Why can't he ask me out himself?

[rodgeam]

There's a guy who works in another department at the same place I work at. He's asked two other guys over the past couple of months to try to get me to go out with him, one of which said he's shy around girls. I didn't give them much of an answer though because I don't feel like that's a good way to ask someone out.

The few times he and I have really talked, we seem to hit it off pretty well and he seems like a really nice guy. The last time I saw him, a few days ago, we talked for half an hour (both work 3rd shift, so we have plenty of time to talk at work) about all sorts of things, and he slipped in the question "does your boyfriend go there" (my college). I said no, I don't have one, and he nodded and changed the subject, to us running away from everything here and living in Bermuda where he'll teach me to scuba dive and I'll teach him to skydive lol.

Anyway, if he won't ask me out himself, does that mean he's not really interested? Cause I really don't think I'm that intimidating...

 

[radhead]

It doesn't matter if you are intimidating or not. Shyness will keep some guys from asking you out. Jimmy Page (leader of Led Zeppelin) couldn't even ask girls out, and they were the screaming groupies type. He had someone do it for him.

 

[deliciousBass]

Why don't you give him some help and drop some hints next time you talk to him..

"Gosh, I'm looking forward to the weekend but too bad I don't have anything planned..."

"I'd really like to see such and such movie.."

"That sounds like a great place to eat, I've never been there..."

 

[Evie1980]

Depends - are you interested? Sometimes guys need a little help recognizing that you are interested and that you would say yes. Maybe he thinks that you aren't at all interested in him as you have ignored his other requests through those guys. I don't know but if you are interested and want him to ask you out, give him plenty of opportunities to do so. Look for him and chat with him at work until he gets the courage.
God bless

 

[GoodNewsJim]

Lots of guys have trouble asking girls out. That could be their only major obstacle to dating.

 

[downwardSPIRAL]

If he really said what you wrote he wants to go out with you, thats pretty bold that he said that if you ask me! You should ask him out.

 

[Shiversblood]

If you really wanted to, you could just ask him out yourself instead of waiting for him to do it. You don't have to feel like it would be breaking the rules. Times of changed.

 

[KGirl]

Well I think there is alot of truth that it is better to wait for him to come to you as it seems to be the order of things... But I agree that there are things that you can do from your end.
Maybe even asking him something like "I heard you were trying to relay some message through friends and was wondering about that.."

 

[PureSolace]

Anyway, if he won't ask me out himself, does that mean he's not really interested? Cause I really don't think I'm that intimidating...

Sounds like what we have here is a case of "Lack of Spine."

 

[PureSolace]

If you really wanted to, you could just ask him out yourself instead of waiting for him to do it. You don't have to feel like it would be breaking the rules. Times of changed.

Times have changed only because men are encouraged to be wussy bleeding heart types. I say if he doesn't have the balls to ask her out himself he's not worth it.

But don't let that stop the girl from pursuing him if she's just as interested (but she's probably more interested if she actually acts on it.)

Just my $0.02

 

[PureSolace]

"I heard you were trying to relay some message through friends and was wondering about that.."

Actually, I like that tactic the best. Call him on it on the spot and see how he responds. Good call KGirl.

 

[TexasSky]

If some girl in his past shot him down in an embarrassing way, he may be terrified of asking directly.

Next time one of his friends ask, tell them, "Tell him that if he asks me, himself, I'll go, but that as long as someone else is asking for him, the answer is no."

 

[PureSolace]

Next time one of his friends ask, tell them, "Tell him that if he asks me, himself, I'll go, but that as long as someone else is asking for him, the answer is no."

I agree, but I'd leave out the first three words. if the friends ask for him again the response should simply be something like, "Shouldn't he be the one asking me?" Plus you get to see the quality of his friends, if they're out to help him or not.

 

[soccerdad66]

Sounds like what we have here is a case of "Lack of Spine."

Gotta agree with this one.

I let a buddy do that for me when I was young, and she said yes, but then I didnt know what to do after that, cuz he did it. It was the last time I did that.

That's different then say a blind date or something.

 

[deliciousBass]

Well I think there is alot of truth that it is better to wait for him to come to you as it seems to be the order of things... But I agree that there are things that you can do from your end.
Maybe even asking him something like "I heard you were trying to relay some message through friends and was wondering about that.."

I like your suggestion best. Let's be adults about this peoples

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

Sounds like what we have here is a case of "Lack of Spine."

Times have changed only because men are encouraged to be wussy bleeding heart types. I say if he doesn't have the balls to ask her out himself he's not worth it.

Gotta agree with this one.

I let a buddy do that for me when I was young, and she said yes, but then I didnt know what to do after that, cuz he did it. It was the last time I did that.

That's different then say a blind date or something.

Well, I was just in that situation with this guy that is REALLY shy!!! He was flirting with me for TWO MONTHS....but I could tell he felt awkward when we had a conversation with each other.

After a while, I made it CLEAR to him that I was interested in him......learned his name, made my flirting VERY OBVIOUS....I even went so far as to give him my business card to call me.

Not only, did he NOT call me, he avoided making eye contact with me, because I guess, giving him my card, scared him a bit. I avoided going into his work for awhile, because I was then, embarrassed....when I finally did go in, he went out of his way to talk to me and said that he hasn't seen me for awhile.

So, I wonder if taking the chance of asking the guy out, and making all the moves is really worth the frustration and effort?

Not saying that's what's going to happen to you.....I just don't understand shy guys?

 

[Luther073082]

The answer is he's afraid.

My advise is to tell his friends that you can't go out with him unless he asks you himself. Might give him a bit more of a spine, he needs some confidence.

 

[LostFound1986]

Its not easy for me; I would struggle in the situation too if I liked you, I'd have to really try hard to make sure I asked! The problem for me is that although I'm perceptive with most things I often can't tell if girls are being nice to me or showing they're interested. I've made plenty of mistakes both sides of that. I agree that girls shouldn't have to ask though.

 

[Im_A]

i don't know about this guy but myself, if/when i ask a girl out, it shows i'm really interested. if i just see a cute girl and think to myself, or talk to the guys how itd be cool to take her out, but i do nothing about it, then it shows i really don't care to take her out or get to know her. this isn't to say i don't get shy. because i do. i have to have time to work up the guts to do it. go through it in my head to be sure either one that i can get a yes no matter what, or at least, do it in a manner that i feel comfortable with.

but maybe this guy is different than me. i've just always expected if someone really wants to ask someone out on a date, they do it, instead of playing stupid games because their shy or whatever.

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

but maybe this guy is different than me. i've just always expected if someone really wants to ask someone out on a date, they do it, instead of playing stupid games because their shy or whatever.

See? That's what I tend to think....even if the guy is really shy.
If he was REALLY INTERESTED wouldn't he take that chance to ask the girl out, even if he MIGHT get shot down?

I don't know? I'm not that shy, but I will get shy around someone, who is shy around me.

This whole 'shyness' thing really baffles me.