Which way to go!

[IHMFIL]

Not trying to pass judgement...not trying to make anyone feel guilty...we just have to stop thinking of ourselves...I have said my peace. (Yes shout for joy and elation)

I know that is what it comes down to "stop thinking about ourselves", and all I can think about is how miserable my husband is when he has to go around my family, and I'm miserable if i'm not around them, and they are miserable if i'm not around them. And since I don't have children and I can be flexible where I work at geographically I would be in the best situation to help my mom and dad out the most. By divorcing my husband I would be helping him out and my mother and Father out.

 

[E-beth]

Somehow I can't see how diobeying God in terms of the marriage covenant would be helping ANYONE out!

It seems to me that you have already made your decision. Your family is more important and fulfilling than your husband is. You aren't willing to compromise nor make him feel less like an "outsider." My family is EXTREMELY close, and they have adopted my husband as one of their own. We live 500 miles away from them. I ache to be with my family, but I accept that I am where I am meant to be and with whom I am meant to be for now. I constantly pray for my family here to be reunited with my family base. And God is moving in that direction, it seems. But my mom and dad would rather cut their hearts out than to have me leave my marriage in order to "help them out."

You see your marriage as expendable to get what you want. You would dump your marriage, not for reason of infidelity, but because he doesn't get along with your family.

I hope you get everything you want, because I guarantee when decisions are made without God's approval, you won't be happy or successful in them.

 

[IHMFIL]

You see your marriage as expendable to get what you want. You would dump your marriage, not for reason of infidelity, but because he doesn't get along with your family.

I hope you get everything you want, because I guarantee when decisions are made without God's approval, you won't be happy or successful in them.

My husband and I have huge fundamental differences that just can't come to a common working and liveable agreement with. And my husband just has made up his mind if I defend my family or anyone else for that matter who he feels is being rude, disrespectful or overbearring towards him he is going to be very upset at me and he is not willing to let things go and just let me have my opinion about the situation.

1. When my husbands family gets mentioned around my Father, and my Father sometimes say's "there's alot of pollacks where you come from", my husband takes it personally. I just laugh to myself because I know my Father is not directing it as an insult towards my husband or his family.

2. When my brother insinuated that my husband could not be trusted around his teenage daughter and I was upset at my brother and he apologized to me, my husband is upset because I forgave my brother and I still want a close relationship with him.

3. When my husband was giving me a 50th birthday party and he asked one of my sisters if she wanted to participate in the ceremonies and she told him "I can't lower my standards to do something you would initiate", I just laughed to myself knowing my sister. My husband wants nothing to do with her again.

These are just some of the things that make our marriage impossible plus the fact my husband bought some book written by christian counselors and they mention that marriages where a spouse is second fiddle to the other spouses family rarely survive. My husband unbelievably thinks that is what the problem is and I just simply disagree. To me it comes down to christian principles that my husband does not want to do, and that is FORGIVE AND FORGET!

 

[selune]

oh boy here you go again. What a meanspirited family your husband has had to deal with. Maybe he did forgive, the first several times these thinsg happened. The bad behavior continued, he got tired of it and wanted separation from your family and wanted you his wife who was supposed to cleave--to husband--and leave--family--to be with him. You truly do not value your husband in my opinion and you view a sacred marriage vow as disposable. How sad.

 

[wheels4Christ]

To me it comes down to christian principles that my husband does not want to do, and that is FORGIVE AND FORGET![/color][/size]

Before you can truely forgive, the wronged person must ask for forgiveness.
Did Christ just flat out forgive us for our sins without us confessing them? Nope. Did your family ask your hubby for forgiveness?? IMO they are the unrepenting ones.

Before you can forget.... time must be applied to heal those hurtful wounds. But from your description, it seems before your hubby can forget, new wounds are opened. How can anyone forget when they constantly get bashed and disrespected? come on.

Cleave your family. Pure and simple. Thanks and God bless.

 

[joshua_cheung]

Before you can truely forgive, the wronged person must ask for forgiveness.
Did Christ just flat out forgive us for our sins without us confessing them? Nope. Did your family ask your hubby for forgiveness?? IMO they are the unrepenting ones.

