- Feb 5, 2002
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I was approaching Lent as a 40-day challenge and not receiving the grace those 40 days afforded.
As he instructed me, “Repent and believe in the Gospel,” I thought to myself, Yes, repent, that is what I want to do, if only I can lock into what I should be giving up and adding on for the next 40 days. I was weighing my ability to carry through with whatever decision I made, and whether I could tout a Lenten season that offered remarkable results. I wanted those around me to see my strength and know my perseverance! Those days, the pressure and anxiety in making the right Lenten sacrifice would have me toiling right up to the moment when I would bow my head and accept the mark of humility, suffering, and sorrow.
Some years I vowed to give up dessert, because anyone that knows me knows my affinity for anything sweet. Besides that, it was also what people around me were giving up, so I would be less likely tempted and, well, maybe in the process I could lose a few pounds. Other years, I decided to give up shopping, because I needed to curb my spending and thought that, well, maybe in the process I would create a financial cushion so that when Lent was complete, I’d add to my spring wardrobe.
When it wasn’t about giving up, it was a wrestling match with what I would do. Perhaps, I’d donate a morning a week volunteering at my church or in the community, or I’d carve out time to be more present to my friends. Most often, I would settle on deep cleaning my house with the intention that by Easter it would shine like the morning sun when my family arrived for brunch.
It reads so callous as I write the words. My objective was not a callous attempt to check the fasting box of Lent. I carefully weighed what would be my task and was thoughtful about its impact on my life at that time. Fast from shopping? Perhaps not, I had a wedding to attend that year. Dessert? Perhaps not, it was birthday season.
Continued below.
aleteia.org
As he instructed me, “Repent and believe in the Gospel,” I thought to myself, Yes, repent, that is what I want to do, if only I can lock into what I should be giving up and adding on for the next 40 days. I was weighing my ability to carry through with whatever decision I made, and whether I could tout a Lenten season that offered remarkable results. I wanted those around me to see my strength and know my perseverance! Those days, the pressure and anxiety in making the right Lenten sacrifice would have me toiling right up to the moment when I would bow my head and accept the mark of humility, suffering, and sorrow.
Some years I vowed to give up dessert, because anyone that knows me knows my affinity for anything sweet. Besides that, it was also what people around me were giving up, so I would be less likely tempted and, well, maybe in the process I could lose a few pounds. Other years, I decided to give up shopping, because I needed to curb my spending and thought that, well, maybe in the process I would create a financial cushion so that when Lent was complete, I’d add to my spring wardrobe.
When it wasn’t about giving up, it was a wrestling match with what I would do. Perhaps, I’d donate a morning a week volunteering at my church or in the community, or I’d carve out time to be more present to my friends. Most often, I would settle on deep cleaning my house with the intention that by Easter it would shine like the morning sun when my family arrived for brunch.
It reads so callous as I write the words. My objective was not a callous attempt to check the fasting box of Lent. I carefully weighed what would be my task and was thoughtful about its impact on my life at that time. Fast from shopping? Perhaps not, I had a wedding to attend that year. Dessert? Perhaps not, it was birthday season.
Continued below.
When the Lenten fast is veiled idolatry: A reflection-examen
I was approaching Lent as a 40-day challenge and not receiving the grace those 40 days afforded.
aleteia.org
