whats your thoughts on.....

[JonMiller]

Women are lying to themselves if they don't think that fertility is, or should be, a factor.

Probably a prime factor.

To counter, there are a lot of guys who are very frustrated until they get to ~30 and they are more impressive....

JM

 

[overit]

And to all the people who say, this is creepy, get off your high horses, and stop judging people you don't know without all the facts.

Ummm.....sorry but on this board we are entitled to our opinions You're entitled to not like them too

 

[overit]

Women are lying to themselves if they don't think that fertility is, or should be, a factor.

Probably a prime factor.

JM

JM, i get your point-BUT it isn't always a factor-some guys have children already and don't want anymore-some don't see the need to have their OWN seed and are content playing a big role in their partners kids lives...or in adoption. It's obvious that for you, fertility and having your own children is a big factor-and there'st nothing wrong with that...and yes for many guys could be the same way....but it's NOT like that for all men or even all women/men.

Personally I don't know if I will have more children....but should I want to I probably have another good 4-6 years left of fertility

 

[JonMiller]

By the way, I see a lot of women on this board say that fertility shouldn't matter. Well, it doesn't matter to you because you have kids. It does matter for the male.

JM
(Not in so many words... )

 

[GoodNewsJournalist]

The thing with this guy, 19 years old, he doesn't even know himself yet, and has a lot molding ahead of him. What will happen, when he is in his mid 20s, and he decides, I want to have children, because, you know, one day, he will probably have those thoughts.

What will happen, if he does think that.

At 19, he probably thinks, great, I can have all fun and no responsibility, and I can just create a good life for myself, because my sugar momma already has a stable life, and I don't have to worry about having kids, all while I make my life exactly the way I want - perfect.

But after a few years, he establishes himself and his life the way he wants, and guess what - now it isn't so important he doesn't have children he really has to take care of, so he starts to think, I want to have children, and he tells her, I want children - which will create all kinds of arguments.

Anyways, on the age stuff, I still believe people can be mature enough to do something like this, if they are being a man/woman about things, instead of being boys and girls. My great uncle was 30 years old when he married his current wife who was 18, and they have been married 50+ years.

 

[ido]

It's ok flnt--my new friend is 6 years...and for his age is pretty mature-also has been married/divorced and has a daughter my youngest sons age....so...it works so far.
It seems it's becoming more common though...in a way at our age as women perhaps we feel more established, and not needing the "career/status/financial" security a younger girl looks for in a guy....if we have our life, finances, together you can pretty much be open to go for someone who is just simply compatible with you, makes you laugh and who's company you enjoy- taking the pressure of your "lists" off..kwim?

And yes-this young is a first for me also

Well said - and so true.

 

[toastface_grillah]

Okay, more details on my original question.....

My friend, the 19-year-old, is male. His fiancee, SHE is 34. They met at work & began dating, then he quickly moved in with her. They are maybe 2 months into their relationship and now they're engaged.

She has 2 kids and can't have any more (tubes tied).

Her kids are 11 & 13 yrs old.

Hope that helps to clarify some things.

Lots has been said about the couple, but not much about the kids this woman already has. They're 11 and 13, and their potential stepfather is 19.

They'll never respect him.

They'll see him as a buddy and maybe a peer (especially the 13 year old), but as a parent? Forget about it.

 

[deliciousBass]

Here we go with the cougar comments. lol

My BF is 8 years younger. I would never in a MILLION years have thought I would date someone that much younger. But, here I am and it doesn't seem weird or cougar-ish or anything. We are extremely compatible. Of course, he served 6 years in the Army and has been married/divorced - so his life experiences are a bit different than most 27 yr olds.

As for the kids thing. Maybe the OP's friend doesn't want children but he's OK with her having children. Or maybe he can't have children.

Ha! Your bf sounds like me. I served about the same time in the Army between active and reserve time and I'm married/divorced too.

 

[Sketcher]

Okay, more details on my original question.....

My friend, the 19-year-old, is male. His fiancee, SHE is 34. They met at work & began dating, then he quickly moved in with her. They are maybe 2 months into their relationship and now they're engaged.

She has 2 kids and can't have any more (tubes tied).

Her kids are 11 & 13 yrs old.

Hope that helps to clarify some things.

What kind of a dad would he be to her kids?

 

[ido]

Ha! Your bf sounds like me. I served about the same time in the Army between active and reserve time and I'm married/divorced too.

He was active the whole time (SF) and only got out b/c he was told he had to take a desk job or a medical discharge (he messed up his back pretty good) b/c he refused back surgery. He took the medical. He's not a desk job kinda guy. lol

 

[bradmatic]

in the words of Tony Dungy, on an incredibly unrelated situation, "it's a bad, bad, bad situation." LOL

this is just personal opinion, but i would not consider someone +/- 7 years. i would prefer that my wife be of the same age range as me. but alas, these decisions are not up to me!

so, with that in mind.. the original situation just might be ok.

 

[GoodNewsJournalist]

My ideal is half my age +7 at the minimum - which means 22-23.

But like I said, we shouldn't talk about age like that. What really matters is how you really relate with them. If you find that you can confide and be close to someone who is not in your age range, and you find that you relate to them better than people in your own age range, than it will be a good relationship.

However, if you are out for that sweet young 'thang' than it's not going to work.

 

[deliciousBass]

All I know is that when I'm 34, I hope I'm good looking and suave enough to pull a 19 year old too

Although, it's really more like manipulation at that big a difference in ages haha.

 

[lostaquarium]

Lots has been said about the couple, but not much about the kids this woman already has. They're 11 and 13, and their potential stepfather is 19.

They'll never respect him.

They'll see him as a buddy and maybe a peer (especially the 13 year old), but as a parent? Forget about it.

That might not be a bad thing

 

[SonicBOOM]

My friend is 19 and engaged to a 34 year old.........

I think it's not a good idea......What do you think?

thats really gross.... but if thats how you roll I guess..... I don't see anything morally wrong with it..... but.... it is just gross!