(I need to rant, sorry)
I'm so frustrated. It doesn't look like I'm going to be able to substitute this spring because of paperwork not being right. It's not really anybody's fault, just sort of Murphy's Law happened. It's just one again seems like I can't make the right decision in my life, and I was so certain this time that I correct adult decision. It feels like almost every decision I make is the wrong decision since about September 2014, quitting my job = wrong decision, deciding not to start grad school immediately = wrong decision, taking that job in Denver = wrong decision, moving back home = wrong decision, taking the job I did when I moved back home = wrong decision, starting my teaching program instead of waiting until I was more financially able = wrong decision, quitting my job to substitute = looking like it was the wrong decision.
When I moved back home in May 2015, I told myself this was only going to be temporary, and neither my parents nor I saw myself staying here this long. I can't go back to working in restaurants, and I know this sounds entitled, but I told myself pretty early on in this that I wasn't going to be 25 and still working on tips. Plus, it just still really seems like God himself was very intently telling me to get out of that industry there at the end (or confirming that it was the right decision to leave). I keep thinking, "okay, now it's getting better, we're getting out the hole." In reality, it just seems like I'm making zero progress if not digging myself deeper.
I think that's the reason why my temper has been so short lately, I just feel that this is entirely out of my control. When I moved back and began sending out resumes and filling out applications, I got two interviews from the dozens I did over several months. That was one of the reasons I decided to get my teaching certificate, that's what I wanted always do anyway, and apparently I'm that unqualified for almost anything else, especially since I took classes surrounding that goal in mind.
The teaching hiring season starts again in about six weeks or so, and I'm just kind worried about what will happen if it's unsuccessful again. Last year, I applied to about 30 or so schools in 11 districts, some of those were even multiple openings in the same school. I'm not really optimistic about it because I haven't been able to afford to take my last test so while I have more experience, I'm still not that much more qualified than last year. I don't even want to think about what will happen if I don't find a job for this coming August.
It just feels like I'm being punished or that I'm in some sort of prison. I was so confident a month ago that it seemed like I was getting out, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like I was up for parole and it was denied.
I know he's an acquired taste for sure. A lot of people take fault with his dispensationalist view but appreciate his other commentary and exegesis.
