When your child refuses to eat

[Stringaling]

What do you do when your child refuses to eat? I choose not to spoil the child by fixing something else that he will eat. My reasoning is that "youeat what I fix or you don't eat at all." This mornign my son refused to eat his breakfast. I put it in the refrigerator and he will have it for lunch. I gave him the opportunity to have his pancakes when they were fresh, but he chose not to take advantage of that. Now he will have then after they've been refrigerated and reheated--I told him that if he doesn't eat then he will have to have them for lunch and he chose nt to.
I believe that fixing the child another meal or something else would, in the long run, be a disservice to the child. Children must learn that life is not centered around them and the world will not cater to their wants ans whims. In my house this lesson begins early. They will learn respect and obedience. If that means eating reheated mushy pancakes while the rest of us have chicken, so be it. My children have only one choice for meals. If they choose to not eat, then they will not be rewarded by getting the good food with the rest of the family at the next meal. They will have to eat what they refused. Teaches them that disobedience doesn't pay off...

 

[Katydid]

Well, for us, it is back to bed. If you refuse to eat breakfast, you get to go hungry and go back to bed for an hour. If you refuse lunch, then you go hungry, go to bed for an hour. Dinner, you go to bed hungry and don't get up until morning.

 

[Stringaling]

I like the back to bed idea!

 

[andiesmama]

I think it depends on the age of your child. Andie's 3 and I've just recently started introducing the "eat what I made you thing or nothing else" system. Prior to that, if she wouldn't eat a meal, I'd just make available healthy snacks during the day. Like leave raisins or pretzels or goldfish out on the coffee table for her to munch on.

But now it's more of a power thing, I think, when she says "no" to a meal. So if she doesn't want to eat, I tell her fine but she won't get anything until the next meal. That usually changes her mind!

 

[Stringaling]

My boy just ate his breakfast.. He was sad and hungry. It takes a while for his will to break sometimes, but today it only took a couple of hours for him to realise that it is better to eat..

 

[suzybeezy]

Well I'm some what of an expert in this department. I am the grown up version of which you speak. I had major eating issues when I was a child. My mother tried everything with me. She told me I'd go hungry and I just chose to go hungry. She tried bribery and I wouldn't budge. She tried punishment and I wasn't deterred. She tried making me sit at the table until I ate, and I would sit there for hours. She tried to convince me to try just one bit and I wouldn't even do that. There was nothing she could do to convince me to eat. The more she tried, the more I dug in my heels and wouldn't eat. I wasn't necessarily being disrespectful in my mind, I just wanted some say about my food preferences.

Like I hate onions and if my mom served something with onions, you were never going to convince me to eat them no matter how many times you put them in front of me. I just don't like onions. All the punishment in the world would never convince me to eat onions. If someone put a gun to my head and told me to eat an onion, I still couldn't do it.

What I learned from that experience is to not make it an issue. If my kids don't want to eat, I just don't say anything. The only thing is they have to wait until the next meal to eat. If they chose not to eat what's served, again they have to wait for the next meal. I just don't engage in the battle.

We try to set a good example of healthy eating and the kids have followed. (BTW When I serve a meal that contains onions, I make sure I have plans to go out so my kids don't see my pickiness.)

 

[MarlenaM]

I have to agree. Sometimes makeing a big deal out of it they resist even more. With my 4 year old daughter if she dosn't want to eat, I calmly say okay, you can have it for whatever the next meal is and I tell her to get down. I put it in the fridge and we're done. If for lunch and dinner she doesn't want to eat same thing. However usually by then she's starving and will eat whatever I put in front of her! I am trying to teach her that it's her decision making and if she makes the wrong decision she is going to learn what follows. I see too many teenagers in my family making bad decisions. I want her to learn early. If I make it a big deal she gets stressed out and then it becomes a food issue. I grew up with an eating disorder and I want to avoid that for her. This way, she gets to make the decision and if it's the wrong one well then she's going to be hungry and will be seeing that plate of food again soon! Win win situation. My blood pressure doesn't rise and she knows what to expect every time. I don't think that punishing her works because it's me telling her what to do.. when she sees it for herself she understands and will next time make the right decision because she went hungry one too many times! She usually makes the right decision with this; every once in a while it comes up and she remembers!

Anyways, just my thoughts. =)

 

[lucypevensie]

I have the same principles on eating as you all. At first DH was hard to convince that this way is best. He used to get really worried if one of ours had to skip a meal, like they were going to get malnourished and underweight. Lots of times he'd go make a pot of macc n cheese for one and mashed potatoes for the other one. I think he's finally gotten tired of making special meals, especially when they refused to eat even THOSE. Now we seem to be more on the same page. I cook, they eat that and only that. We still usually have one free-for-all leftover night though where we can all pick what we want. It's practical (gets rid of leftovers) and fun.

