Why are adventists so concerned with marrying other adventists?

[Castaway57]

I guess you are saying there isn't very much agreement between Adventists and Christians who aren't. This may be a sad but true fact.

What point of doctrine would make such an insurmountable obstacle between Christians? Are we not all saved by grace through faith?

I guess you are into comparing apples with oranges...and why on earth is it a "sad fact" that there are differences? Differences are not "wrong;" regardless of certain limitations they may involve.

One doesnt even have to be religious to know that the facts being stated here are quite true. I have nursing and psychology texts all of which teach that people of different religions do have a harder time if they marry. It's a no-brainer and doesnt even need arguing about. What does need arguing here is the out of touch with reality idea that this would be something unique to Adventists.

 

[JohnMarsten]

Well my initial response was in regards to people of the Christian faith. That's where you'd have a real disconnect. If your faith is how it ought to be, than it plays a critical role in how you live your life. If you meet someone else who is just as staunch as you in what they believe, you're looking to bring unncessary trouble into your relationship. Think of what you see on the General Theology board, now place that in a marriage...

Not a good look

well, IMHO the most important part of a christian life is LOVE... love will overcome everything and few people have it, so if I find somebody who has it... it doesnt matter if we agree on all matters of faith, but thats just my take...

 

[JohnMarsten]

I guess you are into comparing apples with oranges...and why on earth is it a "sad fact" that there are differences? Differences are not "wrong;" regardless of certain limitations they may involve.

One doesnt even have to be religious to know that the facts being stated here are quite true. I have nursing and psychology texts all of which teach that people of different religions do have a harder time if they marry. It's a no-brainer and doesnt even need arguing about. What does need arguing here is the out of touch with reality idea that this would be something unique to Adventists.

I guess there is something to it... different religions may cause some serious trouble, I mean if a christian has to live with somebody who doesnt believe in Jesus he or she may suffer a hard time, in this case we shouldnt be unequally yoked....

And of course I couldnt imagine myself living with a catholic devotee... I just couldnt... but then SDAs might as well be as devoted to things that I dont necessarily agree with (like egw ), I just couldnt stand the idea that my partner would tell me to do something because egw said so...

 

[Castaway57]

I just couldnt stand the idea that my partner would tell me to do something because egw said so...

Many times; this would be the right way to look at it...but then I can think of a couple of places where she tells us we should not steal. As long as it is in the Bible; there should be no problem with it - regardless of the person's name. IMHO OF COURSE.

 

[Stryder06]

well, IMHO the most important part of a christian life is LOVE... love will overcome everything and few people have it, so if I find somebody who has it... it doesnt matter if we agree on all matters of faith, but thats just my take...

LOVE doesn't force change. All I'm saying is that there could be problems there when it comes to matters of faith, that could very well make the marriage a bit more challenging.

I married a girl I grew up with. She was in the church but not IN the church. I won't say that if things were different that I might not have married a woman of a different Chrisitan faith...but I can tell you that that wouldn't be my first pick.

 

[ricker]

LOVE doesn't force change. All I'm saying is that there could be problems there when it comes to matters of faith, that could very well make the marriage a bit more challenging.

I married a girl I grew up with. She was in the church but not IN the church. I won't say that if things were different that I might not have married a woman of a different Chrisitan faith...but I can tell you that that wouldn't be my first pick.

Where are we going with all this? My wife is an agnostic and I still love her and we still get along just fine. She "lets" me go to church and church functions just as I did last night as a leader in our youth peer ministry program.

Love is all about challenge! I have no doubt you love the Lord and I can't but think you have been challenged by that on occasion.

It just seems that Adventists have an uncommon adversion to marrying other Christians outside their circle, compared to other denominations that I have been aquainted with.

 

[ricker]

I guess you are into comparing apples with oranges...and why on earth is it a "sad fact" that there are differences? Differences are not "wrong;" regardless of certain limitations they may involve.

One doesnt even have to be religious to know that the facts being stated here are quite true. I have nursing and psychology texts all of which teach that people of different religions do have a harder time if they marry. It's a no-brainer and doesnt even need arguing about. What does need arguing here is the out of touch with reality idea that this would be something unique to Adventists.

