when being quiverfull clashes with self

[coffeegal]

i fully believe in completly trusting God in the number of children, but i'm struggling with it.
i feel like because of pregnancy and toddlers i can't give much to the rest of the family.
my oldest son ends up doing most of the housework cause mommy is so tired all the time. i don't want to do anything.

how can i be a good mother to the ones i have if i keep having more?

my apt is such a mess. i just don't feel like i can do it anymore.

 

[oliveplants]

I know what you mean, but I don't think I can really give any advice here. (We've made some decisions that take us out of the strictly quiverfull category and I don't want to influence you in that direction - at least not in the QF forum)
I hope you do get some support from the other members here.

 

[Leanna]

i feel like because of pregnancy and toddlers i can't give much to the rest of the family.

I would love to hear advice on this topic as well, pregnancy is hard for me.

 

[sparassidae]

I'm not sure that I can offer any advice, but can definitely give a

I know what you mean about letting the other chidren down, my husband really picks up the slack when I'm pregnant or when baby is very young, so I think that helps.

Being honest with the children, that Mummy is tired because of the baby (actually why we told ours quite early this time), and apologising for when I'm cranky etc also makes a difference I think.

Regarding housework- that's hard. DH does heaps more housework when I'm pg, and yeah the older children have to help out more too. But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. They still have heaps of free time so I don't feel like I'm burdening them beyond what's reasonable. YMMV.

DH is actually the one really concerned that more children may negatively impact the time, energy etc that we can give to our existing children, which is why he doesn't call himself quiverfull while I do. And since he's the head of the household, I think my childbearing days are limited at this point.

Sorry for the ramble, hope it helped

 

[jgonz]

I totally understand. I understand the guilt, I understand the feeling less than your best, I understand the loss of patience and energy.....

However, the family helping out is a Good thing. Team work. The kids learn selfLessness is part of life... and in This day & age of the ME ME ME, that's a Great lesson and not one easily learned Anyway else.

 

[AJ29]

I find this forum interesting, even though I am not quiverfull, so please forgive me if I don't answer according to the "rules" here - I certainly mean no offence!

I am the eldest daughter in a family with 5 kids.

Growing up, I don't feel like I had a "childhood" per se, as I was more of a "mini mum".

As a 7 year old, I had 3 younger siblings and was responsible for household chores including: hanging out and bringing in loads of laundry (we didn't use a dryer), helping to make lunches for school, drying the dishes, folding laundry, vaccuuming and quite often I would help cook dinner.

By the time I was 12, many of those chores were my full responsibility (ie - I didn't "help" make lunches, I made them and packed them with no assistance etc).

Growing up, I was far more "skilled" in "home duties" than many of my peers. I still had some time to play, but things like team sports (which I was interested in) were not possible, as I had to stay home and help mum.

My younger sister sees me as quite resentful of my "lack" of a childhood.

I don't see that I am resentful, but I know that there are things that I missed out on.

I don't look back and see my childhood as "fun" or "enjoyable" and I don't really look back with "fond memories" yet I don't consider myself bitter and twisted. I just see that I did what needed to be done in order for us to get by.

I guess my point is that you may not be able to give your kids "everything", and whilst they might "miss out" in some ways (such as the ways I outlined above), they will also have so many other advantages in coming from a quiverfull family.

I hope that helps!

 

[BananaCake]

Interesting topic! I can't keep a clean house with 1 child, much less more!

 

[coffeegal]

Growing up, I was far more "skilled" in "home duties" than many of my peers. I still had some time to play, but things like team sports (which I was interested in) were not possible, as I had to stay home and help mum.

i grew up in a home where my parents were divorced and i missed out on a lot too, simply cause we didn't have the money (even tho there was just 2 of us). i had many of the same responsibilities and not living in a large family.
my kids do get to do a lot of things. in fact i'm just getting home from my oldest child's baseball game and on the way home dropped hubby and oldest daughter off for her softball practice.

 

[KristiLee]

I grew up in a home where Mom thought she would do it all because she wanted me to just be a kid since she knew I'd be cooking and cleaning all of my adult life... but when that time came I was clueless. To this day these are the areas I struggle with the most.

Get your kids involved now - teach them to be helpers and givers. It will build strong godly habits for them as adults and life skills that can't be replaced (whether you have two or you have twelve children!!! LOL).

Children need the training of their parents to become adults; it doesn't just happen by "growing up" or "turning 18" - we are there to help them to be constructive and prepared to be on their own someday!

 

[Tea]

I am not sure why, or who it is, that started the thought that if a child helps out in the home, rather than doing their own thing, that they are hard done by or deprived in some way. If I ever meet him/her, I just might be tempted to clock them one.

If we really think that, then there have been thousands of years of children growing up, that lead a deprived life. Now if you want to talk about the 4 and 5 year olds that are working gleaning from dumps etc to bring in extra monies for their family, then we might have something to talk about. But if it is just helping out in the running of family, then what is the problem? Why is cooking, cleaning, laundry etc only Mums job? Alfter all, she didn't make all the mess??
Personally I think that kids are taught too many things that have absolutely nothing to do with "life" and all to do with "me, me, me"!
Sports, and team things are great, but when they become the focus of life, and more time is taken with them than anything else, then I think we need to "rethink" issues.
I have learnt ballet, gym, swimming, choir, ballroom dancing etc, all of which for the runnning of everyday life are absolutely useless.
The skills that I use everyday that I was also taught are how to keep a home, cooking, sewing, money management etc.
Personally I wish more importance had been placed on these things then other things.
Just me.
Tracey

 

[coffeegal]

i'm sorry i've not responded. this has been a hard week for me as our finaces are a mess. i'm feeling even more guilty about being pregnant cause i can't physically go get a job to help my husband. and there are things that i need for my pregnancy just to be able to do my daily job.

 

[RedTulipMom]

big hugs coffeegal, i will keep you in my prayers!

 

[sweetangelmum]

I personally have 4 under 5yrs and I am pregnant with no5 I have got my self organised and I make sure I am on top of things from first thing in the day. I took 2 weeks and culled 90% of my house. I mean I seriously got rid of heaps. before that I was always a mess. kids toys I culled it to one box. babies and kids clothes culled everything I just kept what we need. I am in the process of purchasing other stuff to make my life easier. I dont expect my kids to do much they are only young but i do make them clean up after themselves. I have seen families rely on the older kids and it is not in my opinion a good thing. I will teach my kids but not make it their responsibility to do what Mum should be doing. If it is only for a short time I can understand but if it is for the rest of the time they are home I think it causes issues.

 

[sweetangelmum]

Coffeegirl I am praying for you must be hard and dont feel guilt but feel inspired to get a plan of action.

God bless