when he comes, will i go too...?

[asthethic]

I really thank God for leading me here, there's just so much that I've been thinking about, so it's good I found this community.

I was diagnosed with OCD just last year, but I have been dealing with it all my life. I would've gone to get diagnosed sooner, but my parents are devout Christians, and they didn't want me to take any medication, no matter how much I told them. It started when I was 11 years of age when I first heard the thought, "If you touch that, you will die." From then on, I went through severe and mild forms of it, like washing my hands frequently, touching doorknobs over and over again, not eating things because of thoughts like, "If you eat that, your father will get dementia." It has still been with me even now, and I'm just 19.

I was watching the television a month ago, and they were talking about people who had died and went to hell and came back to life, from God saving them. This really shocked me, and of course, with me having OCD, my mind latched onto this new fear. I actually kind of thank God for making me see that, because this made me want to get closer to him this new year. I had already accepted Jesus into my heart at a young age, but now I wanted to seriously get closer to him through reading His word everyday.

But what has been scaring me so much is the rapture, and the second coming. Everyday I fear that despite me trying to get closer to God, I will somehow be left behind, or someone in my family getting left behind. Sometimes my rituals revolve around this, where I'm trying to do something, and the word rapture or hell comes up in my brain and I have to rebuke it or just not do whatever I was doing. Like if I was going to take a bowl of cereal, if I hear those words, it signals me to stop, because if I continue, it might come to pass. I am also scared of this because I always question if I'm ready, and deep down I always feel that I'm not, and I'm trying so hard to align my life with God. Conflict also comes up whenever I try to draw or browse some art websites. I'm a college student, and I love drawing, since it's my hobby, but I feel like its just a secular activity, that what I create doesn't really honor God in any way, so it is a sin. I've been asking God to show his will for me, so that I can do it, because I don't know what to do with my life. I feel like anything I do that doesn't honor God is a sin, like watching television or drawing. I'm just very confused, and as this goes on, my fears about the rapture (just typing that word makes me feel very anxious) makes me even more scared, like I'm wasting time.

I haven't been taking the medication prescribed for me, and my family is very against taking the medication, because it shows that I don't have enough faith in God to take care of me. I don't even feel comfortable telling all this to a therapist, because she probably wouldn't understand it. This is such a weight on me, and I hate these thoughts that make me doubt my salvation.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

The rapture is going to be a fearful but also wonderful event, in the blink of an eye we will be changed. To quote C.S. Lewis "When you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream." Its going to be quite an event, the whole of human history has been leading up to this point and God will finally show all the ones who were His from the foundation of the world.

There is no reason to doubt asthethic, The Lord Jesus said He would not cast those out who come to Him, His loving word is really the only thing that matters in this life, its all that we have to hold on to, He designed it to be that way. We can trust that He will be faithful to us, He said that He will come again and that He would take us back with Him, it will happen one day and when it does He will hold you by the hand as you go up into the clouds with Him.

someone in my family getting left behind

This is a possibility but there is nothing we can do about that except try and tell them about the truth, I am saddened too as I think of this. But we must leave the judgement to God, He is the only one who will judge all men and women and we can place our trust in Him to deal rightly (in justice and mercy) with all of our friends and family who don't yet know Him. There salvation is in Gods hands not ours, especially after the rapture.

Your OCD will latch on to anything you allow it too, just remember though who you must believe, you are not always to believe your thoughts or even your reason, you are just told to trust in the Word of God, if your mind contradicts the word you know where your allegiance is, you belong to God "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." (John 10:28) You are His, you have trusted in the most (the only) trustworthy Person in the universe and He will be faithful to you.

 

[asthethic]

thank you so much for the reply, soldierofsoul. i think its very comforting to know that God is in control, and often my mind gets ahead of me. i just want to drop these awful feelings and give control to God. i think my fear stems from not having any control in the matter, and the magnitude of it is scary, but i think i will be alright.

 

[singpeace]

But what has been scaring me so much is the rapture, and the second coming. Everyday I fear that despite me trying to get closer to God, I will somehow be left behind, or someone in my family getting left behind.

Aesthetic,

Hi and welcome to CF.

You have nothing to fear. God's Word states plainly and emphatically that once you are in Christ Jesus, nothing and no one can change that. We try to be perfect, but we all stumble, get off-track, screw up. Even the greatest Christian must struggle with sin and temptation. The ONLY people who are left behind are those who have never accepted Christ as Lord and Savior. God's Word says that we each are responsible for our own sins and that no one pays for another's shortcomings except for Jesus, and He has done it already.

John 10:28
I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

thank you so much for the reply, soldierofsoul. i think its very comforting to know that God is in control, and often my mind gets ahead of me. i just want to drop these awful feelings and give control to God. i think my fear stems from not having any control in the matter, and the magnitude of it is scary, but i think i will be alright.

You are very welcome and I have one more thing I felt led to post for you, I was searching the net today and I found this article by Oswald Chambers:

"When He was alone, the twelve … asked of Him …“(Mark 4:10.)

"His Solitude with us. When God gets us alone by affliction, heartbreak, or temptation, by disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted affection, by a broken friendship, or by a new friendship—when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are dumbfounded and cannot ask one question, then He begins to expound. Watch Jesus Christ’s training of the twelve. It was the disciples, not the crowd outside, who were perplexed. They constantly asked Him questions, and He constantly expounded things to them; but they only understood after they had received the Holy Spirit (see John 14:26).If you are going on with God, the only thing that is clear to you, and the only thing God intends to be clear, is the way He deals with your own soul. Your brother’s sorrows and perplexities are an absolute confusion to you. We imagine we understand where the other person is, until God gives us a dose of the plague of our own hearts. There are whole tracts of stubbornness and ignorance to be revealed by the Holy Spirit in each one of us, and it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone. Are we alone with Him now, or are we taken up with little fussy notions, fussy comradeships in God’s service, fussy ideas about our bodies? Jesus can expound nothing until we get through all the noisy questions of the head and are alone with Him."

quote from: Salvation By Grace

God bless you! SoS