Why call motherhood a "job"????

[overit]

Ok, let me prephrase this by saying we've had a similar discussion once and would like to open it to other parents here...perhaps even a similar one in WD would be good.I've often had a problem with equating being a mom as a "job"....or even for example assigning a "salary" to a mom, sahm or otherwise.A friend of mine (doesn't have kids yet) sent me one of those e-mails that goes something along the lines of this mom describing her "position" as childhood educator, or something similar and how they feel it's not recognized. I wrote my friend a response and would like to have your thoughts on it, becuase it's something that really bugs me."It’s a great time for sure to remind us of how important mothers and children are, isn’t it? That said, for some reason a lot of moms are doing this emphasis on the “job” aspect….I think that we have something mixed up here. Our children and mothering, is certainly hard work but not a “job”. It’s a privilege that God gave us, it’s an honor, it’s something people CHOOSE freely to do to be able to enjoy the joys, struggle, and love of parenting. Our children and mothering are not “jobs”. Even if exhausting, I chose to have children-society shouldn’t give me a fancy title, nor do I think I deserve one for choosing to procreate and enjoying my children and parenthood. I find it odd that people seem to want to attach a “price tag” to what a parent does….you know the articles floating around about what a stay at home mom’s worth is: Child psychologist, nurse, personal chef, etc…. …we are parents, we chose to have children to be fulfilled with the joys and tribulations of parenting, we sign up for it not because they’re a job but because of the benefits of having children, because God called them a BLESSING, not a job. J We aren’t entitled to special titles, or salaries, or accolades for choosing to procreate and sharing in the miracle of life. I just find it such a mirror to the entitlement era we live in. Society craves recognition and reward for something we have chosen to do from the beginning of time. And we pass on that sense of entitlement to the new generation. When we look at the kids today and say it’s the “ME, ME generation”….the modeling starts at home. We are certainly blessed and it’s an honor to serve God by raising these little ones, He allowed us to experience such an extraordinary event (the miracle of life) and we have a satisfying, rewarding life by blessing us with these children. It’s an honor and a priviledge….not a job. And I say that even as a single parent of two busy boys who can sometimes get on my last nerves to the point I want to run away on vacation a LOT LOL Wow, that rant was long holding back hehe."

 

[overit]

I apologize my spacing doesn't work properly.

 

[overit]

Sorry for the triple post but another thing is....I believe i have probably previously not thought of it and said those same terms.....but I've come to this realization that many of us say these words 'as have I' becuase of how society touts these words if that makes sense...but when you stop to think about it, well I realized it's backwards LOL

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

I think that some mothers (and I include myself in this from time to time) say it's a job because I feel society today does not value motherhood. I am a fulltime SAHM and there is a perception out there by some that SAHM just sit around all day watching soap operas when in fact it's real work to be a mother even if there are rewards involved. So yes, there are times when I do want to say I am an educator because I homeschool, and I am a chef, etc, because why should those people who carry those titles and get paid for them be valued any more than me and the work that I do?

 

[overit]

I think that some mothers (and I include myself in this from time to time) say it's a job because I feel society today does not value motherhood. I am a fulltime SAHM and there is a perception out there by some that SAHM just sit around all day watching soap operas when in fact it's real work to be a mother even if there are rewards involved. So yes, there are times when I do want to say I am an educator because I homeschool, and I am a chef, etc, because why should those people who carry those titles and get paid for them be valued any more than me and the work that I do?

But I guess that's my question....those jobs outside are jobs that pay us for our work....Parenting, we choose to have children, cooking, cleaning, educating, nurturing is not a job, it's what we are supposed to do as parents.An outside job has monetary rewards because, let's face it most of us work because we have to and it's what keeps the world going round', it's time away from our families and life, we are paid for the efforts. The reward and important part of our lives IS our family...it's what we choose to do, procreate, raise a family, marriage, whatever it may be....if we choose to marry or have a family, it's because some find it rewarding and a blessing right? Why does it have the need for a title attached for doing what society has done for years?Work can be satisfying, but there is a reason we're PAID to do it, we study to do it, etc....parenting is completely different and a choice. I can't understand equating it to a job or title in any way? Of course to me the parenting part is hard and tedious, I"m a single parent, but it's the rewarding side of life, it's why I have the outside job (support them), it's a blessing to have them. I don't know if this is making any sense?

