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when kid does not go to school

Willie T

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Removing doors is not at all uncommon with the parents we know. I think it is a great wake-up call. But you do need to leave the kids a venue to re-earn the privilege to have a door put back on.

Your whole objective should be to have them actually learn something, and to begin to apply responsibility that CAN be rewarded.

Also, how many electronic toys does she have? These should be earned privileges, NEVER "rights" that you feel you have to supply.
 
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Yoona86

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There are underlying issues that require better resolution. External controls may have some effect, but any attempts to exert any can sometimes make things a lot worse.

John
NZ

I agree, addressing the underlying problem is much more important.

anyway, in current economic climate, your daughter really should be taking her study much seriously, life is not a picnic and reality is harsh.
 
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CelticRose

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For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. 2 Thess., 3:10 Not recommending you starve the kid but school is their *work*. If they won't school then they need to work at a paying job. Freeloading should never be an option. If nothing else there are chores that she can do for herself: her washing, ironing, cooking, shopping. Reality has a nasty bite. Whatever the underlying issues are the adult world will not molly|coddle & pander to her & the sooner this lesson is learned the better!
 
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minidom

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Having raised 4 daughter now between 17-27 I have learned good communication works for us. If we have an issue we talk to them and more importantly listen.

Our most useful tools are public places &/or teddy control.
Public place means we take them somewhere civilised for coffee or lunch to discuss issues in a mature way.
Teddy control (small one on key chain in public) is about teaching true communication/ listening skills . One can only speak when the teddy is in their possession. They say a bit then hand teddy over to listener to then repeats what they heard in their own words, then responds. Teddy goes back, own words interpretation and response again. Etc.
No shouting no interrupting.


Teens don't always want to share, but it dies mean they learn you can and will listten.
Good Luck
 
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akmom

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Talking in a coffee shop is a great idea for teens prone to outbursts. I never would have thought of that!

The "teddy control" sounds like active listening, which is a great skill to instill in young people. I wish they had a course on active listening and conflict resolution techniques in every high school. I taught it to middle and high schoolers at a conference for juvenile offenders as part of a sociology class in college, and they responded well. So much conflict could be avoided (or at least de-escalated) if people were familiar with these techniques and just used them in life!
 
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janny108

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Sorry...unclear, here...WHY does your daughter not want to go to school? How old is she?

late last year she was homeschooled for 8 mo. Then she went to a new school and missed days because of the flu and she talked about ending her life. The police sent out a counselor and she goes to counseling sessions now. She says the kids at school "irritate " her because she is good student and she feels other older kids don't want to learn.....Which is why they are still there!
 
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Fenny the Fox

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what did you do when your teens did not want to go to school, lock doors? That's what our daughter is doing. Someone from my husband's work is saying they took her door off, gave her a sheet for privacy. ...

I hope no one minds me poking my head in here. Just...interesting to see what people have to say sometimes.

Growing up, the only doors with locks were the outside doors and the bathroom...and the bathroom door lock didn't actually work, because the door hardly shut. lol

And the only way we got off not going to school was if we were actually physically sick - you know what I mean?

So I guess we just never had the option to do these things to my parents. But had we? Yeah, "hell to pay" I believe is the phrase.
 
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ValleyGal

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OP, you might want to have the counsellor refer her to a psychologist for an assessment. My sense is that there might be a social anxiety disorder going on here rather than out and out rebellion or bad attitude. If it is anxiety, there are ways she can address it, but it will take time and patience. If it is undiagnosed and untreated, it will only get worse. Trust me on that....learned the hard way with my son.
 
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ex-pat

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I'd talk to her physician. I'm not too clear on the time scale between her missing days for the flu and the depression beginning, but I do remember reading that some flus are followed by depression, to the point where some people feel suicidal. It's good that she's talking to a counsellor, but she may need more than that. Also, she may not be telling you how severe the bullying is. Can she still study at home? In our province, we have courses that can be purchased from the province, with all the information needed, and the student works at home at his or her own pace, and then when ready, schedules a proctored exam and writes the exam and all papers. The exams and papers are corrected by an independent grader, and if the child chooses this option they are able to receive a diploma, not just a GED. If your daughter is bright and can do the work, perhaps letting her learn at home is better for her. Kahn Academy and others have excellent materials, as well, and you can always hire a tutor to work with her on classes you cannot teach (if any). Be sure to get her her higher maths and sciences and other classes as needed for the career she wishes to pursue. (Some universities require both French and German to study history, for example).
 
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