What's happening?

[berry2000]

Just called work. Went home for lunch. Can't go back. I don't think i'm sick but that's what i told them. All i know was I am running myself ragged. I've learned that if I push too hard when my body is giving me signals it always makes things worse. But what are my signals? Fatigue...that makes it hard to function? Depression? Irritablity. I don't want to be around people i'm lashing out and impatient. I hate everybody but mostly myself. My head is foggy. Can't solve problems or heck even consider handling them. I was so frustrated at work...people always being lazy making me do extra work that they don't want to do. Maybe I'm feeling overwhelmed. But is it really being overwhelmed because the sitaution is overwhelming or because of my bipolar flaring up.

I called my doctor asked to move up my appointment. They said okay i could come on thursday. Thursday is okay right? Is thursday okay? Agh. I'm so tired.

 

[bipolarbear]

Dear Father, Please hold your daughter close safely in your loving hands! May you be her comfort, her calm in teh storm, adn may you carry her throught this time. Please help her rise upward, adn lift this fog around her. Dear Lord, I thank you for your unconditional love, adn for the gift of self control! It is like a muscle, it needs excercise Lord, may you help us all excercise our gifts to better serve and praise you my Beloved Father! in My brother Jesus' name, amen! (((((Hugs)))))

 

[4Everloved]

It may be the stress and the bipolar working together. The stress is incredible (and you sound like you overwork yourself and are super-conscientious, to make up for other people's lack). The stress brings on more symptoms perhaps.

I know I never have handled stress well. Your sensitivity is beautiful; you are a beautiful person and it comes through, Berry. You may look at yourself as being angry, frustrated, irritable, but that is not all that you are about! There are many aspects of your personality that are working in you right now that you might not even be consciously aware of. Self-protection and logic, for instance. Refraining from going back to work this afternoon was probably the right thing to do. You really didn't hurt anyone by missing one afternoon. You needed that time, in order to relax and call your doctor. It's okay.

You're so giving to other people here. There are so many positive things about you. I guess it troubles me to see you as looking at yourself as such a bad person, even though I know why you are doing that (bp).

Bipolar Bear's prayer is beautiful, and I don't think I can match it in words, but I will read it again and pray along with her prayer in agreement. 'Cause we love you.

love,
4Everloved

 

[berry2000]

Thanks for your kind prayers (bipolar bear) and such sweet words (4everloved). As for me I'm holding on for dear life this is one crazy mood episode. I'm not sure what to do next...but i thinking about skipping work tomorrow too.

 

[Alive again]

Sounds like wisdom to me. I am glad u called your doc, mixed moods suck big time!

 

[berry2000]

Well I stayed home today and nutured myself. Also had some time to read a book, watch tv, take a shower, EAT (which is always a big one for me) and clean up certain parts of the house. I'm feeling better. Tonight i will go to a support group, although I'm not sure i'll find the words because it isn't a bipolar support group as much as an addiction support group. But I hope i may be able to articulate atleast that i'm going thru a struggle.

 

[Alive again]

Well I stayed home today and nutured myself. Also had some time to read a book, watch tv, take a shower, EAT (which is always a big one for me) and clean up certain parts of the house. I'm feeling better. Tonight i will go to a support group, although I'm not sure i'll find the words because it isn't a bipolar support group as much as an addiction support group. But I hope i may be able to articulate atleast that i'm going thru a struggle.

glad to hear you stayed home and today is somewhat better! Still praying!

 

[berry2000]

You would be proud of me. I bumped up my psych appointment and got my meds adjusted. Also called my "on call" therapist in the absense of my regular therapist. I was able to speak w/ someone. I am feeling a little more better today. EAch day a little bit better.

 

[Alive again]

You would be proud of me. I bumped up my psych appointment and got my meds adjusted. Also called my "on call" therapist in the absense of my regular therapist. I was able to speak w/ someone. I am feeling a little more better today. EAch day a little bit better.

So very glad to hear! Praying for you!

 

[rushingwind62]

Berry, I thought this poem might encourage a bit. Many times when we are going through hard times we get discouraged and forget that God is with us through those hard times. I hope this blesses you!!

TENDER LOVING CARE


Though the clouds do come,
the sun does shine..
And though the rain does fall,
it is only for a short time.
When the rain does cease,
the ground is well nourished.
And when the clouds move on,
the sun does flourish.
Likewise, when times are trouble,
remember I am still there!
Through all the trials and tests,
and even the valley of despair.
Be like the ground after a rain,
receive what I show you and hear what I say.
Learn what I am teaching you,
when things look gloomy and gray.
When those hardships have passed,
you will see I was there.
You will see how I nourished you,
with tender loving care. (God)

 

[berry2000]

That poem was awesome!
Did you write it?

 

[rushingwind62]

Yes. God inspired me to write back in the late 1980's I use to write a lot but don't get to do much anymore.I am glad you liked it!!! God Bless!!

 

[VictoryNGrace]

I am so sorry your having a rough day.. I've had a few days myself where the signs are in front of my face and I dont see them due to stress and just maxed out in life.. This year has sure been a rough one and I thank God things are good and we're all ok, and that we dont go through more than we can handle even though some times it sure seems like alot.. Praying for you, hope all goes well soon.. Keep us posted..

 

[berry2000]

I'm all done w/ my depression now I'm hypomanic. As the pattern goes it should settle in about 2 days back to even moods until my hormonal cycle repeats again (2 weeks). Is it acceptable to live like this?

 

[Alive again]

Hugs! It seems you are still cycling more than necessary, but that questions is one only you can answer. Praying for you as I type!

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Well I would say I'll pray for you but I don't pray. So I just will say I hope you're not going in and out of the hospital, somepeople do that over ten times in their life. I had to go twice, because of my brain, but I am doing a lot better now and really the meds and the psychotherapy helped a lot.

I know to not change my meds, my doctor might think to do that but man I know everything is fine the way it is, we are not changing the meds. I'll have to be really bad off emotionally to change those meds. I can wake up fine, I am awake all day and I am on maintinence.

I need a fulltime job, and I might have to wait until next September for the new school year to teach full time, oh well. There is plenty of certification courses I can get out of the way while I am waiting, and tests to take.

I heard you ask is acceptable to live like this? You have to survive, you have no choice, the body is an amazing self righting machine, with the help of medication it is going to level out, just keep talking to the doctor, he'll take care of you. Hang in there!

I'll be thinking of you.

 

[berry2000]

Thanks Tom.
Ah..this time is indeed different. Back down again. Just mild low level stuff. Want to sleep, get overwhelmed, extremely tired. It may be anemia as well. But thank hevean the negative and self harming thoughts have gone away. And the emotional pain. Yes, this must be the post female cycle anemia i'm feeling. Just tired.