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I know I've said "job" before. In our society we (whether we want to or not) are defined by our "job".

"What do you do?"
"I'm a mom."
"Oh . . ."

"What do you do?"
"I'm a freelance writer and graphic designer."
"Oh, really. How'd you get into that?"

There is a difference in how the person asking the question responds when you list your income creating occupation versus what you do with your life. I don't know if I'm making any sense. This is now the 3rd time I've tried to respond to this OP.

I also used to think of my time at home while my husband was off at his paying job as my "job". It was actually very detrimental to my family to have that view. I then wanted "time off" and to punch my time card when my husband came home. You can't do that. When you are a parent you are choosing a course for life. The life larger than our bank account.

 

[~Nikki~]

I agree with the above.

I would tend to call it a job amongst people who have *normal* jobs, because they don't see that you work (and yes it is a privilege) just as hard, if not harder than them. Maybe it shouldn't be called *work*, but truly I'm more tired at the end of the day than when I worked 60-70 hours a week at my *real* job. But yeah, I call being a SAHM a job because I want other people not to think I sit on my butt doing nothing all day.

But I guess in reality it's a calling that God has put on my life...

 

[overit]

I know I've said "job" before. In our society we (whether we want to or not) are defined by our "job".

"What do you do?"
"I'm a mom."
"Oh . . ."

"What do you do?"
"I'm a freelance writer and graphic designer."
"Oh, really. How'd you get into that?"

There is a difference in how the person asking the question responds when you list your income creating occupation versus what you do with your life. I don't know if I'm making any sense. This is now the 3rd time I've tried to respond to this OP.

I also used to think of my time at home while my husband was off at his paying job as my "job". It was actually very detrimental to my family to have that view. I then wanted "time off" and to punch my time card when my husband came home. You can't do that. When you are a parent you are choosing a course for life. The life larger than our bank account.

Yes, I realize this...so could it be then that mothers have felt society pushes them to "define" motherhood in terms of value/job, etc....I guess it's sad that as a society we don't recognize the difference between parenting-a course for you life as you said and are every day occupation (if there is one).Parenting is part of life, the job is what we do to support our life, or as to say to support our family. I guess that's why I feel sad that we have to categorize motherhood as a needed to be labeled occupation-when it's anything but...it's a course of life.And I agree that having that view would be detrimental to a family, as well as cause resentment even at times. Family vs jobs-two separate issues entirely. The one we do to support the choice of having said family-which having said family is done out of our desire for companionship, children, a surrounding love/support system.I'm hoping I get some more parents to chime in also

 

[overit]

I agree with the above.

I would tend to call it a job amongst people who have *normal* jobs, because they don't see that you work (and yes it is a privilege) just as hard, if not harder than them. Maybe it shouldn't be called *work*, but truly I'm more tired at the end of the day than when I worked 60-70 hours a week at my *real* job. But yeah, I call being a SAHM a job because I want other people not to think I sit on my butt doing nothing all day.

But I guess in reality it's a calling that God has put on my life...

Ok, I guess I'm understanding this more. Well I've never stayed at home long, except when the boys were babies (up to 5 months) the days I work from home or am off from work just with my sons, is MUCH easier then beign at work with pressure, deadlines, demands, clients, commuting, conferences, travel, tradeshows, and constant preocupation of work reorganizations every year, meetings, reports due, research, etc...The days I work from home is much easier for me, the days on the wknd or holidays, etc are enjoyable, even if doing stuff around the house.I guess that the thing is I can still work 40-50hrs or more depending on the week and STILL have to come home and do the same chores a sahm would have to do-with the added difference of nobody to share words with (adultwise). I don't think anyone with an outside job shoudl make us feel we have to "measure" anything-because it's to separate entities. I think maybe, perhaps, somewhere along the line society has blurred the line between our lives and careers, as if the two are the same or should be measured against eachother? I guess I'm starting to see a pattern that some feel perhaps devalued by working people in general? So there is a need to "justify" the calling we may have as a parent in terms of describing it as a job? People shouldn't make us feel guilty for our choices, callings and what we do or don't do for that matter I guess. Perhaps the society shift is somethign to work against.And the need to say "just as hard or harder", correct me if I'm wrong is not necessarily the belief that you do or more as a way to get them to not judge you? I hope you dont' take this question the wrong way but more of a way of exploring this issue more in depth then the regular superficial arguments-which really don't even touch on making the distinction between the two worlds (hope that makes sense?). And I dont' want this to turn into a debate at all, more of an understanding of why we view/say things we do about parenting. Getting good feedback so far, thanks and keep em coming!