So you think comparing a Baptist, or Lutheran, or Methodist, to an Adventist is like comparing apples to oranges? I do think that is sad. Do you really think we are of different religions? I thought we were all one in the body of Christ.

 

[ImperialJohn]

I've seen some of them - including some pastors - use the text in 2 Corinthians 6 about being yoked together with unbelievers to mean that adventists shouldn't marry non-advenists. But a Christian of another denomination is also a believer so this doesn't make sense to me. Believer in the Word means someone who has put their faith in Jesus Christ, not a specific denomination or set of smaller beliefs - it's about the one big belief of the deity of Jesus and the salvation he offers. Why do some adventists think that marrying a non-believer is a sin and something God can't approve of? There weren't even any adventists in Jesus' day - they didn't exist until 1880 or something, yet God approved of these people who came before and of theur unions in marriage. Jesus turned water into wine for a non-adventist wedding.

I believe you are more likely to have things in common and get along and stay together if you follow the same beliefs including what you describe as "set of smaller beliefs". To adventists these may not be smaller beliefs but a big part of their understanding and faith.

Adventists would not believe that there weren't any Adventists in Jesus time in the sense of people keeping the Biblical Sabbath the correct day that God commanded us to keep which is the fourth commandment. Back then they were know as Jews and later easly Church Christians.

We know that Jesus and all his followers kept the Sabbath holy. After the cross there was no new understanding and his followers continued to keep the Biblical Sabbath.

While the SDA church may have started a lot later in time they may regard themselves as simply re-discovering early understanding and Biblical truths regarding the Sabbath that mainstream Christianity seems to have forgotton or ignores in favour of Sunday.

I believe you're more likely to get along with someone who is from the same Church or denomination of faith as you than someone who isn't. Not saying that is right or wrong, or that dating/marrying someone outside your Church or denomination is wrong, but it can help.

 

[ImperialJohn]

Where are we going with all this? My wife is an agnostic and I still love her and we still get along just fine. She "lets" me go to church and church functions just as I did last night as a leader in our youth peer ministry program.

Love is all about challenge! I have no doubt you love the Lord and I can't but think you have been challenged by that on occasion.

It just seems that Adventists have an uncommon adversion to marrying other Christians outside their circle, compared to other denominations that I have been aquainted with.

When it comes down to it, it is personal preference. Many people like to marry within their own denomination. I don't see anything wrong with that. I believe it is a good thing to have more in common and lets face it, here in the UK where I live, 42% of marriages end in divorce. In the US it is closed to 50%.

It is probably wise to find someone you are highly compatible with in every way to give yourself the best possible chance of a sucessful marriage and not becoming part of that shocking statistic. There are too many broken homes and families on both sides of the Atlantic.

 

[ricker]

When it comes down to it, it is personal preference. Many people like to marry within their own denomination. I don't see anything wrong with that. I believe it is a good thing to have more in common and lets face it, here in the UK where I live, 42% of marriages end in divorce. In the US it is closed to 50%.

It is probably wise to find someone you are highly compatible with in every way to give yourself the best possible chance of a sucessful marriage and not becoming part of that shocking statistic. There are too many broken homes and families on both sides of the Atlantic.

If you don't want to marry a non-adventist that is certainly your personal preferance and you are entitled to it.

The OP in my understanding was asking why do SDA's use 2 Corinthians 6 to basically call any Christians other that Adventists unbelievers?

 

[ricker]

It is probably wise to find someone you are highly compatible with in every way to give yourself the best possible chance of a sucessful marriage and not becoming part of that shocking statistic. There are too many broken homes and families on both sides of the Atlantic.

Interesting. Let's follow this farther.

Someone with an African American background probably shouldn't marry a white person, right?

Someone with a Latin background shouldn't mary someone with an Asian background, right?

Someone who is a lacto-vegetarian shouldn't marry a vegan, right?

Someone who is a Republican shouldn't marry a Democrat, right?

Someone who has a poor upbringing shouldn't marry someone with a wealthy background, right?