Before you can forget.... time must be applied to heal those hurtful wounds. But from your description, it seems before your hubby can forget, new wounds are opened. How can anyone forget when they constantly get bashed and disrespected? come on.

Cleave your family. Pure and simple. Thanks and God bless.

I agree.

 

[rainyday]

Boy, now that you've enlightened us more on this ... I'm on the husband's side.

[in my best Rod Sterling voice] Imagine if you will IH, your husband's family does this to you all the time and your husband just thinks it funny and blows it off while his family NEVER apologizes for it.

Anyone can take a joke at their expense once ... twice ... maybe three times and maybe four ... but for as long as you've been married and the jokes just keep on coming at his expense, they're no longer jokes. You reach a point when you stop and look at someone who always puts you down in a joking manner, and sometimes not so joking, and realize that they mean what they're saying and just being allowed to get aways with it.

IH ... you loved your husband once enough to marry him. You're family is killing your marriage. Your marriage ... your HUSBAND ... is your immediate family now, not your childhood family. The way your family is acting has NOTHING to do with being from a large family. It has EVERYTHING to do with disrespect, disregard and plain ugliness on your family's part. Put yourself in his shoes and see if you'd like it vice versa as well as your acceptance of their 'funny' consistent attacks.

Like the guy who jokes with someone and punches them in the shoulder in the spirit of the moment ... then he does it again in the same spot, okay ... but then again ... maybe it's still okay ... but the next time? That shoulder is going to start hurting with consistent badgering and it will have to be addressed. Your husband has had enough. Be on his side for once!

At your age ... 50+ years, you should know better. Focus on your husband IH, for ONCE stand up for him and demand apologies from your family to HIS FACE. You're enabling them by saying, "that's just my sister or my dad" ... but I'll bet if your husband whipped it back at them they wouldn't like it and they'd want some sort of acknowledgement from him in a way of an apology. The way you mention your father and mother having problems indicates to me there is a problem with your father's behavior to others. Take off your blinders.

You need to refocus your priorities in life. Your marriage is first. I think you're looking for an excuse to leave. I think you just want out. Are you that much of a coward not to stand up for your marriage when it counts?

 

[IHMFIL]

Okay! I'm going to admit something that I know will make me look bad. I don't know what it is about me but when people are blatantly rude or disrespectful to my husband I actually get a charge out of it. I know this hurts him deeply because he has told me "do you realize that you actually encourage people to be that way when you choose to get chumy with the people who are acting like jerks". I have a sister who has a personality like my Fathers and no one in our family cares to be around her too long but I do, because I wish I was that strong of a person to say something rude or disrespectful but I don't have the courage like my Father or sister does, I feel weak because I don't want to hurt someones feelings but I enjoy watching my Father and sister do this to people. I have never admitted this before but I feel powerful when I see someone who wants to be respected like my husband does from his in-laws and they pick up on that and they usually just ignore him, like if we go to one of my siblings homes and we have coffee and desert they will serve everyone including themselves and never ask or bring anyhing to my husband and then when they are finished they will ask my husband "did you want something", and when they do this I get a charge out of it, and when my husband brings it up I just say something like "they didn't do it on purpose". My husband goes balistic and then I will call everyone and tell them how I am afraid of my husbands anger and I get alot of attention that way especially from my family and this makes them even more disrespectful towards my husband. Do you think I'm one of those people who likes to stir the pot!

 

[mina]

I think your family sounds like a cult, and they know how to control you. Marriage vows are not to be taken lightly. If you didn't want to marry your husband to begin with, you shouldn't have and thus caused more pain in his life and in your life too. You sound like a child and instead of loving your husband, it seems like you used him as a ploy to get attention from your strange family. And then you blame him when he doesn't want to be a part of it?

 

[IHMFIL]

I know that my family has it's quirks but my husband just can't accept them the way they are and I can. My husband has told me that it is impossible to be happily married to the person who is extremely close to the people who are the most disrespectful towards him. So, I admit my sin to all, and that is "I would never divorce my family to save my marriage, but I would divorce my husband to save my relationship with my family". I ask Gods forgiveness for my part in the demise of my marriage and the bible tells me that I am forgiven in His name.

