Who have you lost and how have you dealt with it?

[roddd]

I lost my great grandfather in 2000. I loved him so much. I was there at his house when he died. I couldn't believe it was happening. I just held his hand and cried. I was a paul bearer at his funeral.

And then after we buried him everyone went back to the house and started grabbing stuff and saying "i want this" . Me and my mom couldn't handle it. We just left.

 

[~PICKLE~]

And then after we buried him everyone went back to the house and started grabbing stuff and saying "i want this" . Me and my mom couldn't handle it. We just left. [/QUOTE]




I totally understand that, I was the only female in the house with my husband and his two brothers, not 2 seconds after the phone call, the 2 brother started going through everything. I mean taking pictures out of frames and looking for hidin' 'treasure" To their surprise there was non. Not even a will. But before My husband dad passed, he wanted my husband to take power of Atternoy, and handle everything. He's the youngest, so you can imagine how P O'd the other two were. Something about death makes people into werido's. My husbands older brother has tried everything he can to get control, but since it was in writing before he passed, even though POA doesn't stand up after one dies. That's still what the lawyers look at. His brother wante to take both mom and dad, wich were both cremated, with him and put them in a storage building with all the other stuff he thought he was taking until he found a stable place to live-----Oh no, I may not be blood, But I put my foot down. Needless to say, my husband and I took everything home with us in a U-haul and put in storage, not mom and dad though. When they find a place and we're sure they won't loose it, they can come and get what they want. Anyway that's my 2 cents, death make people crazy.

 

[88keys]

My husband was killed by an accidental gunshot wound in 2002. I never thought I'd be widowed by the age of 39, but I know I'm not the only one that has dealt with this. I just recently discovered this website. I've really enjoyed reading the different topics and have taken comfort from them. I'm glad to see there is a forum on grief. I really wasn't sure where I fit in. At 41 years of age, I wasn't sure I fit in the single's forum. I wish there was one especially for people who have lost spouses at any age. I have been on other websites, but this one has so many more subjects to offer.

It's hard dealing with grief and at the same time dealing with being single again, especially after 20 years of marriage to the same man. I have one son who started college this past year and he's a good kid. I'm really not sure how he has dealt with his dad's death though. I do worry about him. I know God has a plan for our lives and He sees the big picture!

 

[GreenEyedLady]

I am so sorry for your losses Rupert and 88 keys. I cannot imagine losing my husband. I am hoping that the Lord spares me, that I may go first. Better yet, that the Lord comes and takes us all!
I told everyone at my mothers funeral that my mother died of a broken heart, not from physical complications. One thing I wish my mom could have done was to live life without my dad to the fullest. She lost her spirit when he died. That fueled anger in me. She was not there for me the way I wished she could have been.
I hope and pray that if I do have to lose my husband, that I live my life for the Lord and I find HIS purpose for the rest of my life.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both,
GEL

 

[LadyGeorgia]

My husband of 52 passed away on 2/3/04. He got sick at Christmas and the doctors thought he had pneumonia. It turned out he had pulmonary fibrosis - the worst kind. It completely destroyed his lungs within a couple of weeks. He was a 5th grade special education teacher and a pastor of a Baptist church.

We didn't have any children because I wasn't able to. We had been married 17 years. I know he's in heaven but I'm just devastated. It's been 3 weeks yesterday and I still can't stand to be alone. My 21 year old niece is staying with me at night. I know as the pastor's wife, my church is hurting too but I can't seem to pull it all together to help anyone. They all think I am being so strong, but that's just an act. Tony was my everything and I don't know who I am anymore without him. We did everything together. We even sung together in a trio. Now, I can't bring myself to sing or go to the choir. I just want to go home with him. I promised him I would never hurt myself if he was gone, because it would hurt his testimony, but it's so hard without him. Please help! This is so hard! I don't know what to do. I work for the state as a veteran's counselor and I counsel with them and their widows all day. I have gone back to work just to keep busy. I could retire but what for???

Am I crazy?

 

[TCapp]

You're not crazy, dear, you are grieving.

I sometimes grieve for my husband, though he's still with me. But he is 18 years older than I am, so I cannot ignore the strong possibiltity he will die before me, maybe while I am still young. The simple thought alone is heart rending, so I can only imagine the intense grief I will feel if/when it does happen.