Someone with a female upbringing shouldn't marry a person who was raised with a male background, right?

Just wondering.

 

[Castaway57]

I've seen some of them - including some pastors - use the text in 2 Corinthians 6 about being yoked together with unbelievers to mean that adventists shouldn't marry non-advenists. But a Christian of another denomination is also a believer so this doesn't make sense to me. Believer in the Word means someone who has put their faith in Jesus Christ, not a specific denomination or set of smaller beliefs - it's about the one big belief of the deity of Jesus and the salvation he offers. Why do some adventists think that marrying a non-believer is a sin and something God can't approve of? There weren't even any adventists in Jesus' day - they didn't exist until 1880 or something, yet God approved of these people who came before and of theur unions in marriage. Jesus turned water into wine for a non-adventist wedding.

In their official teachings, Adventists do not class other non-Adventists as "not christian." I think that when an Adventist does use that text in 2 Cor 6, it should just mean that "unbelievers" is being applied to simply mean people who dont believe all the same things. Our official teachings would not come close to what you are characterizing here.

 

[JohnMarsten]

Interesting. Let's follow this farther.

Someone with an African American background probably shouldn't marry a white person, right?

Someone with a Latin background shouldn't mary someone with an Asian background, right?

Someone who is a lacto-vegetarian shouldn't marry a vegan, right?

Someone who is a Republican shouldn't marry a Democrat, right?

Someone who has a poor upbringing shouldn't marry someone with a wealthy background, right?

Someone with a female upbringing shouldn't marry a person who was raised with a male background, right?

Just wondering.

can two walk together unless they agree?

I think there is something to it... I mean if people differ too much they will face more problems etc. The thing that always amazes me is how people believing in the same God may have so many differences...

I guess in the end it is love that matters most... no matter how great the differences are... geniune love will overcome everything...

 

[mmksparbud]

Interesting. Let's follow this farther.

Someone with an African American background probably shouldn't marry a white person, right?

Someone with a Latin background shouldn't mary someone with an Asian background, right?

Someone who is a lacto-vegetarian shouldn't marry a vegan, right?

Someone who is a Republican shouldn't marry a Democrat, right?

Someone who has a poor upbringing shouldn't marry someone with a wealthy background, right?

Someone with a female upbringing shouldn't marry a person who was raised with a male background, right?

Just wondering.

Well---if you want to go that far, it's up to you. Religion comes down to following the word of God as you understand it. It is a matter of principle, it is a matter that most often cannot be negotiated unless one person compromises their core believes to keep the marriage civil. The other things mentioned above are merely things that can be argued about, that people can change their opinions about, that people can negotiate without compromising their salvation.

 

[Stryder06]

Where are we going with all this? My wife is an agnostic and I still love her and we still get along just fine. She "lets" me go to church and church functions just as I did last night as a leader in our youth peer ministry program.

Love is all about challenge! I have no doubt you love the Lord and I can't but think you have been challenged by that on occasion.

It just seems that Adventists have an uncommon adversion to marrying other Christians outside their circle, compared to other denominations that I have been aquainted with.

I'm glad that you and your wife get along just fine. There are several people in my church who are married to non-belivers and they get along "just fine". Of course I've seen the fruit of that union in regards to what's going on with their children, but that's not a story fit for this forum. Suffice it to say, it's not a good look.

But of course two loving Christians could have children that turn out bad right? Who's to say? All I'm saying is that it was my preference to marry a woman who was within my denomination. I personally believe it is for the best. I in no wise frown upon someone who decides to do otherwise, and pray that thier relationship works out.

 

[Castaway57]

But of course two loving Christians could have children that turn out bad right? Who's to say? All I'm saying is that it was my preference to marry a woman who was within my denomination. I personally believe it is for the best. I in no wise frown upon someone who decides to do otherwise, and pray that thier relationship works out.

I like the way you said this. Very well put. I wonder where people get the idea that to be "compatible" that a couple must agree on everything? Being "compatible has more to do with "unity in diversity" which is a part of one of our fundamental beliefs.

