White lies!

[IHMFIL]

Do you think it is ever okay to tell a little white lie! My Father and I need to institutionalize my mother but we know she won't go unless we tell her were taking her to Disneyland and then drive her to the hospital. Please help!

 

[E-beth]

I never think it is OK to lie. If someone told me we were going to Disneyland and I eneded up somewhere else, I would be livid!!!

Tell her you are taking her to someone who can take care of her. That she is going to a new doctor. Tell her that she is going to a place where she can be looked after the way she deserves.

She probably won't like it no matter if you are truthful or not, so at least give her the gift of honesty and let her prepare herself for it. Even if you don't tell her until you are already in the car.

 

[IHMFIL]

I never think it is OK to lie. If someone told me we were going to Disneyland and I eneded up somewhere else, I would be livid!!!

She probably won't like it no matter if you are truthful or not, so at least give her the gift of honesty and let her prepare herself for it. Even if you don't tell her until you are already in the car.

I know my mother will want to know where we are going before she will get in the car, so I see what you are saying, a half truth is okay, like "hey mom wanna go to the grocery store" and actually go there but instead of going back home just drive to the hospital but don't tell her about going to the hospital.

 

[bliz]

Will your mother know the difference between the institution and Disneyland? If she knows the difference between those two places, you don't want to tell her that.

You can say "We are going to look at an apartment." "We're going to a new doctor." "We are going to meet some nice people." All of those things are true.

Several years ago I went with my Dad to take my Mom to live at the nursing home where she remained until she died. Alzheimers. It was a wrenching experience even as we all knew it was the best choice for her. The night before I asked God to take her home so that she and we could be spared the experience, especially her being left there alone, even though it was an excellent facility.

A few things made the day easier for her. We had many of her posessions in her room waiting for her, including her bedspread, pictures on the walls, a throw rug, etc. She always used those plug-in air fresheners and we made sure one with the same scent was in place. We scented her pillow with her signature cologne.

What I was not prepared for was all the hospital people asking us, over and over again "Why are you here today?" "What would you like us to do for your mother?" Of course they knew, but they wanted to be sure that the family was of one accord and all parties involved knew what was going to happen. I suppose it makes sense. But we had struggled to reach the decision we did not want to make and I found their repeated asking insulting and upsetting. Perhaps if I had know in advance that they would keep asking that question I would not have been so bothered.

God will be with you.

 

[IHMFIL]

Will your mother know the difference between the institution and Disneyland? If she knows the difference between those two places, you don't want to tell her that.

I know my mom will be very upset when we pull up to the hospital because she does not think she has a problem. And yes she will know it isn't disneyland. But something needs to be done because she can be very mean to my Father.

 

[Jenna]

Someone being disagreeable isn't a reason to have them instatutionalized. From the way that you have talked about your mother in threads past, it seems like she is still in control of her senses. Excuse me if I am mildly confused. The bottom line though is that lying is lying, and a person should do all that they can to stear clear of that poor trait.

 

[bliz]

Forgive me if I sound like one of those people at the nursing home who kept asking the same questions over and over... Why is your mother being institutionalized?

 

[GirlieGirl]

Do you think it is ever okay to tell a little white lie! My Father and I need to institutionalize my mother but we know she won't go unless we tell her were taking her to Disneyland and then drive her to the hospital. Please help!

Lol - This is one of your better ones IHMFIL. For being a troll, you sure are funny. lol, thank you, this one made me laught out loud.

 

[IHMFIL]

Forgive me if I sound like one of those people at the nursing home who kept asking the same questions over and over... Why is your mother being institutionalized?

She wrote a letter to the local paper quoting Oprah, and making indirect references about my Father being rude to her and trying to use Oprah to make my Father feel bad, knowing he reads the editorials and all. I worry about my Fathers reputation and well being especially when he tells me how mean she is to him. It is very humiliating for my Father to read about himself in the paper. I agree with my Father that she is unstable and needs to see a Psychiatrist. I know she would never go without being deceived.

