Which way to go!

[Warrior Poet]

Joshua_Cheung those are very wonderful things you have shared and I thank you for them, but I'm in too deep at this point to stop the divorce proceedings, especially since my family is looking so forward to having me back. I just could not tell my family at this point, oh I changed my mind, I'm gonna reconcile with my husband, they would be devastated, and I just could never hurt anyone in my family. I do pray for my husbands future and hope he finds someone that can make him happy, but I need to get active again in my faith and I'm at my best for God when I'm active in singles ministry like I was for 21 years before I met my husband.

Ouch that hurts just reading that.

Warrior Poet

 

[joshua_cheung]

Joshua_Cheung those are very wonderful things you have shared and I thank you for them, but I'm in too deep at this point to stop the divorce proceedings, especially since my family is looking so forward to having me back. I just could not tell my family at this point, oh I changed my mind, I'm gonna reconcile with my husband, they would be devastated, and I just could never hurt anyone in my family. I do pray for my husbands future and hope he finds someone that can make him happy, but I need to get active again in my faith and I'm at my best for God when I'm active in singles ministry like I was for 21 years before I met my husband.

Yes , you can if you are the one initiated the divorce proceedings.

It is good you love your family. But at the same time you can love your husband too. Now, you can take care of your family.

But it is God's wish for you to select His path. If it is possible , try to love everyone. But first, try to reconcile with your husband and change your heart to love him more. You are active in church doesnot mean anything to God but the love in you by following the words of God is very meaningful to God.

If my father is sick and needs my support. I can leave my house and live with my father. But I can love my kids and my wife too. Everyday or everyweek I can tell them the situation of my father to make them care about my father too. These can bring my father and my family together. Love can bind our families together and drive sin away.

 

[IHMFIL]

Yes , you can if you are the one initiated the divorce proceedings.

It is good you love your family. But at the same time you can love your husband too. Now, you can take care of your family.

But it is God's wish for you to select His path. If it is possible , try to love everyone. But first, try to reconcile with your husband and change your heart to love him more. You are active in church doesnot mean anything to God but the love in you by following the words of God is very meaningful to God.

If my father is sick and needs my support. I can leave my house and live with my father. But I can love my kids and my wife too. Everyday or everyweek I can tell them the situation of my father to make them care about my father too. These can bring my father and my family together. Love can bind our families together and drive sin away.

Joshua you must understand this: my husband hates my family, there is no changing his mind or attitude. Yes they have been rude and disrespectful towards him and yes he has forgiven my father after my Father apologized to him, but he says that's it. At this point he is miserable and so am I. It's like this weekend I will be going to OH and there is nothing in my life I yearn to do more than that. I wish my husband and family liked each other and they don't. We just end up fighting over the same things, over and over again. I have tried marriage and I am not good at it, I have retained almost all of my premarital friendships and mostly look forward to the reunion with people I have spent little or no time with in the last eight years. I admit my family has been rude, overbearring, and disrespectful towards my husband, but he calls himself a christian and he will not keep forgiving them as Jesus instructed us to do. In the end we got screwed on our real estate transaction and when my husband said he was going to speak to an attorney about it I defended our realtor. I do not know what makes me be more loyal to people than my husband. I do not know why I do these things but I know they hurt my husband a great deal and I don't want to hurt him anymore. He has enough pain in his life just dealing with his arthritis. I guess I'm just hopelessly co-dependent.

 

[joshua_cheung]

Even you are christian for so many years, you don't understand the bible.
You haven't experienced the power of the words of God. They are magic but they take time to develop in the heart of people.

If there is sin in our heart, we speak and our words will contain sin and contaminate the ones who hear us.
In the same way, if there is love , kindness, brave , self control in our heart , we speak and our words will contain love, kindness, forgive and self control and affect the people who hear us.

However , there are sin and love in our heart in the same time, so we have to keep the words of God in our heart to protect ourself. Don't let the sin of others contaminate our heart. Don't let the sin of ourselves to contaminate our heart or other people's hearts. We have to develop our love and guard our heart.

