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dellinw
Guest
CajunQueen... please don't give up.. you have much living left to do.. LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING...
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Eucalyptus
Newbie
Greetings, everyone!
I just joined, a minute ago! But I've been looking for this kind of forum few months after my husband's passing 3 years 8 months ago since the pain was so unbearable for me to hold alone. I need friends who have the same experience of losing beloved husband and I'm glad I got here.
This topic is interesting. I got questioned for many times now whether or not I'm interested in getting married again. When my husband died, our little daughter just turned 1 and our marriage was not even 2 years old yet. I was so devastated. In one of my grief counsellings with my Pastor, he asked the same question and said that it's better for the child to grow with a daddy. Of course, but what kind of daddy? And what kind of husband? In today's world, we need to be extra careful and have extra hours to find somebody who can love and be loved in and out. Probably if there's somebody who is interested in me right now, I'll be way more 'picky' than when I first met my husband.
Time goes by, my daughter is almost 5 now. She just started JK last year and started to ask me about daddy! She never mentioned though that she wants 'a daddy', all she really wants now is to have her own daddy, my husband, back home so she can play with him. She knows that her daddy is in heaven now with Jesus, so several times she prayed asking the Lord to send her daddy back to the earth. Oh, eventhough the Lord allows it to happen, I believe my husband wouldn't want to come back here! The life in heaven is too nice to leave even for just a minute. My heart melts to hear her prayers but I don't want to be so impulsive and controlled by the situation.
Honestly, loneliness attacks me at times, I'm missing to have woman-man conversations as I used to do with my husband. I started to think of finding somebody close just to chat without getting the romance involved. Even for that, I was not able to do, so I guess, I'm not ready and will never be ready. But I'm not God who can change anything and everything. It's just that I don't see myself falling in love again. My husband is just irreplaceable and I want to remember him as he was without somebody else's presence.
I just joined, a minute ago! But I've been looking for this kind of forum few months after my husband's passing 3 years 8 months ago since the pain was so unbearable for me to hold alone. I need friends who have the same experience of losing beloved husband and I'm glad I got here.
This topic is interesting. I got questioned for many times now whether or not I'm interested in getting married again. When my husband died, our little daughter just turned 1 and our marriage was not even 2 years old yet. I was so devastated. In one of my grief counsellings with my Pastor, he asked the same question and said that it's better for the child to grow with a daddy. Of course, but what kind of daddy? And what kind of husband? In today's world, we need to be extra careful and have extra hours to find somebody who can love and be loved in and out. Probably if there's somebody who is interested in me right now, I'll be way more 'picky' than when I first met my husband.
Time goes by, my daughter is almost 5 now. She just started JK last year and started to ask me about daddy! She never mentioned though that she wants 'a daddy', all she really wants now is to have her own daddy, my husband, back home so she can play with him. She knows that her daddy is in heaven now with Jesus, so several times she prayed asking the Lord to send her daddy back to the earth. Oh, eventhough the Lord allows it to happen, I believe my husband wouldn't want to come back here! The life in heaven is too nice to leave even for just a minute. My heart melts to hear her prayers but I don't want to be so impulsive and controlled by the situation.
Honestly, loneliness attacks me at times, I'm missing to have woman-man conversations as I used to do with my husband. I started to think of finding somebody close just to chat without getting the romance involved. Even for that, I was not able to do, so I guess, I'm not ready and will never be ready. But I'm not God who can change anything and everything. It's just that I don't see myself falling in love again. My husband is just irreplaceable and I want to remember him as he was without somebody else's presence.
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memoriesbymichelle
Senior Veteran
I don't think you are ever too old, but it's been 4 years for me, and I'm doing OK but haven't dated yet. I'm going to be 50 this year. The problems I have are...where would I even meet someone who believes like I do, and it would have to be someone that could understand how much I loved my husband and not be threatened by that or try to stifle that either. I still have pictures etc of my husband around, and I can't imagine having to take them down, but I can't imagine another man not caring about leaving them there either. Also it's about time....I like being able to do what I want (except I have kids still to consdier and take care of) and if I was dating, that would be more time away from my kids. Grrrr....just alot of obstacles to think about.
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Welcome, Eucapyptus. Yes, it is ideal for your daughter to have a daddy, but her daddy is gone. It IS possible to raise her alone, it's just more difficult and you will need to be intentional about it. You need to make sure there are good male role models in the family for her to relate to; her grandfather, uncle, cousin-uncle, or whatever you have. You're right not to be impulsive; if you were to re-marry, he needs to be someone who can continue to be a husband to you, and you be a wife to him, even after your daughter(and any other children; be it yours together or his) is grown. God provides in different ways to different people, and other widows have raised their children alone and then re-married after they were grown. And others have found themselves in a re-marriage/blended family and thrived there. Still others never re-marry, and that's okay too. Seek God on that, and on every step of single-parenting.
I am earlier in the journey, so I can't really compare that much, except to realize that the feelings keep on circulating themselves; the incompleteness of losing a spouse, almost before the "construction" of building that marriage is complete. I too am trusting in God to lead me, step by step, and am FAR from being ready to allow myself to begin the dating process again. And I know that would not be fair to anyone either.
I am earlier in the journey, so I can't really compare that much, except to realize that the feelings keep on circulating themselves; the incompleteness of losing a spouse, almost before the "construction" of building that marriage is complete. I too am trusting in God to lead me, step by step, and am FAR from being ready to allow myself to begin the dating process again. And I know that would not be fair to anyone either.
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It's been almost 4 years for me and I am still so in love with my precious husband. I am probably more in love with him now than ever, because on this side I realize what unconditional love felt like. My life is devoted to upholding his memory to his daughters and our grandchildren, who keep coming; and to glorify the Lord in all I do. Is it extremely painful, yes. Is it difficult and lonely, of course. But it is possible to rise above what the world expects us to do and seek holiness.
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