already uneven.

Divorce is ripping asunder that unique bond God had tied, it is rightly to be seen as adultery for them to part and seek other partners. It is like defiling another man's bed.

 

[Danielwright2311]

When Jesus said that a person who is married and gets a divorce and remarries another is guilty of committing adultery? He meant it. He meant that unless your spouse cheats on you.. Then you have no grounds for divorce and are guilty of committing adultery. Its the same as if you cheated on your wife! Why? Because in Gods eyes a marriage is a lifelong commitment. And there is no reason to God aside from adultery for a lifelong commitment to end. Plus once you start having sex with your new spouse God sees it as adultery because in Gods eyes you never got divorced! Yet so many Christians get divorced and do it anyway as if they don't care that they're hurting God and don't view marriage in the same way.

They're tricked by websites that say that divorce is okay and that Jesus didn't mean what he said. Divorce is NOT okay and Jesus DID mean what he said. Now I'm not saying that these Christians are still not forgiven or that they're not saved. I'm just saying that they WILL have to answer for it on Judgement day. Just like I personally will have to answer for my cussing on Judgement day. There ARE consequences to our actions and its like Christians don't even care that thier sins are hurting God or that Judgement day is only for unbelievers. No Christians will have to give an account to God as well and will be judged too. So before you get divorced remember that you're not only hurting God but that there are consequences to your actions.


I realize that there are abusive and sexless marriages and that people have the right to have sex and not be abused. But these things can be worked out in therapy and to me and to God these reasons are NOT reasons to get divorced. People are just way too quick on that divorce button that its not even funny!

When you marry another who pretends to belive and marries you.

Then they leave you and there is nothing you can do about it, this is the biggest reason, this is why I am divorced.

I did not want the divorce, but here I am.

 

[bèlla]

We live in a fallen world. Most aren't marrying people they grew up with whose character they've watched develop over time. My grandmother married her childhood friend. They had over 60 years together. But that's unlikely for most of us. There are things we won't know about the other person.

Adultery is very easy in our current culture. With the ease of apps and other mechanisms a dalliance isn't hard. I've encountered married people on dating sites. Sometimes they're upfront and others not so much. I have discovered that 'complicated' means married or living with someone and if my gut tells me something's off. It usually is.

Monogamy isn't as popular as it was in the past. Libertines no longer hide and alternative relationships are more commonplace than most people realize.

 

[JICS]

The "whys" are too numerous to list, but I agree with those here who say divorce is not a Christian act. Those who have divorced or who are contemplating such are very defensive about it in general and don't care to think about that, but it is true. Part of the problem is that since mankind was expelled from Eden every sin and immoral act has been gaining dominance over mankind and today we're seeing generations of people who were raised apart from God and all the wonderful advice He gave mankind for a happy and healthy and productive life of successful obedience to Him. I have met too few calling themselves shepherds of men who have an adequate understanding of God's Will even after seminary and decades of preaching to others to expect laypersons to understand that "until death us do part" means exactly that. Kids today are being raised by parents and extended families who don't know and love God and who have embraced Satan and the things of Satan without calling them that: hedonism; gambling; pornography; adultery and fornication; degenerate acts; drunkenness; drugs, every sort of perversion under the sun, things which used to carry death penalties until now we have a society which doesn't even apply the death sentence to murderers of any kind. A serious study of the Bible reveals God foretold of this time and this separation from Him and we know that what we are seeing is a clear indication of time/times as we know them coming to their culmination and His return to put us straight again. The sad part of that is that even with His immediate presence for everyone to see mankind will fall away again in time. God doesn't make mistakes, not ever, but mankind never stops being wrong. Thanks be to God that the blood of Jesus the Christ covers our sins and God the Father sees only that, not my sin now.