I hate death.

My uncle, my Mom's brother (and only sibling), died last Thursday. He had pancreatic cancer, but died of of heart attack. Went fast. He is survived by his wife and two sons, and my mom. My grandparents passed away a couple of decades ago.

Sadly, I was not close, as I grew up in Arizona and he lived in Florida, and we did not see each other. I wish I had known him more.

 

[ethereal hope]

My husband of 52 passed away on 2/3/04. He got sick at Christmas and the doctors thought he had pneumonia. It turned out he had pulmonary fibrosis - the worst kind. It completely destroyed his lungs within a couple of weeks. He was a 5th grade special education teacher and a pastor of a Baptist church.

We didn't have any children because I wasn't able to. We had been married 17 years. I know he's in heaven but I'm just devastated. It's been 3 weeks yesterday and I still can't stand to be alone. My 21 year old niece is staying with me at night. I know as the pastor's wife, my church is hurting too but I can't seem to pull it all together to help anyone. They all think I am being so strong, but that's just an act. Tony was my everything and I don't know who I am anymore without him. We did everything together. We even sung together in a trio. Now, I can't bring myself to sing or go to the choir. I just want to go home with him. I promised him I would never hurt myself if he was gone, because it would hurt his testimony, but it's so hard without him. Please help! This is so hard! I don't know what to do. I work for the state as a veteran's counselor and I counsel with them and their widows all day. I have gone back to work just to keep busy. I could retire but what for???

Am I crazy?

I hope you're still lurking here! (I see you only have 1 post)

I can sympathize as well -- I almost lost my husband (he's 48) when he had a heart attack. We've been together since I was a teenager (old teenager), and I can't imagine my life without him at all. He made some major lifestyle changes, but I am concerned I could lose him, and I know I won't handle it at all when it happens.

I'm praying for you!

 

[LadyGeorgia]

Well, it has been a month yesterday and the pain is still so raw, I feel like I am bleeding. My friends came over tonight and I helped them do income taxes; however, it's 10:15 pm here and they just left. I'm trying to see if I have the courage to stay alone tonight. Family and friends have been staying with me or I have gone to their house. I know I need to be able to do this, but it's so hard. I keep trying to remember I'm not alone and God is still with me! But I still question Why, Why, Why? Being a Pastor's wife, I should have all the answers but I don't! I just have questions. I have kept myself so busy that I can't be alone to think! That seems to be safer. This is the only place I have really let anyone know how lost I feel. I try to be strong at church because our church is so hurt over losing their pastor. But I feel like I just need someone to talk to. My family doesn't go to church so they don't understand all of this.

Please keep praying for me!

 

[GreenEyedLady]

Lady........Its hard, I am sure of it. Have you been able to go to the grave to visit? Sometimes that helps a bit. You can talk to me anytime!
GEL

 

[InHim23]

I lost my mother, gandmother, grandfather, cousin, pets, a freind.... I was very despressed, even before the losses.. and wanted to die... I didn't see the point... Had no friends, or family... But, God changed everyhthing...

I am new here, but I was set free just about 2 years ago. I will explain how.
After about a month of accepting Jesus as my LORD and SAVIOR, I went to a revival that God told me to go to. And I went and I was Healed.
I heard for the first time EVER that I was already healed. I was like, this makes no sense to me... But I kept hearing the word and faith grew inside of me. I head how Jesus healed us 2000 years ago by HIS stripes. That HE took our sins and sickness opon the cross. And passages in the bible where peoples faith made them whole. So I knew that, if their faith made them whole, then mine could as well. I was taught how the importance of confessing, so I started believing with my heart, and confessing with my mouth! I started thanking God for healing me!!! Praising God and thanking him for taking all my sins and sickness upon the cross, and by His Stripes, I AM HEALED!!! Saying, "I think you God that you did not give me a spirit of fear, but of love power and a SOUND MIND." "Thank you for Healing me" "Thank you Lord" "BY HIS STRIPES I AM EALED" I then felt the Power of GOD descend upon me, and the severe depression and thoughts of suicide leave. It litterally lifted right out of my body... I cried for probably 30 minutes, then I was filled with the wonder presence of GOD. I was totally healed. Freed!!! With a sound mind!!! and filled with a spirit of LOVE!!!
He can do the same for you, keeping hearing the word of God. Read Romans 10:17
If none has told you before, let me tell you. "You are Healed!!!" 1 Peter 2:24
He wishes above ALL THINGS that yoe be in good health and prosper.
I am free today, now for 2 years, with no symptoms to retern after I was healded and off meds, because whom the son sets free, is free indeed!
God Bless you all!!!

