White lies!

[IHMFIL]

You'd be amazed at what it takes to get someone institutionalized.

We just would have more peace if we could get her evaluated by a Psychiatrist and know exactly what is wrong with her. She will not seek counseling on her own.

 

[Svt4Him]

Agreed.

I've noticed a pattern here:

husband disagrees with father... Divorce ensues
Mother disagrees with father... Off to the hospital she goes.

What's the common denominator here???

Ya, everyone is disagreeing.

We just would have more peace if we could get her evaluated by a Psychiatrist and know exactly what is wrong with her. She will not seek counseling on her own.

Why would "We" have more peace, I thought you lived a 300 miles away?

 

[IHMFIL]

Why would "We" have more peace, I thought you lived a 300 miles away?[/QUOTE]Because "we" my Father and myself are very concerned about my mother bringing more embarrassment to the family, whether it be 1 mile away or 1000 miles away.

 

[Svt4Him]

More embarrassment?

Oh I give up. I should have followed my own advice.

 

[IHMFIL]

Okay! Just to show that I'm trying to be compassionate towards my mother, the one incident that I have trouble sharing is that my Father shared with me that my Mother believes the government is flying planes over their house and spying on her. So if she needs help and does not want it I have trouble knowing exactly how to go about it, since one time we did drive her to the hospital and she refused to get out of the car.

 

[bliz]

Sorry - I still don't see how you are being compassionate toward your Mom. I see how you believe everything your Daddy says about your Mom. I see how you are trying to make Daddy happy and make sure that Daddy loves you and spare Daddy from embarassment. (Oh, please!!!)

If your husband drove you to the hospital and wanted you to stay there, in the psychiatric ward, how would you feel about getting out of the car?

The more you say the more uneasy I become and the sicker this all begins to feel.

 

[IHMFIL]

Sorry - I still don't see how you are being compassionate toward your Mom. My Father would not make up things about my mother. She has isolated herself for many years and sometimes goes a long time without speaking to people and we just are very concerned because my Father is contemplating divorcing my mother and the thought of that scares me to death. I know my Father would be ok but my mother could not last long without my Father. That is why I started this thread because I am desperate to get my Mother help before she ends up alone and helpless in her hopeless state of mind. That is why I reached out to ask is it OK to tell a little white lie in order to help someone for their benefit.

 

[Seeking...]

I wouldn't suggest lying to your mother...or driving to a hospital either. Have you or your father actually spoken to a mental health professional about this situation? In most places you cannot committ someone to a psychiatric hospital unless you can show that they are an actual danger to themselves or others.

 

[IHMFIL]

I wouldn't suggest lying to your mother...or driving to a hospital either. Have you or your father actually spoken to a mental health professional about this situation? In most places you cannot committ someone to a psychiatric hospital unless you can show that they are an actual danger to themselves or others.

[QUOTE] [/QUOTE] I don't mean to brag or boast but 3 of my siblings are doctors and they know how to tell my Father how to approach a Psychiatrist and tell my Father how to talk to the Psychiatrist which has took place, and the Psychiatrist at the hospital says he will be there waiting for my Mother if we can get her there. She is very suspicious of us because of attemting to do this before. That's why she will think if I'm coming from out of town we would want to do something together like go to disneyland, I don't know how else to get her to trust enough to get in the car, because last time we told her we were going to the movies, but this time I plan on having tickets to disneyland in my hand so I think she will at least get in the car.

 

[Seeking...]

I'm sorry, but this is quite simple- either your mother is truly a danger to herself/others or she is not. Your father should not have required any prepping if he was telling the psychiatrist the truth and you should not be involved if he was not. Being hospitalized against your will is a violation of sorts and should only be done to protect the patient or others from physical danger. Please think about the actual impact it will have on your mother to be treated this way. Why don't you visit your parents for awhile and then speak to a professional only about the behaviors you actually witness, see if they can give you advice on how to approach your mom to speak to someone. Maybe the approach is what is off, maybe your mother just doesn't respond to "You've got a problem. What is wrong with you?" followed by wayward Disneyland trips that end up at the hospital- genuine loving concern might work better.

P.S.- Maybe you shouldn't worry about your dad so much, if he is willing to divorce his wife of many years while he believes she is suffering from an untreated mental illness- he doesn't need your worry - he is thinking about himself more than enough...IMHO

Blessings

 

[IHMFIL]

I'm sorry, but this is quite simple- either your mother is truly a danger to herself/others or she is not. Your father should not have required any prepping if he was telling the psychiatrist the truth and you should not be involved if he was not. Being hospitalized against your will is a violation of sorts and should only be done to protect the patient or others from physical danger. Please think about the actual impact it will have on your mother to be treated this way. Why don't you visit your parents for awhile and then speak to a professional only about the behaviors you actually witness, see if they can give you advice on how to approach your mom to speak to someone. Maybe the approach is what is off, maybe your mother just doesn't respond to "You've got a problem. What is wrong with you?" followed by wayward Disneyland trips that end up at the hospital- genuine loving concern might work better.

