Let's say I was an atheist and for some reason I wanted to kill myself. I told you that I hated my life and wanted to end it. Being an atheist, I know that there is no afterlife and I will simply cease to exist. I also know that the second law of thermodynamics proves that the universe is dying and when that time happens, all humanity will die too. So because all humanity will one day die and cease to exist, the universe will ultimately be no different than if humanity never existed at all. So who cares if my death hurts other people, they will eventually die and all memory of hurt will cease to exist. So atheist, talk me out of suicide. Why should I not kill myself? Explain why life and existence isn't futile? Good luck.
I had suicidal thoughts for several years with depression. The suicidal dimensions of it have passed, but I can have some very dark days and moods when the depression is really eating me alive.
When I was suicidal, I tended to imagine myself dying as if someone else was watching me die (i.e. from outside my own perception). I could imagine myself lying on the floor, bleeding to death, or taking pills and going quietly in my sleep. So, when I was in a more thoughtful mood, it became clear that I really had no idea what "death" actually meant as an experience; instead I was inferring
ideas about death and suicide I had got from other sources. I had nothing to really go on.
This may be stating the obvious, but it offers an escape because it points towards how unreal the decision to kill oneself is. Someone who has made a past suicide attempt and failed has the personal
experience to know what it looks like, but no-one else does. In the same way, no-one has a direct experience of death
because they are already dead. You can read a book or watch a documentary about "dying", or read up on how brain chemistry and electrical impulses change with brain death, but you won't know what the pain would feel like or what those last few moments in your head will be.
In other words, every attempt at a rational approach to the subject of suicide is going to "fail" on some level because we don't have any knowledge or experience of what the decision really looks like, feels like, etc. All efforts to support suicide or oppose it are merely "rationalisations", so rather than listening to your reason- you listen to your emotions.
So then we get to the problem: is there really any emotional state which is so bad that it makes suicide a proportionate response? I think the experts agree that the decision to commit suicide is one that usually impulsive. We're dealing with really
basic and
fundamental impulses- not a reasoned argument. For the most part suicide is the result of feeling trapped and wanting some form of "escape". Its a sense of paranoia that the universe is conspiring against you and that nothing you do will change it or make it better. Thinking about suicide and simply considering it an option is often enough for the moment to pass if you give it enough time.
Black Humour can help you get through the moment. One time I had an inner monologue which went something like; "If life really is so futile to end it, is it not also so futile that its not worth the effort of ending it?" Or put another way, If my life is worthless and I decide to cut myself and bleed to death on the floor, am I not destroying a carpet that has more value than me? Someone paid for that perfectly nice carpet and the last thing I'm going to do is ruin it. If I'm such a complete failure, surely I'm only going to screw up the suicide attempt anyway? So why bother? you're wasting valuable time and resources on the emergency services.
As should be pretty obvious, "reason" isn't really part of this picture at all. Its a question of mood changes, giving yourself the time for the mood to pass and trusting yourself that it will pass. Atheism is only a factor in the decision to commit suicide at a
very abstract level in how there isn't a relationship between you and god to tell you that life is sacred, or that god will make good things happen to you or protect you from harm or bad people, or that god has a "purpose" for you.
When you strip it down, you simply "are". you didn't chose to be born; you don't make a conscious choice to breath; you don't make a choice to feel pain or not; so why should we chose to die? Suicide
feels that it is about control, but it is an
illusion of control. you're going to die no matter what you do. So the choice is not
if you die, but when. You either die now or later. Death is always there and always will be even when you don't think about it.
If you accept that your going to die anyway, then its still suicide when you accept a natural death because it is intentional. Dying when I'm 28 or dying when I'm 80 or 90 or whatever- what's the difference? Why the rush? Your just taking the long route and you still get a degree of control over how you live and die. The advantage of taking the long route is you have the
chance to be happy, something a (successful) suicide doesn't offer. suicide is meaningless. death is meaningless. meaning isn't some great abstraction, its just your mood reflecting who you really are. Being depressed can be intensely meaningful and being happy can be meaningful if it is a genuine reflection of your state of mind and not simply an act you put on to appease others when your in distress. If you get in to the right state of mind and accept that suicide is just theatre, that's a chance worth taking.
That's probably not the answer you're looking for. But I'm still here and I'm usually pretty happy with that.
