When to start that new life as a single!

[SnowBelle]

It has not been long now since my husband announced that he was leaving me(yes there is another woman)!

I am at a crossroads ...when do I turn towards that single life...give up wearing my wedding rings...all those things.

I don't know if it is just anger that is fueling this or not.

I wonder if it is God telling me to face reality...it is over!!!

Any insights would be appreciated!

God Bless!

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I don't know if I have any insights but I can tell you what I did.

When I found out that my husband was cheating and it was over I took my rings off. I eased into telling people, first telling my close family and friends and then eventually telling my work (when I changed my name back), etc. I knew it was over and I moved at my own pace to return to my single life. It was hard so I took my time to make the adjustment go smoothly.

If you're not sure right now and hoping to reconcile then I would say to continue wearing your rings until you know that it's over. Your husband may see it as an act of faith in your love for him.

I pray things work out.

 

[SnowBelle]

Thanks for the reply!
I do not see any hope for reconciliation at this time.
He is gone and it is done...he would have the divorce done immediately if it was not for the laws of the country...I need to face that fact and move on with life!
Not that I will quit praying for God to do a miracle.
I have not been wearing my rings for a week now...it is hard because I always believed they were a symbol of my committment to my marriage...but that marriage is being taken from me...I don't even have a choice!
So I am going forward...God as my husband!!

God Bless You!

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

I'm sorry. You're not alone.

 

[kanga22]

My husband told me that he was "done with me" over a year ago now, and I still don't want to accept it. Like you said, I am seeing God as my husband right now. I'm wearing my wedding ring for God, and so that other men won't think I'm available. I do occasionally take my ring off, when my stbx does or says something especially cruel.

It's all a very difficult process dealing with a dying or dead marriage. I think we all have to work through it in our own way. Personally, I'm not even close to "acting" single, dating, etc. so I won't do that right now. Maybe years from now I'll be ready for that, but right now it's not my priority. For some people "acting" single, maybe even dating to be social, is what they need. Only you know what would work best for you. I know it's all extremely difficult to live in this limbo. It's best to lean on God right now, and strengthen your relationship with Him, no matter what else you do. God bless.

 

[SnowBelle]

I'm sorry. You're not alone.

Everyone keeps telling me that....but...I feel so very alone!!

I have no one to share my every day life with like before! You know the little things of life that make it normal! What I did today or what I didn't do or what went right or what didn't go right!

This makes it hard!

But thanks for caring!!

 

[SnowBelle]

My husband told me that he was "done with me" over a year ago now, and I still don't want to accept it. Like you said, I am seeing God as my husband right now. I'm wearing my wedding ring for God, and so that other men won't think I'm available. I do occasionally take my ring off, when my stbx does or says something especially cruel.

It's all a very difficult process dealing with a dying or dead marriage. I think we all have to work through it in our own way. Personally, I'm not even close to "acting" single, dating, etc. so I won't do that right now. Maybe years from now I'll be ready for that, but right now it's not my priority. For some people "acting" single, maybe even dating to be social, is what they need. Only you know what would work best for you. I know it's all extremely difficult to live in this limbo. It's best to lean on God right now, and strengthen your relationship with Him, no matter what else you do. God bless.

Thanks Kanga!!

I know that a lot of this is fueled by anger right now!
But I have also realized that I can't just sit around waiting for him to come back today!
All along God has been telling me to "Wait on Him" so I am trying to still keep some hope alive for my marriage...but it will take a major miracle from God.
I have no contact with my ex...other then emails. He doesn't live anywhere near here.
I have no intention on dating or developing another relationship anytime soon!
That would be all too weird and bad!
If we are to ever reconcile...I don't need to have a bunch of baggage come with me...he has lost all of his integrity...I don't have to lose mine!

As far as the wedding rings go ...My counsellor said that maybe if I didn't wear them that people would not be asking were my husband was all the time. It is so hard to be around strangers and have them all talking about there spouses and then they turn to me and ask me about my husband.
Who knows I might put them back on again when this anger subsides some and I feel more forgiveness in my heart towards him.