 

[ricker]

I'm glad that you and your wife get along just fine. There are several people in my church who are married to non-belivers and they get along "just fine". Of course I've seen the fruit of that union in regards to what's going on with their children, but that's not a story fit for this forum. Suffice it to say, it's not a good look.

But of course two loving Christians could have children that turn out bad right? Who's to say? All I'm saying is that it was my preference to marry a woman who was within my denomination. I personally believe it is for the best. I in no wise frown upon someone who decides to do otherwise, and pray that thier relationship works out.

I see you have ignored the point I was trying to make that Adventists married to non SDA Christians should have less obstacles to overcome than many couples.

And of course what about the OP? Is a Baptist a nonbeliever or not??

My children are not bad, thank you.

Amazing thing is I have never seen SDA couple's kid that went bad....wait, do I qualify as bad?

 

[ricker]

Well---if you want to go that far, it's up to you. Religion comes down to following the word of God as you understand it. It is a matter of principle, it is a matter that most often cannot be negotiated unless one person compromises their core believes to keep the marriage civil. The other things mentioned above are merely things that can be argued about, that people can change their opinions about, that people can negotiate without compromising their salvation.

Getting back to the OP, so you are saying according to 2 Cor. 6 Adventists shouldn't marry any Christian except an SDA because all others would be non-believers?

 

[mmksparbud]

Getting back to the OP, so you are saying according to 2 Cor. 6 Adventists shouldn't marry any Christian except an SDA because all others would be non-believers?

I did not say that--I said when 2 people have different core values, the doctrines that pertain to salvation--the one that compromises those will end up lost because they loved their spouse more than God, unless, of course, they repent and return to those values no matter what discord it may bring.It's not that only SDA's have good marriagees---after all, Adam and Eve had the same basic believes at their time--Eve disobeyed God, she was deceived--Adam was not deceived,. but he choose being with her above obedience to God. I've many SDA's end up divorced, I've seen Catholics married to an SDA that stayed together--they both promised to leave the other to their own religious believes without interference--they didn't allways stick to their deal, but most of the time they did. But both wished they could have the bonding of following the same faith as there was a bit of lonliness without that bond.

 

[Castaway57]

I see you have ignored the point I was trying to make that Adventists married to non SDA Christians should have less obstacles to overcome than many couples.

And of course what about the OP? Is a Baptist a nonbeliever or not??

Stryder06 has not "ignored" anything here. He, like many others here, have already adequately answered your questions. You have already been told the answer to this several times.

Our fundamental belief on marriage and family reads like this:

23. Marriage and the Family

Marriage was divinely established in Eden and affirmed by Jesus to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman in loving companionship. For the Christian a marriage commitment is to God as well as to the spouse, and should be entered into only between partners who share a common faith.

Mutual love, honor, respect, and responsibility are the fabric of this relationship, which is to reflect the love, sanctity, closeness, and permanence of the relationship between Christ and His church. Regarding divorce, Jesus taught that the person who divorces a spouse, except for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery.

Although some family relationships may fall short of the ideal, marriage partners who fully commit themselves to each other in Christ may achieve loving unity through the guidance of the Spirit and the nurture of the church. God blesses the family and intends that its members shall assist each other toward complete maturity.

Parents are to bring up their children to love and obey the Lord. By their example and their words they are to teach them that Christ is a loving disciplinarian, even tender and caring, who wants them to become members of His body, the family of God. Increasing family closeness is one of the earmarks of the final gospel message.

(Gen. 2:18-25; Matt. 19:3-9; John 2:1-11; 2 Cor. 6:14; Eph. 5:21-33; Matt. 5:31, 32; Mark 10:11, 12; Luke 16:18; 1 Cor. 7:10, 11; Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:1-4; Deut. 6:5-9; Prov. 22:6; Mal. 4:5, 6.)

Our teachings on marriage are much wider in scope than just one text from 2 Cor or anywhere else. As can be seen, 2 Cor 6:14 is only one of 14 different texts we use to help describe our fundamental belief on marriage. We do not use "unbeliever" from that text, in the context of someone who does not believe in God or who is not a christian.