Expectations can be grown from many things, and inappropriate content certainly plays a role in it. As you and Christ work in, through, and out of this over your time on earth, strive to learn the proper place for attraction, beauty, and sexuality. It's complex, there are a lot of views on it, and plenty of arguments. So in other words, it's exactly like every other aspect of Christian doctrine.
As you do that, you're "wanter" gets changed. If what you wanted was bad, you eventually don't want it (or it won't have quite the same power over you). You want, just as badly and sometimes deeper, what is good. I don't know what that will mean for you, and it's certainly nothing to fear, but you might be surprised at the changes for the better that take place as you learn more about God's love, judgement, and all around ways.
But like I said, it's very different for each person. Story time! This may help you. Or it may not and I'll cause this thread to spiral down into a pit of irretrievable awkwardness. In my own timeline of life on earth, inappropriate content was introduced at an early age and well before salvation. A troubled household that struggled with violence and lots of emotional abuse made inappropriate content very attractive as it was the only place I could see people who genuinely liked eachother (or, rather, gave off that appearance). In real life up until my twenties, I did not see people that actually liked each other except for two occasions, and both of them were between an unfaithful married person and the person they were cheating with. I believe that, chief among the detriments, inappropriate content played with my expectations for emotional intimacy, and it wasn't until many years later as I approached by late twenties and recieved Christ and began to understand what true love really is, that I realized there is a vast difference between love and like. Between being enamored and being committed.
(Side note: If you do not experience feelings of "like" and do not have at least
moments of being enamored with your target of marital love, then something is broken very badly. Those things should exist, I have come to learn.)
As I grew in Christ I realized a lot about true love that I had never known or experienced. Things that were so utterly outside of my experience that I stared at the pages of the Bible and thought "No. I don't believe it. I must be misunderstanding something." To this day, four and a half years into my walk with Christ, I still have lots of struggles with understanding the area of love, especially in the areas of patience and forgiveness. Sometimes I think "Either I'm misunderstanding something or Jesus is just straight up crazy."
For you it appears to have heavily influenced your desires for a certain physicality. You've got to search pretty hard for inappropriate content that intentionally includes wretched looking humanity, but you've also got to look hard to find just "average" people (both men and women). So now you know you're enemy. I also assume that you know your Rescuer. (As a giggly side note: I'll probably be flamed for this, but as a result of inappropriate content I learned early on that bodies can look kind of silly sometimes and to expect that and be okay with it.
Of course, I also learned to expect myself to have an olympian's body or never expect to have anyone attracted to me, but I was also learning that from numerous other sources as well while growing up. Your mileage may, and obviously does, vary.)
Yeah but, telling it to her face or not doesn't change things. You're not going back to get to know her, and apparently it's solely because she's not physically enough for your desires. If I'm wrong, correct me.
I will accept both group and personal blame for this. As a whole I think this forum has become (or always was) rather cynical and jaded. Partly because that's the cool way to be in this age. Partly because we're consistently the butt end of people's jokes as trolls rampage through the forum. Partly because it's the easy way to be.
Speaking of love, the Bible says Love always believes the best of people. Is not quick to anger. The Bible says we should be quick to hear and slow to speak. And I was not that. So I speak to you of true Love -- and do not live it. Forgive me.
I don't have experience with this realm and am not a professional, so take any advice with caution. Just accept what you've got, and find people and organizations that are set up to help you learn yourself better, and also learn others as well. There's nothing to be ashamed of and you're not stupid. It could be that your Asperger's is coloring how you see things and it's different from those around you. Like shaded glasses.
The sooner you get proactive about it the better your chances of a more successful time with relationships. Of course, I say this as a flaming two-face having never done anything about my signs of clinical depression, ADD and OCD (it's not fun and games like people think with shows like Monk. It sucks.)
Behold me, Lord of the Hypocrites.
Don't be like me.
They all purdy, but they also extraordinary examples of the human form for one reason or another. (
asdglkjsalfgkjsdlfgkjScarlett Johansson
gkglkjdaf;goijdalkfgj) I know plenty of people will argue that they're probably artificially enhanced and airbrushed (or
definitely, as the case may be). However, the fact remains that some people can fall out of bed in a cabin cruiser lost at sea for a week and they'll still look pretty nice. Those people are rare. Don't hold out for one, because if you do find one, then you just have to run them through the gauntlet of personal compatibility. Plus things fade after a decade or two. Unless you're okay with trying to get with someone whose body can stop time and start it back up again, except their personality and character totally skeeve you.
Then again, you might get lucky and win the physical-beauty-lotto as well as the awesome-personality-and-character-lotto all on the same day. Feeling lucky?
Yes. I type too much.
"What's taking so long?" as in what taking so long for the end to come upon us, or "What's taking so long for me to get hitched?"