P.S.- Maybe you shouldn't worry about your dad so much, if he is willing to divorce his wife of many years while he believes she is suffering from an untreated mental illness- he doesn't need your worry - he is thinking about himself more than enough...IMHO

Blessings

My husband and I use to fight about this a lot because my husband would defend my Mother by just blowing it off like, "your moms not crazy she just is lonely because your dad never talks to her except when he orders her to bring him a beer or a sandwich". My husband thinks she is just squirrelly at times and of course he blames my dad. But how can you blow off the fact that she thinks planes are flying overhead and spying on her. I know she would not harm anyone, but she needs some mental health intervention so my Father can have more serenity in his life.

 

[Living4Him03]

They will usually not institutionalize someone unless they are a danger to themselves or an imminent danger to others. In these cases, they can be put in a mental hospital. If you mean mental hospital by institutionalized and you are serious about taking your Mom, then you need to find out the requirements for admitting patients there before you just take her expecting them to take her out of your hands.

If she needs to be in a nursing home, that's a different situation. It sounds like she may need some counseling. It certainly will not help her if you and your Dad treat her as if she is crazy. She is your Mother. Show her a little respect no matter how nuts she may really be. GENTLY speak with her about seeing a counselor about some of the things that are bothering her. Look for a good counselor in your area and call them up to find out about fees and the type of clients they will see.

A licensed counselor/therapist can evaluate her mental health state to determine whether she has a disorder or disease. Then, the therapist can help her cope with the issues she has and can link her to someone who can prescribe appropriate medication, if it is determined to be necessary.

If you take your Mom to a mental health place and she's not as crazy as you think she is, the joke will be on you. Try to empathize with your Mom instead of just labeling her and treating her like she is insane. Even if she is, she should be treated as Christ would treat her...with kindness and empathy.

 

[IHMFIL]

They will usually not institutionalize someone unless they are a danger to themselves or an imminent danger to others. In these cases, they can be put in a mental hospital. If you mean mental hospital by institutionalized and you are serious about taking your Mom, then you need to find out the requirements for admitting patients there before you just take her expecting them to take her out of your hands.

I need to be honest about something. My Father has been talking to a Psychiatrist and my Father tells me that the Psychiatrist says she needs to come in for a visit. So I feel obligated to help my Father out, but I don't know how to get my Mother in the car unless she believes we are going somewhere safe like disneyland, and I will show her the tickets to try to convince her that we are really going there. Do you really think that somebody has to be a danger to themselves or others before they can be taken to the psyche ward! WOW my Father must not be telling me the whole truth about my moms behavoirs. He really is a great man, he's always looking out for everyones best interest including not telling about how my mom must be a threat to him just so I don't get upset.

 

[desi]

Helping your father ditch your mother seems harsh IMHO.

 

[IHMFIL]

Helping your father ditch your mother seems harsh IMHO.

Considering it is Fathers day this weekend, I want to do something that would make his life better and at the same time help my Mother. Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to get my Mother in the car, because she will not go if she knows in advance it will lead to the psyche ward!

 

[jenptcfan]

It sounds like you've already decided how to "get her in the car", so why do you keep asking? You've already decided to lie to her and tell her you're taking her somewhere else. Shouldn't that be the end of discussion?

 

[IHMFIL]

It sounds like you've already decided how to "get her in the car", so why do you keep asking? You've already decided to lie to her and tell her you're taking her somewhere else. Shouldn't that be the end of discussion?

If you had children and someone was breaking into your house and you hid them and the intruders asked if anyone else was in the home would you say yes or no!

 

[selune]

apples and oranges. Your mother didn't pull a knife or anything on your dad, she embarrassed him. Tell him to get some backbone like you've decided to tell your husband when his feelings are hurt... Really this is ridiculous.

 

[IHMFIL]

apples and oranges. Your mother didn't pull a knife or anything on your dad, she embarrassed him. Tell him to get some backbone like you've decided to tell your husband when his feelings are hurt... Really this is ridiculous.

You see what I'm thinking is that I divorce my husband and then my Father can divorce my mom and then I can live with my mother and keep an eye on her and I can get involved again in singles ministry and also be a good christian by helping my mother out, but I would feel more comfortable about this situation if we could just get my mother evaluated by a professional which she absolutely refuses. This situation would be ideal because it would bring my Father the most peace.

 

[mina]

If i was your mother I would just leave on my own and leave no forwarding address to get away from the lot of you.