I don't ask you to change your husband or your family. I ask you to change your heart.
Keep the words of God in your heart - love based on knowledge, brave, kindness , forgiveness, don't judge. Then after a period of time, God will bless the people around you. So I ask you to love your husband. Please don't try to change your husband or your father's family. Change yourself only. Then you can affect their heart magically.

 

[IHMFIL]

so we have to keep the words of God in our heart to protect ourself. Don't let the sin of others contaminate our heart. Don't let the sin of ourselves to contaminate our heart or other people's hearts. We have to develop our love and guard our heart.

I don't ask you to change your husband or your family. I ask you to change your heart.
Keep the words of God in your heart - love based on knowledge, brave, kindness , forgiveness, don't judge. Then after a period of time, God will bless the people around you. So I ask you to love your husband. Please don't try to change your husband or your father's family. Change yourself only. Then you can affect their heart magically.

Joshua, I really tried not to control my husband but I do at times and when he feels like I'm trying to control him then he tries to control me and it is just an endless cycle.

 

[IHMFIL]

You need to go back to your husband, if he will still have you. You need to get professional counseling.

My husband and I tried two different counselors. The first counselor told me I needed to show my family that I would stand up for my husband and demand that they respect him if they became rude, disrespectful or overbearring. Big problem-what my husband sees as rudeness, disrespect or overbearring behavoir I don't see it that way.

Counselor #2 told my husband he needed to stand up to my family and put them in their place. My husband told my sister no thank you when she was telling him that he needed to be more like my Father in order to make me happy. My sister and her husband jumped down his throat and I don't know why I do these things but I forgot this counselor also told me if they retaliate against my spouse I was to stand up and fight on my husbands side. Anyways it just came out wrong but when my sisters husband was telling my husband how nobody in our family liked him I thanked my brother in-law.

Anyways my husband said no matter what I will never stand up to my Father and my Father takes advantage of the situation by being rude, disrespectful and overbearring towards my husband. That's how hubby sees it!

I see my Father living with a very difficult spouse to deal with and sometimes he just does not say the right things but he does not mean to hurt my husband. And I would never tell my Father off no matter what he did to my husband.

My husband asked me one time "who are you more loyal to, me or your Father", I did not want to sin so I just did not answer. My husband was furious. See we just agitate each other, I can not be more loyal to my husband than my Father and that is unacceptable to my husband. I'm the only stable woman in my Fathers life. He needs me!

 

[Violet]

E-beth? are you here?

 

[rainyday]

I second that request violet ... E-beth? This person is only here to mock us I fear. None of these threads are condusive to true seeking of help. It seems the author wants to taunt us to no end. I know I've had my fill.

 

[LadyDJ]

I've already PM'd E-Beth...(wishes there was a vomiting smilie for this thread as it's making me feel decidedly nauseous)

 

[IslandBreeze]

I agree. These threads have gone on long enough.

 

[rainyday]

I've already PM'd E-Beth...(wishes there was a vomiting smilie for this thread as it's making me feel decidedly nauseous)

 

[LadyDJ]

Thanks Rainy...that pretty much sums it all up...

 

[IHMFIL]

Okay I got a little carried away at times and I owe everyone an apology. I ask for forgiveness! Will you forgive me!

 

[mina]

This is just sick and if it is real she's just announced and exibited evidence of her craziness and unbalanced mind. Hopefully her husband will find this all out and use it to his advantage.

 

[IHMFIL]

This is just sick and if it is real she's just announced and exibited evidence of her craziness and unbalanced mind. Hopefully her husband will find this all out and use it to his advantage.

But Mina do you forgive me!

 

[mina]

lol you havent' done anything to me. So I really don't have anything to forgive you for. I do think you are sick though and really need help. Sorry. lol

 

[bkg]

 

[AngelAmidala]

I'm not E-beth but I'm closing this thread pending review by E-beth and the rest of this forum's mods.