Where are all the Christian ladies?

[Saucy]

No, that is not what I am saying. They are not available, to me, or anyother man, because they are either dating or "not dating" but in either case are not eligible.

I promise I'm not trying to be difficult with any of my posts. I guess I just don't understand this mindset. I've just seen this lack of available women. I've never considered them unavailable just because they may not have been interested in me. God works all things out for good.

 

[John_Brown]

I promise I'm not trying to be difficult with any of my posts. I guess I just don't understand this mindset. I've just seen this lack of available women. I've never considered them unavailable just because they may not have been interested in me. God works all things out for good.

My basis for saying they are unavailable is not that they were "not interested in me", again read what I wrote, I was very specific that I did not go asking them, so I would have had no way of knowing if they were interested in me or not.

My basis for knowing this is that they were either dating someone, or were "not dating" ie. they were not looking for someone (or at least not from that location) as other posters have indicated was their choice as well.

None of this is based on what they thought or did not think of me, it is based on observations as a neutral party.

 

[bèlla]

How could you discern someone’s status without asking?

 

[Saucy]

How could you discern someone’s status without asking?

This has been my point the whole time.

 

[John_Brown]

How could you discern someone’s status without asking?

In this day and age people are remarkably open about these things. The ones that were dating usually made it known with little difficulty at all.

Those that were "not dating" usually made it known by one means or another, a typical case was either advertising the fact or telling it to another man that subsequently relayed the fact.

 

[bèlla]

Those that were "not dating" usually made it known by one means or another, a typical case was either advertising the fact or telling it to another man that subsequently relayed the fact.

Innuendo is a woman’s game. We read between the lines, make assumptions, and judge/condemn/respond according to said assumptions.

But men aren’t like that. They cut to the chase and women expect it. Even when they dislike it. When you want to know something you need ask. That’s your strength. And hanging back is hers.

When you know the truth there’s closure. She’s an option or not. But when the tables turn things get murky. Both are working from intuition or she becomes the aggressor. Now she’s asking the questions and guiding the connection.

We interpret assertiveness as control and we’ll take over if you let us. Even if you’re uncertain, shy, nervous, etc. you can’t cede the position. Stepping out your comfort zone builds confidence and courage. So keep at it. You can do it.

 

[John_Brown]

Innuendo is a woman’s game. We read between the lines, make assumptions, and judge/condemn/respond according to said assumptions.

But men aren’t like that. They cut to the chase and women expect it. Even when they dislike it. When you want to know something you need ask. That’s your strength. And hanging back is hers.

When you know the truth there’s closure. She’s an option or not. But when the tables turn things get murky. Both are working from intuition or she becomes the aggressor. Now she’s asking the questions and guiding the connection.

We interpret assertiveness as control and we’ll take over if you let us. Even if you’re uncertain, shy, nervous, etc. you can’t cede the position. Stepping out your comfort zone builds confidence and courage. So keep at it. You can do it.

Oh no, I don't fall for that game anymore. When I was young and stupid I would ask and be the one getting shot down. Then as I got older and wiser I realized they were doing it for fun and it was a point of pride how many they could do. I wised up and decided I was done being used for entertainment or to show off to the friend group.

The idea that you have to "step out of your comfort zone" to build confidence is bunk. Confidence comes from position and your self assurance. I don't need the validation of them to have confidence, that was the mistake of my youth. I don't ask not because I can't, but because I choose not to. I force them into the position I once occupied, and gain the advantage they once had. Now they must make the move, and I am free to shoot them down if I so choose.

 

[Saucy]

Oh no, I don't fall for that game anymore. When I was young and stupid I would ask and be the one getting shot down. Then as I got older and wiser I realized they were doing it for fun and it was a point of pride how many they could do. I wised up and decided I was done being used for entertainment or to show off to the friend group.

The idea that you have to "step out of your comfort zone" to build confidence is bunk. Confidence comes from position and your self assurance. I don't need the validation of them to have confidence, that was the mistake of my youth. I don't ask not because I can't, but because I choose not to. I force them into the position I once occupied, and gain the advantage they once had. Now they must make the move, and I am free to shoot them down if I so choose.

Just as I have been saying. Girls don't approach you, so you think they don't exist.

 

[John_Brown]

Just as I have been saying. Girls don't approach you, so you think they don't exist.

No, more strawman. At the risk of being repetitive, my point about them not being out there has nothing to do with if they approach me or not. Again, nothing to do with me personally. It is because they are either taken, or "not dating", and I have been exceptionally clear and consistant on that point.

 

[Sketcher]

Oh no, I don't fall for that game anymore. When I was young and stupid I would ask and be the one getting shot down. Then as I got older and wiser I realized they were doing it for fun and it was a point of pride how many they could do. I wised up and decided I was done being used for entertainment or to show off to the friend group.