 

[beinesther]

dear everyone, I have a younger sister in which I share a special bond. If we go anywhere together people think we are twins...we do some things at the same time.. picture ids look the same and could be innerchangeable. We are 4 years apart in age. on december15, 2003 her 3rd child a daughter was born and I was there. then after thier homecoming for christmas I was going on vacation to get away from the drs offices I had seen too often lately. I was in Oklahoma on December 29, 2003 when at 7am my mom called my in laws house....MY LITTLE SISTERS BABY DAUGHTER DIED... I should have been there I thought. Natalie Grace June Cooper December 15-29 2003, Aunt heatherd's Nat the cat passed away from sids. She looked like me.. It was my sisters 3rd child she had by the time she was 25, jjust like me... I miss you Nat the Cat...and I love you my little sister, Mybina(Robin). What else can I do??

 

[Eitak]

My grandpa died in November of 2002. He was 80 years old. Orignally he just went to the doctor because he had a really bad cold. He was there for a week then they released him on a sunday. He still didn't feel very well so they brought in back on a monday and very slowly you could see him start to fail. He had congenital sp? heart failure, and his lungs kept filling up with fluid. Then on that saturday he passed away. I thought it was quite weird though because he waited until everyone was out of the room except for his wife. My uncle and my cousin went to go get something to eat, and my family had just left to get something to eat too. I guess he just wanted to make it easier on us. It was very hard to see him go, because he was such a friendly, warm-hearted kind of guy. At the funeral home I didn't cry at all. The day of the funeral I bawled my eyes out. It's been two years later and I still really miss him, I still do cry sometimes if people mention how great of a man he was. I did learn something from his passing though. It is to help my grandma out as much as possible. She is 82 now and she has diabetes, so I think it is very important for the family to help her. Our family has gotten really close, and my dad and I bring my grandma to church every saturday. Sometimes its really hard to go over to her house, and not see my grandpa. I have to keep reminding myself that grandpa would be really proud of how well we have been taking care of my grandma.

 

[MaryN]

Dear GEL,

I lost my mom six months ago. She got sick in April and died at the end of September. I thought she would always be with me. She was my best friend and we did everything together. She was the greatest example of a godly woman that I ever have known. People expect me to be mad at God and I'm not. I am very sad and I don't understand why Mama had to die. I don't understand why God heals some and others he takes. Some days I only cry a little...but other days the flood gates open and I can hardly stop crying. The friends that we both shared no longer call me or are in touch with me. I finally realized that they too are grieving my Mom's death because they loved her as well. I miss her and some days I wonder if I will ever make it. Yesterday I wanted to die....just so I could be with Mama. I am not suicidal by any means. But I just want to go be with her. I have many mini funerals as I see things that remind me of her. Or when I find a card that she gave me. I have no other parents.

You know what is the hardest for me to do right now? Go to church. Mama and I always went together. It is so hard to walk in the church and sit by myself. I have been going to a church with some friends som Sundays and that helps. But I know that this is a time for me to draw closer to God...not pull away from Him.

Thanks for letting me share this with you.
Mary

 

[GreenEyedLady]

Oh mary, I am sorry.

Its so hard to lose your parents. Its hard to be alone and get going without them. IT is so healthy and wise for you to be accepting God's will, your mom taught you right. When I have days like that, like I cannot wait for heaven, I ask the Lord to show me what HE wants me to do. I ask Him to help me see what it is that He wants me to fullfil at that moment. I usually get my answer.
I hope and pray that you will stay close to the Lord. I hate it when the phone calls stop. Its so lonely and its like people are getting on with thier lives. But can we really blame them? We get on with ours when our friends lose someone. Many blessings to you and more to come, God will bless you Mary, you just stay in HIS will.
GEL

 

[oldrooster]

I lost my mom 6/30/02, she was only 59 at the time. She was in so much physical pain that I feel selfish every time that I miss her. I know she is with the Lord now and is much happier that she ever could be on earth. I spent much time taking care of her in her last days, and I miss that immensely.