 

[IHMFIL]

Lol - This is one of your better ones IHMFIL. For being a troll, you sure are funny. lol, thank you, this one made me laught out loud.

Do you know how much pain I am going through right now having to deal with my divorce and putting my mother into a psyche ward!

 

[mina]

you sound too fixated on your father. He sure has done a good job at controling you.

 

[IHMFIL]

you sound too fixated on your father. He sure has done a good job at controling you.

I know it probably comes across that way, but I worry about what is going to happen to my Mother also.

 

[Whitestone]

Do you know how much pain I am going through right now having to deal with my divorce and putting my mother into a psyche ward!

IHMFIL, it sounds like you really have alot on your plate. I do not really know of scripture to back it up, but I still believe to be sound advice. Take a break from everything for a short time til you can get everything prioritized. Then when that is done take care of problems in sequence.

I know it is much easier said than done, but we are taught to not worry about tommorow because today has enough worries of it's own.

Hope this may be able to help,

Whitestone

 

[Tami]

I know my mother will want to know where we are going before she will get in the car, so I see what you are saying, a half truth is okay, like "hey mom wanna go to the grocery store" and actually go there but instead of going back home just drive to the hospital but don't tell her about going to the hospital.

Half truths are whole lies.

 

[bliz]

It sounds like your mother may need counseling and perhaps medication. But to be placed in an institution? What is going on here?

Do you live with your parents? Have you seen your mother's behavior first hand? A call to the editor of the local paper explaining that your mother has health problems would probably stop any letters from being published and sparing your father embarassment. I love(d) my Mom and Dad, but I would far sooner have seen one of them embarassed than the other placed in an institution, and I know that both of them would have made the same decision.

I know we are working from very little information, but the more you say, the more this does not feel or sound right. Sadly, the Western world if full of stories of women being labled "insane" and wisked away where they could no longer be "meddlesome".

I know that you have an enormous amount on your plate just now, none of it easy, but you may be the only one in a position to see what is really going on and able to do something about it.

 

[Tami]

She wrote a letter to the local paper quoting Oprah, and making indirect references about my Father being rude to her and trying to use Oprah to make my Father feel bad, knowing he reads the editorials and all. I worry about my Fathers reputation and well being especially when he tells me how mean she is to him. It is very humiliating for my Father to read about himself in the paper. I agree with my Father that she is unstable and needs to see a Psychiatrist. I know she would never go without being deceived.

Maybe your mother is mean but that doesn't mean she's crazy. Mean and crazy are not interchangeable words. Please save the beds at the institution for the people who are actually crazy.

 

[bkg]

Maybe your mother is mean but that doesn't mean she's crazy. Mean and crazy are not interchangeable words. Please save the beds at the institution for the people who are actually crazy.

Agreed.

I've noticed a pattern here:

husband disagrees with father... Divorce ensues
Mother disagrees with father... Off to the hospital she goes.

What's the common denominator here???

 

[Violet]

I know my mother will want to know where we are going before she will get in the car, so I see what you are saying, a half truth is okay, like "hey mom wanna go to the grocery store" and actually go there but instead of going back home just drive to the hospital but don't tell her about going to the hospital.

Yea you really sound like you're worried about your mother.


Hey isn't this the Marriage Ministry room? What does this have to do w/marriage?

 

[IHMFIL]

Agreed.

I've noticed a pattern here:

husband disagrees with father... Divorce ensues
Mother disagrees with father... Off to the hospital she goes.

What's the common denominator here???

I know what you're saying Tami, my mom and husband have a lot of issues in common. I was in denial for a long time until I heard my Father talk about my moms issues and then I started realizing, "hey my husband does that also", that is a real revelation, and I definitely don't want to end up like my Father, faced with living with a stubborn and mean spouse.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You'd be amazed at what it takes to get someone institutionalized.