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

I agree with the above posters.

I think the term job tends to be used in protest of the societal view of motherhood being of little value - certainly less value than working a 'real' job and paying taxes. We SAHM's feel some pressure to be back at work by 1 year post partum to contribute to society again - as if raising the next generation isn't contributing? Or that by SAH we are 'wasting' our talents, that should otherwise be serving the community.

I think you made a great point overit in your last post:

I think maybe, perhaps, somewhere along the line society has blurred the line between our lives and careers

, there is such an emphasis on getting a fullfilling career, that the natural thought progression is anything else is not as fullfilling.
I don't think it's about feeling guilty, it's just that it's more annoying to feel that you have to explain your choice simply because it is not generally the norm.
I also agree with this

And the need to say "just as hard or harder", correct me if I'm wrong is not necessarily the belief that you do or more as a way to get them to not judge you?

. That is true for me - though I don't generally say that. I know my DH works much harder than I do, but I have a lot more emotional investment in my 'work'.

There is also the view that people just don't understand why you would choose to SAH. Either they don't like the lifestyle themselves, or can't understand how you manage without the extra wage. There is a common cry from mothers of I can't wait until they go to school to get my life back, which is fine for them, but this is my life, and I love it...

 

[Neenie1]

I think that some mothers (and I include myself in this from time to time) say it's a job because I feel society today does not value motherhood. I am a fulltime SAHM and there is a perception out there by some that SAHM just sit around all day watching soap operas when in fact it's real work to be a mother even if there are rewards involved. So yes, there are times when I do want to say I am an educator because I homeschool, and I am a chef, etc, because why should those people who carry those titles and get paid for them be valued any more than me and the work that I do?

I feel the same way. I am SAHM, and recently when I had to tell someone what I "did" I told them I was a full time mum, and the reply was "oh so what does your husband do"

 

[heart of peace]

What I am getting from this thread is that you are frustrated with viewing parenthood as a job because you believe that it is more along the lines of a spiritual calling? You said that you chose to procreate so everything that comes along with it is a given. But with that same logic, you choose to work in the field that you do, so then why do you think that it is ok to give that a title of job with responsibilities? It also seems that you see a job as a negative term, a curse in essence because you said that it is a blessing not a job.

I am also getting that you see parenthood as a sacrificial role, one that brings great rewards to the parent.

So, am I misunderstanding you at all?

I think maybe, perhaps, somewhere along the line society has blurred the line between our lives and careers, as if the two are the same or should be measured against eachother?

See, now this is where I think differently. I think society has gone too far away from separating the work parents do from the children of their society. I dislike how separate our "careers" are from our parenting. Children lose out on many wonderful life lessons in being able to watch their parents at work. The two should and have always, until modern times, coexisted.


I don't really think that a person who views parenthood as a job is equating it with a career. They can simply be viewing it as an experience with specific responsibilities and with definite goals in mind. It can still be seen as a blessing if it is seen as a job.

While I think your motives and your points are admirable, your email did come across a bit offensive to those who do view it as a job -- that they are selfish and misguided. It doesn't offend me at all, fyi.

 

[overit]

No, don't think you are understanding where I'm coming from but that's ok. I don't see what was offensive about it...call it what you want, which I understand why someone would feel they have to, but that's because society has pushed women to answer that way, not because it IS a job.It's a chosen path of procreation and having a family. Totally different.I don't feel I need a title as a mother to make it worth more.And i'm not just addressing sahm's here, this is ANY mother....work outside, work at home, stay at home....anyone that addresses children as a "job" that needs to think of a fancy title for mothering or certain $ value associated with it.It's just simply a reflection on society, that's all.

 

[lucypevensie]

I view anything that involves responsibilities and duties as a job. That's why I see my being a SAHM position as a job. It's what I do. It's my job to care for the kids in various ways during the day. It just is. I guess I'm not sure what the big deal is. OK, there are some things different about being a SAHM, and yes, it can be viewed as a "higher calling". But I don't see anything wrong with calling what I do a job also. It's just a word. I don't use it to try to make myself look better than how I feel.

