Where do you

[RC59105]

Making friends online isn't such a bad thing but you don't end up with the immediate one-to-one relationship where you can stop by and say hello and go out for a soda or coffee, or someone to go watch the movies with you or go select a new book to buy, or go eat at a favorite restaurant so you don't have to eat alone........
I used to have a very close best friend in my town that I did all those things with, but she moved out of state over 20 years ago, we still write often but it's not the same as having a best friend in town.
I met another nice lady and we became close friends but when I had to move out of town to get my present job, it was far enough that I noticed her kids and my kids started to talk less and her and I started to talk less, and now we are at the point where we are old friends but don't keep in touch.
I really miss having a close friend around, to laugh and joke and just talk with.
I have tons of computer friends, praise be to God, but I just don't get out enough to meet people and make new friends in my town.

what to do what to do...................

RC

 

[SandyLou]

Making friends online isn't such a bad thing but you don't end up with the immediate one-to-one relationship where you can stop by and say hello and go out for a soda or coffee, or someone to go watch the movies with you or go select a new book to buy, or go eat at a favorite restaurant so you don't have to eat alone........

I really miss having a close friend around, to laugh and joke and just talk with.
I have tons of computer friends, praise be to God, but I just don't get out enough to meet people and make new friends in my town.

what to do what to do...................

RC

RC
As one of your "tons" (honest I HAVE lost weight!) of computer friends. . . this is EXACTLY why I posed the question!
We all know the "canned answers" of work and church. . . .
soooo trying to get REAL LIFE ideas
from anyone here who may actually HAVE a REAL life *giggle*

​

 

[KeilCoppes]

I have female friends..........lots of them, in my church. A few of them love me to pieces and want to mother me which isnt surprising as they are well into their 70,s or 80,s lol There are a few others, mostly from other churches i have attended in the past.

Hi Don - I just have to say hi to the other tulip shield guys! Where in the world are you?

 

[SandyLou]

Hi Don - I just have to say hi to the other tulip shield guys! Where in the world are you?

OFF TOPIC
​

 

[KeilCoppes]

in YOUR real life - what / where are YOU doing / going to make new friends of the opposite sex?

OFF TOPIC
​

Right back at you, SandyLou! How do I make real life friends of the opposite sex? One of the things I do is meet kindred spirits of the same sex - as a side effect, they may know someone! (Of course that's not the only reason I make new friends. :^) (I will also work on being more apropos to the thread.))

 

[SandyLou]

How do I make real life friends of the opposite sex? One of the things I do is meet kindred spirits of the same sex - as a side effect, they may know someone! (Of course that's not the only reason I make new friends. :^) (I will also work on being more apropos to the thread.))

just picking on you Keil!

but now that you ARE back on topic. . . .
where / how do you meet these "kindred spirits"
of even the same gender? ​

I recently joined a local area singles group on yahoo.com and went to a "happy hour" gathering to meet them in person. Funny - mostly women. . . . we met at a Bennigan's. . . .and only 1 person was drinking. *lol* Some "happy hour" My problem was drinking too much coffee that late in the evening. . . I was wired! (ok, more than normal!). The ladies told me it was the same at every event (even the other type of events) - 95% of the male group members don't make the in person appearances. They had theories about that. . . .

 

[KeilCoppes]

just picking on you Keil!

but now that you ARE back on topic. . . .
where / how do you meet these "kindred spirits"
of even the same gender? ​

.....The ladies told me it was the same at every event (even the other type of events) - 95% of the male group members don't make the in person appearances. They had theories about that. . . .

(smile) That's because american guys and americans in general (not everyone) tend to be wimps when it comes to stepping up or even in just being generally friendly without intentions.

Meeting kindred spirits? Well, I'm going to a singles retreat in virginia at the end of the month with my church and associated churches. On the way back I'm spending time with friends. I also went to a church retreat a few weeks ago. Beyond that, I just try to generally meet people online as opportunity allows. I've met people locally from the net, but it never went anywhere - I'm a fairly unique soul and my sincerity in my convictions sometimes doesn't go over with others. Or rather, the sincerity goes over fine, but the content ... most people don't seem to want to live in total surrender to God and standing humbly and openly on His word.

I really don't meet all that many people locally. Being down to rock bottom true and honest about what I believe and live .... well, finding those on that level and of similar convictions is challenging. Beyond that, I'm working on a contact network for those of similar convictions to try and generate more local fellowship events between the churches and events within driving distance.

 

[KeilCoppes]

I'd also be curious as to their theories.

 

[OhhJim]

...95% of the male group members don't make the in person appearances...

I would bet that 95% of men don't relish the idea of standing around making small talk with women whose defense shields are on full strength. Any experienced man knows that approaching a group of women is death, and the women are usually in groups at things like that.

I'd be interested in their theories, as well.

 

[SandyLou]

I would bet that 95% of men don't relish the idea of standing around making small talk with women whose defense shields are on full strength. Any experienced man knows that approaching a group of women is death, and the women are usually in groups at things like that.

I'd be interested in their theories, as well.

OooooooohJIM! Ya know, you may just be ON to something there!
Actually, we have no CHOICE but to "herd" because it's supposed to be our group meet & greet and there are no men! *lol* Plus, we are insecure meeting strangers. We've always been told "safety in numbers" since we were lil girls.