Every thing is so confusing...some days are not too bad now, but some days...........................

And yes I do believe that everyone faces this situation differently...we are individuals. So what works for me might be disaster for someone else.
It is just nice to be able to talk and vent!!

God Bless and Huggles!!!

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Everyone keeps telling me that....but...I feel so very alone!!

I have no one to share my every day life with like before! You know the little things of life that make it normal! What I did today or what I didn't do or what went right or what didn't go right!

This makes it hard!

But thanks for caring!!

I wish I had some words of wisdom to make things better for you.

I can certainly empathize. I understand what you are feeling and can with you. Which is better...being married to someone who doesn't care about you or what your day was like or not having anyone to share it with? They are the same, in my opinion.

God bless you!

 

[SnowBelle]

I wish I had some words of wisdom to make things better for you.

I can certainly empathize. I understand what you are feeling and can with you. Which is better...being married to someone who doesn't care about you or what your day was like or not having anyone to share it with? They are the same, in my opinion.

God bless you!

Well it is a good thing that we have each other here to talk to!

Anytime you want to talk just pm me!!

God Bless you too!!

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Well it is a good thing that we have each other here to talk to!

Anytime you want to talk just pm me!!

God Bless you too!!

 

[SnowBelle]

You would never guess the scripture that I came across last night!!! Well maybe you would...I never knew it was there and no one had pointed it out to me yet!!
God is totally amazing and awesome!!

Isaiah 54:4-8 CEV Don't be afraid or ashamed and don't be discouraged. You won't be disappointed. Forget how sinful you were when you were young; stop feeling ashamed for being left a widow.
(5) The LORD All-Powerful, the Holy God of Israel, rules all the earth. He is your Creator and husband, and he will rescue you.
(6) You were like a young wife, brokenhearted and crying because her husband had divorced her. But the LORD your God says, "I am taking you back!
(7) I rejected you for a while, but with love and tenderness I will embrace you again.
(8) For a while, I turned away in furious anger. Now I will have mercy and love you forever! I, your protector and LORD, make this promise."

 

[yak]

Even though my Christian wife firmly believed God wanted her to commit adultry to keep her from one night stands it still took me 7 months until I could take the ring off. It was a couple weeks before she got the divorce she wanted. It just got to the point it was time. There is no other way to explain it. Between God healing me and my counsellors to make it permanent it still took that long before I could stop wearing my wedding ring.

I still have alot of respect for marriage and I hope to have the real thing sometime in my life, but I am not chasing it. I have learned to have fun being single, but like you want someone to share my day with. Either way I have time to spend with my Father and it is great!

 

[TealTuesday]

How are u doing Snowbelle? I threw my wedding ring @ my ex,deleted our photos from my digital,got rid of all his clothes and dumped his hair and skin productsand everythng else he used in the trash.
There won't be another man in my life making me miserable anytime soon.I've got my babies, guitars and my band friends.



support eachother here!

 

[RJAZ]

Start that new single life as soon as papers are signed and don't look back. Ever. Hey, life goes on. Enjoy the new found freedoms. Plenty of fish in the sea I say.

 

[TealTuesday]

Start that new single life as soon as papers are signed and don't look back. Ever. Hey, life goes on. Enjoy the new found freedoms. Plenty of fish in the sea I say.

easy to say when a former relationship never really meant anything to you I suppose.

 

[SnowBelle]

Hi Everyone!

I am doing ok... God has provided a great job for me!

It is a big challenge and totally amazing that God provided it for me! We serve an AWESOME GOD!!!

Right now I am so focused on my job that I don't have much time to think about my life and problems...I know they are there and I know I will have to deal with them all. After Christmas will have to deal with getting a lawyer and getting the seperation agreement done. I wish this stuff would just all go away. I don't want to be divorced...I love my husband and want him back!
But I have also realized that my marriage is being taken from me...I have not been given a choice...so I must go on and let God take care of me! I must start a new life!!

