When your child refuses to eat

[Leanna]

I guess we'll just have to disagree, because I do not think it is in any way shape or form NORMAL for a while to throw up because they hate something so much.

 

[snarfywarning]

I throw up from Corn Nuts! The smell of it is so horrible that I puke. the smae goes with Sun chips AND cooler ranch dorritos. The Smell/Texture combo alone makes me hurl if it even touches my tongue. thus, I HATE those snack foods with a passion.

Also, the texture of a relish or a celery in a tuna sandwhich makes me puke too. I like tuna, and I like Celery, just not together. I dunno what causes me to puke, I guess it is just my hatred of the texture.

 

[bliz]

What do you do when your child refuses to eat? I choose not to spoil the child by fixing something else that he will eat. My reasoning is that "youeat what I fix or you don't eat at all." This mornign my son refused to eat his breakfast. I put it in the refrigerator and he will have it for lunch. I gave him the opportunity to have his pancakes when they were fresh, but he chose not to take advantage of that. Now he will have then after they've been refrigerated and reheated--I told him that if he doesn't eat then he will have to have them for lunch and he chose nt to.
I believe that fixing the child another meal or something else would, in the long run, be a disservice to the child. Children must learn that life is not centered around them and the world will not cater to their wants ans whims. In my house this lesson begins early. They will learn respect and obedience. If that means eating reheated mushy pancakes while the rest of us have chicken, so be it. My children have only one choice for meals. If they choose to not eat, then they will not be rewarded by getting the good food with the rest of the family at the next meal. They will have to eat what they refused. Teaches them that disobedience doesn't pay off...

My boy just ate his breakfast.. He was sad and hungry. It takes a while for his will to break sometimes, but today it only took a couple of hours for him to realise that it is better to eat..

Posts like these just break my heart.

What is really going on here? Is this about a child getting proper nutiition? Mom not wanting to be a short-order cook? Learning to obey? Breaking a child's will?

If it's about nutrition, how is denying the child the chicken dinner getting them good nutrition? If it's about obedience, couldn't a different issue be selected - like doing chores rather than something as complex as hunger patterns and tastes in food? Where in Scripture are parents ever instructed to break their children's wills?

Scripture instead reminds us not to provoke our children to wrath becasue that will provide a foothold for the Devil. Ephesians 5.

I am not for one moment suggesting parents should become short order cooks and respond to a child's food whims, but there are other choices beside short-order cook and prison camp commandant when it comes to preparing meals for our families.

 

[snarfywarning]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to bliz again.


You always get me!

 

[Beth1231]

Hmm...
Very interesting. I remember my parents requiring "take two bites of that and two bites of that and then you can leave the table." Two bites is something I could deal with. If I got hungry, then too bad for me; I had to wait for breakfast. Or I could go to mom and say "Mom, I'm hungry. Can I have that dinner we had tonite?" and she would heat it up for me. But that rarely happened. We ate was what put in front of us and it didn't occur to me to balk. I'm hoping it is as smooth as this with my kids.
As for the "it made me sick" thing. I had never had hot apple pie before (only cold) adn when I was ten, my friend's father put a huge slice in front of me. For whatever reason, hot apple pie turns my stomach and he made me eat every bite while I cried. It was awful and I still remember that episode and won't eat hot apple pie. I like the "just two bites or you can be hungry" method better. It gives the child some control over his life but at the same time,he has to at least try something new. And no one ends up a short-order cook

 

[Katydid]

I wanted to clear something up that I said, so that I am not misunderstood either. I make the child go back to bed if he is REFUSING to eat at all. Not if he doesn't like food. In our house, you get a plate of food, I have had a child refuse to try anything on it, at that point, they go to bed. I will not force a child to eat, but I will also not allow them to play and end up with low blood sugar later, because they refuse to try anything on their plate at all. (Low blood sugar runs in my family and I suffer greatly from it).

IF they try everything on their plate, then that is all I ask. The deal is, you get one plate of food (I think I started that sentence earlier) when you finish EVERYTHING off that plate, then you can get seconds. You CANNOT get seconds of ANYTHING on the plate unless you have, a) cleaned your plate or b) you have at least tried everything on your plate.

Anyway, the bed thing is ONLY if they absolutely refuse to even try the food. Sorry I should have made that clear in my first post.



By the way, as a child who was forced to eat beets until I threw up, I don't believe in forcing a child to finish everything off their plate AT ALL. I wouldn't go as far as to say it is abusive, but definately cruel, and definately "provoking a child to wrath".

