Where am I headed?

[koban4max]

I was applying for police position and I'm in position where I can be disqualified. I've been pursuing this career for 2 years. I couldn't pass the multiple choice part of the exam. I gave up on police thing. One day, about a year later, i got a letter that exam had changed and I can take it again. I felt this was from God. It was only the essay test. I was happy and passed it. When I got to the background part, my investigator questioned about certain issues, which I won't say what it is. I did polygraph and failed one of the question.
My investigator asked me lot of questions about one issue. I had a hard time explaining to him, but I told with honesty. I know I have to take the poly again, but if I fail...this would be it.

I dreamed of being a cop, but I wasn't sure if it was for me. I knew it might be for me when God gave me another chance by making some obsticles easier.
At the background part, I know it will be the end of me and my career. There's nothing else for me to do in my life.

I have to get this job because I want to help my mom and my sister. Without this job, I won't be able to support them. My dad is gone.

I'm at the point where I might want to kill myself.
I'm not a suicidal person and never tended to be one.
But...this is little different. I love my God..and he had been faithful to me.

I..I tried to be persistant in life, but life itself haven't been giving some slack.

I believe God intended to give me this, but I kept messing up. It's hopeless.

Tell you the truth, without this I don't know what I want to do in life.

Don't you hate when you tried so hard and kept messing up?

note: i posted this from other thread. Didn't want to retype it.

new:

ANyway...i'm not really where I'm headed now. Feel lost ...very lost.

 

[tapero]

Hi Koban4max,

I'm sorry for how it's going right now, and I do hope you'll be able to pass the test okay, but if you don't that's okay.

You had written that you were thinking suicidal thoughts and I just wanted to say that you are very precious and indeed loved by God no matter what happens to us on earth.

We here care for you very much also.

You are not a selfish person, and you so care about your mom and sister that you are hoping to get this job, and help them. Please know how much taking your life would sadden so much the ones you love and are trying to help.

Don't think of yourself as messing up friend. Think of things, as well, this door might be closed for some reason and there's other doors out there for me to go through.

The other day while driving a driver ran a red light, and had I been at the intersection a few seconds earlier, it would have been a major accident involving death for sure for the speed the other driver was going was great.

I believe God intervenes in our lives and if this job doesn't work out for you it's because of some reason that the Lord has something else for you, or is protecting you from something.

I've also had police interviews and with a horrible past I was terrified. I never did get the job, but I know how stressful it can be. No matter what happened in the past, it's gone and forgotten by the Lord. I was told several times that the police have many on the force that have committed crimes, or have done things society frowns upon, or is just wrong, and still get on the force. Just be honest, and do not fear.

Bless your heart friend. Please do seek counseling if you should have suicidal feelings. Call 911 if you ever feel in danger. We often get suicidal feelings when we are troubled, but it helps to talk about them to a professional who can help us through things.

Let us know how you do, and share so we can encourage you in some way.

God bless you,
Tapero

 

[koban4max]

Hi Koban4max,

I'm sorry for how it's going right now, and I do hope you'll be able to pass the test okay, but if you don't that's okay.

You had written that you were thinking suicidal thoughts and I just wanted to say that you are very precious and indeed loved by God no matter what happens to us on earth.

We here care for you very much also.

You are not a selfish person, and you so care about your mom and sister that you are hoping to get this job, and help them. Please know how much taking your life would sadden so much the ones you love and are trying to help.

Don't think of yourself as messing up friend. Think of things, as well, this door might be closed for some reason and there's other doors out there for me to go through.

The other day while driving a driver ran a red light, and had I been at the intersection a few seconds earlier, it would have been a major accident involving death for sure for the speed the other driver was going was great.

I believe God intervenes in our lives and if this job doesn't work out for you it's because of some reason that the Lord has something else for you, or is protecting you from something.

I've also had police interviews and with a horrible past I was terrified. I never did get the job, but I know how stressful it can be. No matter what happened in the past, it's gone and forgotten by the Lord. I was told several times that the police have many on the force that have committed crimes, or have done things society frowns upon, or is just wrong, and still get on the force. Just be honest, and do not fear.

Bless your heart friend. Please do seek counseling if you should have suicidal feelings. Call 911 if you ever feel in danger. We often get suicidal feelings when we are troubled, but it helps to talk about them to a professional who can help us through things.

Let us know how you do, and share so we can encourage you in some way.

God bless you,
Tapero

Hey, thanks for encouragment. It means a lot coming from you. I may need divine intervention in order to pull this off. I'll let you know what happens.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I don't know what God's will is regarding your job, but I don't think He wants you to harm yourself. You want to help your mother and sister, how can you do that if you are dead? I know becoming a police officer means a lot to you, but not becoming one is not the end of things. The majority of us aren't police officers! I know, it's your "dream job", but sometimes our dreams are just that, dreams. Some come true, some don't, and there is nothing stopping you from finding another goal to pursue! God might have something else in mind for you. Trust God, not your occupation. Seek Him and His will, and you will be all right.

 

[koban4max]

I don't know what God's will is regarding your job, but I don't think He wants you to harm yourself. You want to help your mother and sister, how can you do that if you are dead? I know becoming a police officer means a lot to you, but not becoming one is not the end of things. The majority of us aren't police officers! I know, it's your "dream job", but sometimes our dreams are just that, dreams. Some come true, some don't, and there is nothing stopping you from finding another goal to pursue! God might have something else in mind for you. Trust God, not your occupation. Seek Him and His will, and you will be all right.

I know what your saying. I don't have anything else that I want to do in my life. All I ever focused on last 2 years was being a cop.... I hope God don't leave me behind.