Here is my latest scripture:
Isaiah 54:2-3 Expand the space of your tent. Stretch out the curtains of your tent, and don't hold back. Lengthen your tent ropes, and drive in the tent pegs. (3) You will spread out to the right and left. Your descendants will take over other nations, and they will resettle deserted cities.

So I try to trust in God to get me through all this...I see that He is trying to expand me, stretch me and strengthen me!

God Bless you all!!!

 

[TealTuesday]

These posts from everyone of you are adding to my prayer life and things are looking brighter for me tonight ,thank you Lord Jesus. I have been given a generous forgiveness and my heart feels hopeful.
Do any of you believe that when we hurt eachother without words being said,that maybe we just need to come clean,talk,and hopefully get to the very bottom of what our dissolving marriages are really about? My girlfriends think I don't think with my head but with my heart.Is that so wrong?
Snowbelle,please keep posting.I had a beautiful thing happened after I logged in and read your post and prayed.

 

[SnowBelle]

Last couple of days have been terrible!
My daughter went to meet with her father this weekend.
He phones and tells me that the money he promised for Christmas for us ...he does not have and will not till thursday...so I won't even have a chance to shop for my daughter until Saturday! I am sure that the money he promised for us has gone to his girlfriend ...he has been sending her more money then us!!

Then my daughter comes home and says that his girlfriend was calling all weekend and ruined her time with her father...and that the girlfriend wants to meet her! What kind of a father does this to their daughter!!

It is just cementing the fact that this marriage is over...but it hurts so much...very depressed today!

 

[DZoolander]

Well, in response to TealTuesday wondering what dissolving marriages are really about...

...I think it's this.

Unfortunately what we want out of life and what life actually brings us are sometimes completely different things. When that happens - it throws people into discord. You said it yourself before when you responded to Crashedin2u.

"easy to say when a former relationship never really meant anything to you I suppose."

That's the issue entirely. The issue is what the relationship meant to you. You aren't addressing what the relationship actually was. You're not addressing what the relationship actually is. You're simply focused about what you wanted...in spite of what the world is showing you.

To an extent - it's ego. "I can't believe he/she left me." To an extent it's fear.... "What will I do now?"... All of those things come into play - and can play off each other nastily - all depending on how secure the individual is.

That's what it's about...nothing more...nothing less. It's about what you wanted out of life - what you thought it was going to be - and how you are reacting when you find out that it ain't coming to pass.

 

[QUALITYWOMAN]

It has not been long now since my husband announced that he was leaving me(yes there is another woman)!

I am at a crossroads ...when do I turn towards that single life...give up wearing my wedding rings...all those things.

I don't know if it is just anger that is fueling this or not.

I wonder if it is God telling me to face reality...it is over!!!

Any insights would be appreciated!

God Bless!

IS YOUR HUSBAND SAVED? YOU HAVE TO PRAY AND ASK GOD THE QUESTION( GOD IS MY MARRAGE OVER AND ASK HIM TO GIVE YOU PERFECT PEACE IF GODS ANSWER IS YES) THAT IS WHAT I DID AFTER MY HUSBAND PACKED UP AND WALKED OUT OF THE HOUSE TWO MONTHS AFTER THE WEDDING.THE LANDLORD TOLD ME A WOMAN HELPED HIM EMPTY THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS AT WORK.EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT WANT TO ACCEPT THE ANSWER AT FIRST I LET GO AND LET GOD. I DIVORCED HIM AND GOD HAS RESTORED EVERYTHING THAT HE TOOK FROM ME AND THEN SOME. THAT WAS 13 YEARS AGO.
GOD WILL AKE CARE OF YOU THE WAY HE TOOK CARE OF ME. I NEVER WENT WITH OUT FOOD, MY BILLS WHERE ALWAYS PAID ON TIME, I HAD A VACATION EVERY AND I HAD THE ABILITY TO BLESS AND MINISTER TO OTHER PEOPLE. LET GO AND LET GOD. YOU WILL BE AMAZED OF THE WORK HE WILL DO IN YOUR LIFE.
GOD BLESS YOU