The 2 most popular theories flying about are the guys are skeeerrt because:
1. they are self concious about their appearance (i.e. they were insincere about their physical appearance in their profile)(and don't realize 3/4 the women were also)
2. prefer the keyboard security of a cyber fantasy world. ( I can be whoever I want to be & I can imagine you to be whoever I want you to be )
Personally, I belong to the faction #2.
Altho OoooohhJim presents another form of insecurity I haven't heard bounced about.

I was giggling at a sudden surge of the guys posting on the message board that they just wanted a "date" and "if interested, contact me" (now, we all have to have profiles to be members) *lol* I surmised men preferred a totally "blind date" to actually meeting a number of people and choosing someone with commonality.

My on-line friends are VERY important to me. However, as RC pointed out, sometimes it's nice to have someone to have dinner or enjoy an event with. In person. Just friends. Not really dates (altho, not ruling that out).

oooohhhhHJim - you said before you meet women at dances. Do you go in alone? And do you only pick out women then who are alone to talk with? Or do you meet your guy friends there? I'm still looking into any things like that in this area.

 

[Rand1956]

Making friends online isn't such a bad thing but you don't end up with the immediate one-to-one relationship where you can stop by and say hello and go out for a soda or coffee, or someone to go watch the movies with you or go select a new book to buy, or go eat at a favorite restaurant so you don't have to eat alone........
RC

Exactly my problem! Sometimes there's no substitute for an actual human being.
I'm a single parent who works nights and weekends and has a teenage daughter, so that drastically limits my choices. And I've always made friends online more easily than in person because I write better than I speak (at least at first ).
I'd like to make more friends in "real life," but it's difficult. The other single parents at school are as busy as I am, so that's not as promising as one might think. And most of them work normal hours, unlike me. Still, the new friends I've made lately were people I'd met at school volunteer groups (I help with computers at the school). So it does help a bit. And as I get more active in the church, I hope I can find some friends there.
It's definitely a challenge to find new friends, but I've certainly not given up yet!
Randall

 

[SandyLou]

. . . . ., the new friends I've made lately were people I'd met at school volunteer groups (I help with computers at the school). So it does help a bit. And as I get more active in the church, I hope I can find some friends there.

oooooo! Great idea Randall!
I meet a lot of women & married couples thru my volunteer stuff at church but my church is seriously lacking in SOCIAL activities/opportunities. I have joined a committee to improve that in 2005. .. . *giggle*. . .

Look everyone! An actual real life suggestion - thru kids' school! ​

thanks Randall!

 

[OhhJim]

oooohhhhHJim - you said before you meet women at dances. Do you go in alone? And do you only pick out women then who are alone to talk with? Or do you meet your guy friends there? I'm still looking into any things like that in this area.

Country dancing is great for meeting people of both genders, but especially the opposite, for several reasons:

1. They usually have lessons before the open dancing, during which partners rotate and you get to meet the people you are learning with.

2. The women expect to get asked to dance, and they want to improve their dancing, so the man doesn't have to be attractive.

3. If there's line dancing, you can get out on the floor even if you think nobody will dance with you. Once you're out there, people see that you want to dance.

4. Country dancing people are the most polite folks I've ever been around in that setting.

5. A lot of the women come alone (as well as the men) because they know they will have friends once they get there. I almost always go alone (so I can leave when I want) but so do the women, because they feel safe there.

6. You can tell a lot about a person by how they dance!

7. I've gone into a half dozen dance clubs where I knew nobody, and came out with 10+ new friends, both men and women. Dancers are just so friendly.

 

[SandyLou]

hmmmm. . . . sounds like very sound reasoning. I just need to find a CW dance place that is not surrounded by Law Enforcement - there to protect the patrons from each other! Obviously I live in another part of the CW world from you. Those places aren't safe here.

I still meet an occasional single parent at soccer. I managed / trained u18 girls for 6 yrs and several are at a nearby university. Most people tho assume I'm a parent. *giggle* Especially when after teh team intro, 8 members of the USF Bulls turn and yell "Hey MommaSandy!" I'm sooooo busted then! *lol*

Still asking around about safe dance places tho. . . .this sounds interesting enough to pursue

 

[OhhJim]

What about coed soccer? Do you play? I've been playing three times a week for several years, and I find that I like soccer players as people.

 

[SandyLou]

yeah, soccer players ARE good people!
right now there are no coed leagues in this area.
There is a "Mexican League" and while you don't have to be from Mexico, it helps if you grew up playing and it is required you be male. I go watch them sometimes & get out during warmup time to kick the ball a bit. I usually the home team goal shagg-er. . . .running into the parking lot after stray balls *giggle*

 

[KeilCoppes]

Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to the fact that it said "mature" singles. I guess I wouldnt' really qualify as mature, so I just took out my original message and posted this one.

Hey, Sis, come on in - some people are born old and some people never grow up!

 

[Fritz123]

Well. ...I have to meet my guy friends online right now...I spend all my time at my computer taking college classes....and chatting with my friends like Sandylou by email inbetween classes....and taking care of my kids.
Fritz123

 

[SandyLou]

hmmmm. . . .Fritz-ie. . . I notice you did not mention the area "mingles" that you helped set in motion.. . . and that you met a certain person at. . . .

Of course, I know NuuuuuTHINGGGGGG.

On a popular Christian dating site,
Fritz began the idea of having a central meeting in local regions / states. She organized one here in FL that people traveled 4 hrs to attend. Her "talking" about it on the message boards
set many other states to have them also.​