Who is this lady I should be looking for?

[bvwsmaker]

I do believe it is important to learn about each other.
You should know as much about each other as possible.
But you will never learn everything upfront.
Within a relationship people are always learning new things about each other.

Okay, I was not thinking of bad habits when I wrote about baggage.
While it is important to understand the other person including their habits - good and bad - most of them are not unsurmountable.

I think we're getting closer to the root question, which seems to be "If she really knew me, would she still want me?" And probably most when I'm feeling down is when the bad habits seem insurmountable.

Sometimes I wonder if I "test" people with the bad habits, sort of a "If they can handle this, then I believe they can handle more of my worst baggage". (I don't think it's intentional or at least I hope not.)

I know there are times when I'll look at the "mess" that's accumulated from being a slob and feel hopeless and sometimes even worthless. Maybe even helpless sometimes. Which is contrary to what God says about me. But it's easy to forget what God says. And He says a lot of great truths about us. (Plus it's tough to ask for help in cleaning up the mess.)

Sometimes it amazes me how accepting I can be of other people. Not much fazes me at all. But I'm starting to be more amazed that I have trouble believing that there are others out there that can do the same with accepting me as I really am. I'm not sure I give people a chance to surprise me, even though I recognize that God delights in surprising us all the time. Though the times I've allowed others to really give me grace when I desperately needed it (and even recognized it as such), I'm usually speechless and driven to awe, because it's usually so unexpected.

Well, this was hard thinking for me. But it's good to get it out of my head and out here where even I can evaluate it. Thanks for stimulating my thinking!!!

 

[catofhope]

Well, this was hard thinking for me. But it's good to get it out of my head and out here where even I can evaluate it. Thanks for stimulating my thinking!!!

You are certainly welcome.

 

[catofhope]

I don't think I have the gift of celibacy! But there's times when I wonder if I want to get married (since that would be the only way)! Or I feel I'm in a "I do but I don't" type treadmill.

I sometimes felt the same way but NOT anymore.

First, I guess I struggle with the "who would ever want to marry me"! syndrome. (Well, I know a few but those desparate women really turn me off (or make me run away very, very fast!).) I know I'm not tall, dark & handsome. More like short, pale and a nice shy guy.

ME
And yes you are a VERY NICE SHY guy.
Actually a gentleman who is romantic and sweet.

Second, I think my temperment might be a little picky! (We recently studied the four temperments and the book said that meloncholics were most likely to be in the never married category. And here I thought it was just me! My other half is phlegmatic. We're good at observing life rather than living it.)

You are just fine the way you are.

I don't think I'm that picky. Sure, I prefer that she's never been married also. I prefer that she doesn't have children (I'm not sure I'm ready to be an instant step-father.) I prefer that she didn't outweigh me (which leaves a lot of room since I'm just under 200 lbs.). I'd prefer that she isn't too much taller than me (I'm 5'6" - it's just kind of awkward). But most of these are preferences, not absolutes.

I only met five of the six preferences.
But you really meant it was not absolutes.
And I love you because you are so accepting.

I don't think I could marry a smoker at all. Or a heavy drinker either. (Occasional drinker is fine, as long as she doesn't mind me not drinking.)

I too am glad you do not smoke or drink.

I'll have to think about what else. Because I do think I'd like to start dating again soon - at least within 5 years! (Not that I have much experience at it.)

Definately made it under the 5 year mark.
It was just a couple months afer you posted that we started courting.

And as they say "the rest is history".
Can hardly wait to start our life together.

 

[blueguy]

Lotta good advice there BVW..... pray about it, sit back and let God plant a little woman in your lap. Thats my advice

 

[catofhope]

Lotta good advice there BVW..... pray about it, sit back and let God plant a little woman in your lap. Thats my advice

You didn't read the last post.

Also check out my custom title.

 

[MMXII]

I guess a lot of things have changed since Randy started this thread, eh...good stuff.

 

[catofhope]

I guess a lot of things have changed since Randy started this thread, eh...good stuff.

YEP

 

[bvwsmaker]

I guess a lot of things have changed since Randy started this thread, eh...good stuff.

I think so too!