Who keeps in touch with their EX?

[fields316_2000]

I went through hell. I caught my ex cheating. she ended up taking me to court, filing a restraining order on me out of some fear of me hurting her (im a fighter) and kept my kids away from me for child support - she even admitted in mediation i was a great father but told the judge a series of lies, (which he called her on) to get more money from me..considering the guy she was caught with wasnt supporting her.

now , after all this- i totally ignore her. i dont call. i dont text. i focus on my kids who are old enough to use the phone when they want to talk (when they arent around me)

now, like i said. i do not speak about or to my ex. at all. from all the pain she caused for profit to the abusing our kids mentally( if you dont do as i say you'll never see your dad again stuff)

now she is picking reasons to talk to me. if something minor happens at the kids school, she'll call and paint a dramatic picture to draw me in..and somehow she's recounting movies she's seen and things she is into now.

(mind you, we were together for 12 years from highschool on)

my family said im cold. i feel like after all the betrayal lieing and cheating - not to mention ignoring my suggestions to save our family, i have nothing to say to her. not good, not bad. nothing. i dont know what she could possibly want catching me up with her mom's issues and her on the job situations. i stopped taking the calls , but wonder what she could be thinking ?

 

[dayhiker]

She might be thinking her time with you wasn't as bad as they had thought at the time.

 

[fields316_2000]

Maybe ..but realistically she can not assume its ok and cool to hit Me up like nothing ever happened. I hope it burns her up because once everything happened I mentally took it as the person that I knew died

 

[iambren]

She may miss you. Or if she is all that selfish she may be trying to set you up for something. Watch your back and listen for the Spirit's leading.

 

[dorig59]

Eh, I wouldn't trust her. She's probably having a bad week with her boyfriend or something so she's feeling insecure. Sounds like the type of person who wouldn't mind manipulating YOU to make herself feel better for a short time. Don't let her do it.

 

[mjmcmillan]

My ex still tries to keep in touch with me. Not surprisingly, I'm a little less than thrilled at the prospect.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I call her every once in awhile just to catch up for old times sake. Actually, no I don't. I don't even think of her unless my wife is being a pill. Then I think of what might have been.

 

[fields316_2000]

you cant be serious

 

[BlueJay83]

I'm about to go through a separation, but I would rather have no contact at all than some sort of occasional "catch-up".
Too many memories, too much pain.. I'd rather move on.

I don't blame you for not wanting to talk.

 

[iambren]

I'm in a unique situation where I can go over to the house and spend time with my boys, swimming, bike riding, working on something around the house(which is in BOTH our names). The price tag for all this is an exposure to her which puts a little of that gut wrenching hurt from the divorce. So at home I think can I take the tradeoff today? Last week she was grilling steaks and invited me to have dinner. Should I have said no? It's a head trip.

 

[Sandradee0303]

My H and I still go to dinner (as a family) or he comes over for lunch or dinner (as a family). We go to church as a family. I left him and told him that under no terms did I want to reconcile. He gets it in his head that I will change my mind. Then I remind him of how I feel (and I am not a witch about it). He sets himself up for pain. I honestly believe he just wants to save the marriage to save face. Then in another minute I think "maybe he does love me" then the next minute I remember the hell that was our marriage. then the next minute, then the next minute....you get the picture. I'm done but I am not above being "friends" for our son.

 

[Cute Tink]

I have little choice. We have two kids together and one of them is in parent-child counseling. I do my best to avoid contact with her, but I do get along well with her family and we are both invited to gatherings (along with my family, including my wife). I did have to deal with her texting me when she got lonely, trying to convince me to come spend time with her. I knew she only wanted attention and I stopped giving in after a short time because I knew I wanted no relationship with her. At this point, I feel disdain for her and her continuing downward spiral that she is bringing on herself and simply hoping that the children aren't suffering because of it.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I talk to my ex as little as possible. I keep exchanges and phone calls short and let one of the kids answer if I know it's him calling.

I wish we could be more civil/communicative for our kids' sake, but usually me trying to get him to see my side of a situation ends in him yelling/cussing/threatening me...often, in front of the kids.

 

[Joy71]

This is an interesting topic for me. I just had a meeting with my/our counselor yesterday and he is recommending no contact outside of true emergencies for me and my STBX husband. My STBX is begging to reconcile and pulling out all the stops, EXCEPT giving up his girlfriends, and it really messes with my head. He makes promises he has no intention of keeping and swears he has changed but he hasn't. This has been going on for nearly the whole 2 years we have been separated and we have had many failed attempts at reconciliation because I would once again discover he was continuing his double life the whole time. It is soooo hard to walk away. It is not what I want. But, it is what is necessary. It was his choice in my opinion because i gave him plenty of time and chances to make right and he hasn't. Of course now I am the bad guy who is "giving up on what God can do" and divorcing him. Our counselor is going to lay the no contact thing on my STBX during his appointment today. He doesn't think he will adhere to the request though and has tried to give me ways to handle it when I am contacted. It is going to be so hard. I pray for strength to follow through and be still and silent. I have to make through till October 28.

It is very strange to have no contact with someone you have shared your life with for so long. But, my counselor is right, as long as he can get to me he can get in my head and and play games with my well being.

Joy

 

[mjmcmillan]

This is an interesting topic for me. I just had a meeting with my/our counselor yesterday and he is recommending no contact outside of true emergencies for me and my STBX husband. My STBX is begging to reconcile and pulling out all the stops, EXCEPT giving up his girlfriends, and it really messes with my head. He makes promises he has no intention of keeping and swears he has changed but he hasn't. This has been going on for nearly the whole 2 years we have been separated and we have had many failed attempts at reconciliation because I would once again discover he was continuing his double life the whole time. It is soooo hard to walk away. It is not what I want. But, it is what is necessary. It was his choice in my opinion because i gave him plenty of time and chances to make right and he hasn't. Of course now I am the bad guy who is "giving up on what God can do" and divorcing him. Our counselor is going to lay the no contact thing on my STBX during his appointment today. He doesn't think he will adhere to the request though and has tried to give me ways to handle it when I am contacted. It is going to be so hard. I pray for strength to follow through and be still and silent. I have to make through till October 28.

It is very strange to have no contact with someone you have shared your life with for so long. But, my counselor is right, as long as he can get to me he can get in my head and and play games with my well being.

Joy

Joy, it's seldom that i would recommend ending the relationship/divorcing, but in a situation like this there really isn't much choice. He broke his vows, pure and simple, and will continue to have extra girlfriends in his life regardless of any promise he might make to you. Now you have to decide if the risks-- amongst others, the very real risk of disease-- is worth it. You have a man you can never fully trust again, is that worth it? For most of us the answer is "No", and here I think I side with your counselor--- limit contact to absolute emergency only, don't let him play games with you.

 

[Joy71]

Thanks mjmcmillan. I am following through with the no contact and with the divorce. It is hard but I am gaining more and more of a peace about it each day. I feel like once we have the final hearing the end of October moving on will be easier, being separated is such a strange state of limbo. I also think at that point the STBX will cut his losses and be done with me which will make it easier too.

We do have parent weekend at our DD's college this weekend. Of course we will both be there and that is bound to be challenging. I just keep reminding myself it is about DD not either of us and praying for God to stay right by my side the whole time!

Joy