 

[overit]

Call me fickley, the definition of the word job in a dictionary for example I just can't see it relating to motherhood. We refer in this modern day life as a job as "pay for services". We don't deserve pay for services as mothers, we chose to have a family and children...hope it makes sense. So, is marriage "a job", is maintaing family relations "a job"? Is caring for our pets "a job"....or do we choose to have these relationships and nurture and grow them on our own. This is why I can't see it as a "job". Is say, cleaning on our house just to maintain a nice home "a job" worthy of a "chef/ceo/chauffer" title, or are we just not doing what people have done for millions of years to maintain their home and family?Children, marriage, maintaining our home, caring for plants or pets, all part of life.Job: What I do for to maintain financial support so I can live life with my family.

 

[lucypevensie]

I guess it's just a word that I take more lightly then. I think it's my job to care for the kids, to do the laundry, to cook dinner, and it's also my job when I go in to Walgreens and straighten my aisle and get paid money every 2 weeks. They are all things I must do. True, I did choose to become a parent, but I also chose to walk into Walgreens a fill out an application. I have many responsibilities that I consider jobs. Maybe that's a better word to use -- responsibility. I do see where you're coming from though, and yeah, I guess it is fickle to me. But...I'm fickle about a lot of things too, including some words, so...

 

[Hadassah]

OK, I'll admit as a former homeschooler I'm nerdy when it comes to words and defininitions. By definition alone, "job" would be a proper term to this as it is not only a role, it is work.. just like Fatherhood could be described as a "job".. Here in Germany, there is no such deliniation as there is in the US -- Arbeit (work/job) is the same -- and Motherhood or Fatherhood (SAHM/SAHD) is seen on the same level as a paid job.
You might not get the same "Oh cool, so what does that mean exactly?" reaction as maybe a job in IT or something... but people are curious and like to know how it is going for you.

Back home, 45% of the time the reaction is good. The remainder of the time you get the "oh..." and quick subject change or "So, when do you plan on going back to work?"

From Webster's dictionary:

Main Entry:1job Pronunciation: \&#712;jäb\ Function:noun Etymologyerhaps from obsolete English job lumpDate:circa 1627 1 a: a piece of work; especially : a small miscellaneous piece of work undertaken on order at a stated rate b: the object or material on which work is being done c: something produced by or as if by work <did a nice job> d: an example of a usually specified type : item <the limousine was a long white job>2 a: something done for private advantage <the whole incident was a put-up job> b: a criminal enterprise; specifically : robbery c: a damaging or destructive bit of work <did a job on him>3 a (1): something that has to be done : task(2): an undertaking requiring unusual exertion <it was a real job to talk over that noise> b: a specific duty, role, or function c: a regular remunerative position dchiefly British : state of affairs —usually used with bad or good<it was a good job you didn't hit the old man — E. L. Thomas>4: plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes <a nose job>

Motherhood and Fatherhood are a specific duty and role, as well as function... one can do it at home full time, or 'part time' while working, or working at home with the children there with you... either way, still a "job".

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

It's a job--it is also a calling....just as perhaps being a physician might be a job and a calling. I equate what I do with a job- prmarily to help communicate with my husband and others --e.g. I wouldn't go to his work, where he is 10 hours a day and presume to tell him how to run things, nor would I do that to anyone else in regards to their job. What I do all day and all night- it's my work, and I take it seriously to try to excel and succeed at what I do. USing the term "job" I think highlights this seriousness , as well as that it isn't all just butterfly kisses and snuggles.

Sorry if I don't go into everyday over the moon with warm fuzzies--somedays motherhood sucks-sometimes for weeks on end.

 

[LilLamb219]

I have a much better term...vocation. The things God calls us to do are our vocations. I'm a mother by vocation, a Girl Scout advisor by vocation, hand bell choir member by vocation, etc.... Even if I were employed as a graphic designer, that too would be a vocation.

Job is just easier for people to say because they don't understand what vocations truly are

 

[lucypevensie]

I have a much better term...vocation. The things God calls us to do are our vocations. I'm a mother by vocation, a Girl Scout advisor by vocation, hand bell choir member by vocation, etc.... Even if I were employed as a graphic designer, that too would be a vocation.

Job is just easier for people to say because they don't understand what vocations truly are

Vocation is a great word