 

[Warrior Poet]

So, I admit my sin to all, and that is "I would never divorce my family to save my marriage, but I would divorce my husband to save my relationship with my family". I ask Gods forgiveness for my part in the demise of my marriage and the bible tells me that I am forgiven in His name

I didnt think desi was right IHMFIL... you proved him right. People do use Gods forgiveness and grace as a copout, this is one of those time. If I am judgeing so be it, I will call it how I see it, and the truth can make others feel judged (ill take my pnishment). You wallow in his pain, you can care less about how he feels, the best thing you will have ever done for this man will be to seperate yourself from him, and in turn that might make you happy. God forgives alright, the part people dont like to remember is he doesn't forget and he will make sure you dont either, trust me on that one.
Granted forgiveness isnt in question, peace of mind and heart are, tread carefully.

Warrior Poet

 

[rainyday]

Well, I guess she proves there ARE people out there using the bible like a crutch and excuse to do as they please. IH ... God knows your heart, there's no lying to him. You WILL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE for this.

On a serious note: You need PROFESSIONAL HELP. You enjoy setting your husband up to be hurt and enjoy it, "get a charge out of it" when it happens. SICK SICK SICK SICK!

Why do you enjoy watching a man who loves you get hurt? Can I ask you something? How did your father treat you as a child? Is there abuse there? Not just mental and verbal, because I'm sure there is since you described him as such with others including your own mother. Is there ANY OTHER KIND of abuse? Sexual? Why do you have this need to hurt a man who loves you?

I feel so horribly for your husband. In this instance you are a poor example of a woman wanting to leave her husband. But I have many of the same for men leaving women, I just hate that you popped out on this board right now ... IF YOUR STORY IS TO BE BELIEVED AND YOU'RE NOT A CHARACTER TO BE PLAYED OUT RIGHT NOW WITH THE SAME IP AS ANY OTHER MEMBER! I have my doubts.

Poet, desi is still wrong. She's mentally imbalanced and needs help. She could easily be a he and it still boils down to one thing ... individuals, not genders, use the bible sometimes for all the wrong reasons. Don't hand it all to desi because that's something we all know people of all walks of life do out there.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Poet, desi is still wrong. She's mentally imbalanced and needs help. She could easily be a he and it still boils down to one thing ... individuals, not genders, use the bible sometimes for all the wrong reasons. Don't hand it all to desi because that's something we all know people of all walks of life do out there.

No rainy he isnt thats the saddest part... his whole other thread about sparation, this lady encomapsses it. Gender aside fine, but i sat there defending a point and a group of people, I feel underminded by this very thread...it hurts personally. Chemical embalance or not she ralies under the Christian banner calls on the Christian God and expects His forgivenss. He was right.... there are people out there that do this. Thats doesnt mean everyone does I understand that....doensn't make it hurt less though.

Warrior Poet

 

[IHMFIL]

Lord please forgive the people who have passed judgedment upon my situation, and I thank you Lord that you forgive a sinner like myself who failed at being a good wife to her husband. I hoped and prayed that my husband could forgive me and my family but as of yet he is unwilling, but I know he is in your hands and I pray you will soften his hard heart and one day he will be able to forgive and forget. Amen!

 

[joshua_cheung]

Lord please forgive the people who have passed judgedment upon my situation, and I thank you Lord that you forgive a sinner like myself who failed at being a good wife to her husband. I hoped and prayed that my husband could forgive me and my family but as of yet he is unwilling, but I know he is in your hands and I pray you will soften his hard heart and one day he will be able to forgive and forget. Amen!

Same to you and God bless you.

Forgive your husband if he cannot forgive you and your family. Don't pass judgement on him. Love your husband and your family too.

 

[wheels4Christ]

Ok I am really sadden by your (IHMFIL) foul discard of Biblical teaching. SO here is my testimony to you... so you have no excuse on Judgement Day.

Matthew 19: 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" 4 He answered, "Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." 7 They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" 8 He said to them, "For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery."

So, I admit my sin to all, and that is "I would never divorce my family to save my marriage, but I would divorce my husband to save my relationship with my family".

I don't know what it is about me but when people are blatantly rude or disrespectful to my husband I actually get a charge out of it.