The idea that you have to "step out of your comfort zone" to build confidence is bunk. Confidence comes from position and your self assurance. I don't need the validation of them to have confidence, that was the mistake of my youth. I don't ask not because I can't, but because I choose not to. I force them into the position I once occupied, and gain the advantage they once had. Now they must make the move, and I am free to shoot them down if I so choose.

So, how many of them have actually done that?

 

[John_Brown]

So, how many of them have actually done that?

Done what?

 

[Sketcher]

Done what?

Made a move on you. Asked you out on a date. Confessed strong feelings for you.

Being as they're used to being pursued as opposed to pursuing, and all. Why would any of them go out and hunt for that attention and validation when it reliably comes to them if all they have had to do to get it is clean up a little.

 

[John_Brown]

Being as they're used to being pursued as opposed to pursuing, and all. Why would any of them go out and hunt for that attention and validation when it reliably comes to them if all they have had to do to get it is clean up a little.

You are quite correct, few do for that very reason. Nevertheless, using a broad definition I would say a half dozen, only one of which was bold enough to ask (ironic how they find shooting down guys so fun but are afraid to ask themselves).

 

[Vinter]

.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Made a move on you. Asked you out on a date. Confessed strong feelings for you.

Being as they're used to being pursued as opposed to pursuing, and all. Why would any of them go out and hunt for that attention and validation when it reliably comes to them if all they have had to do to get it is clean up a little.

There is something about getting older that when you're young, you are constantly on the pursuit, but now...I'm kind of leaning more about creating familiarity and banter, but possibly have them ask me (a man) out.
In fact, I've shockingly have known some men where women have kind of subtly ask men out by inviting them to a group gathering...or just outright asking them out. Typically, these relationships have been long lasting.

 

[bèlla]

I don't ask not because I can't, but because I choose not to. I force them into the position I once occupied, and gain the advantage they once had. Now they must make the move, and I am free to shoot them down if I so choose.

But the strategy isn’t working. If it was the limitations wouldn’t exist. You’d have no complaints and the results would confirm its effectiveness. What you’re describing requires a lot of drawing power to encourage initiation. They’d have to see something compelling that inspires them to make a move.

In my experience it isn’t a quality most men possess. The ones who do aren’t struggling or experiencing a shortage. Because he’s her ideal. That’s why he doesn’t work that hard.

 

[bèlla]

In my case I did not have to ask. Mystery woman have a guy that drives her car. Otherwise I would very much have liked to have met her and asked if she was single. Well you know the story.

Sometimes you have to lose to gain. The man you’ve becomes far exceeds the opportunity. Which yields better results in the long run.

Most folks are looking for a finished product. But as you’ve discovered you can pray in a lot. Lift up your prospective spouse and pray in the qualities He mentioned.

Yes, I’ve done it. I wouldn’t advise it if I hadn’t.

 

[John_Brown]

But the strategy isn’t working. If it was the limitations wouldn’t exist. You’d have no complaints and the results would confirm its effectiveness. What you’re describing requires a lot of drawing power to encourage initiation. They’d have to see something compelling that inspires them to make a move.

In my experience it isn’t a quality most men possess. The ones who do aren’t struggling or experiencing a shortage. Because he’s her ideal. That’s why he doesn’t work that hard.

I consider the strategy effective for the ends it is designed to achieve, namely a position where I never do the asking and am never used for entertainment.

It is not meant to, nor capable of, addressing social diseases which need to be corrected via large scale means.

Just because a hammer cannot drive a screw does not make it useless.

 

[linux.poet]

I’m wondering if denomination is affecting female availability.

Perhaps the ladies are going to non-denominational churches.

 

[bèlla]

I consider the strategy effective for the ends it is designed to achieve, namely a position where I never do the asking and am never used for entertainment.

You devised an approach to minimize rejection and insult. But it doesn’t yield the results you crave. Your responses mirror the struggles of other posters. That’s the antithesis of its purpose.

You can’t do it and fail to secure a companion. And you wouldn’t do it without certainties in place. Because you’re capitalizing on your strengths. That’s derived from the qualities they esteem in the opposite sex and related value.

It is not meant to, nor capable of, addressing social diseases which need to be corrected via large scale means.

That’s why I question your conclusions. Because I’ve lived it and know others who’ve done the same. Scarcity doesn’t minimize opportunities if you possess the thing they’re after. Because the value remains unchanged. You’ll be able to fill the role.

When I broached the subject with the women I mentored and they shared their preferences I always followed with a question. How many men like that have you met and how far did things progress?

I wanted to substantiate her ability to draw the one she sought, where things went awry, and whether her desires were realistic or not.

If she never encountered him or had a dialogue beyond hello there’s a problem. He isn’t responding to her and we need to know why.

When something works it solves the problem, creates a desired result, or brings me closer to the goal. It must be one of the three to be successful.