 

[Christdefinesme]

I didn't want to quote Leanna's post because it was so long, but what she described about what her parents did and her plans for her kid(s) sounds like what I've done.
Although, I have struggled myself about what is a good balance. I have 4 kids, and if they all don't like dinner, they all want something different. Ugh!
So, we've employed the 5 bite rule (you have to eat 5 bites, and if you really hate it after that, you can have a bowl of cereal, or whatever's around, that's easy to get later). It's worked well, and I really don't want food to be an issue, I had "food issues" growing up, it's not worth it, yet want to teach them to appreciate what's been put in front of them, learn to like stuff, etc.
5 bites sometimes gets them into it enough to realize they like it. Even if they don't like what it looks like!
We don't nor will we discipline for food issues.
Food should be an enjoyable, healthy, well rounded family experience.
Not a battle and negative power play time.
Not that I don't get frustrated sometimes!

 

[MarlenaM]

I wanted to clear something up that I said, so that I am not misunderstood either. I make the child go back to bed if he is REFUSING to eat at all. Not if he doesn't like food. In our house, you get a plate of food, I have had a child refuse to try anything on it, at that point, they go to bed. I will not force a child to eat, but I will also not allow them to play and end up with low blood sugar later, because they refuse to try anything on their plate at all. (Low blood sugar runs in my family and I suffer greatly from it).

IF they try everything on their plate, then that is all I ask. The deal is, you get one plate of food (I think I started that sentence earlier) when you finish EVERYTHING off that plate, then you can get seconds. You CANNOT get seconds of ANYTHING on the plate unless you have, a) cleaned your plate or b) you have at least tried everything on your plate.

Anyway, the bed thing is ONLY if they absolutely refuse to even try the food. Sorry I should have made that clear in my first post.



By the way, as a child who was forced to eat beets until I threw up, I don't believe in forcing a child to finish everything off their plate AT ALL. I wouldn't go as far as to say it is abusive, but definately cruel, and definately "provoking a child to wrath".

It's not going to take very many times where a child leaves the table hungry because they made the decision to not eat. They will learn however they will figure it out on their own not by us sending them to bed. I am not usually one to point out what another parent does as wrong. I am not doing that here, so here me out. I grew up with a similar situation. I developed an eating disorder and not that I'm suggesting that this one thing would casue that. I dont think that making a child go to bed because they didn't eat is fair. They will begin to eat wether they are hungry or not because they know you want them to. Thus begins poor eating habits. I'm not suggesting that you make diff food until they eat something. Give them the choice to decide if they want to eat. If they don't then tell them that they will see it at the next meal and there won't be any snack until it's eaten. If they still choose to walk away, then let him/her. No child ever died from not eating an meal. Letting them feel hungry is okay. They aren't going to get sick so as long as it's one meal. Now if this goes on for days then of course something else is going on with that child. The next time this happens will become further and further apart. They aren't going to like being hungry. I use this with my daughter. She's a good eater but we do sometimes go through this. I am trying to teach her to make good decisions based off of what's healthy for her a what is right. There will be less fighting this way, and they wont look at us and start to automatically think that they need to eat. Just my 2 cents as a child who has grown up this way. Again, I am not telling you what to do as a parent just offering another view on the situation to hopefully make things easier for you.

 

[Princessperky]

I wanted to put my two cents in.

1. If you have a variety of food from early on (preferably by breastfeeding, it tastes different based on what mom ate) then eating a variety of foods will be the 'norm' for your kid, helps when refusal is about newness.

2. If you put the same Salmon in the fridge over and over again, your kid is going to think Salmon is the WORST tasting thing in the world! Most foods do NOT improve with age!

And for what I do (case anyone cares), taste it, if you don't like it you can have whole wheat bread. My kids eat like hobbits (so do I) so there isn't to far to the next meal, but the next meal is always healthy, no big if DS doesn't like potatoes (though after MANY repeat tastes, he now likes them baked, but not yet in soup) It is one food out of how many hundreds of varieties God made? I do insist that he eat breakfast though, he can stay in the kitchen till he gets hungry enough, which since I know is about 20 minutes after he woke up and potty takes 5, me eating with them takes about 10, he only has a max of 5 more minutes to wait till the stumach kicks in . I think he can handle it (and now knows he might as well force a few bites early and play sooner (no toys till after breakfast). DD is generally the one demanding food so I don't know if I would insist for her or not, never had the oportunity to find out!

I was also wondering, how many adults do you know who skip breakfast? "I just can't eat that early" Seems to be the rallying cry of all my adult friends.

