Which Do You Think Is More Rude?

[progressivegal]

Was that my wedding? Actually we didn't specify directly on the invitations that children weren't welcome, we inplied it though, addressing the invites only to the adults, the RSVP cards said "___ number of adults will attend" too. When people asked about their kids we told them that we would love to have their children, but if we invited them then we would have to invite everyones children, and because we where having an expensive plated dinner, it wasn't possible (I know people say mentioning cost is rude, but with close friends/family it worked well for us) It actually was fine, the only kid we had was a 5 week old baby who slept through the entire reception and whos dad held him outside the church. It didn't bother me a bit. It definitely would have bothered me if people brought older children though. We had an adult party and food that most kids wouln't like, served as plated dinners that we had to have the final count for ahead of time. It would have been a huge hassle for the restaurant and a big cost for us, and it would have messed up the seating chart. We where happy to arrange child care, but everyone was happy to find their own so that wasn't an issue.

 

[Zoomer]

Obiviously, it's the people who brought the children. It specified on the invitation NOT to bring small children...if they couldn't find a babysitter, they should have stayed home. The people throwing the wedding have the right to write the rules, and the guest should abide by them since they are the guest...

 

[Cright]

At my wedding we had a limit on space and therefore the number of people. I wanted to invite my aunts and uncles and 1st cousins. I have 21 1st cousins (plus many of them have spouces) and then many of them have kids (36 to be exact). So then if I invite my cousin's 36 kids and then my friends start bringing theirs... I can't afford to have a new venue or get rid of every friend on our list, and some other family members.

So I cut it off w/ 1st cousins.. and the only kids at our wedding were the ones in the wedding party and their siblings. We also had 2 out of town guests (one was actually out of country) that brought their kiddos and that was just fine.

My family and friends totally understood.. and John's family hardly noticed as all 4 kids in his family were invited (2 were in the wedding and so the younger 2 were invited). These are our 3 nephes and neice.

 

[£amb]

I was at a wedding this weekend where the bride & groom had politely and tactfully specified on the invitations that children under the age of 10 were not invited. Nevertheless, two families brought small children anyway.

Who do you think was more rude in this situation: the bride & groom, or the people who ignored their request?

I'm probably repeating what other people have said, but the people who brought the children were rude. The bride/groom made their choice of whom they wanted at their wedding and for that the families should of respected their wishes. If they couldn't find a baby-sitter, then one of the parents could have stayed home with the children while the other attended on behalf of their family.

 

[Lordbay]

I would think it very rude to bring kids, when asked not too. I was doing a wedding of my best friend and through the whole wedding there was a child that talked through the whole thing and I could hear the child. The Bride and Groom could too. I could see it was bothering them. The mom did nothing about it. At the reception, that was all people were telling me about. They were all very mad about it, they could not hear the wedding. I can see why someone would want it that way.

 

[Quantos]

The wedding is for the couple not the children.

 

[seamonster]

I think it was far more rude of the guests. People may have a variety of reasons for not wanting children at the wedding and it was tactless not to honor the wishes of the bride and groom. It's not *that* difficult to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours and go to the wedding. Had I been the bride, I would have been very irritated .

 

[CrystalBrooke]

definatly rude to bring children after being specifically asked not to.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Definitely the guests.

At our wedding we specifically said 'no children, unless infants still being nursed/bottlefed'. We simply explained that we didn't want to risk a child being hurt (which could have happened, seeing that we were getting married up at a lighthouse on a cliff!!).

Most people who had 'older' children were quite thankful to have an afternoon to just be 'hubby and wife' rather than 'mum and dad' - and shared this with us...

Sasch

 

[Godisgr8r]

I agree with everyone else. The bride and groom can invite whoever they want and if they don't want children to come then they should not bring children.

 

[LovesToRead]

I agree with everyone else who said the guests were rude.

These special moments in people's live are about them, not us.

*and I also don't give people a hard time about what they name their children*

 

[EmSchmem]

C. None of the above. I don't know the situation. I consider the possibility that this couple had to bring the children or not go to the wedding and spoke with the bride and/or groom beforehand.

 

[Cordy]

I don’t think it is a “which is ruder” issue, for that would imply that both parties are demonstrating some degree of rudeness.

I don’t think having an “adult only” wedding is rude at all. I do think that disrespecting a specified “adult only” request is rude.

Where I am from, not only are “adult only” weddings common, but many venues won’t allow children anyway, even if the bride and groom would have invited them. When I went church hunting to get married in (my church didn’t have a building), almost every one of them said that children under a certain age were not allowed.

 

[sioleabha]

When I went church hunting to get married in (my church didn’t have a building), almost every one of them said that children under a certain age were not allowed.

You're kidding! Why would children not be allowed in a church? I mean, I know someone who actually got married in a BAR and there were kids there.

 

[Linnis]

Every wedding I've been to(until today) had an age limit for the ceremony and another for the reception. Normally 5 and older could come to the ceremony and over drinking age if there was an open bar.

I honestly wouldn't want a baby screaming through my ceremony.

Then again I went to a wedding today which didn't have an age limit. I was surprised. I was even more surprised when this lady's baby 3 rows up began screaming, she did not leave. She sat there and let the baby's crying interrupt for the last 15 minutes.

I dn't know the exact reasoning for bringing the kids but from face value it was more rude for the people to bring the kids.

 

[Cordy]

You're kidding! Why would children not be allowed in a church? I mean, I know someone who actually got married in a BAR and there were kids there.

It is not that they are not allowed in a church, but they are not allowed to attend the ceremony. The churches said that they found young kids to be very disruptive, which takes away from the ceremony. I thought it sounded a little cold (I didn't realize that I had been to so many "Adult-only" weddings, and therefore didn't see why there would be a problem).

Then I went to a wedding that did allow children, and I understood. I couldn't even hear the vows, or most of the ceremony. I am not a parent, and am not trying to criticise, but perhaps it would not be an issue if certain parents exercised a little more control over their kids, and understood the appropriate time to remove them to respect others and the ceremony. Perhaps since some parents don't respect these boundaries, the churches had to find some way to control the situation.

 

[coljac]

i think taking them when the children were not invites is very rude. weddings cost alot of money and the couple are normally limited to how many guests the can invite

 

[rainbowpromise]

When the invitation states, "no children", then that is what the guest should abide by.

However, my choices then become:

1. Get a sitter for long enough to attend the ceremony.
2. Get a sitter for long enough for the ceremony and part of the reception.
3. Decline

When my children were growing up I was more likely to decline.

None of this is offensive to me. When my brother got married, he insisted that his two nieces had to be there. The older one was 2 1/2 and the younger one was 3 months. The younger one was not a problem but the older one was. I ended up missing the wedding itself because I was out in the foyer with a tantrum kid.

On the other hand I attended a friend's wedding where all the children were trained well for sitting in church. They were then rewarded with a puppet show done by the bride's father after the ceremony.

 

[Leanna]

I don't know, but I think it rude for them to speak with the bride/groom about their situation? The invitation was addressed to the adults.

I don't.

 

[Leanna]

Then again I went to a wedding today which didn't have an age limit. I was surprised. I was even more surprised when this lady's baby 3 rows up began screaming, she did not leave. She sat there and let the baby's crying interrupt for the last 15 minutes.

This would have been a good situation for public breastfeeding. Keep baby quiet.