 

[pete56]

It seems to me, looking back, that it was me that was lost and then God came in and found me.

But I am getting ahead of myself. My son, our second child, was born with a very serious heart condition that was not diagnosed before he was born, in March 1988. He died two days later and both my wife and me were devastated by the loss.

It seemed at the time (I was not a Christian) that life was not worth living and there was nowhere to turn for help. I turned to drink! It didn't help. Then one evening about a year later as I contemplated what was left of my life and my marriage and family, I felt a pressence. It was as if I was in a deep dark pit and someone had lifted off the roof and let in some light. I felt this pressence surround me and giving me hope.

That night I didn't need a drink to sleep, and I started to look for ways to help those around me.

That weekend (isn't God great?) a couple of local Christians knocked on our door and invited us to attend the local church. I thought "Okay, I can ask them why we had to lose our son?" So I went (Sue my wife didn't, and still doesn't, feel the need, but I keep praying), and I heard a sermon on the importance of the Bible. Not exactly what I thought I was looking for! But just before I tuned out the vicar said something like this:

"Many people say to me that the Bible is irrelevant and contradicts itself!

I always reply Well have you actually read it?"

That got my attention - I have always prided myself in reading the instructions before trying to start something. And here was God saying Well read the book!

Well to cut it short, I did read the book (well parts of it) and I discovered that the presence that lifted me out of that pit was the Holy Spirit, and that I was not the only one who had given his son - God had been there before me, and He knew how I felt.

I still don't have an answer as to why, but I don't feel "lost" any more.

This was not the end of my grief but it was the beginning of a new life.

Many other things have affected and afflicted me since that spring in 1989, the birth of our second daughter (third child) in 1990, the death of my parents in 1998, the near break up of our marriage in 2000. But through it all God has walked by my side and held me in the dark times. I am far from a perfect child of God but I thank Him that He is a perfect Father!

Yours in Him

Pete

 

[jomom]

My daughter, Mary, 20, died last July - 3 months after being dx w/ leukemia. We adopted her when she was 13. Although many days are easier, I've really been struggling again this week. It's another new season - spring - w/o her. She would have been finishing school next month. We also moved in the past year - so have nobody here who knew or remembers her, that we can share our grief with. God has taught me much, & proved faithful. But I am so tired of the tears & pain. And very lonely. (Our first two babies - Jamey & Joey - were stillborn, & I also had another pregnancy loss - Chris).

 

[pete56]

Jomom

thank you for being brave enough to share your grief here with us. I remember how it feels to experience the "firsts". Many people say that 'time heals' but I'm sure I don't need to say that it does not.

Keep holding on to God and those close to you, don't be afraid to share your pain and anger.

You are always in God's hand.

God bless you

Pete

 

[jomom]

It's so hard! I'd hoped I would feel better after a nights rest, but my tears keep falling. Seems like the hardest days should be done, but they're not. 2 of our 3 children at home have some disabilities & emotional/behavioral problems (Mary did too - 3 of our 5 kids were special needs adoptions, two bio.) so I've had to really control my grief around them --or they become very upset & then I have to deal w/ them, too. I can't make new friends here w/o sharing who I am, where I've been, am at...& it's too hard. I HATE being needy but am NOT much fun right now. And I feel like an awful witness to my Lord when my tears overflow. :-( My family has had to deal w/ much the past couple years. When I went to a grief group last Fall & took the stress test (where you're in danger if you hit 300) my score was 728!! (The list includes - tho not limited to - my finally dealing w/ childhood abuse & memories, hubby's unemployment & subsequent lawsuit for wrongful discharge [fired for disclosing employer's misuse of funds] that is JUST finally being resolved, his dx of C-FIDS & trips to Mayo, a major move, my depression & several hospitalizations, etc....... all before Mary's death. What can I say? God has brought much freedom - & I am no longer suicidal & despairing -- but still in a lot of pain.

 

[kiwimac]

Let me see,

My dad died in 1970, my Grandmother in 1977, my mother in 1989. I have lost friends and relationships that were important to me.

The grieving does end but the sense of loss, though diminished, never really fades.

Kiwimac