 

[HeyHomie]

I don't have kids, but if I did, I would have a firm policy. Eat what's on your plate, or do without. No punishment (like making them go to bed or whatever), and no cajoling. If they refuse to eat, then they refuse to eat. Kids aren't going to starve themselves to death just to test their parents' boundaries; when they get hungry enough, they'll eat.

 

[Christdefinesme]

I don't have kids, but if I did, I would have a firm policy. Eat what's on your plate, or do without. No punishment (like making them go to bed or whatever), and no cajoling. If they refuse to eat, then they refuse to eat. Kids aren't going to starve themselves to death just to test their parents' boundaries; when they get hungry enough, they'll eat.

Yeah, if I didn't have kids I would have that policy, too.....

My brother doesn't have kids, and he thinks this is the policy I should have.

 

[snarfywarning]

I was also wondering, how many adults do you know who skip breakfast? "I just can't eat that early" Seems to be the rallying cry of all my adult friends.

*raised hand*
even now that I am eating for two, it is HARD to eat early in the morning. So what I do is wake up, mill around for a few hours, then eat a biiig brunch. It makes me feel crapy all day if I eat right after I wake up.

 

[Leanna]

Well personally I would like to throw in a vote for breakfast. It kick starts your metabolism which is especially important in a generation of overweight children. We all eat breakfast, its great.

 

[LovesToRead]

Here's some thoughts from my experience growing up.

I'm lactose intolerant. But that's not a thing that everyone understands and they sure didn't when I was little.

We would bring milk money to school. I'd drink the milk the first day - I did sort of o.k., but never made it to the second or third day. To this day, I don't like the taste of milk. It affects my body badly, not something a child can always articulate.

Of course everyone who turns down something that is put in front of them isn't turning it down for a reason like mine. It does seem, however, that we hear about more intolerances of foods than in earlier years.

We all do have our preferences after all. I happen to like liver, my husband has never had it and wouldn't even consider eating an "organ" meat. On the other hand, he loves mushrooms, and to me (who has tried them) they don't taste good and besides, you're eating a "fungus".

I do think that having a variety of food that you will eat is best in life. It makes one much more portable.

Perhaps I'll write about my son's issues with food another time.

God Bless you all in your efforts.

 

[RThor]

I agree it is the child choice. However I think carring one meal to anther is poor choice. Not nessicarly bad, but not a good choice. Bear with me. Meal time should be a family time, to have one eating something they choose not to hours ago, then bring it to the next meal, brings a bad flavor to that meal for all. Unless it is a control issue and everyone at the table realy does enjoy whatching little Johnie eat something he said he wouldn't. Distastefull.

 

[AbidingInHim]

I give mine the option, eat what's in front of you or be hungry. I don't turn it into a control issue, there's been several eating disorders on both sides of our family and the last thing I want to do is give them the idea they have so much contol by refusing to eat. It's a battle no body wins. I would say choose your battles, this is not one I choose. I will however insist they try something before saying they don't like it. If they don't like it fine, don't eat. Place too much emphasis on forcing them to eat something, they will associate food with power, and control, thus opening the soor to anorexia or bulima or even overeating.

 

[RThor]

Exactly.

 

[Michaela]

I'm not a parent but I thought I'd add my 2 cents here (hope that's OK)...

My parents used to try to make me eat different kinds of food, and I would eat almost anything...except meat. I went without a lot of meals until they gave up. When I was 8, I learned what a vegan was. I knew right away that that was me. I'm 16 now, and for 8 years I haven't eaten any meat, egg, milk, honey etc. I still eat healthy foods (lots of veggies) and take a multivitamin. It's totally different if your kids are refusing to eat because they are mad at you or something, but some people just don't have a taste for certain kinds of food. If there is a healthy alternative, go for it!

 

[HeyHomie]

I'm not a parent but I thought I'd add my 2 cents here (hope that's OK)...

My parents used to try to make me eat different kinds of food, and I would eat almost anything...except meat. I went without a lot of meals until they gave up. When I was 8, I learned what a vegan was. I knew right away that that was me. I'm 16 now, and for 8 years I haven't eaten any meat, egg, milk, honey etc. I still eat healthy foods (lots of veggies) and take a multivitamin. It's totally different if your kids are refusing to eat because they are mad at you or something, but some people just don't have a taste for certain kinds of food. If there is a healthy alternative, go for it!

Do your parents bend over backwards to accomodate your diet, or do they tell you to eat what's on your plate or do without?

 

[Michaela]

I cook for myself and have for a long time. That does make a difference for parents with younger children though. I obviously didn't read this thread well enough to notice that y'all are talking about preschool age kids. Sorry, feel free to ignore my previous post.