 

[Anti Existance]

Becoming a cop is easy, http://www.andinia.com/s04972.html has some good advice on it.

There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our inherent weakness of purpose.

So don't care if you fail, what matters is that you continue to go for gold in your life.

Suicide is pointless and against your faith. You need to complete your life, because you can't skip any steps in life if you want to obtain heaven.

 

[koban4max]

Becoming a cop is easy, http://www.andinia.com/s04972.html has some good advice on it.

There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our inherent weakness of purpose.

So don't care if you fail, what matters is that you continue to go for gold in your life.

Suicide is pointless and against your faith. You need to complete your life, because you can't skip any steps in life if you want to obtain heaven.

I see. I'm struggling in each phase of the process. Hope I don't get DQ'ed. I don't know if i'll make it or not...but I'll put my faith in God. IF all fails...eh... I don't know what I'll do.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

What saves you is God and Jesus, and they won't go away, whether you become a police officer or not. Don't put your marbles on what your occupation is!

 

[koban4max]

Well. I failed to complete my process. I'm just a wonderer walking into the unknown.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that God does have a plan for you.

 

[koban4max]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that God does have a plan for you.

Thx. I thought God was there for me....guess not.

 

[BelindaP]

He is always there for you, but a lot of times people don't sense Him because they're not listening. It may very well be that He is telling you to wait. It's very hard when our will conflicts with what He wants for us, but when He closes a door, He opens a window.

Your motives for this are very good, and I'm sure that God knows that. However, He might be guiding you down a different path. Try praying, fasting and listening. He will make it clear to you what He wants, and if you listen, you will be blessed more than you know possible.

Don't give up. When I got out of college, I had my mind set on working in one field. It just didn't work out for me. I did a lot of other things over the next ten years. Then, by chance (lol!) the opportunity to work in that field opened up. I honestly and truly believe that God made me wait those ten years to make me a better person than I would have been. I also learned alot about trusting Him.

The wait was painful, but I am much better at what I do because of it. In those intervening ten years I learned a lot of skills that I would never had developed had I gone straight into the field of my choice.

 

[koban4max]

He is always there for you, but a lot of times people don't sense Him because they're not listening. It may very well be that He is telling you to wait. It's very hard when our will conflicts with what He wants for us, but when He closes a door, He opens a window.

Your motives for this are very good, and I'm sure that God knows that. However, He might be guiding you down a different path. Try praying, fasting and listening. He will make it clear to you what He wants, and if you listen, you will be blessed more than you know possible.

Don't give up. When I got out of college, I had my mind set on working in one field. It just didn't work out for me. I did a lot of other things over the next ten years. Then, by chance (lol!) the opportunity to work in that field opened up. I honestly and truly believe that God made me wait those ten years to make me a better person than I would have been. I also learned alot about trusting Him.

The wait was painful, but I am much better at what I do because of it. In those intervening ten years I learned a lot of skills that I would never had developed had I gone straight into the field of my choice.

I don't know if this ever occured to you, but I've seen some "signs" from God. I can't explain it, but for some reason...God gave me this opportunity. I don't know, maybe I'm over assuming. I wonder why God brought me to this career. I don't know....I really don't know.
Mystery needs to be solved.

 

[BelindaP]

I, too, had received signs from God about my chosen profession. That's one reason I was initially crushed when it didn't work out.

It's possible that God is having to rely on others besides you to carry out His will on this. If they are failing to hold up their end, it could be causing delays in His plan. If that is the case, then don't fear--God will make it happen eventually. When it does happen, it will be all the more sweet. [In my case, getting in right after college relied upon a woman returning from maternity leave, which she chose not to do. So, I didn't get in.]

Until that happens, just keep plugging along. Perhaps you could take a job in security or study to be a PI. Whatever you do, don't feel like you are screwing things up. God's plans are never entirely resting upon the weak vessels called humans. You don't have enough power or influence to completely mess up God's plan.

If this is truly what you are called to, then be patient. Do other things while He bides His time. I wanted to be in the pharmaceutical industry, but I worked in other chemical industries until the time was right. Keep honing your skills and don't let despair take you. Despair is just the Devil lurking about and trying to mess up God's plans for you.

 

[koban4max]

I, too, had received signs from God about my chosen profession. That's one reason I was initially crushed when it didn't work out.

It's possible that God is having to rely on others besides you to carry out His will on this. If they are failing to hold up their end, it could be causing delays in His plan. If that is the case, then don't fear--God will make it happen eventually. When it does happen, it will be all the more sweet. [In my case, getting in right after college relied upon a woman returning from maternity leave, which she chose not to do. So, I didn't get in.]

Until that happens, just keep plugging along. Perhaps you could take a job in security or study to be a PI. Whatever you do, don't feel like you are screwing things up. God's plans are never entirely resting upon the weak vessels called humans. You don't have enough power or influence to completely mess up God's plan.

If this is truly what you are called to, then be patient. Do other things while He bides His time. I wanted to be in the pharmaceutical industry, but I worked in other chemical industries until the time was right. Keep honing your skills and don't let despair take you. Despair is just the Devil lurking about and trying to mess up God's plans for you.

You are blessing. Thank you for being understanding. I lost my way for 2 years. I'm flad I met you. I pray that you get in.

 

[BelindaP]

I did! That's why I am so confident that God is working on your behalf, as well.

I'm not patient by nature, so maybe all the waiting was helping to hone those skills, as well. I'll be praying for you.

 

[koban4max]

I did! That's why I am so confident that God is working on your behalf, as well.

I'm not patient by nature, so maybe all the waiting was helping to hone those skills, as well. I'll be praying for you.

May you live well with God.