 

[Linnis]

My nephew tried to pull this when he turned 5. Apprently he'd been refusing to eat at school and they'd been giving him something else.

I'd make him a meal, if he didn't eat it, he gets nothing but water until the next meal. I'm not a short order chef. When we lived with my MIL this was harder because she thinks cake is a suitable thing for breakfast but yeah.

I will not make something I know he hates but at the same time I will not make something to cater to his ever whim. Like for 3-4 months the summer before last, all he wanted was Tuna and I'm like you can't live on tuna.


He's gone one complete day with nothing but water because he didn't want what I had fixed. After bed he woke up starving and I told him I'm sorry but 10pm isn't meal time, he had 3 times where he could have ate but he didn't want to, so tough.

Believe me, did that boy eat all his breakfast without complanit and ask for seconds with his please and thank you. My BIL was worried he'd get sick but I promise that he will not die from one day without eating and it taught him that he's got to eat what he gets even if it isn't his favourite.

 

[Joykins]

I give them the food. They eat it or not. Their choice. We ask and motivate but we do not beg. As an accomodation to kid-tastes, we often serve sauces and spices on the side so the kids can still get the "main course" that they like (spaghetti with parmesan cheese, meatballs, and no sauce is a favorite...)

 

[sunshiinedays]

My kids are 4 and 7. My oldest will eat anything. My younges is a bit picky. If she doesn't finish her meal, or at least eat most of it, then she can't have a snack between now and the next meal. There are only a couple of dishes I make that she will refuse to eat alltogether, so I will make a salad or side dish to go with those so she still has something nutritious to eat and doesn't go completely hungry.

 

[VHOLLOWAY]

it depends on the situation. if jason dont eat cause he dont like it it goes in the frige till in the morning and he goes to bed. if he had a late lunch or he is not feeling good i keep until he gets hungry. my hubby is moore strick then i am it is eat unless you are sick.and dont say it is nasty if you have not tased it yet, lord help you.. ..lol..... i think every kid is diffrent they should be able to have their own taste, and own appitie, how ever if they are never hungery then we must make them eat 1 good sized meal and the others can kinda go birdy with it

 

[Leanna]

I'm more along the lines of suzybreezy...

To this day I remember the time my aunt made me sit there until I drank my milk. I was 5 years old and I hated milk, and she made me drink it anyway. What did I learn? That my aunt was a jerk, and thats how I felt for 10+ years.

I am not going to cook special meals for my kids, but I am not going to force them to eat what I cook. I am not going to put it in the fridge and get it out for them later. I don't want food to be a battle, and I certainly don't see it as a breaking of wills. I will save my strict-ness for things that matter to me, like listening to me when I say no, speaking to me with respect, general obedience.

My parents both had this rule: You don't have to eat it, but you DO have to try it. That goes for both food you've had before, and food you haven't. Food often is an aquired taste and if allowed, some people will stick to these ten things and no more. There are many things that I learned to like as a child because of this rule, they didn't force me to eat a ton, just to try it, and it was easy enough. If you try somethign enough times, you tend to learn to like it. The only thing this did not work with is vinegared fresh spinach. Other than that, I kid you not, I am sitting here with a glass of V8. You know, the vegetable juice? My mom gave it to me as a small child and I developed a liking for it. Their technique worked, and I plan on using with with my children too to expand their food tastes.

But back to not being a short order chef. I won't do that either. They can try dinner, and if they dont like ANY of the items in the meal I will allow leftovers from another meal or a sandwich from the fridge. So long as it isn't additional work for me, its not a big deal to me.

 

[andiesmama]

But back to not being a short order chef. I won't do that either. They can try dinner, and if they dont like ANY of the items in the meal I will allow leftovers from another meal or a sandwich from the fridge. So long as it isn't additional work for me, its not a big deal to me.

That's kinda what I'm starting to do with Andie. If she's refusing to eat dinner, then I just say "Well, ok, but nothing else later!" If she says she doesn't like it, I tell her that she has to try a bite and if she REALLY doesn't like it, she can have something else. 9 times out of 10, she decides it's good after all!

Side note: The other night I made chicken in the crockpot...so tender it was falling off the bone! Yellow rice & peas. She was refusing to eat it, so my DH introduced Ranch dressing (which she'd never had before). Took one bite with the dressing & totally cleaned her plate! She mixed EVERYthing with the dressing, even the peas... . So now I have some more ammunition to use...lol

 

[Ms.Garnet]