I am so sick by your foul games with your husband. That is just wrong.

Acts 8:22 - Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee.

Make no doubt about it... what you are doing is a sin in its purest form. Yet you get a kick out of it... and you welcome more of it.

Romans 6:1 - What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound?

I question the validness of poster. I like to believe that so-called Christians are not THIS corrupt... so blatantly malice and just plain mean. But only God knows.

After reading this whole post, All I have to say is: PLEASE every true Christian, join me in praying to urge our Lord and Savior to come SOON!

Revelation 22: 11 - Let the evildoer still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy, and the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy." 12 "Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense, to repay every one for what he has done. 13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end." 14 Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. 15 Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and fornicators and murderers and idolaters, and every one who loves and practices falsehood.

PLEASE JESUS, COME SOON. FOR VENGEANCE IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE. I commit IHMFIL to your grace and JUDGEMENT! AMEN.

 

[joshua_cheung]

Lord please forgive the people who have passed judgedment upon my situation, and I thank you Lord that you forgive a sinner like myself who failed at being a good wife to her husband. I hoped and prayed that my husband could forgive me and my family but as of yet he is unwilling, but I know he is in your hands and I pray you will soften his hard heart and one day he will be able to forgive and forget. Amen!

Love can forgive a lot of sin.
I pray that you love your family and your brother.
I pray that you love your husband.
I pray that your husband knows how you love your family and your brother.
I pray that your husband can forgive your family and continue to love you.
I pray that you can understand the word of God and know the heart of anyone for the word of God is powerful.
I pray that God give you wisdom to decide how to sever your brother, your father or your husband first.
I pray that God gives your husband a kind heart.
Have faith in God and let the word of God guides you .

Amen.

 

[IHMFIL]

I need to address something so others don't make the same mistake I did and that was to try and manipulate my husband to divorce me because I believed divorce was an unforgiveable sin. I did hateful things like have a co-worker call our home and leave a message on the answering machine that she was missing the great sex they had the night before. And when my husband came home I let him have it. I would always defend my family no matter what evil they did to my husband, I would trash him to everybody I knew so people would be hateful towards him. I would wait until my husband was having a bad day from the effects of his arthritis and he could hardly move and then I would invite my family over to agitate him, and when he complained of the evil they did to him I would just respond by saying, "where was I", or "your just to sensitive and take things the wrong way". No matter how much my family and I dished out he would not leave. So please do not make the same mistakes I made, if you want out that badly just go and file for divorce and ask for Gods forgiveness. Life is full of decisions to be made and I did not contemplate when I got married that I always longed to have a close relationship with my Father, and when he retired 3 years ago I wanted that more than anything . I confess my sin and I know if I confess my sin to fellow believers and repent of my action I will be forgiven. I pray that nobody who reads this thread will make the same mistakes that I have made.

 

[mina]

Why did you get married in the first place????????

 

[Violet]

I need to address something so others don't make the same mistake I did and that was to try and manipulate my husband to divorce me because I believed divorce was an unforgiveable sin. I did hateful things like have a co-worker call our home and leave a message on the answering machine that she was missing the great sex they had the night before. And when my husband came home I let him have it. I would always defend my family no matter what evil they did to my husband, I would trash him to everybody I knew so people would be hateful towards him. I would wait until my husband was having a bad day from the effects of his arthritis and he could hardly move and then I would invite my family over to agitate him, and when he complained of the evil they did to him I would just respond by saying, "where was I", or "your just to sensitive and take things the wrong way". No matter how much my family and I dished out he would not leave. So please do not make the same mistakes I made, if you want out that badly just go and file for divorce and ask for Gods forgiveness. Life is full of decisions to be made and I did not contemplate when I got married that I always longed to have a close relationship with my Father, and when he retired 3 years ago I wanted that more than anything . I confess my sin and I know if I confess my sin to fellow believers and repent of my action I will be forgiven. I pray that nobody who reads this thread will make the same mistakes that I have made.

I hope you are being sincere....if you are I'm very proud of you for finally admitting your fault. I'll pray for you and your husband....he seems to have been put through hell. Now that you've admitting your guilt...I think you should apologize to your husband. He deserves that at least.