Hi Stringaling - I applaud you and the others who have the will power to not give in ! When my daughter was 4 yrs. old I made egg salad sandwiches one day & she cried & said I don't like egg salad mommie. It was not an issue of definance - she was crying because she knew I would make her eat it. I told her too bad sweetie , you have to eat it anyway or be hungry. She took a bite & it never got below the collar bone - up it came! Needless to say - she is 26 yrs. old & I have not once made egg salad since that day I made her throw up! There are things I am sure you don't like to eat & you probably don't cook them often for yourself - I don't mean that in an ugly way ! Like with your son not wanting pancakes - if it is just because he doesn't want it - then yes, say ok, and when he comes for a snack - offer the pancakes - offer them until he is hungry enough to eat them or goes to bed without eating all day like Linnis did her nephew. But, if something makes him sick I would not force him to eat it. My son can't stand bananas - I don't force him to eat them on say, cereal when we ourselves are eating them with cereal. When I cook I try to include at least 2 things my son will eat - I offer the rest , but if he doesn't want it - he can just eat the 1 or 2 things he likes. I don't fix special for him, I just include it with the meal because we will eat whatever. I would make pancakes, but for the children I would make them small or pour 3 small circles to make it look like a mickey mouse head with big ears. When they were young I would put a spoon of each food cooked on their plate, if they didn't want it I would say , well , you need to try it. You need to eat a least 2 bites. I seldom had them get sick from 2 bites of food. Many times they would begin to like the food they thought they didn't like. My son is learning disabled and still lives at home , so that is why I include food he likes, but don't cater the whole meal to his likes & dislikes.

 

[Leanna]

Hi Stringaling - I applaud you and the others who have the will power to not give in ! When my daughter was 4 yrs. old I made egg salad sandwiches one day & she cried & said I don't like egg salad mommie. It was not an issue of definance - she was crying because she knew I would make her eat it. I told her too bad sweetie , you have to eat it anyway or be hungry. She took a bite & it never got below the collar bone - up it came! Needless to say - she is 26 yrs. old & I have not once made egg salad since that day I made her throw up!

Has it ever occured to you that if you had NOT forced her to eat egg sandwich, she would have NOT thrown it up, and she might have learned to like it as she got older??? Because its occuring to me! "She knew I would make her eat it." I shudder just thinking about how she must have felt at that moment and how it caused her to have a throwing up reaction.

 

[Leanna]

That's kinda what I'm starting to do with Andie. If she's refusing to eat dinner, then I just say "Well, ok, but nothing else later!" If she says she doesn't like it, I tell her that she has to try a bite and if she REALLY doesn't like it, she can have something else. 9 times out of 10, she decides it's good after all!

Side note: The other night I made chicken in the crockpot...so tender it was falling off the bone! Yellow rice & peas. She was refusing to eat it, so my DH introduced Ranch dressing (which she'd never had before). Took one bite with the dressing & totally cleaned her plate! She mixed EVERYthing with the dressing, even the peas... . So now I have some more ammunition to use...lol

Now this is a good idea.... give them something to dip the food in. No one cooks more, its more fun for the Andie, and Andie gets an opportunity to feel like she gets to "choose" or contribute something. Children really need that, any child psych book or book o that topic will tell you that. Its like when they want to pick out what to wear.

 

[Ms.Garnet]

Has it ever occured to you that if you had NOT forced her to eat egg sandwich, she would have NOT thrown it up, and she might have learned to like it as she got older??? Because its occuring to me! "She knew I would make her eat it." I shudder just thinking about how she must have felt at that moment and how it caused her to have a throwing up reaction.

No Leanna, she did not throw it up because she did not like it or that she knew I would make her eat it - remember in my earlier post I said - " When they were young I would put a spoon of each food cooked on their plate, if they didn't want it I would say , well , you need to try it. You need to eat a least 2 bites. I seldom had them get sick from 2 bites of food. " If she threw up so that I would not make egg salad again , she would have done that any time I made her eat something she didn't like and as I earlier said - that seldom ever happened. I was forced to eat bologna when I was young & I got terribly sick from the taste of it and I was made to go hungry all day because I could not eat it without throwing up - not because I just didn't want it. My father thought just like you did - I was throwing up because I didn't like it - which just wasn't true. The mere thought of it makes me ill feeling. With that in mind I tried to be tolerant when my children may not be able to eat some foods without feeling sick (and egg salad just happen to make my child sick.) I tried to treat my children that way I wished I had been treated when bologna made me sick ( and by the way, I didn't throw up with any other foods either). My husband loves fried beef liver in gravey - I tried cooking it for him one time - the smell of it made me so sick I had to get my sister to finish it up. He gets fried liver when he eats out - he does not insist that I cook something the makes me sick to smell. Bless you ! P.S. My daughter at the time was new to our home by just a few days - she came as a foster child - I had never served egg salad , she was just being honest.

 

[Linnis]

Yeah I let Jeremy have ketchup or salad dressing, BBQ sause is good too. Kids like dip. I learned that from my Mum.

 

[Zoomer]

Most children that are picky, have parents that are picky. If you offer children a variety at a very early age, and don't avoid a food simply because you don't like it, the child will have a more open mind. My children will eat anything, some days that dwaddle at the table but we have a ten minute rule. When the adults are done the children have ten minutes to finish. They always finish their food, and 90% of the time, it is in a timely manner.